Pencilstorm Holiday Party Featuring Colin Gawel and The Lonely Bones Tuesday Dec 23rd @ Woodland's Tavern

If you were one of the 23,864 people who visited Pencilstorm in 2014, we would like to invite you to our annual Holiday Party @ Woodland's Tavern on Tuesday Dec 23rd. Admission is FREE and doors open at 6 pm with happy hour prices on Four String Brew. Legendary Pencilstorm contributor Ricki C. will be performing a solo set starting at 7 pm and Colin Gawel and The Lonely Bones will be playing from 7:30-9. 

All are invited and if you have troubling making it happen just use the magic words, "I have to slide out real quick to do some last minute shopping. It's a secret."

Boom. See you on Tuesday, Dec 23rd at Woodland's Tavern and thanks for supporting Pencilstorm. - Colin G.

The title song to Colin Gawel and the Lonely Bones' December 2010 release. We shot the video at the "Still Love Christmas" release party at Rumba Cafe in Columbus, OH. COLINGAWEL.com

Two Very Different Ricki C. Family Holiday Stories

I can’t deny that in some quarters the family I grew up in has been called dysfunctional.  (My family has also been called worse – say, true to our Italian roots, crazy, drunk & loud – but let’s not forget that the first word in dysfunctional is “fun.”)

Two heartwarming Ricki C. family Christmas stories:

1)    In 1969 I was a senior in high school and my second girlfriend ever was a cute blonde majorette.  I attribute that fact solely to the power of rock & roll.  In mid-1968 I was a shy, socially retarded, book-reading geek who had never even spoken a coherent sentence to a girl, let alone dated one.  Then I joined a classmate’s rock & roll band and – courtesy of the six-string piece of wood hanging around my neck at basement parties & sock-hops – I became a local version of a rock & roll star, hence the cute, perky, blonde majorette girlfriend.  (Frankly, I was in way over my head.)

One Saturday night in December I wound up at said girlfriend’s house, playing board games with her mom & dad and two little sisters.  I have to admit, when mom & dad and little sis starting pulling out Candyland, Game Of Life and Clue I had serious, serious doubts about the evening.  My own little family had never played a board game in its entire existence.  From the time I was five years old and could hold my own cards, we had played various card games – poker, euchre, gin rummy – and we played for money, always.  There was no Crazy Eights or Go Fish for this little Ricki C.  Cash changed hands regularly, and I learned young that no money was gonna be given back just because you cried or because you didn’t know how to gamble a hand to a successful conclusion.  There were no backsies in our household.   

Anyway, that Saturday night with my girlfriend’s family turned out pretty great: we played charades and five or six different board games.  Cookies & hot chocolate were even served.  Everybody was laughing and having fun, nobody yelled at anybody else, nobody threw down their cards and called another family member a goddamn cheater, it was really quite festive and charming.  I remember thinking very clearly at one point, “I bet this is what it’s like at the Cleavers, or Donna Reed’s, or the family on Father Knows Best’s house.”  I realized at that exact moment that there actually were families like the ones I had previously thought were only made up for television.  It was an eye-opening moment, a definite epiphany.

By New Year’s Day, the majorette had dropped me like a live grenade for a hippie piano player who could play that Simon & Garfunkel album “Parsley, Sage, Rosemary & Thyme” all the way through, so consequently my career of familial board-game playing was extremely short-lived.  To this day I find myself thinking about that Saturday night every December.  It’s a warm and comforting memory, a night I was a member of a sitcom family.

2)    Christmas Eve, 1976, my extended family – my mom, my sister & brother, my sister’s husband, various aunts, uncles & cousins, etc. – were all in my sister’s basement on the West Side and everybody was wicked drunk.  It was a rager.  Even by our rather alcoholic standards, that night was especially out of control.  Oddly, though – since virtually EVERYBODY was drunk on their ass – it was a pretty congenial gathering.  People might have been yelling & slurring, but they were yelling & slurring in a really genuinely friendly, familial manner.  (I’d certainly witnessed fistfights in the family when we were less drunk than that night.)

Anyway, at one point the ping-pong table got turned on its side and my brother-in-law was preparing to throw the brand-new, and – I might add – really, really sharp steak knives he and my sister got for a present that night AT MY SISTER, who was standing up against the overturned ping pong table, holding party balloons in her hands AND HER MOUTH.  I fully admit I was also totally drunk that night, but I was seemingly the only person at the party sober enough to realize the knife-throwing act was really not a good idea and I told my brother-in-law, “Hey Jim, come on, nobody wants to go to the emergency room on Christmas Eve, let’s cool it.”  Jim laughed, waved me aside, took another drag on his cigarette, said, “I’ve got this,” and raised the first knife to throw.

“I’m really not joking, Jim,” I said, backing up to where my sister stood – smiling & posing like the lovely knife-thrower’s assistant she was right at that moment – and said, “Come on, Dianne, this is enough.”  Just at that moment – THWACK!!! – a steak knife thumped into the ping pong table right next to my head.  “Goddamn it, Jim,” I yelled as I whirled around, “I told you not to throw this.”  “And I told you to get out of the way,” he yelled back as I pulled the knife out of the table in case I needed to use it against him to stop that particularly dangerous little game.

All of a sudden Jim and I realized we were faced off against one another with knives in our hands on Christmas Eve and we both busted out laughing.  Everybody cheered, nobody got stabbed, nobody wound up in the hospital.  Just another heartwarming Cacchione family Christmas.  – Ricki C. / December 13th, 2014
       

(Pencilstorm welcomes endearing Christmas stories like these from our contributors, or just from our readers.  Send them in, we'll print the best ones throughout December.)

Thanksgiving Couldn't Have Come At A Better Time by Wal Ozello

Let's be honest. The world is really messed up right now.

Ferguson. Immigration. Healthcare. All polarizing events that are splitting the country in half. You're either for the decisions that have been made by those leading the government or against them. The emotion behind everyone's conversation seems to rise to a boil instantly.

ISIS. Ebola. Crisis that are affecting the whole world. Sure, they are over-sensationalized by the media but they are very real and a threat to all of our livelihoods.

These big issues shadow other stories that would have been big news otherwise: Bill Cosby's rape allegations, the 12 year old that was killed by policeman for brandishing a BB gun, the fraternities suspended for gang rape at the University of Virginia.

Oh... and by the way... the Nigerian school girls that were kidnapped back in April? Still missing.

Personally, this hasn't been a great year for the world around me. I've got friends who are sick with cancer, friends who have died, and several friends that have recently lost their jobs.

2014 is one depressing year.

So with racism, rape, death, and terrorism flooding the headlines, what in the world can we be thankful for?

A lot.

As you sit down to enjoy your Thanksgiving meal, here are some "Thanks-Starters":

1) You have food in front of you. (obvious one)

2) You're surrounded by family and friends. (Even if you're uncle's a douchbag)

3) We live in a country where there is due process and a trial system. (We also have the ability to protest without repercussions in the event we believe justice isn't served.)

4) We have easy access to the world's best healthcare. (If we can't afford it, the government's going to end up footing the bill from the ER.)

5) The media is really good at punishing those that have sinned in the public eye. (Cosby may never face trial for his accused rape charges, but his legacy has flipped from the jello pudding man to rapist.)

6) By comparison to the rest of the world, we're really rich.

This is just the beginning of things we can be grateful for. I believe there's still good in this world. It's there to be found. Sometimes you have to pull up every stone that's been thrown and check under it.

From everyone here at Pencilstorm, we wish you, your families, and your friends, a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Wal Ozello is  a science fiction techno-thriller novelist and the author of Assignment 1989: The Time Travel Wars  and Revolution 1990. He's a resident of Upper Arlington, Ohio and a frequent customer at Colin's Coffee.

Learn more about Wal Ozello and other Pencilstorm contributors by clicking here

Winter's Coming But It's Really Not A Big Deal For You by Wal Ozello

Did you see the Minnesota v Ohio State football game?  Hear the stories about the the snow that needed to be shoveled out of the stadium?

Maybe you're from Cleveland, where you've already got snow dumped on you in buckets and realized that everyone forgot how to drive in this weather.

Maybe you're getting ready for ski season... joining the school's ski club... waxing up your snowboard.

I'm going to spend the day switching out my lawnmower and snowblower in my garage. Winterizing the lawnmower, and making sure the snowblower starts. I'll get all my winter gear together, too.  God forbid if we get a couple inches this week, I'll have to do my driveway and a couple of neighbors' as well.

It's getting cold, folks. It's time to put in the storm windows, reset the thermostats, and get out the winter pajamas. Get the ice melt out, snow shovels on hand, and prepare for snow, ice, cold, snow, ice, cold, and some more snow, ice, and cold.

But here's the thing.... I don't have it that bad and my guess is neither do you. I got a roof over my head, windows I can close, and doors I can shut. Some people don't have that. They may have a tent, an alley way, or a highway bridge.  Their heating source may be a heat exhaust from a downtown building. Some others may have a house to live in, but can't afford the heating bills or even extra blankets for their kids.

Keep these people in your thoughts and prayers as the days grow shorter and colder. I'll be giving some real thanks this year during the last Thursday in November. I have a house, a job, and health insurance. That's a lot more than some other people.

And if you can find it in your heart to help, I recommend donating to a homeless shelter whether in money, blankets, or food.

Wal Ozello is  a science fiction techno-thriller novelist and the author of Assignment 1989: The Time Travel Wars  and Revolution 1990. He's a resident of Upper Arlington, Ohio and a frequent customer at Colin's Coffee.

Learn more about Wal Ozello and other Pencilstorm contributors by clicking here

How I Spent My Sunday Morning by Colin Gawel

Ah yes, a free Sunday morning. My wife is out of town and Owen is at a sleepover. I usually take Sundays off from the coffee shop so no worries there. Three hours of unadulterated free time. The sky is the limit. What to do? Write a song? Read the NY Times? Go for a run? Drink some coffee, or perhaps even a Bloody Mary? Call some old friends and catch up? Start tackling Pencilstorm stories I need to write, such as Watershed opening for Cheap Trick or recording with Tim Patalan in Michigan? Clean the house? Winterize the lawn mower? Write about Ray Davies being the best songwriter? The upcoming Dead Schembechlers show? Practice guitar? Call my Dad? or sister?

Yeah, those are all good ideas.

or..

I could lay in bed with the blinds drawn and Google myself to read old reviews for an hour or so. The highlight being Todd Baker defending me from the charge of being an irresponsible parent on the NPR weekend edition message board. At this point I probably should have at least gotten up to make some coffee but.......

I just had to check in on YouTube to catch some footage from the 2014 KISS Kruise. Bam! Full second night show posted thanks to my man Larry Hirshon.  They played "Plaster Caster?" Well, I've just got to watch that. Ooo, and a full acoustic set too? Larry, you have done it again. Then I wondered if those greedy bastards were changing their set lists during their Vegas residency. They aren't. Tough luck for all you Kiss fanatics who bought tickets for every show hoping they would play lots of deep cuts from Unmasked. I bet Jim Johnson doesn't spend his Sunday morning googling KISS set lists.  Speaking of set lists, didn't Cheap Trick open on the KISS Cruise? I wonder what they played. And when we opened for them in Myrtle Beach that was a hell of a set list. I should really write a follow up on that. But damn, check out this version of Speak Now in Los Angeles in 2013.

Whoops, too late. Owen is home. Three hours gone. Better clean this house and get ready to watch football. Nice.

Colin Gawel plays in Watershed, owns Colin's Coffee and is concerned about the nature of his true nature. He did get off his ass and start Pencilstorm, though.

Colin Agrees with John Kasich? Ricki C. Works the Polls? Our Bi-Annual Election Day Manifesto

Okay folks,  tomorrow is Election Day again (seriously) so it's time for my bi-annual Election Day manifesto. As a rule, we steer clear of politics here at Pencilstorm because: A) What do we know? and.....B) It cuts into valuable print space for debating who should be elected to the rock n roll hall of fame.

But in the interest of being a good citizen, I feel it is my duty as a Patriot to share a couple of thoughts for your consideration on this special day.

Remember, "Democracy" only works if everybody gets involved and shares their opinions and works towards a healthy compromise. I realize it's kind of a pain in the ass when somebody disagrees with you, but it's nothing personal. That's just how the founding fathers set up the system. Blame them, not me, or that asshole on Facebook who thinks taxes are too high or too low or whatever. The founding fathers wanted to give a voice to the people. That's why we got rid of that damn King in the first place. 

If you are one of those types that gets all huffy when you hear an opposing political viewpoint I would suggest your are a mentally weak American who has more in common with ISIS than your own government. So if you are overly sensitive, please spare me and stop reading now. (Making gagging noise putting fingers down my throat.)

Isn't this off to a nice start?

Or put another way for my rock n roll brothers and sisters: I may not agree with Ted Nugent's politics but I still crank up "Wango Tango" when it comes on the radio. So relax and enjoy the democratic process why don't you? A bunch of people fought and died for this privilege, so don't be a dick about it. 

Since there really isn't much of an election to speak of here in Ohio, I thought I would volunteer four topics on which I agree with Ohio Governor John Kasich. Please be mindful this is NOT some sort of endorsement so feel free to cast your vote however you please. It's nothing to me.

1) In July 2012 Kasich vetoed house bill 231 which would have allowed private interests to claim as much as FIVE MILLION gallons of water a day from Lake Erie without a permit. The bill passed the Ohio House with unanimous support from Republicans and literally nobody else on Earth including former Republican Guvs Taft and Voinovich.  His own party went crazy assuming he would just rubber stamp this gift to private business and were shocked by the veto. Want to read some really stupid quotes from some really stupid Ohio House members? Click here for a Dispatch article summing it all up.

2) Kasich bypasses his own Republican controlled legislation to expand Ohio's Medicaid program providing 300,000 Ohioans Health coverage they previously didn't have. Sure, some people don't like "Obamacare" but when somebody offers you 14 BILLION dollars, you take it. The fact that it is just morally the right thing to do makes it even sweeter. 

"Opposition to Medicaid expansion is either ideological or political and I don't think that holds water against real flesh and blood and real improvements in people's lives." - John Kasich

Click here to read Tea Party story: Gov. Kasich: Obamacare Repeal's 'Not Going to Happen even if we win the Senate'

3) Blasting the GOP for engaging in a war on the poor. "That if you are poor, somehow your are shiftless or lazy. The very people who complain should ask their grandparents if they worked at the W.P.A." and "What's more important when you get to Heaven? Did you keep government small or did you help the poor?" Click here for the full interview.

4) And just last week: Kasich: Fracking Tax is a 'complete rip off' for Ohioans. Kasich is pissed that private companies are making off with our natural resources and paying mere pennies for the privilege. Any Ohioan who opposes our Governor playing hardball trying to get a better return for the taxpayers of this state either works for the oil/gas lobby or is just a complete and total dumb ass. Click here for the full story from the Dispatch.

Certainly there are many topics John and myself don't see eye to eye, (women's rights for one) and I can't say I will be voting for him come this Tuesday but I respect that he is his own man and seems to have somewhat logical thinking behind many of his positions.

In full disclosure, I won't be voting for any candidate this election day. Not because Ed Fitzgerald can't take the time to renew a driver's license (I mean, come on, it is a pain in the ass) or I prefer some fringe lunatic candidate. No, I will not be voting because I will be out of town recording new songs with Watershed. Can't waste my time on something as trivial as politics when there are loud guitars to be recorded. 

Now get out and vote!  - Colin Gawel

Hey gang, Ricki C. here...

I just wanted to throw in my two cents, politics & elections-wise.  First off: I have been a poll-worker the last few elections over the last couple of years.  As a poll-worker, I would like to point out to Colin that he could have early-voted over at the Board of Elections on Morse Road.  But then I remembered that Colin grew up on the Mean Streets of Worthington, Ohio, and now resides in pastoral Upper Arlington - where they have good schools and where little birds dress many of the children in the morning before they attend those schools - so he may not have wanted to venture into the warlord-ruled, gang-infested no-man's-land that is Morse Road across from the old Northland Mall - i.e., my neighborhood. 

I actually became a poll-worker quite by accident, in that the Board of Elections called ME and asked me to join up.  I'm not sure it's common knowledge, but it is mandated by law that each polling station has to be manned by an equal number of Democrats and Republicans.  And it seems that the suburb adjacent to where I live in Columbus - which shall remain nameless for obvious reasons - could not muster enough Democrats to staff their polling place.  How many Dems were needed to fill out that roster, you might ask?  Four.  4.  In Roman numerals, IV.  (Cuatro, for our Hispanic brothers & sisters, although we really don't need Spanish in our polling-place, if you catch my drift.)  Right, the suburb in question could not find four Democrats within its borders to staff the polls.  Sad.  Scary.

I was going to detail some of my less-than-stellar moments as a poll worker here - one encounter with a tea-party voter stands out - but my lovely wife reminded me that I might want to KEEP working the polls, so let's just let those lie.  I do wanna say a couple of things: 1) If you don't go out and vote, do not complain to me about the quality of politicians you wind up with.  Right now the Koch brothers can finance a kajillion negative ads, but they still only get one vote apiece.  2) I find I have to disagree with Colin about Kasich.  The Governor can speechify all he wants about Medicaid and increasing the taxes on fracking, but as long as a gerrymandered Ohio is ruled by a Republican legislature, Kasich knows he won't have to deliver on any lip-service he pays to those causes.  He can appear moderate and, more importantly, Presidential without really doing anything substantive for the poor and middle class.  He can have his cake and eat it too.  Talk is cheap.  

Please understand me, I have nothing against John Kasich personally.  And I have no illusions that a completely inept Ed FitzGerald has any prayer of winning this election, but I still hope that everyone reading this goes out and votes the complete ballot and at least tries to participate in the process.  - Ricki C.