There's No Retiring In Rock N Roll

by Pencilstorm Contributor: Wal Ozello

Recently it was reported the god-like percussionist and drummer Neil Peart of Rush  was retiring from playing music.

You don't "retire" from rock n roll. 

You quit the band... go on hiatus... take an indefinite break from recording... stop touring... stop to focus on personal things... you fade away... but you don't retire.

"Retiring" is for us deadbeats... for someone who's a working man. Who's up at seven and is working all the time. Somebody punching the clock, counting the days until he doesn't have to work this soul sucking job any longer. Retiring is not for rock stars.

Rock N Roll is a religion and rock stars are our idols. We worship you. You're in it for life. Just like a priest never stops being a priest, you never stop being a rock star.

Sure... I get that Neil's been running a two hour marathon every night for the past 40 plus years of his life.  But do you really think he's going to never pick up a pair of sticks again? Do you really think the only time he's going to play the drum break in Tom Sawyer is when it comes on his car radio and bang it out on his dashboard?

Listen... I get it. Neil's 63 and I'm sure he's getting tired of all of this. But we aren't. No one can do the stuff he does, write the music he comes up with, and play the drums the way he you can. Trust me... I played in a band with a virtuoso drummer. We covered dozens of Rush songs and while my drummer got to near perfection on just about every beat... it wasn't as dead on balls accurate as Neil.

Neil can't retire. He won't be able to. It's in his blood to create awesome music in a way no other can. Without him the world is a different place. 

Take your break, Neil. Six... Nine... twelve months or so. But get your ass back in the limelight, soon. You've been given a gift beyond price. Use the talents that were given to you and none of us.  You were born to rock and we want to listen.

In the meantime... here's a live version of my favorite Rush tune.  (Kind of ironic that a vocalist likes their instrumental song, huh?)

Wal Ozello is a science fiction techno-thriller novelist and the author of Assignment 1989 ,  Revolution 1990, and Sacrifice 2086. He's the lead singer of the former Columbus rock band Armada and a frequent customer at Colin's Coffee.

Colin's Longest Interview Ever: "Watershed Moments: In The Record Store Podcast"

Sure, if you wanted to learn more than you ever needed to know about Colin and Watershed you could read the book Hitless Wonder. But that's soooo 2013. Reading, schmeading....fire up those earbuds, hit the treadmill and/or crack a can of 4-String and enjoy a full 82 minute interview with Colin on the fabulous podcast In The Record Store. Colin talks about his new "Best Of" record, Watershed, the Insane Clown Posse, Jim Tressel and much more. Dig it. Also make sure to pick up the latest 614 Mag, listen to Colin on CD1025 this Saturday at midnight for the Andymanathon, and see ya at Woodland's Dec 23rd at 8pm for the release show. And on WCBE 90.5 Dec 23rd at 2pm. Whew.

Click here for episode #22 of In the Record Store Featuring Colin Gawel of Watershed

 

The Dead Schembechlers Are Back with "Harbaugh to Hell." Check it Out. Happy Hate Week!

It's time to forget about foolish things like National Titles and get back to what the season is all about. 

The legendary DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS, who this year celebrate their 25th anniversary of skewering MICHIGAN WOLVERINE football in favor of their beloved OHIO STATE BUCKEYES, will release their latest opus, "HARBAUGH TO HELL" on Halloween 2015. The cut can be purchased via iTUNES from the their own FLAMING WOLVERINE DEATH RECORDS.


Rock Nation Declares War on ISIS - by Colin G.

In a stirring 25 minute address to the House of Lords, and members of other bands that don't suck, President Dave Grohl formally announced what many in the media had been speculating for days, "We are a tolerant culture. Our tent is big and we welcome people from all religions no matter how crazy. You can worship Jesus Christ, the Prophet MuhammadKing Diamond or all three for that matter.  All we ask, is that when you are in our church, the church of rock n roll, you get your balls to the wall. And maybe purchase a t-shirt or a CD to support the band. At least buy them a beer. But after the recent events in Paris, we have no choice but to look back in anger, and announce that Rock n Roll is formally declaring war in ISIS. Or ISIL. Or Daesh. Or whatever they are called.. "

At that moment, Vice President Lemmy Kilmister suddenly woke up and screamed, "When you shoot up a rock show, you crossed a line. Now it's personal, motherf*%kers." And with that he began firing glass whisky pints into the ceiling fans.

The Reverend Little Richard grabbed the microphone and appealed for calm in the moment. Nevertheless, he supports President Grohl's declaration of war. "No matter what faith you follow, every doctrine knows it's a sin to kill a merch man, baby. Blessed are those who move the gear and sell the swag.  I mean, even the Nazis wouldn't shoot a roadie. You may need him to fix a tank or sell shirts one day.  These heathens need to be stopped. It's time to rip it up!"

President Grohl also stated that the rock nation would waste no time going on the offensive, especially in light of  breaking news that members of ISIS or ISIL or Daesh or Yeesh have begun burning drum sets and saxophones to eliminate rock music from their territory completely.

Senator Neil Peart from the Liberal Wilco party seemed dumbfounded at these allegations, "I can't believe what you're saying, these things they can't be true. Our world could use this beauty, just think what they might do."

House Rep. Ted Nugent of the Ultra-Conservative Altamont party quickly responded: "Professor, they are true." Click here for the story  He continued, "While I am glad President Grohl has finally had the balls to step on his Big Muff and make this declaration, it is way overdue. I have been telling you for years that what is the point of having all these semi-automatic weapons here at home if we are only going to use them to shoot up American movie theaters and American classrooms. We need to take the 2nd amendment Double Live Gonzo for some payback."

Insiders have stated on background that not only is the Rock N Roll Nation planning  to defeat ISIS, but they are looking to stage a huge outdoor metal festival somewhere near Raqqa in the Northern Territories. Secretary of Defense Lars Ulrich added "This is a war for the hearts and minds of these teenagers.You think these ISIS kids are radical now?  And all they have had to motivate them are some old guys reading them WORDS while drinking TEA? Just wait until they HEAR "Number of the Beast" performed live by Iron Maiden at 125 decibels while SMOKING that sweet Afgani hashish. You are going to see some teenagers turn radical for real, and not gentle like before. This time they won't be shooting up the streets of Paris, they will be fighting against their parents, teachers and preachers. They will shout at the devil. They won't be denied their inalienable right to shout it out loud. They will fight for their right to party. They will fight the power. They will not run to the hills. The region will be transformed throughout the power of rock."

Promoters at Clear Channel couldn't be reached for comment but did indicate the festival would be the biggest and loudest metal show ever staged in hostile desert territory and that the Eagles of Death Metal would get a headlining spot.  An insider added, "Well, maybe not headlining, but right before Metallica. Well, maybe not because they aren't really metal but they will get a good slot. At least 40 minutes. And a quick soundcheck. Definitely higher on the bill than those assholes in Megadeath."

General Jack White of the Seven Nation Army expeditionary force has been mum on the military side of the operation but it is widely believed that Colonel Glenn Danzig will be leading the Vinnie Vincent Invasion from the West, while Operation Screaming For Vengeance will move from the North trying to catch the ISIS fighters in a classic pincer movement. It is assumed that the elite "Rock n Roll Professionals" unit led by Sargent Scott Lucas are already on the ground making targeted strikes as if ISIS stole a sticker from the Local H merch table. (shudder) Furthermore, Captain Rudolf Schenker of the Rockwaffe has confirmed that once ISIS or ISIL or Deish or Yeesh or Geesh is defeated, stage, amplifiers and merch would be airlifted in from Berlin to set up for the show tentatively called, "ISIS, What a Bunch of Assholes. Let's Melt Their Faces Together." 

 

Obviously, this is all in good fun and we here at Pencilstorm send out prayers and thoughts to the Eagles Of Death Metal and all those injured by evil actors the world over, whether it be Paris, Baghdad, Beirut or Syria itself. Let's hope this madness ends sooner than later. 

Colin G. is in the band Watershed and started Pencilstorm because he got bored at his coffee shop. Superior - The Best of Colin Gawel out December 2015. Click here to pre-order.