Colin's Four Step Plan for a Semi - Successful Amateur Night

Did you ever notice how only amateurs refer to New Years Eve as "amateur night" ? Well, it's true. Anyway, that being said, there is still a whole bunch of pressure to have the greatest night of your life on New Year's Eve. Especially for you younger folks in your 20's. More often than not, after all the build up, the night ends up a failure with tearful fights, heartache and possible run in with the law.

Having lived through many New Year's Eve, both successful and the opposite, here is my very quick guide to making it a satisfying evening. Or at least not a total disaster.

1) Get your expectations in line. The chances of this being the greatest night of your life are extremely small. In fact, take the number 1 and put it next to the days you have been alive and those are your odds. My odds would be 16,060 to 1. That isn't the horse you want to bet on. Why not just try to make it the best night of the week? That pays 7 to 1. That is a goal within your grasp.

2) Logistics. Get what you need, get where you are going and do not drive again. Best option is to get dropped off where you are going. You will figure out a way home. Only an ASS drives on New Year's Eve. And don't stop at White Castle no matter how tasty it sounds at 3 am.

3) Surround yourself with people you really like. It just takes one asshole to ruin the whole night with a bad decision. Only your tightest crew should be assembled as your core group. 

4) Do not chase the party, let it come to you. Once you are with good people and have what you need, hunker down to a reasonably good spot and spread the word. Don't hit the panic button and start jumping from spot to spot. The grass most likely isn't greener and you end up running all over hell's half acre only to find each party is lamer than the last one. Frustration and bad vibes are certain to follow ruining the evening. OR... put another way, if you are hunting deer, you don't run around the forest shooting a gun in the air, you hunker down and they will come to you.

Follow these four rules I can guarantee that your New Year's Eve will turnout pretty damn good. At the very least it should keep you out of the pokey. Merry New Year!

Colin Gawel once watched Watershed back their van into the side of Dash Rip Rock's Van on New Year's Eve in Memphis. He was shouting "NO!" to Biggie, but Biggie thought he was shouting "GO!". Dash's van was totaled. Being Dash, they thought it was funny.

Top Ten Awesome Things About 2013 by Wal Ozello

Top Ten Awesome Things About 2013

At the end of the year, people make lists. Lists of best Sporting Moments, Entertainment Moments, Songs, Movies, etc. I believe that 2013 was an awesome year, one of the most awesome in a long time.

So here, below, is my take on the most awesome things in 2013. 

1) Catholic Church selects its first pope that actually talks and acts like Jesus. Pope Francis is definitely awesome. Not only does he say the most inspirational things and encourage us to be more human, kind, and loving to each other, the guy actually practices what he preaches. For example, instead of living in the Pope Palace, he’s decided to live in more humble apartment on the Vatican campus. Good things are in our future because of this guy.

2) Rush was inducted into the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame. Okay, they are Canadian but they are the three most amazing musicians ever, and they all play in the same band together! How they’ve been shunned by the Rock Hall for over 10 years is beyond the 10 millions of fans they attract. This induction showed that the fans opinion really matters, that musicianship and talent really matters, and that the people who pick the Hall of Famers do have an ounce of intelligence in their brains. 

3) President Obama goes from our first black president to being just the president. Barack Obama being elected our first black president was an amazing historic event, but what’s even more amazing is that eventually we stopped talking about him being black and just talked about him being president. I don’t think the color of his skin is the most dominant thing about him anymore. Now he’s getting beaten up by the Republicans just like every other white Democratic president before him. That’s a step forward in equal rights.

4) Jennifer Lawrence becomes the first mega-celebrity of the century who is not an asshole. This was a huge year for Jennifer Lawrence. She’s a great actress and starred in just about every awesome movie that was released in 2013. We’d expect this to be followed with reports of her driving crazy drunk, shoplifting, naming her baby some bizarre name, etc., etc., etc. Instead she shunned all that and tried to stay as normal as could be. We haven’t had a celebrity like this since Michael J. Fox in the 1980s.

5) We found Iran’s phone number. We’ve gone decades not talking to Iran. They’ve hated us, we’ve hated them. But while Congress was complaining about Obamacare and the economy, the Executive Branch started opening up some dialogue with Iran and had some conversations that may lead to more conversations about them not using Nuclear Arms and us dissolving some economic sanctions. This is what a world power should do – reach out to the crazy little guy and build some bridges. Maybe they won’t be that crazy anymore.

6) Divorce rates may go down now that Gay Marriage is legal in over a third of the U.S. That’s right folks, 18 states have legalized gay marriage and few more recognize out-of- state gay marriages. Do the math, that’s 36% of the states in our union. Furthermore, the U.S. Supreme Court said the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act was illegal. This is awesome for civil rights, great for humanity, and frankly good for the economy.

7) Ohio State Buckeyes beat that team up North, again. Sure, we didn’t have an undefeated season and fell out of the National Championship, but we’re still going to the Orange Bowl and we beat the Wolverines. That’s awesome. Frankly, I’m one of those people that believe even if we have a 1-11 season, it’s still an awesome thing as long as that one win is against the whores from Ann Arbor. 

8) Most unproductive Congress in modern history. The 113th Congress passed a total of 65 laws including measures like post-office renaming and commemorative-coin authorizations. Why is this awesome? Would you trust this Congress to do anything right? The less laws they passed the better off we are.

9) Casting begins for next Star Wars movie. If you don’t think this is Awesome than maybe you don’t understand what Awesome really is.

10) End of the year proves that 2014 will be better than 2013. We had a great last quarter in 2013. Repubs and Dems actually talked to each other and passed a budget to last two years. That’s awesome. We added a bunch of jobs in November and had the lowest unemployment rate in four years. That’s awesome. If we keep this momentum going into 2014, then things are only going to get better. And that’s truly awesome.

You may not agree with all the things on my list, or might find some of the things I said offensive, but it’s my list. Feel free to create your own. But what I think is inarguable is that 2013 was awesome, and we are positioned to make 2014 even better – if we all try to.

Wal Ozello is the author of Assignment 1989: The Time Travel Wars and is the lead singer of the Columbus hairband Armada. He's a resident of Upper Arlington, Ohio and a frequent customer at Colin's Coffee.

'Happy Holiday Reality Check' by Wal Ozello

Why do I need a holiday to bring me back to reality?

Let’s face it. In today’s media world of Obamacare debt ceiling minimum wage duck dynasty fear mongering, it’s tough to have Christmas Spirit. I’m not referring to the Christmas Spirit that inspires Ebenezer Scrooge to bring a huge feast to the Crachit family after he realizes he’s been a jerk for decades. I’m talking about the wonderful life Christmas Spirit George Bailey gets after realizing his life doesn’t suck as much as he thought it did.

Think about it. Turn on CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, The Daily Show, or whatever your flavor of news is. Read the Huffington Post, The Daily Kos, or Redstate and you’ll soon discover that your world as you know it is coming to an end. Your ideological opposite is coming for you and they’ll turn it into a world of humans marrying their dogs or the dissolution of Medicare. All this clutter is just smoke and mirrors to the true reality of your life.

This Christmas Eve morning, I turned on the news and started hearing all the hype and thought, “How bad is my world?” After some deep thinking, I realized I have it pretty good. My guess is you do, too. Here are the basics:

1) I’m alive. My children are alive. My wife is alive. What more can I really want beyond this?

2) My family isn’t in any immediate danger. In other words, I don’t live in a war zone. I live in Upper Arlington. My biggest concern here is what type of parking spot I’ll get at Giant Eagle. Could you imagine not wanting to leave your house in fear of getting shot by gang fire? Or worse, yet, a suicide bomber?

3) I have easy access to healthcare. All this argument over obamacare is a big huge pissing match between two political parties. Seriously folks, it’s not the end of the world either way. No one’s gonna die in this country because Obamacare is or isn’t gonna happen. Can we all just realize that come January 1st, we’re going to just as healthy as we were on December 31st?

4) I have roof over my head, two cars in the garage, heat, water, cable, internet access, computers, cell phones, food in my refrigerator, clothes in my closet, and enough extra money to do fun things once in a while.

Seriously, what do I really need beyond all this? What more do I need in life that I don’t already have? Advertising would tell me I need more: that cool tablet/computer, new iPhone, blueray movie, kindle fire, or expensive jewelry for my wife. The media would tell me I need more: we need to repeal obamacare, raise the minimum wage, and stop those pesky republicans/democrat/teaparty/whoever from destroying the American Way.

I’m going to have none of that. I’m just fine.

It will be a great Christmas at the Ozello’s this year. Not because the kids will get a bunch of cool presents, but because we’ll be together. Playing games, eating great food, in my warm house and remembering the most important part of Christmas is not getting everything you want. It’s appreciating everything you have.

Wal Ozello is the author of  Assignment 1989: The Time Travel Wars and is the lead singer of the Columbus hairband Armada. He's a resident of Upper Arlington, Ohio and a frequent customer at Colin's Coffee.

Pencilstorm Holiday Party @ Woodland's Monday Dec 23rd w/ Colin Gawel and The Lonely Bones 7-9pm

Right now you are thinking "Monday night? I can't go out Monday night." Wrong, come Monday around 4 p.m. you will suddenly realize, "I'm not working in any serious manner tomorrow and then it's two straight days with the family. I believe I'm hankerin' for a taste"

Pencilstorm, once again has you covered. Join us for our 17th annual Holiday party at the Woodland's Tavern, Monday December 23rd from 6 - 9 pm. Four String Brew is only $2 a pint and Colin Gawel and The Lonely Bones will be playing a set starting around 7 p.m. A $5 donation to the band is appreciated, but not mandatory. 

And if for some reason your best laid plans run into trouble, this line will set you free: "I've got to run out for a bit and do some last minute shopping." There you go. You are welcome. See you at Woodland's Monday December 23rd. - Pencilstorm staff.

 

Colin Gawel and The Lonely Bones "Still Love Christmas". Hear it Monday and drink a Four String Brew why don't you?

The title song to Colin Gawel and the Lonely Bones' December 2010 release. We shot the video at the "Still Love Christmas" release party at Rumba Cafe in Columbus, OH. COLINGAWEL.com

"An Arlington Hobo" - A Coffee Shop Conversation by Colin G.

Colin's Coffee conversation 9/23/13

 

"Hey man, check out this video." 

As I general rule, I do not check out what other people want me to watch on Youtube. As the only person working at Colin's Coffee, if I say yes once, it would set a precedent and most of my day would disappear being called to table after table watching endless loops of skateboard videos and clips of elephants that can brush their teeth.  So I usually just politely respond, "No, I am not going to check out your video. No offense, I just don't watch other people's Youtube clips."

But every once and a while I'll let my guard down and take a gander. I figure it's part is my penance for forcing hundreds of unsuspecting late-night visitors to sit through Cheap Trick Live at Navy Pier on VHS back in the day.

On this cool, cloudy Thursday morning I glanced at an I-phone to see a clip of what looked like a uni-bomber type character quickly filming his face and then a shot down of railroad tracks from the moving train he was apparently riding on.

He explained, "That's my buddy. We graduated together from U.A. He is a hobo now. That is him hopping a train from Portland down to Sacramento." 

It seemed odd to me that a hobo would take the time to post this clip from a semi-expensive piece of technology, but what do I know about the state of hobos circa 2013? Maybe they all roll with I-phones. I suppose the GPS and train schedule app would be pretty helpful.

 "Yeah, him and his son just hop trains and travel all around the country. it's pretty dangerous because if they get caught it is a federal crime".

"His son? How old is his son?" I asked.

"26" 

"Oh," was all I could muster. My brain came up empty for a response to make sense of  this new piece of information.

"Yeah, they just hop trains and sometimes play music to make some money to fill their bellies. I really admire their courage. I'm pretty jealous. What an awesome life." 

"I have to imagine the hobo lifestyle has its downside as well." 

"Not for these guys, if they ever get in serious trouble they just bust out the debit card." 

"What do you mean? Do they have money?" 

"Oh yeah, he is loaded. Inherited a ton of cash." 

"Uh, dude, I don't think your friend is a hobo, I think he is just a rich guy fucking around."

 

Colin Gawel works at Colin's Coffee and plays in the band Watershed. Sometimes he writes things for Pencilstorm.