Back To School: Then vs. Now - by Andra Gillum

The first day of school is August 17th.  Seriously?  I double-checked to make sure there was no mistake.  What happened to the good old days when we started after Labor Day?  Who decided that mid-August was the new September?

I’ve gotten several explanations.  Someone suggested they want the school districts to follow the college schedule.  That makes no sense.  Who wants to be in Florida on Spring Break when the college students are there?  I have no desire to compete in a belly flop competition, or set sail on a fraternity booze cruise.

Our Superintendent said they took a survey, and the majority wanted an early start.  I know the kids and teachers don’t want this, so it must be the seniors.  They want the pool to themselves.  Can’t blame them.  They just want to do a little water aerobics in peace.…without the whistles blowing.  Plus, seniors are the only ones who took time to complete the survey.  The rest of us don’t bother to participate.  We prefer to complain about the results.

The most likely reason I’ve heard blames the early start on the standardized testing in the spring.  Schools need to pack in as much curriculum as they can before the testing period.  Common Core strikes again.

I’m glad school didn’t start this early when I was a kid.  I would have been awfully hot wearing the new Firenza sweater and Gloria Vanderbilt jeans that my mom bought me when we went school shopping.  My Member’s Only jacket would have been a little better, but still warm.  

My kids wear shorts for the first six weeks of school.  Actually, my son wears shorts for the entire year.  He’s a 7th grader now, and I gave up that battle years ago.

So many things about back to school have changed.  Now we buy school supplies through the PTO, and they’re delivered right to class.  That’s actually helpful.  No more running around searching for the box of crayons with the built in sharpener, the wide-ruled spiral notebook, or the newest Trapper Keeper.

What about textbooks?  We used to haul around an armful of them, all carefully covered with a brown grocery bag.  I could never figure out how to cut the bag right, but we managed.   Then, we added our best graffiti.  My older sister always had the Van Halen logo on her books.  I think mine had the MTV logo and probably something about Duran Duran.

Now kids get MacBooks and iPads instead of books.   Nobody is covering those in brown grocery bags.  First of all, grocery bags are plastic now.  Secondly, that paper wouldn’t provide much protection when kids drop their device on the ground.  I’m pretty sure the screen would still shatter.  The “optional” laptop insurance coverage is the new book cover. 

How about the lockers?  They still use those same old combination locks.  Is it left, right left, or right, left right?  Shouldn’t there be something digital by now?  After all, they now sell entire lines of designer locker accessories and supplies.  Who wouldn’t want a locker chandelier?  Can’t we all agree that is a little over the top, especially if dad has to stop by school to run the electricity.

Back to school has certainly changed since I was in school, but kids will always dread the start of early mornings, and especially homework!  If we want joyous faces, we’ll need to head to the local pool to watch the ladies group-walking their laps around the lazy river.

Welcome back to school to all students, teachers and staff.  Ready or not, here it comes!

Andra Gillum is a free-lance writer from Upper Arlington with kids heading back to school at Windermere Elementary and Hastings Middle School.  Send your comments and feedback to andra@doggydrama.com.  
 

Andra is also the author of the children’s books “Doggy Drama” and “Puppy Drama” (coming soon).  Learn more at www.doggydrama.com or at www.facebook.com/doggydrama.  

Somebody Get Nate Silver On the Line, I'm Calling the Presidential Election - by Colin Gawel

Ok, before everybody goes bat-shit crazy, this isn't a political post. This is what's called a "horse race" post. I'm not telling anybody how to vote. I'm not arguing for or against any candidate or specific policy. I encourage everybody to get out and vote your conscious this fall. We aren't all supposed to vote the same way, anymore than we would all root for the same football team. It's how democracy works and it's way more fun than having a King boss us around. Best of luck to everybody. I wish everybody could be a winner.

However, since everybody can't win, I'm going to stick my neck out a little earlier than usual and make my "way too early prediction" for the 2016 Presidential race.

My polling methods are slightly less scientific than the brilliant Nate Silver and his website 538. (If you are into the "Horse Race" side of politics, his is the best site. Click here to check it out) Basically, I own a small coffee shop in Upper Arlington, Ohio and I listen to people. Lots of people. You may have heard of Ohio. We are the home of the World Champion Cavs and the Ohio State Football team. We are also a must win state if you want to become President of the United States of America. 

For the past two weeks, the RNC and DNC have held their conventions. People have watched & listened and I have listened to people's reactions as they have come through the coffee shop. I've identified the 4 or 5 swing voters that will tell me who is going to win. Reasonable people who could have voted either way. I nailed the last two elections with this method and I'm going for three in a row. I realize it's early and lots can change in the months ahead, but no guts, no glory.

Do I know what I am talking about? Time will tell. So on November 9th, remember you heard it here first. When that day comes you can stand slack-jawed in awe of my predictive powers or mock me at your leisure. I can't hide, I'm going on the record.

The drum roll please.........................

Trump loses Ohio. Hillary Clinton is the next President of the United States. 

Written in stone. Election over. Done deal. Permission to gamble granted. 

Colin Gawel is just some guy who owns a small coffee shop and writes for Pencilstorm. He also plays in the band Watershed. It's probably not wise to bet money on his advice.

Should Old People Be Allowed to Vote? - by Colin G.

Last week Great Britain voted to withdraw from the European Union, causing the world's financial markets to tremble and forcing many Americans to ask themselves the question: "What is the European Union?"

Look, I'm no expert on the EU either, but I do enjoy the horse-race aspect of these sorts of things and a polling number from the EU referendum jumped out at me. Basically, every person under the age of 40 voted for England to remain in the EU, and every person over 65 voted that England should leave. 

What strikes me about this is that people who have stopped working and will soon be DEAD, have made a decision making life for young people much more difficult: for them to move about and be free to get jobs as part of the Global economy.  This doesn't seem fair. Why should old geezers get to determine what happens to the next generation? They are already cushy on entitlements, watching TV 14 hours a day and having dinner at 4:30pm. Their life is, by all intensive purposes, already over.

And if you think I am counting myself as a smart young person, I am not. For example, just last week I discovered that you could find bus times RIGHT ON GOOGLE MAPS. This was mind- blowing to me. "You mean I don't have to go to the COTA website and download a schedule PDF? I just plug in where I am going and press on the bus icon? WHAAAA?? Amazing!!!"

I was wondering why that picture of the bus was on my phone. Now I know.

My point being, I'm somewhere between being useful and informed and clueless and hopelessly out of touch. And, I'm trending in the wrong direction. So why, when I turn 65 years of age, should I be allowed to vote on policies that will have zero impact on me? I'm not sure i deserve the right. Just bring a phony paper ballot around the senior rec center every other Wednesday so I feel included in the process and less lonely.  Oh, and keep your government hands OFF my sweet government single payer Medicare plan and I will be fine.  

Colin Gawel writes these sorts of things on slow afternoons at Colin's Coffee and he has to turn off the Reds because the suck so bad. He founded Pencilstorm and plays in the band Watershed. 

When the Movies Ebb, The Comics Flow - by Rob Braithwaite

All this movie watching has put a damper on my comics reading. So I’ve eased off the picture shows for a bit to minimize this stack of unread issues. Some highlights are below.
- rob

cover by Gary Frank and Brad Anderson

DC Universe Rebirth
script: Geoff Johns
art: Gary Frank, Ivan Reis, Phil Jimenez (and many, many more)

Five years ago, DC Comics rebooted their entire universe. Called "The New 52" because DC released 52 titles, the carpet-bombing-over-quality approach, it wasn't regarded well. The historical timeline was muddied. (In a five-year span, Batman burned through three Robins, sired a 10-year-old son who was now Robin #4, and joined the Justice League.) Beloved characters were different in personality and/or level of extreme, that is if they even existed in the universe at all.

I started reading single issue comics shortly after the reboot. Before that, I had only read the occasional trade, usually Batman, so it was nearly all new to me. Most of what I read was fine — Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo’s Batman had some strong stories. The final Justice League arc, The Darkseid War, was great. The Wonder Woman run from Brian Azzarello and Cliff Chiang was the prize of it all — but eventually I wasn’t reading any DC books on a regular basis. And frankly it sucked to only get a good superhero fix from Marvel.

Now, a fresh start. DC Rebirth does not dismiss the last five years. Geoff Johns deserves an award for the original and clever way he gets out of this New 52 corner, without disrespecting the work of so many people. He is also able to convey the emotional weight in a way that can be felt by someone who doesn’t know DC history.

Starting this week and over the next few months, DC’s entire line will restart with #1 after a title's respective Rebirth issue which will establish the status quo. So, if you’re looking to jump in, now the time.

Beasts of Burden: What the Cat Dragged In
script: Evan Dorkin and Sarah Dyer
art: Jill Thompson

The residents Burden Hill don’t know the horrors kept at bay by the brave cats and dogs of the neighborhood.

An issue of Beasts of Burden doesn’t come out that often. It’s always a treat when one does. The self-contained stories have a nice balance of horror, humor and emotion. Thompson’s paintings are expressive and beautiful.

Weirdworld
script: Sam Humphries
art: Mike Del Mundo
color: Mike Del Mundo with Mareo D'Alfonso

A great thing about comics is if one book gets too heavy, there’s something else to counter it. Weirdworld is full of wizards and magic and other things I’m not normally keen on, but this book has shown me that if there’s a good adventure and humor that I’ll stick around for a while. The art is some of the best I’ve come across. It’s probably the reason why I stuck with as long as I did. (“Did” because it seems to have been quietly canceled after six issues.)

cover by Jill Thompson

cover by Mike Del Mundo

cover by Mitch Gerads

cover by Nick Dragotta

The Sheriff of Babylon
script: Tom King
art: Mitch Gerads

The murder of an Iraqi police trainee under the supervision of the U.S. military in 2004 Baghdad brings together three people with varying and duplicitous agendas. Tom King worked as a CIA operative in Iraq and brings his experience to a story that becomes less about a murder investigation and more about the complicated relationships one must foster in such an environment.

Tom King is quickly becoming a name to trust. His Vision comic for Marvel is something special. I’ve heard great things about his Omega Men series. And now he’s the writer for Batman.

East of West
script: Jonathan Hickman
art: Nick Dragotta
colors: Frank Martin

“This is the world. It’s not the one we were supposed to have, but it’s the one we made. We did this. We did it with open eyes and willing hands. We broke it, and there is no putting it back together.” — from the cover of every East of West issue.

This is the story of the apocalypse. Every issue is a treat. Jonathan Hickman is an amazing writer. Machinations of politicians and religious zealots are put to the test and surprises abound. Nick Dragotta’s drawings are full of imagination, and Frank Martin’s colors are what make this book one of the most visually striking comics being published now. Love, love, love this book.

Southern Bastards
script: Jason Aaron
art: Jason Latour

Earl Tubb returns to his childhood home in Craw Country, Alabama after forty years. He isn't looking for trouble, but it finds him nonetheless.

Southern Bastards is one of the finest character yarns going today. Every issue enriches this world of football tradition, crime and bar-b-que. Every issue is thick with heat and tension. It's the only book I've read that makes you hate a character in one story arc then find sympathy with him in the next.

cover by Jason Latour

So, any of these sound good to you? I’m willing to gift a digital comic to anybody* who might want to try one. You’ll need a Comixology account (You can sign in with your Amazon account, because we’re all going to be one corporation someday.) Send an email to bobbybathwater [at] yahoo [dot] com with COMICS in the subject line, and tell me which one you’d like to try.

Or, if you are one for physical things and can pay for your own comics, drop by your local comic shop. They can help. If you live in Columbus, I recommend The Laughing Ogre (4258 N. High Street).

*I’m not sure what the cutoff will be, but this will be a limited offer since my lottery numbers have not yet hit.

It's Memorial Day Weekend, Stop Staring at Screens and Ask Yourself, "What Would Mungo Jerry Do?" - by Colin G.

Ah yes, summer is here and the Memorial Day weekend weather is shaping up to be damn near perfect. Though we run a pretty tight ship here at Pencilstorm, let's face it, our hearts aren't really in it right now. We are all just sitting around the office staring out the windows counting the seconds until happy hour. So I'm making an executive decision, everybody can get out of here. Pencilstorm is closed this holiday weekend.  Go have some fun. Even you, Hassler. It's time to disconnect from the electronics and get serious about some old school Ch-Ch-Chillin'. Sure, I could sneak in a plug the new Watershed Kickstarter pre-order HERE, but I won't. 

So no updates at Pencilstorm this Holiday weekend. Turn off those computers & phones and get a little sunshine, why don't you? If you find yourself lost without your imaginary digital friends, remember WWMJD? Mungo Jerry rocked the summertime harder than anybody and he didn't even have a Myspace page. Be like Mungo. Thanks for checking out Pencilstorm and see all of you suckers next week. CG.............is...............................................................................................................................OUT!

(cue beercan cracking open)

This video clip was made in 1970, and is the original Mungo Jerry line up that recorded In The Summertime, this is not to be confused with the version that has been posted by AMIMEDIA.

I'm a Guest on "The Not So Late Show" with Johnny DiLoretto Thursday, May 26th at Shadowbox - Colin G.

Yours truly will be a guest on a taping of "The Not So Late Show" with Johnny DiLoretto, Thursday May 26th, 8 pm at the Shadowbox Backstage Bistro. Click here for tickets and more info.  Come early for drinks and dinner and enjoy the show. I have no idea what I am in store for but it's sure to be a blast. - Colin G.

Below is an interview we ran with Johnny before his debut show in March. The house was packed and the reviews were glowing. Check it out. 

-- So tell us a little about the show and what people should expect?

First and foremost, people should expect to be entertained and I promise a lot of entertainment for five bucks. But, honestly, what people should expect is classic talk show fun: live music, comedy, interviews with local celebrities and live performances from the city's deep pool of talent.

-- In practical terms, how similar is it to a proper talk show? Do you have writers ? Do you do a rehearsal before the actual show? Will a sidekick warm up the audience?

Very similar. The only difference is for right now the only way you can see this show is LIVE on stage at the Backstage Bistro. As we work out the kinks and polish the production, maybe someday it'll find a home online or on local television. But, I'm not interested in that right now. I just want to do a live show for a live audience. And I want to be able to drink... 

Uh, yes, I have writer. And that's not a typo. One writer -- local stand-up comic, Sommer Sterud. She's also the sidekick-slash-producer who will roam the audience and take questions from the crowd. So, that's another difference -- there aren't any rules. Somebody in the audience has a fun or tough question to ask a guest? They can have at it.  All bets are off.

-- Landing MoJo Flow as the house band is a big score. How did that come about?

MojoFlo and I have worked alongside of each other a few times over the years, notably at the past couple Highball Halloween events, and we have a great rapport. As you know, they are incredibly talented and just full of energy and life, so I'm honored they agreed to do this. Basically, when I brought it up to Amber and Walter, they were completely thrilled about the concept -- because they'd actually been thinking the same thing I was thinking: that the city needs its own talk show and they wanted to be the house band... It was perfect timing because I want to be the city's talk show host.  

-- Gary Shandling recently passed away and he was a man who not only hosted the real Tonight Show filling in for Johnny Carson, but created his own brilliant parody in Larry Sanders. I mean, come on, that's just crazy talent. Were you a fan of his work?

Absolutely. Garry Shandling was a genius. Of course, he had more than one writer... 

-- Who are other talk show hosts you look to for inspiration?

In my opinion the two best interviewers in the business are NPR's Terry Gross and, my own personal hero, Howard Stern. Expect a blend of those two styles... A high brow, low brow mash up.

-- What hosts and talk shows do you hope to avoid comparisons?

You know, I really haven't kept up with all the new talk shows. I've only seen bits and clips of Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Colbert's shows. And, of course, those guys are giants. I don't expect to be able to compare to either of those extraordinary hosts and those productions. I just want to create a small, fun, live show that celebrates the people of Columbus. The only show I hope to avoid being compared to is the really awful one Chevy Chase hosted. 

-- Sounds like a blast. Where to get tickets again and should people show up early to get liquored up or is this a serious affair?

I hope it's a blast. The first show is tomorrow at 8 p.m. at the Backstage Bistro. Two more shows are planned for Thursday, April 28 and Thursday, May 26. And, conveniently, here's that link again: http://www.shadowboxlive.org/shows/the-not-so-late-show

Hopefully, we'll get a good running start at keeping this thing going. And, you know, what would be awesome? If you agreed to be a guest in May... You don't even have to perform. You can be like one of those legendary talk show guests who come on first and just get to take a seat...

--Thanks, I'd love to do it and I'll bring my guitar just in case.