Words, words, thoughts, thoughts, reading, reading. It all gets very tiring doesn't it?. In an effort to soothe yours and our overworked brains, Pencilstorm will be featuring a Podcast the week of June 23th. Now you can just mindlessly listen to your favorite Pencilstorm staff members chat about all the interesting topics we love to cover for your pleasure and forget about that cumbersome reading that is so taxing on your eyeholes. So stay tuned and click on the link to our "Podcast" when it appears next week. I personally guarantee satisfaction and a pleasant surprise as well. - Colin
It's The Most Important Day In American History - Let's Do Something About It By Wal Ozello
Today is the anniversary of the "Shot Heard Around The World."
If you weren't paying attention during American History class in high school and have no idea what I'm talking about, you may remember this:
That's right. It's the anniversary of the start of the American Revolution. See, a few centuries ago the country was actually ruled by British Monarchy instead of Fox News and MSNBC. A bunch of Americans wanted to be free so they went to war against the British. They estimate over 50,000 soldiers either died or were wounded fighting for freedom.
In fact, it may be news to you, but there have been LOTS of wars over the past century during which Americans sacrificed their lives so our democratic freedoms can stay intact. Almost 3 million people have been wounded or died in those battles.
Can you imagine that sacrifice? Laying down your life so that others can be free? Think about it. Chief Warrant Officer Eric W Totten probably had just a few seconds to think about it as his Chinook helicopter crashed in Afghanistan on May 5, 2006. He didn't live to see his 35th birthday just five days later. The only thing I have in common with this guy is we share the same birthday.
So here's my point: all these people have died for you - for your freedom and to make this country a better place. What are you doing about it?
How are you making the United States of America better? I'm not talking about supporting gun rights, civil rights, or politics here. I'm talking about the real things that make our nation great.
Help your fellow American. Give them a leg up. Smile to others as you walk through the park, Wal-Mart, or whatever you do on a Saturday. Volunteer at an animal shelter or senior center. Walk or bike in a Cancer Cure race. Donate to a charity. Clean up the park. Help the homeless. Give back to the world around you.
Stop pointing ideological fingers at each other and just be nice to people.
We have the greatest country on the face of this earth. Let's make it better so those Americans that died so fearlessly for our freedom didn't die in vain.
One more thing I have to ask you - whenever you see a soldier, thank them for their service and sacrifice. It doesn't have to be April 19th or July 4th to appreciate them.
Wal Ozello is the author of Assignment 1989: The Time Travel Wars, a novel about World War III fought as a temporal cold war. He's never served in the Armed Forces but is thankful for their sacrifice and all they do to keep this country great.
Learn more about Wal Ozello and other Pencilstorm contributors by clicking here
More News You Missed While Hearing About The Plane
This continuous reporting of the missing plane in the Indian Ocean reminds me of an eight year old giving me updates on the progress of their video game. It seems like every 5 minutes I get a new report about meaningless progress they are making. Listen folks, when you get to Level 12, beat the game, and actually find the plane, let us know. Until then, let us know about some real news.
Sure, I'll give you guys kudos for starting to shed more light on the Mudslide in Washington. But it took you three days to bring the story to the forefront and now all you're left with is interviews with family members looking for their loved ones. Oh.... and a running tally of how many bodies they found. Thanks for turning this sad news story into a sensational reality show.
As I was flipping through all the news stories last night, I was shocked to see another important news story buried beyond the plane, mudslide, government, Russia, etc. stories.
Did you know there was an oil spill in Lake Michigan the other night?
Yep. Seems like BP did it again. You can read about it here. Affected about a half a mile of Lake Michigan just above Indiana.
You know what's most pathetic about all this? Pencilstorm is starting to be your news source for real information. Hopefully, tomorrow I can get back to blogging about something fun.
Wal Ozello is the author of Assignment 1989: The Time Travel Wars and is the lead singer of the Columbus hairband Armada. He's a resident of Upper Arlington, Ohio and a frequent customer at Colin's Coffee.
Learn more about Wal Ozello and other Pencilstorm contributors by clicking here
Mudslide in Washington? More Like An Avalanche of Dirt.
A buddy of mine at work said to me today, "Did you hear about the mudslide in Washington?"
Yeah... I had heard about it on CNN. It was a :30 second clip wedged between the Chinese Satellites finding debris in the Indian Ocean and a graphic of a spotter plane flying in and out of Australia.
"It was a square mile," he explained. "There's a shitload of people missing."
How big could a mudslide be? CNN explained eight were dead. I thought it was small news until I googled it and found out how big of a story it really was. Eight people dead already, but another 108 are missing.
So how big is a square mile? Let me put it in perspective. If you've ever been in downtown Columbus, Ohio, it's the distance between the river and US 71 and Spring Street to US 70. Or, that's about as half as wide as Manhattan from 59 street to 34th. We're talking practically the size of Put N Bay Island. And if you don't have an understanding yet, it's about the size of 485 football fields.
And don't really think about it as a mudslide. Think about it as a side of a mountain collapsing and sending earth and water down the hillside in an area that's 485 football fields. It's a massive avalanche except it's dirt not snow.
So take a moment and stop listening to all the crazy theories about where the plane landed and read this New York Times article. You'll be shocked, amazed, and saddened by the loss of life.
Learn more about Wal Ozello and other Pencilstorm contributors by clicking here
Texas Tornados Channel Crashes Entire Pandora Network
Achtung! This essay contains salty language. Proceed at your own risk.
Pandora World HQ - Wednesday, March 5th
Phone rings...
"What?!? Goddamn it, I'm busy!"
"Sorry to bother you sir. This is Johnson from sector 7-G and we have a situation developing that I thought you should be aware of."
"What have you got?"
"It appears that a customer from the Columbus, Ohio area created a "Texas Tornados" channel around 6am this morning and it has been streaming for over five hours. The Music Genome is struggling to find compatible songs and I'm worried it may overheat and crash the entire network."
"Let me get this straight, some asshole from Ohio started a Texas Tornados channel in the middle of the goddamn longest winter in 200 years and he is just letting it ride?"
"That is correct, sir"
"Jesus Fucking Christ. This is all we need. Did you send him "Are you still listening?" messages?
"Yes sir, eight separate times and he keeps responding yes. It appears he is enjoying the music and plans to continue."
"There has to be a simple explanation. Was "Tin Cup" on last night?"
"No sir, that was the first thing I checked. It's not scheduled on TNT until next Tuesday."
"GODDAMN IT! Why is he doing this? Did you work with the NSA on intel?"
"Yes, we checked his e-mail and cellphone records but nothing much came up. His credit card showed a $75 dollar charge for a "Donkey Show" in Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, but that was from 1998. He did post on the Facebook page of a dive called "Colin's Coffee" that he was going to play some Tex-Mex music because it feels like spring outside."
"Spring outside? My report shows it's only 21 degrees in Columbus right now. That doesn't sound like spring to me, Johnson. And what the hell is Tex-Mex music? Do we even have the category?"
"With all due respect sir, there are many unanswered questions. That is why I called you. Our analyst thinks that "Tex-Mex" music is a reference to "Tejano Music". There has been some linguistic confusion in areas of North America where the popular "Tex-Mex" restaurant Chi Chi's was once prominent."
"Give it to me in English, Johnson"
"These assholes from Ohio don't know shit about "Tejano Music." Sir, I don't want to alarm you, but the lightbulbs in my office are starting to flash and we are down to our last Flaco Jimenez record. We are running out of songs!"
"Think. There has to be something we can do. Think. Goddamn it, think..."
"Sir, the sirens are going off. People are starting to scramble for the doors. Should we abandon ship and play our emergency song? It's the only thing that can save us..."
"Sweet Mother of Mary, I hoped this day would never come. Do it Johnson, do it. It's the only song not by the Shins that plays on every station...."
Now playing on Texas Tornados Pandora Channel: Old Time Rock n Roll - Bob Seger.
Colin Gawel clearly has too much time on his hands at Colin's Coffee. And yes, the Texas Tornado channel really did play "Old Time Rock n Roll."
Colin Tending Bar at Little Rock Saturday March 1st, 4 - 9 pm for "Pay The Rent Saturday"
Pay The Rent Saturday March 1st! Support a Local Business on this Day!
I know what you're thinking: "But Colin, Pay the Rent Saturday is supposed to be the last Saturday of every month. That's the day we are supposed to make a concerted effort to target and support a local business. Saturday, March 1st is obviously not the last day of the month. What gives?"
Let's face it, February is barely a month anyway. Just a handful of days with polar vortex jammed between Christmas and St. Patrick's Day. If it wasn't for True Detective, I could have napped on the sofa through the entire thing. February is a month the way Pluto is a planet. You sort of have to acknowledge its existence, but you can feel free to ignore it as well. So for the sake of convenience we are pretending like March 1st is the last Saturday of February. But I digress.......
More importantly, what February lacks in substance, it more than makes up in misery for local business. Snowstorms, high heating bills and two less days on the calender means the landlord is all up in your face for rent quicker than you can say, "I'm so broke, they call me Mr. Broke."
So in honor of this, the most important of all the Pay The Rent Saturdays, I will be serving coffee at Colin's Coffee and then heading to the fabulous Little Rock Bar (944 N. 4th) to be your guest bartender from 4 to 9 pm. You have two golden opportunities to support very cool local businesses. Come visit me or hit a different local joint of your choosing: a record store, thrift shop, a bar or restaurant, book store, movie theater, catch a local band, etc..
Do it! And spread the word. See you Saturday. - Colin