Conkle's Hollow and the Devil's Dulcimer - by Colin Gawel

So on the first nice spring day of the year I decided to borrow a page from Lost Weekend Records owner Kyle Siegrist’s playbook to visit Hocking Hills and take a hike at Conkle's Hollow. I was cruising down 33, just passing Clear Creek Metro Park when I saw a sign for a music store selling guitars. I thought, that’s kind of interesting but I was on the wrong side of the road and wanted to knock out the hiking task at hand before I lost momentum.

After hiking the stunning upper rim and reading some pages of the excellent "A Tale for the Time Being" by Ruth Ozeki, I was ready to hit the road home before rush hour traffic got too bad. On the way back, I passed the guitar store again doing sixty and my lapsed Catholic guilt kicked in, “You should stop and check that place out. You are a small business owner and a guitar player. If you don’t stop, who will? You could drop off a copy of the League Bowlers record. Hearing Mike Parks play guitar will make that guy’s day.”

So after hemming and hawing in my brain, I decided to exit the highway and find a service road to take me back. I wandered around on back roads before 86-ing that strategy in favor of attempting to make a left turn across the busy divided highway and retrace my path. And let me make this clear: folks driving away from Columbus sure are in a rush to get home. After almost getting run off the road, I drove five miles back to the last exit, u-turned, and this time, made the quick pull-off to the music store. Point being, it was a big pain in the ass to get back to that music store, but I was determined to do the right thing.

I finally pulled into the gravel lot, grabbed a copy of the Bowlers CD off the floor of my car and wandered up to the big wooden front porch. Nice place. I opened the door and stepped  into a well-lit room with all sorts of guitars & stuff hanging everywhere. It was a  pretty big space. Behind the counter, partially obscured, I see a gentleman hunched over with his back to me.

“Hi, I’m a musician traveling back to Columbus and figured I’d stop and check you out.”

“So?” was the curt reply.

“Yeah, I spent the day at Conkle’s Hollow. What a beautiful day, huh?”

Total F-ing Silence.

In fact, it suddenly occured to me that the whole place is silent. I’d never been in a music store with no music playing. Not even some dude playing "Stairway to Heaven" in the corner. It creeped me out.

Anyway, I started looking at stuff, pretending to possess interest and/or knowledge. The store was filled with mostly cheap electrics, decent acoustics, and a bunch of hippie Nelsonville-type instruments. If there is such a thing as a bluegrass drum circle I imagine this would be a pretty good spot to shop. I start fiddling with a dulcimer, or what I remember is a dulcimer from 4th grade music class. It had four strings, was tuned to a chord and wasn’t a banjo. I knew that much.

The door opened again and an elderly couple walked in. They turned towards me and asked, “Do you sell anything other than musical instruments?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t work here. You will have to ask him?” nodding my head towards the guy behind the counter.

They ask, “Excuse me sir, do you sell anything here besides musical instruments?”

“Does it look like it?” was the reply without turning around.

“Somebody down the road said there was an antique store around here. Do you know where that might be?”

Total F-ing Silence.

The elderly couple waited a moment, and then headed back out the door into the sunlight.

I was sort of enjoying fiddling with this dulcimer thing and figured what the hell, I’ll buy it. Maybe this dude’s fiance just left him for his co-worker and now he has a broken heart AND is stuck covering the guy’s shift. I tried to imagine a mile in his shoes.

I was hoping the tag said $32 but upon closer inspection it said $132. Oof. I started to rationalize that I would be doing a good deed and maybe this different instrument would spark a new song or two. This must have been why I stopped at this store, right? Time to embrace my destiny. So I grab the four-stringy thingy, put it in the case and threw in a string winder for the hell of it.  I went and stood at the cash register, maybe 10 feet from the back of the gentleman working there. 

I’m sort of scared now so I don’t say anything. I just stand at the cash register, which traditionally means I’m ready to engage in a transaction. The man makes no move.

Total F-ing silence.

After about 30 seconds, which felt like 5 minutes, a recorded Bible verse came over the speakers. LOUD.  

“He who walks in the valley of sin…..words..words..repent…. words...bible stuff….devil….words….bible stuff...jesus…... words ...words.. words..”

I stood there stunned, thinking, "That voice reminds me of 'we have assumed control' from the the end of Rush 2112."  It ended as quickly as is started.  Then back to total f-ing silence. The man didn't  move a muscle. 

I quietly put the dulcimer back on the shelf and exited the store.

I stole the string winder, though.

(Just kidding.)   (editor's note: I doubt that he's kidding.)

 

Colin Gawel plays in the League Bowlers and Watershed. He started Pencilstorm while killing time at Colin’s Coffee.

 

 

TV Party Tonight! Season Two: Andy Kaufman vs Jerry Lawler - by Colin Gawel

Welcome to season two of TV Party Tonight! Just to get you up to speed, TV Party Tonight is us folks at Pencilstorm sharing the Youtube rabbit holes we are diving into to kill time during the boring Ohio winter. John Lennon didn't live in the Midwest, but if he did, he might have written a song called, "Whatever Gets You Through the Night". or whatever. Also, I'm writing this in real time. Grammar may be dicey. Just imagine we are in a bar together and i'm jamming my phone in your face screaming "Watch This!"

Anyway, I'm going to kick off season two with clips of Andy Kaufman and his feud with Jerry "The King" Lawler. I recently read the book Lost in the Funhouse: The Life and Mind of Andy Kaufman by Bill Zehme. The thing I enjoyed most about this book was....

"WAIT!! Did you see Man on the Moon? Did you see Jim & Andy? Or the documentary I'm From Hollywood?  Did you read the Bob Zumuda Book? Did you? DID YOU?? huh? HUH? HUHHHH?"

The answer is no. I just read the one book. And then starting surfing Youtube for wrestling clips. And typing this. 

I'm sure I will catch up on all that stuff eventually, but Andy Kaufman is sort of like Muhammad Ali in that no actor can do the real person justice. Andy had been wrestling women at his standup shows and on Saturday NIght Live. People HATED this bit. It pretty much ruined his career. Still, being a performance artist and pro-wrestling fan, Andy had the idea to take this act directly to the people. He proposed the idea to WWE CEO Vince McMahon but he passed. Just too much heat having Latka from Taxi do the heel turn against women. 

However, in Memphis, a budding young promoter and wrestler himself, Jerry Lawler,  jumped at the chance of having a huge celebrity become part of his local wrestling program. The two agreed to start a video feud with Andy promising to  eventually show up in Memphis .... Below are the highlights of that feud. I'm so excited for you to watch this. 

Here's something I've been meaning to put up for a while now. Its Andy Kaufman versus Jerry Lawler from '82 and '83. Some of this stuff you'll have seen before but some you may not have. I used a variety of sources to pull this together.

This shove prompts a Hollywood lawsuit. 

Here's a clip from the great movie I'm From Hollywood. Kaufman's challenge is accepted by a large local woman named Foxy. The match isn't really shown but the post match antics between Kaufman and Lawler are here.

Clips of this have been seen everywhere but here's the full segment from Memphis television. Lawler announces he's received a deposition and a video tape from Andy Kaufman. Kaufman and "lawyer" Bob Zmuda sit poolside in Hollywood announcing they're suing the King over the shove after the Foxy match.

Andy sends in a tape accepting Lawler's challenge. He also wrestles a woman named Susan to show how tough he is. Kaufman is tremendous in this video.

So this leads to the infamous Andy Kaufman / Jerry Lawler appearance on the David Letterman show. I watched this live as a kid while on vacation with my family in Ocean City Maryland. It blew my mind wide open. I had no idea what was happening. It made me a Letterman fan for life. A couple of thoughts before watching this..

- Lawler was every bit the performance artist as Andy. 

-The two were supposed to make up on air. Just before going on, Andy told Lawler, "you have to hit me". Jerry responded, "I'm just this hick from Memphis, these cops will arrest me." Just before break, Lawler went for it. Nobody on Letterman knew it was coming. There was a 22 minute commercial break while security sorted out the melee.

- Letterman handled it all beautifully. 

ENJOY

Kaufman and Lawler on Late Night with Dave Letterman

Even though it was over on the national scene, the feud kept going on local Memphis TV. Andy was not doing this for the money. He loved it. The crowd hated him!!

July 9, 1983 at WMC-TV in Memphis. Andy Kaufman makes his in studio debut. Like I said before, this isn't every segment in the feud but its everything I have in my collection. Andy and Jimmy have taken on Jerry Lawler in a handicap match. It didn't go well.

Can it get better? Yes, Kaufman goes face and humbly asks for Lawler's help.

July 16, 1983 from Memphis TV. This segment opens with Jimmy Hart vs Andy Kaufman from the Mid-South Coliseum on July 11, 1983. Hart's First Family jumps Andy during the match. Kaufman says he wants revenge on Hart and attempts to recruit arch-enemy Jerry Lawler to be his partner against the Mouth of the South.

Big mistake Lawler!! Kaufman and intellectual equal Jimmy Hart pull ultimate heel turn.

July 23, 1983 from Memphis TV. In the words of Brian Alvarez..shenanigans! Andy Kaufman and Jimmy Hart, along with the Assassins, celebrate their big swerve of the King. The July 18, 1983 match with Kaufman and Lawler vs. the Assassin and Hart is shown. Note, these are not the same Assassins from Georgia and Mid Atlantic.

And then, cementing his greatness, upon learning of Andy Kaufman's death, Jerry Lawler doesn't break character. He does it the right way. Andy would have been proud.

From the 1984 Season available now at www.70s-tv.com.

As time passed, Jerry has come clean about his and Andy Kaufman's relationship. Listen here

Colin Gawel writes for Pencilstorm and is going to Wrestlemania this year. 

Elf Anxiety - by Andra Gillum

Elf Anxiety by Andra Gillum.

Every year just after Thanksgiving, I look forward to unpacking all our Christmas decorations.  I pull out the boxes, and the kids and I put everything in its proper place.  I must admit, however that there is one holiday decoration I wish I could leave in the bottom of the box.

The Elf on the Shelf triggers my anxiety.  I hate to admit it, but this little guy really knows how to push my buttons.

As I said, I love almost everything about Christmas.  From the decorations to the lights to the music and traditions, I l really do love it all.   It’s just that darned Elf!

It’s not that I dislike elves in general.  The movie Elf is a classic.  I love that Buddy the Elf and his Pop-tart pasta with syrup.  And how could you not root for the little misfits: Herbie the dentist and his friend Rudolph?

It’s just the Elf on the Shelf who makes me twitchy.  The holiday season is busy enough, and the stress he adds just pushes me over the top.

Every night, I’m expected to come up with some clever thing to do with the Elf, or some funny place to put him.  There are photos and ideas all over the web about it.

Somehow, I’ve gotten on an email list that sends me ideas an inspiration for my elf.  When they suggested that I soak the elf’s feet in a bath of marshmallows and call it a spa day, I decided that I’d rather leave the elf on his shelf and have my own spa day.

My kids show me You Tube videos of all the clever things that other elves do.  Someone’s naughty elf actually wrapped their entire Christmas tree in holiday paper.  I’m lucky to get all the gifts wrapped.  Never mind ribbons and bows.

Then there’s the Elf Shaming.  My daughter comes home from school with stories of all the silly and clever things that her friends’ elves did.  She tells me how bad she feels that she has nothing to share. Mom guilt.

Plus, the pressure goes on all month long!  That means 24 nights of anxiety.  24 days of trying to think of something new and different.  

There have been nights when I have finally climbed into my warm bed after an evening of wrapping gifts.  I’m half asleep when I am jolted awake by the realizations that I have forgotten to do anything with the elf.

I’m certain that I am not the only one with elf-anxiety.  A friend posted a funny picture on You Tube of an elf wearing a full leg cast.  He left a note for the children saying that he wouldn’t be able to move from the shelf for 2-3 weeks.  That’s one smart mom.  

I hate to come across as a Grinch because I really do love Christmas, and all the fun traditions for our kids.  Maybe we can just shorten the elf’s visit from the North Pole?  How about a nice, 3-day weekend?  Who’s with me?

I mean no offense to any Elf lovers out there.  I applaud your enthusiasm and perseverance.  We’ll just have to agree to disagree.

So, whether you love the Elf…or count down the days to his departure, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!  

 

Andra Gillum is a Pencil Storm contributor and the author of the children’s books “Doggy Drama” and “Puppy Drama” and “Old Doggy Drama”.  Learn more or order online at www.doggydrama.com.  Like us on Facebook at: www.facebook.com/doggydrama.   

If you work for a school, or know of one who would be interested in an author visit, please contact Andra at andrag@wowway.com.  Follow Andra on Twitter @GillumAndra

 

Pencilstorm Post UA Election Interview: Next Steps For Rebuilding The Schools

Now that Upper Arlington's School Levy (Issue 43) passed with 54% of the votes, Pencilstorm reached out to Upper Arlington Superintendent Paul Imhoff  and Treasurer/Chief Finance Officer Andy Geistfeld with five questions about what will happen next. Their unedited answers are posted below.  

Paul Imhoff, Superintendent

Paul Imhoff, Superintendent

Now that the levy has passed, what are the next steps?
It’s important to remember that none of the projects has been designed yet.  The next step is launching a community-based design phase for the six schools that are to be renovated or rebuilt.
 
Community involvement was the key to the success of our master planning process, and we believe that will be true with the design phase, too.  We’re sticking with the theme “your voice matters,” and we’ll be holding community meetings and asking for volunteers to be on building design teams and a district-wide green team.
 
The design phase will last about 12 to 15 months, and only then, once we have community-developed design plans for each of the six buildings, will we break ground — tentatively in early 2019.
 
In terms of timeline, which buildings will be worked on first? Do you have an estimate on when each will be finished? In addition, when will all day kindergarten start?
Tentatively, in early 2019, we’ll break ground first on a renovated Barrington and Tremont elementary school; a new Greensview and Wickliffe Progressive elementary school; and a new high school. The exception there is Windermere. We won’t be able to break ground on Windermere until the fall of 2020. And that’s because we’ll build a new Windermere on the footprint of the old building.
 
A renovated Barrington and Tremont and a new Greensview and Wickliffe will open to students tentatively in the fall of 2020. While the new Windermere is being built, students from that school will be educated in the old Wickliffe building. Then, a new Windermere and high school will tentatively open the next fall, in 2021. All construction on the high school site will be finished by the fall of 2022, with the athletic fields and support spaces completed and the old building demolished.
 
The plan is to add enough space at the elementary schools through these projects to accommodate both our enrollment growth and a future all-day kindergarten program.
 
How can the community get involved in the next stages of planning?
We’ll be having community-wide meetings to launch the design phase in December, and we’ll be setting the date for that in the coming days. We’ll offer both a morning and an evening option as we did during the master planning process. Community members can watch their mailboxes and our website, www.uaschools.org/facilities, for more information.
 
We will also be reaching out to community members about more opportunities to get involved, including building design teams and a “green team” that will explore environmental best practices for the new or renovated buildings. Neighbors living in close proximity to the buildings can also join a neighbor committee to share feedback and offer guidance throughout the design phase and construction process.
 
Which high school sports will be impacted by the construction and at what point will they need to be moved to a temporary facility?
Our goal is to minimize the impact the construction will have on our extracurricular activities.  The new turf field, baseball field and softball field to be built on the land behind Tremont Elementary School will definitely help with that.  However, we do anticipate that baseball, softball, tennis, and track and field will have to be temporarily relocated during construction.

Andrew Geisfeld, Treasurer/Chief Financial Officer

Andrew Geisfeld, Treasurer/Chief Financial Officer

Let’s talk money. How will you look for savings and if there’s any extra money, what will you do with it? (Answer from Andy and Paul)
We will look for savings during each step of the community design process.

If funds remain after the projects are completed, those funds would be used to reduce the amount collected from residents to pay annual debt amount.


 
 

Pencilstorm would like to thank Paul and Andy for taking the time to answer our questions. For more information about the construction visit: www.uaschools.org/facilities.

Local UA Politics coverage provided by Wal Ozello. You can email him at Pencilstormstory@gmail.com or try to catch him at Colin's Coffee.