Coming Soon: The Pencilstorm Hall of Fame - Colin G.

Do you know what everybody loves? A good Hall of Fame. Actually, some people hate a good Hall of Fame. Ironically, some people love a lame hall of fame, but hate a cool hall of fame. Either way, out staff at Pencilstorm couldn't help but notice that every time we hang around the "water cooler" (Natty Keg) at work, some sort of debate about some sort of Hall of Fame breaks out. 

Cheap Trick this.. Dave Concepcion that... and Ricki C... always with the Mott the Hoople. And don't get Wal started on Journey. Or Big $ about Bernie Kosar.

So after one particularly loooooong night around the "water cooler," we decided to start our own Hall of Fame. The rules are simple: It can be any person, record, place, anything or whatever makes this world cooler. Not like global warming cooler, but just cooler in the Fonz definition of the word. You know, things that make life better.

We welcome your feedback on what/who YOU  think should be nominated for the Pencilstorm Hall of Fame. Our secret committee will promise to seriously consider your suggestion before totally ignoring it.  

 

Snow - Then vs. Now by Andra Gillum

Snow - Then vs. Now      

By:  Andra Gillum

I know I’m getting older when I repeatedly tell my kids how much harder things were back in “my day.”  Take snow for example…..

How about snow days at school?  Although I’m sure it’s not true, I remember getting like one day off per year…and that includes the blizzard of ’78.

When I was in school, we had to wake up and switch on the clock radio to find out if school was closed.  They read school closings in alphabetical order, and I would always tune in about 30 seconds too late.  I went to Dublin schools, for example, but usually turned on my radio just as they were reading Eastmoor.  

These days, we get an automated call by 5:00 AM.  It’s great…until the home phone rings, then my cell phone rings, then my husband’s cell phone rings, then the voice mail alerts start to ring…on so on.  Really, one alert would be fine.

We never called them calamity days either.  Even when school is cancelled, they’re working to expand the kids’ vocabulary.  These common core standards have really raised the bar.  

My kids still love sledding, just like we did.  But, think of how much better the sleds are these days.  Remember those super heavy all-wood toboggans?  My sister and I would always fight to see who would have to lug that beast back up the hill!

These days the plastic sleds are ultra-lightweight and aerodynamic.  Somehow my kids still want me to haul them up the hill... while they sit on the sled!

Kids still like to build snowmen, but the accessories have all changed.  They searched our fridge for a carrot nose, but all they could find were peeled baby carrots.  Not quite the same.  And where would you even find a corn cob pipe these days?  In 2016, Frosty is more likely to smoke a vapor pen.

Back in the day, we never really knew when the snow was coming.  My parents tried to catch the news at 6:00 or 11:00 to get the weather forecast, but the meteorologists weren’t even sure.

These days, you can check your phone, TV or computer 24 hours a day to get the up to the minute forecast.  Standing in front of their Super Doppler Weather Tracker Storm Spotter, today’s meteorologists are like rock stars.  Their fans like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter.

Remember snow tires? We would have to sit in the boring lobby of the tire shop every fall while they installed ours. My kids don’t know how lucky they are to have all-season radials.

Even the snow gear is much better these days.  Remember the big rubber boots that buckled over your shoes?  The kid from Fat Albert wore his year round.  The advantage was that they were big enough to buckle over any size shoe, so they lasted forever.  These days, we crazy parents buy new snow boots every year!

We also had those mittens on a string that wrapped behind our neck until someone discovered that we could strangle ourselves.

And what about the one-piece snowsuits that snapped all the way up?  Not the bib overalls, but the all-in-one coat and pants.  Girls today don’t know what tough is until they try to go to the bathroom in one of those things without dipping their sleeve in the toilet.

Things have certainly changed over the years even when it comes to snow.  I can only imagine what things will be like when my kids are parents.  I am picturing some sort of self-propelled, hovercraft sled that won’t even require a hill…or snow.  But where’s the fun in that?  Here’s to the good old days!

Andra Gillum is a free-lance writer and author.  She lives in Upper Arlington with her husband, two kids and two dogs.  Andra’s columns periodically appear in the Columbus Dispatch.  She is also the author of the children’s book Doggy Drama, and its sequel, Puppy Drama, to be released in late 2016.  Learn more at www.doggydrama.com or contact Andra at andra@doggydrama.com.

Pencilstorm's Most Popular Stories - January 2016

My Star Wars New Year’s Resolutions - by Wal Ozello

Everything right now is Star Wars-themed and we at Pencilstorm hope it’s not too late to hop on the bandwagon. I don’t claim to have some confounded theory on who Rey is related to, but I do have some ideas on how I can better myself in 2016 through life lessons learned in the Star Wars movies. So here’s my three New Year’s Resolutions through the lens of the greatest science fiction movies ever.

Ignore the fear; embrace the light.

If you’re a Star Wars geek, you must be familiar with the Yoda quote. If not, know that it’s basically a math equation: fear=hate=anger=suffering=dark side. With the coming election year, many politicians will try to capitalize on our emotion of fear: scary immigrants, loss of employment, terrorism, gun violence, taking away your guns, taking away your reproductive rights, and general destruction of the American lifestyle that you know.  I commit to not fall victim to this fear-mongering. America is the greatest country in the world. I’m not scared of any of this crap the media or the politicians are trying to feed me. I’m done with fear and all about believing in the good in this country. This would be a wonderful resolution for everyone at a personal level. Can you imagine the power of light side of the force in all of us?

Have My Friends’ Back More Often in 2016.

One of my favorite moments in all the Star Wars movies is at the end of A New Hope when Han Solo shows back up during the attack on the Death Star to cover Luke, hit Darth Vader’s ship, and send it reeling into space.  An on-going theme throughout all of the movies is the power of strong friendship. As we get older, life gets more complex and we tend to focus on tactical things to get us through: groceries, work, shuffling the kids to a sporting event, go here, get this, run, run, run. Time well spent with others seem to slip through the cracks. Frankly, I want 2016 to be more about YOU and less about ME. Wouldn’t it be an awesome year if all of us were more like the Han Solo of “You're all clear, kid, now let's blow this thing and go home!” than the “I ain't in this for your revolution, and I'm not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I'm in it for the money.” Han Solo?

Believe There’s Always A Simple Solution.

Did you ever notice that there’s always a simple solution to destroy the big bad thing that the Empire has concocted? Remember the Death Star? The ultimate power in the universe? Luke destroyed it by sending a blast down a thermal exhaust port. While many thought it was impossible, Luke knew he could hit it because he used to bullseye womp rats in his T-16 back home. There are many more examples of dire situations they got stuck in: the trash compactor, trapped on Cloud City, Han Solo carbonite, the new bigger badder Death Star, and the even bigger badder Starkiller in The Force Awakens. There’s always something that seems impossible that all of a sudden there’s simple solution to defeat. In 2016, I’m committing to believing in simple solutions for everything. Whether it’s the impossible feat of lower gun violence or helping my son with his overwhelming math homework, there’s a simple solution around the corner.  All I have to do is believe it can be done.

The year ahead will be a rough ride… a kind of transition year until we get to 2017. Things may get worse before they get better. But I do know one thing: I’ve already pre-ordered my copy of The Force Awakens on Blu-Ray which releases in April. I’ll be watching that over and over instead of the election hype.

From all of us here at Pencilstorm, may the force be with you in 2016. Happy New Year.

Wal Ozello is a science fiction techno-thriller novelist and the author of Assignment 1989 ,  Revolution 1990, and Sacrifice 2086. He's the lead singer of the former Columbus rock band Armada and a frequent customer at Colin's Coffee.

America's Biggest Loser: Gun Policy or the Cleveland Browns? - by Colin Gawel

 I have a question and I know you have it too: Which is America's biggest loser, our current gun policy or the Cleveland Browns? 

Now before all you Dawgs and gun nutz lose your shit, just hear me out. I'm not proposing any changes to current gun policy or the Browns. I have no answers.  More guns or less guns? More Manziel or less Manziel? Hell, I don't know. (Click here to read my open letter to Rep. Steve Stivers) What I do know is that going strictly by the numbers, both the Browns and America's gun policies are an unmitigated disaster. A total embarrassment. Or put another way, they both suck. Bad.

As a huge fan of both the Browns and the USA, it brings me no pleasure to point out the obvious. In fact, I'd much prefer to squint my eyes and tell you i see some hope on the horizon.  However, the cold hard numbers tell a different story and it isn't pretty. This isn't personal and it isn't my opinion. This is just how it is. Hopefully somebody smarter than myself figures something to get both things trending in the right direction in 2016. Until then, I'll leave it to you to decide which is America's biggest loser. From my vantage point, it's too close to call.  - Colin G.

                                                          Gun Policy

Click here to read "27 Americans were shot and killed on Christmas Day". 

                                                                vs                                                       

                                                    Cleveland Browns

Click here to read The Cleveland Browns are the suckiest bunch of sucks to ever suck. 

 

Revisiting A Very Pencilstorm Christmas 2015