Slippery When Awesome: Jeff Hassler Reviews the Bon Jovi Show

I know the other Pencilstorm guys were bummed out that I decided to blow off the Hives show in Cleveland to stay home and see Bon Jovi, but it was a no-brainer. Why drive two hours in a van to some small venue when I can catch one of America's most popular rock acts only 15 minutes from home in a first-class facility like Nationwide Arena? And did I mention Jon Bon Jovi is one of music's all time greatest artists/frontman? He is like a combination of Bruce Springsteen, David Lee Roth and Leonard Cohen with Jack Welch's business sense thrown in. He is the TOTAL package. Like I said, a no-brainer as far as i am concerned, but the guys kept dogging me about missing the Hives. 

One of the reasons I am a successful blogger is that I am willing to be honest. Some say even to a fault. So here goes: Even though we are all good friends, I think the reason Colin (and most of the other guys at Pencilstorm) make fun of Bon Jovi is jealousy. Seriously. For example, what has Watershed ever accomplished? Some spotty airplay on a radio station nobody listens to and a book with the title Hitless Wonder. Bet you can guess the ending of that one. Meanwhile, Bon Jovi has sold millions and millions of records, and somehow they suck? It doesn't take much fancy math to figure those numbers don't add up. I mean, I like some Watershed songs, too, but.... Just sayin'.

​Anyway, I wished the guys well on the ride to Cleveland. Meanwhile, I was stoked to get my rock on here in CBUS.

One of the many things I love about Bon Jovi is the band's professionalism. Jon BonJovi considers himself a CEO, and at exactly 9:15 the lights dimmed and the show was off to a roaring, punctual start. ​Opening with the classic "You Give Love a Bad Name," Jon was working the crowd like a master, with Tico Torres holding down a solid beat behind him. Richie Sambora, who never gets his due, was shredding as usual,  showing why he is part of one of the greatest duos in rock history. I love the Stones, but Jaggar/Richards have nothing on Bon Jovi/Sambora. At the very least, we can call it a draw. Just sayin'.

This is my third Bon Jovi show and unlike other hard rock bands (AC/DC) I have noticed  that they always have clear sound and never play so loud that you cannot carry on a conversation with the person next to you. In fact, most the people in our section were chatting throughout the show, which gives the whole event more of a community feeling, if you ask me. I only went to one Dead show (I was in college; don't remember much; long story!) but I imagine it was the same kind of vibe.

Anyway, in the interest of full disclosure, I was extra happy for the reasonable volume, as I had brought a special friend to the show with me. Actually, this was my first "date" since my divorce from Kim last year. It was nice to be able to give someone the expert perspective without having to scream in her ear.​ 

Earlier in the week, I happened to mention on Match.com that I would be reviewing the Bon Jovi show and she responded saying she would love to ride shotgun. When we arrived at the venue, ​I got the feeling that she was sorta disappointed in our seats. There was also some confusion about whether or not I had mentioned a backstage press pass online. I'm pretty sure I didn't post anything about that. But as a writer, I write lots of things and can't always remember. 

Still, my date seemed to be having a good time, and after a couple big Yuengling Lights I was really getting into the flow of the show. ​After a bunch more rockers — most not from Slippery When Wet, but they did play "Runaway" — they settled into a sexy groove for the classic ballad "I'll Be There For You."  Now maybe it was the beer talking, or the fact that this was the song that Kim and I did our first dance to at our wedding, but I was suddenly feeling nostalgic. What was Kim doing now? Do you think she ever thinks of me when she hears Bon Jovi? THAT is the power of Bon Jovi.

​Then a terrifying thought hit me: What if she is here, right now? With her new boyfriend, Russ? At this point I decided it was probably best to go. Besides, it was getting late and with the show being on a Sunday night, I had to get up for work in the morning anyway. Especially since i just got my old job back and didn't want to screw up again. I told my date and she asked if I would mind If she stayed.  She really wanted to hear "Livin' on a Prayer." I couldn't blame her, it is a classic. One of the guys a couple seats down said he would be happy to give her a lift home if I bought them each a couple more beers. ($18.50 — ouch!). Still, she said it was OK for me to go and she understood about my divorce from Kim and everything and that she would be all right. So I headed home, after a quick stop at Jimmy John's, of course.

Still, at the end of the day, it was a pretty good night. My first date since my divorce from Kim, my first review for Pencilstorm and a kick ass Bon Jovi concert to bring it all together. Thanks for reading this far. — Jeff

Jeff Hassler is recently divorced and writes for Pencilstorm. He can be reached at jeffwonthassleru@gmail.com

Click here for the entire setlist from the show

Ok, Jeff here again. I couldn't sleep for some reason. Decided to post this video in case anybody cared.

Music video by Bon Jovi performing I'll Be There For You. (C) 1988 The Island Def Jam Music Group

A Review of The Hives show, in Chinese. Suck it, Grantland.

Pencilstorm could be as popular as Grantland if we wanted to. Easy. Truth be told, our writers choose NOT to write for Grantland because they weren't interested in winning some high-stakes, corporate popularity contest. No, sir, here at Pencilstorm we refuse to sell out to the man. That is why we all maintain side jobs and refuse advertising dollars of any kind (at this point). Simply put, we will not compromise our art just to make some easy money. 

Knowing this, you would think the suits at Grantland would be happy with their success and just leave us alone? Instead, they flaunt their popularity by updating their site constantly. OK, guys, we get it, you are "professional writers". Are you so insecure that you take pleasure in running up the score and rubbing it in our face? Classless, but what else would you expect from a company owned by Disney?

To this point we at Pencilstorm have managed to stay professional and not get dragged down into the mudpit for a nasty public ​feud. Still, there comes a time when one must defend oneself. Consider this a shot across the bow, Grantland. Better back off or there is plenty more where this came from (talking to you, Klosterman). Who is so smart now?

A Review of The Hives, Cleveland, OH Sunday March 10th.......In Chinese.​

你好，Malcom，我老对手。

你真的等待着用中文写的Hives评语吗？ 哦，多么的自豪，你必须与你的最畅销的书籍和 the high company你保持 in Grantland。Malcom，你可以看到，

我也没有停止写。而且我不只是用英语写，我也开始用中文写。

Malcom, 我现在有您的关注吗？你现在 “Blinking”？是的，我的老朋友，

我现在也回到网上写博客，我觉得我们的竞争走向一个新的“

引爆点”，这一次，我终于找到满意的成果。The Hives......他们他妈的粉碎。他们毕竟是
​
​The Hives review by Pencil Storm contributor Chris Stellato, President of Columbus School of Chinese. Look for him in the scene from Cleveland below. He is wearing the green shirt.

Like This? You Should Subscribe Here Now: http://bit.ly/VErZkw The Hives anticipated new album Lex Hives is out on June 5, 2012. In celebration, the band is taking over Noisey. Every day this week, Noisey will post exclusive video footage from The Hives performance at Webster Hall Studio on April 26.

Hives live in Cleveland, Ohio March 10,2013. Sorry not the best quality video since recorded on iphone.

Queen at Live Aid Changed the World More Than Hitler or the Internet

​Welcome to another Colin personal power hour. It's Saturday, it's late, and I have found my go-to clip for the week. Earlier tonight, Owen and I were fishing around YouTube when we found some recent clips of Queen playing with Adam Lambert and I thought: "That has to be better than Queen with Paul Rodgers singing, doesn't it?"

Well, ​it just flat-out sucked. Nobody can replace Freddie Mercury. For proof, behold the clips below and prepare to stop your jaw from dropping. The first is a BBC story about the show and gives us our headline for this article. The second is the entire 22-minute set from Queen at Live Aid. It is often referred to as the greatest live rock performance ever. I'm not quite ready to go there, but it is pretty damn awesome. Certainly, one could make the case that Freddie Mercury posted highest WAR (wins above replacement) of outside of Elvis Presley. Note the big plastic cups of beer sitting on Freddie's piano. And now, her majesty....Queen. Enjoy.

A documentary clip on the background of Queen's legendary performance at Live Aid on July 13th 1985.

Queen Live Aid at Wembley, 13th July, 1985 Songs in this video are - Bohemian Rhapsody Radio Ga-Ga Hammer to Fall Crazy Little Thing Called Love We Will Rock You We Are the Champions Is This the World We Created

The Bathtub (Suicide, Ricki C. and The Rolling Stones)

The Bathtub

I was 13 years old in October 1965. Eighth grade just was not working out. I had been a shy, book-reading child, now hormones were kicking in. I loved rock & roll but I just knew I was NEVER going to know how to talk to girls. (This was years before I got a hold of a guitar.) One really bad Saturday night I decided to kill myself. I had it all worked out. I had seen a movie just that week about a guy getting electrocuted when a radio fell into the bathtub he was in. (I was a very impressionable child.)

After everybody had left for the evening (my mom and dad were working their second jobs, my sister was on a date, my brother was at the bar) I went around the house and found a radio with a cord long enough to reach the bathtub. I ran the bath, plugged in the radio, settled into the warm water, said a little prayer for forgiveness, and let the radio drop. What I hadn't factored in was that although the cord was long enough to reach the tub, I hadn't filled it full enough. Right when the radio hit the water the plug pulled out. I got a nasty shock, I was seeing big purple and black blobs in my field of vision, but it didn't kill me.

I lifted the radio out and laid there in the water a few minutes to let my head clear. I got out and ran some more water in the tub until I was certain I had the right water level for the job at hand. I plugged the radio back in and what was playing? "Get Off My Cloud" by The Rolling Stones. I stood there naked, dripping and chilly, eighth-grade skinny, and listened to the whole song. Right at that moment I quite literally loved that song more than I loved life itself. And then a thought came very clearly into my head – "What if the next Rolling Stones single is even BETTER than this one, and I never get to hear it?"

I set the radio down on the sink, got back in the tub, took a bath and went to bed. If "Danke Shoen" by Wayne Newton or "Roses Are Red" by Bobby Vinton had been playing at the moment I plugged that radio back in I'd be dead now. Long live the Rolling Stones. So began a life of rock & roll.​

© 2012 Ricki C.

for more of what happened in Ricki C's rock & roll existence after this incident, visit www.rickic614.blogspot.com ​​​

My Chance Meeting with Bruce (Or, Bruce's Chance Meeting With Me)

Note from Colin: This the final and likely most interesting chapter of a three-part Bruce essay I wrote a little while back when Colin Gawel and The Lonely Bones were the only band asked to perform at the opening of the Bruce Springsteen exhibit at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Needless to say it was a huge honor. I knocked out this story to contribute to the program. Hope you enjoy.  Part One. Part Two.

Yes, I met Bruce Springsteen once, but it wasn’t how I imagined it. In fact, it was totally unexpected. The two of us had a nice conversation in his dressing room one winter night in Youngstown, Ohio.

I was there because my band, Watershed, was in the process of being dropped from Epic/Sony Music Entertainment. Something about how we didn’t sell enough product and/or our records weren’t very good anyway. Go figure. In an effort to cheer me up, Columbia/Sony reps Andy Flick and Dave Watson invited me up from Columbus to catch one of the early Ghost of Tom Joad performances. I don’t remember the name of the small theater he played, but I can recall vividly that it was snowing so hard, Andy and I barely made the gig in time.

The theater was coal-fired warm and our seats were 20th row or something. Bruce killed. Hearing the song "Youngstown" performed in Youngstown was eerie. Initially, the crowd went wild hearing their hometown’s name mentioned, but by the end of the song they were quiet.

After the gig, knowing I was a huge fan, Andy asked if I wanted to go backstage with the press. “Uh, ok, sure. Is that cool? Yeah,” I sorta mumbled. Five minutes later I am whisked down a narrow hallway and find myself standing in a small dressing room with Bruce and five or six members of the Northeast Ohio press corps. (I remember the famous music critic from the Cleveland Plain Dealer was there. Bruce greeted her warmly. Her name?  (editor's note: It was likely Jane Scott, who covered music at the PD from 1964 to 2002. She died in 2011.)

No one seemed to know how to get the thing started so I offered up: “It must be very strange to spend your entire career learning how to wind up a crowd, and now devote most of your energy to winding them down." Understand, this was his first solo tour and people just couldn’t stop screaming during quiet moments.

Bruce looked at me and said: “Wind 'em down…. Yeah that’s good, that’s right.”

We continued chatting about the show and reporters busily jotted down notes and held tape recorders out in our faces as talked. Noticing I was doing neither, Bruce asked: “Who are you exactly, anyway?” I explained about my band getting dropped, guys at the label feeling sorry and hooking me up, etc.

Someone came in and said it was time for the press to go. Bruce asked if I wanted to stick around and have a couple of beers with him. “If the label’s buying, I’m staying,” I said.

Everyone left and we sipped our beers and chatted about this and that. I recall bits and pieces of the conversation, but what I remember most is that it was comfortable and very two-way. It felt like old friends catching up.

OK, let’s address the obvious question: “Weren’t you nervous?” Strangely enough, I wasn’t nervous at all. But it’s not like I’m above getting a little jittery around people I admire -Steven Tyler, Terry Anderson, and Cincinnati Reds broadcaster Marty Brennaman jump to mind.

Eventually, it was time for both of us to go. I grabbed a beer for the road and Bruce said, “Might as well grab two - get 'em while you can.” or something to that effect.

Looking back, I think our connection that night in Youngstown was real because we had something in common that trumped any of our differences in status or accomplishment.

We were just two musicians sitting in a dingy dressing room in Youngstown, Ohio, who had absolutely no idea what the future would bring either of us. One would lose his record deal and return his old job making sandwiches at Subway. The other would continue touring alone, singing songs about Mexican immigrants working in meth labs.

Both were terrified and thrilled at what the future might hold and both knew it was going to be a tough fight. Rock 'n' roll is always a tough fight.

Colin Gawel is a founding member of Pencilstorm. He writes songs and performs with Watershed and his solo band The Lonely Bones. You can read all about it in the acclaimed book Hitless Wonder. He owns a small coffee shop and lives in Columbus Ohio with his wife and 9-year-old son whose favorite band is Aerosmith. More Springsteen stories can be found at www.colingawel.com 

Colin's Personal Power Hour: Chuck Berry

"What is a personal power hour?" you ask?.I think the following faux conversation sums it up nicely:

"Jesus, you look like shit and smell like booze. Did you go out last night? "​

"Nah, just had a personal power hour."​

"Gotcha."​​

See, between playing/writing music, being a family man and opening up the coffee shop at 5:30 am six mornings a week, my social life ain't what it used to be. And to be honest, it wasn't much then either. These days ​my "weekend" usually starts around 10 p.m. on Saturday night and runs for about two hours. The family is in bed, and secure in the knowledge I can sleep past sunrise, I start working on an eight-pack of Bud cans and lose myself in the rock-nerd porn that is YouTube. When I hit gold, I will post here.

Look for my personal power hour to go up around 2 a.m. and be taken down in embarrassment sometime the next day.​

Tonight for your pleasure, Chuck Berry

(1972) the best rock and roll song by chuck berry, the inventor of rock and roll