Waiting to Derail: Ryan Adams and Whiskeytown, Alt-Country's Brilliant Wreck / Book Review & Interviews with Authors Thomas O’Keefe & Joe Oestreich - by Jeremy Porter

(co-author Joe Oestreich will appear at a reading & discussion event for Waiting To Derail: Ryan Adams and Whiskeytown at Gramercy Books, 2424 E. Main Street, Bexley, OH, this Friday, July 13th at 7 pm) 

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They don’t make rock stars like they used to. There’s a scene near the end of “Waiting to Derail” where the author, Whiskeytown’s former tour manager Thomas O’Keefe, then managing the adult-rock mainstays Train, walks into the hotel lobby two minutes late and gets a visual scold-down for his tardiness. What happened to the Stones going on when they felt like it? Or W. Axl Rose taking the stage well after midnight? Or Shane MacGowan showing up blind drunk or not bothering to show up at all? Even Billie Joe Armstrong stopped having tantrums a couple years ago after a highly-publicized meltdown at a festival.   

Maybe that was the bait that made me want to get my hands on this book as soon as I could. Of course I’ve heard the stories too: the meltdowns, tantrums, intense (and annoying) self-awareness, but man, I also love those songs. Whiskeytown sure had the country thing down, but they could also rock like anyone, and it was the definition of Alt-Country when Alt-Country was exciting, before the tag became another overused, over-hyped, over-practiced genre-label, joining the ranks of Hair Metal, Pop-Punk, Grunge, Shoegaze, and a hundred others. Before it was applied to too many bands putting forth a watered-down version of a few pioneers, lacking the originality to come up with their own thing.  

I first heard Whiskeytown right around the time O’Keefe started managing them. They’d signed on with a company called Jacknife for promotion and management, and my friend Jenni Sperandeo (Jacknife founder and a key player in the book) gave me an advance copy of “Strangers Almanac” on cassette with stern instructions to listen to it. She assured me I would love them. At first, I didn’t. I thought they were a passable rip-off of Uncle Tupelo (another band Jenni turned me onto, after they’d broken up), so why would I listen to that when the UT catalog was still fresh to my ears? A few years later I told Jenni she was right about them. I didn’t see it at first, but before long I came to realize that they were incredible, and on their own plane altogether. Sadly, the band was over by then, and the wreckage is laid out before us on the pages of this book. 

The story carries itself along the timeline of a young band thrust into the rockstar life of traveling the country in a big tour bus, but that’s where it differs from other indie-rock bios. There’s no playing to three people and the bartender, no sleeping on the floor of the local support band next to a dirty kitty litter box, no sex with the cute, drunk co-ed fan on the big university campus, no cheap-ass-speed-cut cocaine making everyone agitated. None of that “Remember when we did that crazy thing I would never do now?” stuff that most bands also refer to as “paying your dues.” If Whiskeytown went through that phase, it was before O’Keefe signed on, or he purposely left it out, and the almost immediate jump from no one to someone might help to explain why Adams was unable (or unwilling) to adapt gracefully. Throw in the expectations around the record & the tour, and the age of the kid whose shoulders they were stacked on, and it’s almost surprising they were able to keep it together as well as they did.

Still, It’s not a pretty portrait, and though there are plenty of moments you empathize with him, they’re not quite frequent enough to make you like him more than you did before you picked up the book. He comes off as the kind of polarizing rock star that seems absent from today’s musical landscape. He’s part genius, amazing artist, musical sorcerer, and part spoiled brat, annoying drunk, and selfish, entitled jerk who “needs to get his teeth kicked in” (as Paul Westerberg once said, and later played down). It's downright complicated, and O’Keefe spends a lot of the book, and apparently spent a lot of the time he was with the band, trying to reconcile one side with the other, trying to convince himself that it was all worth it.

The story follows the band from the weeks before “Stranger’s Almanac” came out, the record that was supposed to change everything (it didn’t), until the band played their final show in 2000. It’s chock-full of great stories about being on tour - the mundane and the crazy - delivered in an intelligent, introspective narrative that rises above the majority of this genre of literature, that is too-often written in a much more adolescent voice. Co-author Joe Oestreich certainly has something to do with that, having penned a great book with a similar cadence about his own band Watershed’s adventures called “Hitless Wonder: A Life in Minor League Rock and Roll” in 2012. 

Maybe it’s because I’ve done my share of time in a van, dealing with bandmates and situations I didn’t always find enjoyable, but I could relate to the yin and the yang of the story - the good times & the bad, exciting & boring, drunk & sober, brilliant & terrible, agreeable & defiant. That’s the theme that keeps coming back. Is he a genius or an asshole? Are the sporadic fun times and great shows worth the frequent agitation and disastrous shows? In my experience, that ebb and flow is always present on the road, and always a challenge, but I can only imagine the vast difference between the manic Ryan Adams on his best nights and his worst.

I’m sure that O’Keefe doesn’t regret those years, but I bet he was glad when they were over. Certainly a lesser man would have bailed well before he was forced out. The events were well-chosen and balanced to show the line between the two sides of a young man trying to sort it all out in a head that was often clouded with alcohol and so constantly full of incredible songs that it had little room for anything else, including the impact his actions had on the people around him and those who believed and invested in him. It’s a well-told, detailed, engaging story that reminds us that rock and roll can be the greatest party on the planet some nights, but it can be a downright drag on others. It’s not always pretty, it doesn’t always run on a clock, and there’s always some sort of carnage left in its wake.  

 

INTERVIEW with author Thomas O’Keefe

JP: You seem like a pretty busy guy, and it seems like a lot of work went into this book. Why did you decide to write it, and did it turn into something more than what you bargained for?

TOK: I had always known I was going to do it, even back then I knew. I met Joe 20 years ago, and we’d discussed writing it for many years, then “Hitless Wonder” came out… Ryan is more popular now than ever before, but the timing is pure coincidence based mostly on my availability and Joe’s availability, our schedules clearing up. We spent about three years from the time we started; acquiring the book deal, working on the book, to the book coming out.  

It wasn’t really [more than I’d bargained for]. Joe had written several books and helped me through the process - what it takes to make a book great. It was an extremely big learning process. I learned that in order for a book to be really great, the right person has to write it. In this case, I’m just the right person. I saw Whiskeytown more than anyone else. I lived it, saw it, remembered it. I don’t mean for it to sound arrogant, but no other person on Earth could have written this book.

JP: When I first heard about the book, several months before it came out, I’ll confess that I was a bit skeptical, expecting something a bit more tabloid or tell-all in nature. Maybe it’s the level of celebrity that Ryan Adams has now or whatever…  Reading the book, I don’t think it really comes off like that, but were you cognizant of that angle, and did you intentionally take it a in direction to avoid (or embellish) some of that stuff?

TOK: To me it’s more the story of this ridiculous young genius, with the good and bad aspects of him, and those of us who first realized he was that guy, and we were the ones who were trying to get him to do the right thing.

Imagine if you were the person who saw Bob Dylan’s first five years - would you want to write a book about it or just let it float away and be lost in the wind, you know? Early on in the book there a part where I realize that he’s this amazing, once in a generation songwriting kid who could just churn out songs almost like it was a burden, one after another after another. I thought, this is like being with Bruce Springsteen when he was 23 years old, or Bob Dylan, or Tom Petty or whoever, and I believe that Ryan Adams is as good as those guys I just rattled off.

We went out of our way to not make it a “Ryan is an asshole” book, but to show how he was tough to deal with, but also that he was insanely, insanely talented. It’s not some kind of “hit piece” aimed to get him or anything. I certainly don’t have any axe to grind, or whatever. You know, he did that stuff, and most of it is public knowledge - the Fillmore show and the bus in Seattle. I feel like it conveys what we wanted it to convey. There was never any intention to make the book negative or tabloid.  

JP: I’m in Michigan, and that Lansing show was legendary in these parts. I have friends who were there. One friend told me the first words out of Ryan’s mouth on stage were “I hate playing places like this.”  You covered it fairly extensively in the book, but I’m curious if there are any juicy tidbits you left out in editing that didn’t make the cut?

TOK: Yeah, something to the effect of “You guys are the sports-bar assholes who used to beat me and my skateboard friends up when I was a kid.”

You know, I think it was all in there, at least as far as we remembered it. The amazing part of that story, I thought, was the guys who were throwing tomatoes at us. I mean - who goes to a rock show to see a band and coincidentally has two grocery bags full of tomatoes? That’s the part I don’t understand.  

The thing about Ryan that you have to understand, like the sports bar in Lansing or the ski resort in Aspen. Most of his lashing out and destroying those shows, the reason for it was rooted in his punk-rock ethic that this band shouldn’t be playing these kind of places. He wasn’t mad at the people of Lansing or Aspen, he was mad because “Why is our band playing a sports bar?”  That was not where they belonged.

The punk rock guy in me loved watching him smash everything, but then the tour manager guy in me had to go clean up the fucking mess afterwards, which I hated, and which was usually difficult, but his reasoning just came from what he thought that band should be and where he thought they should be performing. His reasoning was not out of line, he just wanted to make sure that they stayed credible.

JP: I was glad when you wrote that you later heard that Mac’s was actually a cool place, run by people who love music, because it is, and whatever it lacks in a healthy PA system and rock & roll ambiance, it makes up for in character and spirit when the music starts. Having played (and am still playing) a circuit where these kinds of bars are fairly common - sports/dive bars doubling as rock clubs that aren’t as equipped as full-out music bars - I was kind of surprised that it seemed like so much of an anomaly to the band. Was it that out of the ordinary? Or was it more just the mood of the night and a reason to stir up some shit? 

TOK: Keep in mind that their touring experience at that moment was fairly limited. They’d played everywhere in Raleigh and done some tour dates with the previous record leading up to this, but yeah, the moment he walked in he just wanted to know “Why are we here?”  

JP: It sounds like you talked to just about everyone except Ryan. Can you talk just a little about how you went about tracking down some of the key players in the story?  Anything crazy or out of the ordinary stick out?

TOK: Well, not really. I mean, yeah I talked to all of them, and a few of them I had to track down, but I’m still friends with most of them. 75%, 50% of them are in my cell phone, so I just had to get on the phone with them and do it, or I was Facebook friends with them or something to that effect. I saw Phil when I was on tour in Seattle last year, and I was on tour in Austin so I visited Jenni Sperandeo, so for the most part it wasn’t that hard.

JP: Even though you were there, with a front-row seat, I bet you learned a lot about those events and got a different perspective in the process.  Care to talk just a little about how your feelings, memories, or that perspective changed from the time you started the book and the time you were finished?

TOK: I did an interview the other day and the guy asked me “What was the most surprising part of talking to everyone else?” I thought about it for a second and I told him the most surprising part was how little everyone remembered. I spoke to every single band member, the crew members, the bus drivers, the managers - I spoke to everybody - and the combination of all of those discussions added about three to four percent to the book.  So the reality is that had I not spoken to anyone, the book would have been 97% the same.

JP: There’s a scene in the book where you take GG Allin to a corporate Christmas party for a company you were working for. It’s an interesting segment, but I couldn’t stop wondering what led up to that - I mean, I understand the history around it and stuff - but more the decision to actually take him to that party.

TOK: Well, that was a decision made by two guys - myself and Jeff Clayton from my old band [Antiseen]. We were two 26 year old idiots. It’s astounding to me me today that we did that.

JP: Yeah, I probably wouldn’t have done that.

TOK: Yeah, me neither, today. 54 year old Thomas wouldn’t have done that, but 26 year old Thomas didn’t give a fuck. We probably should have been fired. We were expecting to get called into HR and get a taking to or something, but no one said a word to us. I’m still shocked today that we did that. I’m sure Jeff would say the same thing.

JP: I’ve heard notions that Ryan is not thrilled with the book. Have you heard from him since it came out? Any reaction from him at all?

TOK: No, he declined to talked to me, which I expected him to do, because Ryan only cares about what’s moving forward. If you review his history, he’s always shit-talking his band by the end of the tour. “My next band is going to be way better, my next album is going to be way better.”  He never looks back, he only looks forward.

I think it’s a fair, accurate depiction of those days, and it’s great that somebody documented that. He should be happy as far as I’m concerned, but I’m sure that he will at least publicly say that he doesn’t like it.

JP: He certainly is aware that it’s going on…

TOK: Oh, he’s very aware of it. I did an in-store at a record store in Houston a couple weeks ago and they posted a picture to Twitter and copied him on it, and he blocked the record store 10 minutes later, so I am 100% sure that he’s aware of it, but I don’t know if he’s read it or whatever.

There was a book that came out about Whiskeytown about 10 years ago, written by a sort-of super-fan, local writer out of Raleigh, and he made the mistake of calling Ryan first. Then Ryan called all of us “Don’t talk to him, don’t talk to him!” and I told Ryan that I wasn’t going to talk to him because I’m saving all this shit for my book! Ryan said “I’m not afraid of your book, that’s cool.”  And I said “You shouldn’t be afraid of it!” And he still shouldn’t be afraid of it. It’s the story of a young genius and those of us who tried to help him keep his shit together so that he would become the guy he became.

JP: Any reactions from any of his fans?  

TO: Of course the main people who have read this book so far and I’ve gotten feedback from are the super fans - they bought it the day it came out because they couldn’t wait - and I’ve gotten 100% positive feedback from them, not one negative. I think they all know that he’s difficult, know what I mean?  

JP: Can you talk a little about what role Joe Oestreich played in the writing of the book? How did that dynamic work?

TO: Absolutely. You know, Joe is kinda like a brother from another mother kinda thing. If I had grown up in Columbus I probably would have played in his band. He and I read from the same book, so to speak, if that makes sense. Joe was my only consideration for doing this. His book “Hitless Wonder” was outstanding and really great and I loved the way it flowed. There’s no way on Earth I could have done this book without him. We worked great together. He’s a college professor so he’s a great listener. We powered through it and I couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone else.

JP: So you’re out on the road with Weezer now, right? That’s a good gig! What’s next for you - do you have the author bug and another book in you?

TO: That’s a great question. I don’t know. I have no plans of writing another rock book. Like I said earlier, I was the right person to write this book, but I have no interest in writing about any of the other bands that I’ve worked with. I think my next book is going to be about squirrels and hippies. I have a concept in mind about it, and I’ll leave it at that.  

 

INTERVIEW with author Joe Oestreich

JP: Hey, Joe! Been a couple years, eh? My first question is maybe a bit obvious... This is clearly Thomas' story, he's the one that lived it, but I couldn't help to feel that it read a lot like "Hitless Wonder" - not so much in story, but in voice. What was your role, and/or what was the dynamic in the writing process?  

JO: This is definitely Thomas' story, and he’s probably the best storyteller I know. He has a great memory, and his stories are packed with quirky, real-life detail. The kind of stuff that only a first-rate storyteller notices. Plus, he’s been telling these stories for twenty years, so he’s got them dialed-in. My role was just to help bring the tales to life on the page. I saw myself as something like a record producer. A record producer’s job is to help turn the artist’s vision into an actual album, right? My job was to help turn Thomas’ vision into an actual book.

Now, regarding similarities to my first book - "Hitless Wonder" - again, go back to the record producer comparison. You and I have both worked with producer Tim Patalan at The Loft in Saline, Michigan. Even though our songs are different and our playing styles are different, everything that comes out of The Loft has a distinct sound: because of the room, the console, because it’s been filtered through Patalan’s sensibility. So I guess it makes sense that everything that I work on would reflect some of my sensibility.

JP: I interviewed Thomas too, and told him that it had to be a lot of work to write this, especially with all the players involved, and it seems like he talked to them all but one. Were you involved in that part at all? What were some of the challenges you had in writing the book?   

JO: The “one” you mention is Ryan himself. We reached out to him several times, but he made it clear that he wasn’t interested. Obviously we wish that we could have gotten his side of the stories, and maybe someday he will write his own book. I hope he does. I’m sure it will be great. But our book was never meant to be Ryan’s story of Whiskeytown. It was always meant to be Thomas’ story of Whiskeytown.

Thomas did talk to every person that played in the band, and as you know, that’s a lot of people. We’re talking Spinal Tap drummer quantities. Plus he spoke with all the crew guys, soundmen, and bus drivers. We also did a ton of research into how magazines and newspapers covered the band at the time. Believe me, we had a ton of material. And that was the biggest challenge: whittling down the material so that it didn’t become redundant. Like, how many stories of Ryan being a screw-up do you have to depict so that the reader can appreciate the depths of Ryan’s screw-up-ness? We tried to keep the narrative tight and fast, and that meant leaving out some good stuff.  

JP: You mention in the end credits that you met Thomas at a Watershed show in Raleigh and Ryan was there, at least briefly.  Did you have any other encounters with the band back when both Whiskeytown and Watershed were active? Were you a fan? Any of the other key players?  

JO: I was a fan and I am still a fan of both Whiskeytown and Ryan. I remember hearing “16 days” on Columbus’s CD102.5 (the station then was called CD101) and loving it. I was blown away when I found out that Ryan was only 22. And though we didn’t meet Ryan and WT back then, Watershed was still touring heavy, and we played many of the same venues WT was playing, right around the same time. For instance, in the book we tell the story of the time Ryan caused a near riot at Mac’s Bar in Lansing. Watershed played Mac’s about a week after that happened. When we got there, all the bar employees were still talking about Whiskeytown. And they were pissed. The fact that I had been there in real life helped me to add some detail to Thomas’s story about that night.  

But, yeah, I’m a fan. I think "Strangers Almanac" is a masterpiece, and Ryan has made several more albums that I love. My favorite is "Rock N Roll." I dig a bunch of songs off recent records like "Ryan Adams" and "Prisoner." I’m also a fan of WT fiddle player Caitlin Cary. I saw her post-WT band Tres Chicas at The Continental Club in Austin for SXSW 2006. They were incredible. And sometime WT drummer Jon Wurster is so freaking great and versatile. Superchunk, Marah, who doesn’t he play with?

JP: I've been a WT/RA fan since the story started, before "Strangers Almanac" came out, but I don't think this book is going to make anyone run out and buy his records. How did you feel about him/them when the book was finished, (assumingly) knowing what you didn't know going in?

JO: I hope the book does make people want to go out about buy his records, because readers will learn more about both Ryan-the-person and Ryan-the-persona. But it’s true that in the book we don’t talk a ton about the music itself. I think that’s for two reasons: 1) The music is almost never the most interesting thing about a musical artist, and 2) We figured that the core audience for this book would probably be people that already owned a Ryan Adams record or two. No need to tell them what the songs they already love sound like. We do, however, talk in some detail about the significance of WT and other alt-country artists at that time. We give larger context to the “y’alternative” movement and to issues like “What makes an artist authentic?” And we talk about what Ryan’s songwriting process looked like from Thomas’ perspective.

Like lots of Ryan fans, I have a hard time keeping up with his overwhelming productivity. He’s like The New Yorker magazine. Somehow a new one keeps coming every week, faster than you can read them, and they just pile up on the coffee table. Sometimes I wish Ryan would release fewer records; but take more time on them. I guess I’m saying I wish he had an editor. But after working for two years on this book, I now have a huge appreciation for his sense of urgency. It seems to me like Ryan always feels the clock ticking, like he feels that he needs to be as productive as possible during the finite minutes he has left. Write every song he can. Make every record he can. He doesn’t have time to be precious with every little decision. He’s just going to get the work done. Keep cranking. I get that. I respect that.

JP: Another thing I asked Thomas about was something that came to my mind as soon as I heard about this book many months ago: that it had potential to be a sort of tabloid story, given Ryan's celebrity & status now, and the legendary shit he's known for.  I don't think it comes off that way, but I feel like it could have without much effort. For example: there are a few vague references to drugs being present, but nothing harder than weed is ever specifically mentioned in detail. Did you intentionally avoid (or embellish) that tabloid side of the story (not just the drugs, but....) at all in a quest to be honest, sell books, make it as interesting as possible, avoid controversy, etc?

JO: People are complex, man. And Ryan is especially so. We wanted to present the truth of him in all his complexity. Genius songwriter? Yep. Childish, self-involved screw-up? Yep, that too. To gloss over either side would be a disservice to the truth. Plus the two sides are connected, maybe even symbiotic. Ryan wouldn’t be such a self-aware and prolific songwriter if he wasn’t also selfish and self-involved. “Selfish” and “self-involved” is how songs get written.

We definitely didn’t embellish. With Ryan, you don’t need to. In those days he was a walking, talking, story-making machine. You just let what happened speak for itself. Stay out of the way of the material. We don’t spare any details that Thomas knew about, but when it came to drugs, etc., we didn’t speculate about the specifics, for a whole host of reasons: practical, ethical, and legal. From a tour manager’s standpoint, it doesn’t really matter how the artist got too messed up to play; it only matters that the dude can’t play.

Whiskeytown seemed to skip a lot of that "paying your dues" stuff that Watershed certainly went through, and that most bands go through (whether they ever get past that level or not). The way the book read, they were doing odd weekend runs, then they were pretty much in a tour bus and playing big shows. No mention of playing to three people some nights, all that stuff.  The story is easily compelling enough and offers more than enough of its own struggles to make up for that, but to me, that's one of the things that sets it apart. Were you cognizant of that angle, did it strike you as odd too? Did you get any PTSD reading some of the painful road stories?

JO: As Thomas says, Ryan pretty much went from writing songs on the edge of his bed straight to the tour bus. It wasn’t quite that quick and easy, of course, but compared to lots of other bands, Whiskeytown did get signed relatively soon after forming. That’s not their fault. It’s not a fault at all. It just speaks to how great they were. They got signed quickly because they deserved it. They were playing the right kind of music at the right time, in the right town (Raleigh), with a charismatic front man and undeniable songs. That’s the key: the songs. Ryan got signed young because he was writing songs that were way better than most 22 or 32 or 42-year-olds can write. And no PTSD from me. I love reading about bands on the road.

JP: This is your fourth official book (right?) and second rock bio. As someone who pretty much just reads rock & roll books (and menus and road signs), I'm all in.....but why another rock and roll book about a band on the road? Did you at all ponder the "been there, done that" question, or is this something you see yourself doing even more of in the future?

JO: As much as I love reading about bands on the road, this is probably my last time writing about them, unless Dave Grohl wants me to chip in on his memoir. I’d love to do that. If you’re out there, Dave, I’m available (wink, smooch).

JP: And what's next for you? You have a reading/signing coming up in Columbus, no?  What's the next project? Another book? Recording at The Loft?

JO: Yep, I’ll be reading from and talking about "Waiting To Derail" on Friday, July 13, at Gramercy Books in Bexley, Ohio. As for the long term, Watershed has a bunch of new songs that we are working on, and I’m thinking about writing a novel. That seems like the hill every writer has got to climb: and hopefully not die on. 

JP: Thanks for doing this! The book is great and I'm sure it will do well. Talk soon I'm sure!  

JO: Thanks, man!

 

Jeremy Porter lives near Detroit and fronts the rock and roll band Jeremy Porter And The Tucos.     
www.thetucos.com

Follow them on Facebook to read his road blog about their adventures on the dive-bar circuit.
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Twitter: @jeremyportermi | Instagram: @onetogive

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Movie Review: Hearts Beat Loud - by Ricki C.

Hearts Beat Loud is currently playing at the Drexel and Gateway Theaters, check the links for showtimes.


There are precious few ways to grow old in rock & roll music, fewer ways still to grow old gracefully.  Longtime readers of Pencilstorm will be painfully familiar with me grousing about this fact in past blogs: for every whip-crack, spark-spitting Joan Jett & the Blackhearts gig, playing their hearts out at the likes of the terribly-unforgiving Obetz Zucchini Festival, there’s a dispirited, not-even-going-through-the-motions Blue Oyster Cult appearing at a Q-FM Wing Zing, looking (and, in fact, PLAYING) like insurance salesmen, not like the Dark Princes of Heavy Metal they were when I loved ‘em in the 1970’s.

And don’t even get me STARTED on Pete Townshend & Roger Daltrey of The Who.

Anyway, the movie I caught over the weekend at the Drexel (and – let’s face facts – wouldn’t you much rather see a movie at the Drexel than the Gateway?) (Actually Ricki, I prefer the Gateway - Colin) Hearts Beat Loud, addresses that exact topic of Growing Old With Rock & Roll.  (Not coincidentally the title of my old blog, 2012-2013.)

In Hearts Beat Loud, Nick Offerman (apparently from Parks & Recreation, a TV show I never saw a single episode of) plays Frank Fisher, a 40-something Brooklyn record store owner and widowed father of 17-year old Sam, played by Kiersey Clemons, who is simply incredible in this movie, and whom I would like to think is somehow related to Clarence & Jake Clemons from Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band, but she probably isn’t.

There’s really not much plot to the film: dad & (reluctant) daughter write & record a song together at home, which becomes a hit of sorts on Spotify (whatever THAT is, I’m 66 frickin’ years old, I have never ONCE listened to a song online, maybe Colin can fill in the blanks here).  But the plot is not really the selling point of this movie, it's the PERFORMANCES – from Offerman & Clemons, from (of all people) Ted Danson, from Toni Collette & Blythe Danner, and from the heartbreaking Sasha Lane, playing Sam’s love interest - that propel the picture.  (I have to credit director Brett Haley - who I've never even HEARD of - and his co-writer Marc Basch for pulling out performances this consistently brilliant from his cast.)  (Also, I calculate that the budget for this movie was probably IN EXCESS of $137.50.  I bet the producers of The Avengers spent more on DONUTS for the special-effects crew than the entire budget for this superlative flick.)

I’m a connoisseur of rock & roll movies (for a semi-complete rundown, check out The Best of Everything, part two in Growing Old With Rock & Roll), and lemme tell ya, for every masterwork like Almost Famous or Rock & Roll High School, there is always a The Runaways or Begin Again lurking around the corner.  And I’ve gotta say, Hearts Beat Loud is THE BEST r&r movie I’ve seen since 2016’s Sing Street or 2009’s Crazy Heart, starring Jeff Bridges. 

Hearts Beat Loud actually shares a lot with the aforementioned Almost Famous.  The first time I saw Almost Famous, by 45 minutes into the movie I loved it SO MUCH that I spent the rest of the film holding my breath, waiting for the writers & director to screw it up, to pull out something that would NEVER REALLY HAPPEN to a real rock & roll band, to trot out something so hokey-Hollywood that they would ruin the picture for me.  And it never happened.  Almost Famous was perfectly great, start to finish.

I felt exactly the same way on Sunday afternoon at the Drexel, taking in Hearts Beat Loud.  I was certain they were gonna screw it up somewhere in the final half-hour (i.e. Frank & Sam wind up on the Jimmy Fallon show or at Madison Square Garden, Beyonce shows up wanting to cover their song, etc.) but they never did.  It was wonderful.  You should go.  – Ricki C. / July 2nd, 2018


(ps. It has been pointed out to me that I never mentioned the TUNES in a music movie.  The songs Offerman & Clemons perform in Hearts Beat Loud were by written by Keegan Dewitt and they were pretty great.  They mighta been a little too indie-rock for this over-the-hill devotee of Mott The Hoople and The Dictators, but they were still great, and PERFECT for the film.)
 

The Pencilstorm Interview: Aaron Lee Tasjan - by Erica Blinn

Ohio's own Aaron Lee Tasjan, on tour with Social Distortion, will be in Columbus, OH: Wednesday, June 27 at Express Live!

When you experience a live performance by ALT and his incredible band, you will witness four dudes who have figured out how to build a rocket ship out of songs to transport themselves to a far better place, and they'll take you with them if you only believe. - Erica Blinn

EB - Your new album Karma for Cheap comes out this Fall; in a previous interview, you said that if this record doesn't find the commercial success you're hoping for that you'll probably quit and open a chain of Chinese buffets. Is that still your plan or has it changed?

ALT - That plan changes daily. I'm always planning for a forced retirement. My manager will likely release a statement to the press about all my "years of service" and how everyone is "sad to see me go" meanwhile I'll be reluctantly agreeing to go to hair cutting school after a long talk with my Dad.

EB - What is an experience you've been hoping for on the road but hasn't happened yet?

ALT - A gig where I don't worry about anything.

EB - What planet would you most like to visit and what is the main attraction that is drawing you there?

ALT - I know a girl who was in the running to go to Mars so I guess I'd visit there. At least there's a chance I might know somebody.

EB - Of the planets that you have visited, which has been your favorite?

ALT - There's this planet on my front porch...it has an inflatable pool and a bubble machine and a person who has stolen my heart. It's my favorite planet in the universe.

EB - Which pair of animals should've been left off "The Ark"?

ALT - Mean-spirited snakes.

EB - In your opinion, how many strings does the ideal guitar have?

ALT -  Keith is king.

EB - Who would you say has had the least influence on you?

ALT - Ryan Adams's recent Instagram posts.

EB - When would you say would be the best time to exact revenge on someone and how would you do it?

ALT - When they're least expecting it. I would use a palm pilot. No one even knows the technology any more.

EB - What is your favorite thing to get from the ice cream truck?

ALT - Flintstones tangerine push pop.

EB - Shaken or stirred?

ALT - Shake, rattle and roll.

EB - Sunrise or sunset?

ALT - Sunrise in the evening, sunset at dawn.

EB - Would you say that you tend to: a) overreact b) under react c) react appropriately d) none of the above

ALT - I act like I don't know what I'm doing.

EB - You've competed in a lot of pageants over the years; what is one of your favorite memories from your time in the pageant industry?

ALT - I played the Mayor of the munchkins in the Delaware Children's Community Theater production of The Wizard of Oz. I got to wear a sash for the role. That was as close as I ever came to winning a pageant.

EB - If you could only wear one thing every day for the rest of your life what would it be?

ALT - Sparkle shoes and/or David Bowie's outfit in the Diamond Dogs photo by Terry O'Neill.

EB - What is your favorite Quentin Tarantino film?

ALT - Jackie Brown. I like the happy ending.

EB - Which of your prize winning show horses is your favorite?

ALT - Oprah Whinniefrey, Oats-Hay Simpson or Pony Bennett.

EB - What's the most money you've ever spent on Sparklers?

ALT - I've bought far more fireworks than I've ever set off.

EB - If you could be any dinosaur, which would you be?

ALT - Dinosaur Jr.

EB - If you were just starting on this record today, what would you do differently?

ALT - Record a cover of Party In The USA by Miley Cyrus. 

EB - Was there any fun gear that you used on this record? What were some of the effects pedals you used/acquired specifically for this record?

ALT - We used a lot of tape varispeed to make the guitars sound like they're melting. I used a fair amount of Sheryl Crow's guitars on this album, too. Please don't tell her. 

EB - If your band was more like the T.V. show Survivor how would touring be different (if at all)? Who would be voted out of the van first?

ALT - Me. I'm far and away the most annoying one of our whole band. Everyone knows it. No one is bigger or better at being annoying than me.

EB - No further questions, Your Honor.

Aaron Lee Tasjan's new record Karma For Cheap comes out this Fall on New West Records.  



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How # Watershed Wednesday Became a Thing - by Nick Jezierny

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook (not to be confused with Love/Hate the band).  I enjoy seeing what friends are doing and eating, plus I find out about some things happening around town.  That’s the love part.

The hate part is the shared political posts, fake news, and extreme right & left pages that I’m asked to like.

So during the election season last year, I decided that I was going to post a “Song Lyric of the Day” for the month of November.  I ride my bike 8 miles (each way) to work and listen to the 200-plus songs I’ve loaded onto my iPod Shuffle.  That first day, Black N Blue’s “Miss Mystery” came on and “I’m tied to the track, just waiting for the train” became the first lyric I posted.

I continued this each day, writing the lyrics on the white board that is built into my workstation (re: cube) at the office and photographing and posting them.  Typically, it’s a song I heard on my ride in or one over the weekend or one that pops into my head for no good reason.

I haven’t stopped doing this, only missing days when I’m out of the office.  I think the whiteboard is a nice touch, as opposed to just typing the lyrics. 

At some point, I picked a Watershed lyric and it was on a Wednesday.  That’s when I used #WatershedWednesday and started tagging Colin & Joe, who are Facebook friends.  It’s cool to get comments from them, such as the time Joe wondered how I even knew the song “One-Word Title.”  I enjoy comments from  people I don’t know.  I even appreciate learning the correct lyrics — I’ve guessed wrong a few times or relied on speculative Internet sites to get the words.

But my favorite part about #WatershedWednesday is I take my classic iPod and select Music < Artists < Watershed < Play All.  I’ve got 98 songs loaded on there — Twister, Star Vehicle, The More It Hurts, The More It Works, Fifth of July, Brick and Mortar, Three Chords and Three Chords II, a few of the Singles Series, the Obvious EP and the cover of “Paint the Town Red”  I listen to those songs every Wednesday, and I swear it makes it my favorite day of the workweek.

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Live Taping of Rock & Roll Book Club, Gramercy Books, Tuesday June 19th: Thomas O'Keefe & Joe Oestreich's "Waiting To Derail" - by Ricki C.

Shy, socially-backward, book-reading child that I was, libraries were my first love, bookstores were my second.  (True story: My senior year of high school in the prehistoric ages of 1970, a few of us cut school and went up to the river to hang out.  My best friend Dave Blackburn & I were being the lives of the party and a girl named Christine George – who I had gone though 12 years of Catholic education with, at St. Aloysius and Bishop Ready – looked at me being a rock & roll clown, shook her head and said, “I can’t believe you’re the same person I went to grade school with.  In third grade we were all absolutely SURE you were mentally retarded, but you still got straight A’s.  We all thought the nuns just felt sorry for you.”)    

My current favorite indie bookstore in Columbus (Bexley, to be precise) is Gramercy Books at 2424 E. Main Street, right across from the Bexley Public Library (how perfect).  At 7 pm on Tuesday evening, June 19th, Gramercy will host a live taping of the Rock & Roll Book Club, presented by Mark Danzter, Patrick Buzzard, Chuck Johnson & Ryan Smith.

The subject of the podcast is the long-awaited Thomas O'Keefe book Waiting To Derail: Ryan Adams and Whiskeytown, Alt-Country’s Brilliant Wreck (co-written with Joe Oestreich).  Joe – as many Pencilstorm readers are certainly aware – is the bass player & co-lead singer of Watershed: Columbus, Ohio’s power-pop dynamo.  (Oestreich will be appearing at Gramercy Books for an author talk on July 13th.)

My previous experience with a live presentation of the Rock & Roll Book Club was an event at the Upper Arlington Public Library back in 2015, but next week will be the first time Dantzer, Buzzard & Co. will record their podcast LIVE for re-broadcast on July 2nd.  (The book being covered in 2015 was Joe's Watershed memoir Hitless Wonder, and Watershed's other co-founder/co-lead singer/guitarist - and Pencilstorm mainstay - Colin Gawel played a live set that evening.  Those Watershed boys are so literary.)  

There will be an ample supply of Waiting To Derail on sale at the store during the Rock & Roll Book Club taping, so support a local business, buy your copy at Gramercy Books, and maybe skip Amazon for once, okay?   

It's mid-June, not-quite-summer, we're done with rain, rain, rain, so get yourself over to Gramercy in Bexley on Tuesday for some books and rock & roll; it's easily my favorite combo, and I wish it could/would be yours.  - Ricki C. June 16th, 2018.

 

 

The Complete 2018 NOLA Jazz Fest Review - by Todd Baker

NOLA JAZZ FEST 2018: New Orleans Fairgrounds: May 5, 6, 7

Little Freddie King, Tank and the Bangas, Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit,

Aerosmith, Cowboy Mouth, Walter Trout, Lost Bayou Ramblers

Al “Carnival Time” Johnson, Clarence “Frogman” Henry,

Dixie Cups, Galactic, Rebirth Brass Band, George Porter,

Jack White, Smokey Robinson, Radiators, Zion Harmonizers,

Steve Miller, Buddy Guy, Trombone Shorty, Preservation Hall Brass Band

 

There is nothing like Jazz Fest in New Orleans. Don’t get me wrong, Mardi Gras is wonderful and has a magic spirit all its own. I love getting drunk, going to parades and collecting worthless plastic trinkets just as much as the next guy. but Jazz Fest is all about the MUSIC. For two weekends at the end of April and beginning of May you can see literally hundreds of artists spanning all genres: Gospel, Blues, Jazz, Zydeco, R&B, Rap, Soul, Funk, Pop, Rock and everything in between. It truly is an amazing experience and I highly recommend it! Especially if you have a friend who is willing to put you up for a few days. Hotels can be expensive!

Considering I usually live hand to mouth, saving money for an event like this takes some planning. However, I had $650 in cash, my “Emergency” $20, an extra $100 in my checking account and Dad’s AMEX card (just in case). I figured that was plenty, including the cabs and Uber’s. “The best laid plans of mice and men…” My flight landed early Friday morning and I took a cab ($36 on AMEX) to my buddy Allen’s house. By 9 am we were having breakfast at Please U on St. Charles. The biscuits and gravy looked good but I opted for a soft-shell crab po-boy and an Abita Purple Haze to start my day. ($45 on AMEX) It just rolled on from there.

We went back to his house off St. Charles, a gorgeous and large structure built in the 1830’s. Allen is a LOCAL! I quickly settled into my room and rolled a few joints for the day. The room has a desk, a big fluffy bed, private bathroom & shower. It’s perfect! The best part is I am welcome anytime and Allen understands I am coming into town to play. So, we actually don’t see much of each other. He gives me a key and we hang out when our paths cross. The only way I could have afforded this trip was thanks to Allen. Yet, he doesn’t do Jazz Fest. Not since they raised the price to $15 (30 years ago). It’s funny, with his family connections he could get in for free any day he wanted. It’s just not his thing. Trust me when I say, this guy is made.

I had a couple more beers at Allen’s house and we smoked a joint before I called my Uber to the Fest ($14 AMEX). My driver dropped me off directly in front of the gates, an Uber no-no I later found out. Bonus! The bar across the street was hopping so I bellied up to the Seahorse Saloon for another pre-Fest beverage. That makes 4 before noon. I wandered through the crowd chatting with random people. Hey, it’s what I like to do. Talk, drink, rock…repeat. The main attraction for me on Friday was Jason Isbell. He was scheduled to do an interview at 1:15 and play his set around 3:30, so I had time. The headliners that day were Beck, Sheryl Crow and L.L. Cool J.

Knowing I may have to leave early that day my plan was to start with the Isbell interview, see his set and then just catch a little of everybody on my way out. I planned on a long night! My 7:30 dinner reservations at Court of Two Sisters had been booked weeks in advance. Mom and Dad got me VIP passes to Preservation Hall at 9pm. Not to mention the Funky Meters were at House of Blues, Kermit Ruffins was at Blue Nile and Dash Rip Rock was at Circle Bar! The night shows are usually the best part of Jazz Fest…if you can still muster the energy. I am not as young as I used to be and binge-drinking for 72 hours straight is a bit more exhausting these days. However, sleeping is not an option at Jazz Fest. There will be plenty of time for that when you are dead. Just go to the show! Having said all that, I tried my best, but came up short.

Isbell’s interview didn’t start till 1:15, but I wanted to get there early. I was so early I had time to catch some of Little Freddie King’s set at the Blues tent and stopped in the Gospel tent to boot. I love the Gospel tent! You don’t have to be a religious person to feel the spirit when you are there. AMEN! By the time I got back to the Isbell interview several other fans had arrived. We all took our seats and waited patiently for Jason to arrive. Then the announcer said, “Jason Isbell was not available today….” A slight whimper/groan was clearly audible from the audience. Then we got up and walked out as a group. Oh, well. What’s next on the schedule?

As it turns out, an old friend of mine from THE Ohio State days lives in NOLA now. Friday was the only day she was going, so we made plans to meet. She sent me a pic of their gate number, what flag to look for and away I went. Personally, I hate smart phones but they make finding your friends in large crowds much easier! “Back in my day” we had to get a big pole and decorate it so your friends could find you. It’s true. The tradition continues to this day. I have a friend who claims to know the story of the FIRST stick. The ELVIS STICK! More on that later.  I found Tracey and she introduced me to her Crewe. She was excited to see the band coming up before Isbell, Tank and the Bangas. They did not disappoint. I got down front and had a blast! For me to try to describe them wouldn’t do it justice. Find them on YouTube and thank me later.

I love Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit! However, the last three records have been an extreme departure from his DBT (Drive By Truckers) days (which I love). I guess getting sober, getting married and having kids has a way of chilling you out.  It was a decent show, but pretty much the same as the last few times I’ve seen him. At least he played ONE Truckers song: “Never Gonna Change” and that was the highlight for me. Afterwards, I was getting beat down and tired. So much so, I blew off the headliners and got an Uber ($15 AMEX) to the Quarter. My dinner reservation at Court of Two Sisters sucked! Shitty service. I left after one beer and turtle soup ($20 AMEX). Sadly, I missed the Meters, Kermit and Dash but my VIP seat at Preservation Hall was great, especially since I got to sit on the bench right next to the band and not on the floor! Thanks, Mom and Dad!

After that, Friday night gets fuzzy. Bourbon Street can do that to you. I blew through the $150 reserved for the day and busted into the first of five $100’s to buy more smokes. I had already gone through TWO packs from the carton I brought with me! ($60 AMEX) Later that night, I thought I lost my AMEX, or left it somewhere. A little research the next morning, which was rough, revealed it was last used at The Funky Pirate at 1:15 am. Damn those Hand Grenades! Cab ride home ($15 AMEX). I woke up at 10am and went to Walgreen’s for a much-needed soda. I gave the cashier $50 from my change I got the night before. It was a fake! Movie money.  

Yeah, I was pissed, but also determined to ride the rail for AEROSMITH! That would require finding a spot and planting myself for five hours, which is no problem if you have a group of friends with you, but I was rolling solo. The AMEX card would have to wait and there was nothing I could do about the $50, except hold on to it and try to pass it on later. Does that make ME a criminal? Not compared to our “so called” President. My Uber ($15 AMEX) dropped me off about half a mile from the Fairgrounds, which kinda sucked but gave me time to smoke a joint.

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As soon as I arrived at the Acura stage I made some new friends. Weed brings people together. Literally. As soon as you light a joint there will be a group of people around you! The first act of the day was a Grammy-award winning Zydeco band called the Lost Bayou Ramblers and they were fantastic! Next up was one of the greatest blues guitar players I’ve ever seen named Walter Trout. Seriously, look him up! Hell, check them BOTH out. After each band ended some people would leave to go to another stage. This is when you make your move. I got about three people back from the rail and was happy with my spot, directly in front of the vanity ramp! Bingo.

This sweet little old lady next to me had a chair with wheels and she was partying her ass off! There was a group of about eight people from the rail back to me and we made a square to close off any “intruders”. I was the left corner and took my responsibilities seriously. Then came a group of youngsters: two boys, two girls. Young to this old man anyway. They seemed nice enough, one of the girls was really cute. I gave her the duty of holding my space when I left. After chit-chatting with my new buddies, I handed them all my business card and got ready to hit the Blues Stage. The group was nearly in shock that I was going to leave my spot. The only other obligation I had that day was to see the R&B Revival show featuring The Dixie Cups, Al “Carnival Time” Johnson and Clarence “Frogman” Henry. This was a MUST for me! After I explained the seriousness of my need, they understood and said, “Good luck.” as if they would never see me again. In their defense, I was about to fight a crowd of 100,000 people and getting bigger by the minute. I turned around and said, “Save my spot. I WILL be back!”

Getting to the Blues Tent was easy. Getting back would be the hard part. Now, for those of you not familiar with the Dixie Cups, Al Johnson or Frogman Henry, they are New Orleans legends! The Dixie Cups were known for their version of “Iko Iko” as well as their 1964 hit, “Chapel of Love.” Al Johnson wrote the ultimate Mardi Gras song, “It’s Carnival Time.” Clarence “Frogman” Henry was best known for his hits, “Glory of Love” and “Ain’t Got A Home,” in which he sings falsetto and deep bass (ribbit). Sadly, after the Dixie Cups I had to piss so bad I missed most of Frogman’s set. At least I caught the last song. Hey, you can’t see everything!

With my mission accomplished I was ready to fight the crowd back to the front row. However, I hadn’t eaten all day and was starting to feel weak. I got a crawfish pie to start then remembered I still had that fake $50. So, I got a crawfish Monica as well. As I handed the bill to the nice, young, white girl behind the counter she took it and gave it to her supervisor. I thought I was busted for sure. She gave me my food and said, “Have a nice day.”  Elvis has left the building! Being full from the crawfish pie I took a few bites and gave the rest to a random stranger. Good Karma. After that, I bought 6 beers and they were kind enough to throw them in a box and tossed some ice on top. That made it much easier to push my way though the crowd! A few “pardon me” and “just trying to get to the guy in the orange shirt” then I was right back where I started!

However, the kids had moved up into my spot. No worries, now I was standing next to the cute one. Katie was her name. There was also an annoying blonde southern woman who weaseled her way into the circle. Who let HER in??? She promised that she just wanted a picture of Steven and then was leaving. Yeah you right, darlin'. She wouldn’t be staying long. I would make sure of that. I talked with Katie until Cowboy Mouth hit the stage: Impressive!  I’ve seen them before, but this show really knocked me out. Especially the “Stand By Me” sing-a-long. Kudos, boys.

Finally, it was time for the main event. We had been standing in the heat for five hours as the crowd had grown to enormous proportions. It was asses to elbows. Yet, there was still enough room to dance. This was my 19th Aerosmith show since 1985. The last time I saw them was in Philly 2012 and they closed with “Chip Away The Stone.” It was phenomenal. But, that was more than five years ago. Would Steven be fucked up? Could he still sing? I was afraid it might be a train wreck. My fears were quickly laid to rest with the opening number, “Toys in the Attic” followed by “Same Old Song and Dance.” They sounded great and looked like the true rock stars they are. That said, they setlist really missed the mark if you ask me. They should have opened with “Back In The Saddle” since they haven’t played live in such a long time. Or maybe even allow Joe to take the lead with “Let The Music Do The Talking.” Hell, they were in New Orleans and DIDN’T USE A HORN SECTION!!! No one thought to play “Big Ten Inch”? Ha-rumph!

When they started playing the 80’s/90’s stuff the younger audience members seemed to perk up. Me, not so much. “Last Child” was a nice break in between “Livin' On The Edge” and “Ragdoll” which was somehow supposed to be significant to New Orleans since they shot the video in the French Quarter. Ridiculous. At one point, they were playing “Janie’s Got a Gun” and I thought to myself, “Who picked this song?” I complained out loud for, “Don’t Want To Miss A Thing.” Yet, they did manage to play one nugget for the old fans, “Adam’s Apple” (first time since 2009) and also did a bit of “Mother Popcorn” before closing their set. However, they did TWO Fleetwood Mac covers and no “Train Kept A Rollin”? Come ON! Looks like I’m going for #20!

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After the show it was a madhouse to get out. I said goodbye to Katie and her friends before forging my own path home. As I wandered around trying to find an Uber I stumbled onto the most kick-ass crawfish boil I have ever seen! The Uber would have to wait. After my miserable dinner experience Friday night, I was ready to EAT! Besides the unlimited mud-bugs, they also had a whole roasted pig and beer on tap. Just make a donation and help yourself. I kicked in $40 and did just that. Hell, I stayed for three hours before finally calling a ride to the Quarter.

 As I said, my AMEX was last seen at the Funky Pirate on Bourbon Street, so that was my destination. My Uber dropped me off at Jean Lafitte’s which is at the end of Bourbon towards Esplanade. I had to head the other direction towards Canal St. so I might as well get a drink! Jean Lafitte’s is one of the oldest bars in New Orleans and they are known for these purple slushies that pack a punch. Needed it! I wandered up Bourbon and enjoyed some people watching until I reached the Pirate. Sadly, they did not have the card. Shit. Then, I looked in my wallet again and there it was! I had put it on the other side in my drunken state didn’t notice! Problem solved.

Once I reached Canal Street I ran into a guy with an Aerosmith shirt and we started talking about the show. He must have had REALLY good seats because he pulled out a handful of pics and gave me one of Joe Perry, Brad Whitford and Tom Hamilton. Thank you, kind sir! I caught the streetcar at Canal and rode it back to the Garden District. God, I love the streetcar. For $1.25 you can get nearly anywhere in the city. It’s beautiful! Since I still had a little energy left I stopped off at the Avenue Pub for a couple of night caps and then called it a day. Whew! I was tired and needed some rest. Yet, I still had one more day of Festing to do and there was plenty left on the agenda: Steve Miller, Buddy Guy, Smokey Robinson, Rebirth Brass Band, and much more!

When I woke up Sunday I could hear the church bells ring next door. But it only rang once. Shit, I overslept! By the time I got to the fairgrounds it was already 2pm. Only five hours of fun left. Must see music! Eat later. There was a LOT on the schedule for the day and my choices were nearly limitless. On top of that, my sister texted me on Saturday and ask me to find some “glass monkeys.” All I had to go by was the picture she sent me. They look like the old kid’s game but bigger and made of glass. You hang them outside and they look pretty. Yeah sure, I’ll get right on that, sis. Not my top priority. I entered at the back of the Acura stage where Galactic was playing, not that I would have known it. I was focused on getting my bearings, finding a schedule and getting to the best stage at that very moment. I like Galactic. Normally I would have found some cool people, smoked a joint and waited for Trombone Shorty. Not today.

Rebirth was at Congo Square! The best part about traveling by yourself is not having to worry about walking too fast or waiting for someone else. Just hit the gas and GO! I like to bob & weave when walking through crowds. Focus about ten feet ahead of you and anticipate the next move. You can’t do that with a group of people. It just doesn’t work. Which is why you have those big sticks! So, you can meet your friends at a certain place at a certain time. If you get split up, look for the stick. It’s worked for 50 years. I made it to Congo Square, but unfortunately Rebirth were already half way through their set. That’s ok, half of Rebirth is better than nothing!

Smokey Robinson was up next but I had some time to sneak over to the Lagniappe stage and catch the end of George Porter & His Running Pardners. George Porter is a bad-ass on the bass! Seeing the end of his set nearly made up for missing the Meters on Friday, but not quite. The Radiators were up after George, so I stuck around for a few tunes. Then, I had to get back to Smokey. Unfortunately, by the time I got back the crowd had swelled and I could barely see the big screen, let alone the stage. Plus, the sound was very low! You could hardly hear him from my vantage point. So I saw “I Second That Emotion” and a couple more before heading back to the Gospel tent. It was Sunday, after all. Gotsta get my churchin’ on! Rev. Todd is testifying!

The Zion Harmonizers brought tears of joy to my eyes. Their music inspired me to hug fellow humans with no shame. I raised my hands to the sky and declared for all to hear, “I BELIEVE!” No matter what you believe, if anything at all, the Gospel tent is a beautiful thing to behold and it welcomes all.  Unlike our Republican-run Congress and the entire Trump administration. (Hey, it’s my story. If I can talk religion, I can talk politics too. Lighten up, Francis!) After I filled my heart to capacity with pure bliss I continued on to some ROCK. Now, I knew Jack White existed. I knew a few White Stripes songs. I was not prepared for what I saw that day! Mind blown.

The crowd was huge. Bigger than Aerosmith? I don’t know. I didn’t see Aerosmith from the back. However, it took me a LONG while to get through the small barrier to the main field. As soon as I crossed over, I got a beer and planted myself. That’s when I made a few more friends, one from NOLA the other from FLA. We were ALL feeling it! It was an organic orgasm between one hundred thousand people happening simultaneously! Who knew Jack White was that good?  I didn’t! When the show was over I planned on hitting Steve Miller with my new friends. Karma had other plans. The Elvis Stick was calling and I had to answer it. Where is Rob Kerner???

    

I lost the ladies but made it to Steve Miller. Once I got there I immediately made some new friends. As I stated earlier, joints do that. Then, a guy with a backpack strolled up next to me. He took a hit and I asked where he was going. To which he pointed at the Elvis Stick and said, “there”! Hey, I know that stick!  Maybe my friend was there. So I followed him through the immense crowd and we somehow made it through. Unfortunately, BK had already left for the day, dammit! I gave the guy my business card and said, “Tell him Rev. Todd was here.” The message was received.

With less than two hours of Jazz Fest to go I walked rapidly to the Blues Tent for a bit of Buddy Guy. Having never seen him before, it was a must and he tore it up! He took his guitar from the stage to the back of the house and back! I tried to get some video of it, but to no avail. Too late. Once again, you can’t see it all. Just try to see a bit of each when you can! It’s ALL good! Back to the Acura stage for Trombone Shorty, the end of my Sunday night. The last night of Jazz Fest is always bittersweet. You don’t want the fun to end but you know it must. When Quint Davis took the stage after Shorty’s set to say thank you I knew it was over, but it was wonderful.

As I was leaving, I made a frantic effort to find my sister’s precious request. Lo & behold, at the very end of the arts tents, I FOUND THE MONKEYS! Having not properly read her text, I did not realize she only wanted ONE monkey…in orange. She said it would cost about $100 with shipping. I ended up buying three for $200 and lugging them all back with me through Mid-City. Plus, I also got a Fleur-De-Lis for an early Mother’s Day present. With my time in NOLA waning, I enjoyed wandering the streets, listening to the music and taking in all the beauty of the city. Including nitrous! Hey, somebody had a tank. I had $20. What the hell? We only live once.

Once the “wah-wah’s” wore off I continued down the street until I found a cab. Forget Uber at this point. Go with convenience. Three others hopped in and the driver said it would be $8 apiece to The Quarter. Fine. We started driving and stopped at a red light. As I looked to my right I saw a sign that said Dookie Chase. Holy Shit! This is one of the places I REALLY wanted to eat! I told the driver, “Let me out here!” and I got out of the car without paying. It wasn’t until after he drove off I realized they were closed on Sundays. Now, I HAD to call an Uber ($15 AMEX), as this was not a place for a white boy with glass monkeys to be hanging out. Plus, I had to piss. Peeing outdoors in NOLA will get you arrested fo’ shiggity! I took the risk. Had to.

Uber picked me up and took me to The Quarter where I proceeded to crawl from one end to the other. Needing food, I opted for an old stand-by, The Clover Grill. The atmosphere is more restrained than it used to be and for that it loses points. Where are the tranny servers? Where are the gay-positive menus? This was just a diner now. No matter. I had the chicken-fried steak and it was good. I made one last stroll up Bourbon. Who cares if it’s a tourist trap or the best place to get shot by a gang-banger? It’s still fun. By the time I got to Canal Street I was ready for bed.

Once again, I took the streetcar home. I had to break into my Emergency $20 to make change. My $650 was gone. God knows how much I put on AMEX. Fuck it. Check the totals when you get home, Baker. As I rode the rails on that beautiful beast, I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on conversations while watching the downtown streets blow by. It was a beautiful evening and another extraordinary New Orleans experience. As we passed Lee Circle it was hard not to notice the lack of a statue on top of that huge column. I consider that progress. More is needed.

Monday afternoon I awoke groggy yet determined to squeeze every glorious moment out of my last day in New Orleans. As I came out of my room, there was Allen! I hadn’t seen him since I got to town. He thought I already left. We got to hang out for a little bit before I had to take off, which was nice. I mean, the guy put me up for a weekend and I barely see him? Some friend I am. Yet, as I said, Jazz Fest isn’t his thing and he has own schedule to keep. Spending some time together is better than nothing at all, right? Shit, I’ve known this guy for over twenty years and we really don’t talk much. A coupla times a year tops, usually around Christmas and if I’m coming to town. That’s about it. But, it’s better than nothing, folks. CALL YOUR FRIENDS NOW!

Taking my own advice, I finally got around to calling Rob Kerner and he agreed to pick me up at Allen’s. Saying goodbye to one amigo and hello to another, I got in B.K’s truck and off we went. To where I was not sure, but I knew it would be fun! My sister was his friend first, but when she introduced us in 1995 I knew has my friend, too. Rob was meeting people at their hotel in the  Quarter but he couldn’t reach them via text. So, we took a stroll through the French Market and smoked a few cigarettes while waiting for a response. We should have gotten a beignet at the Café Du’ Monde and taken a stroll through Jackson Square. Missed opportunities.

Sadly, there is TOO MUCH to do in New Orleans. Whether you are at a Jazz Fest, Mardi Gras or just the average Thursday, you can’t do it all in a weekend. Sorry. It’s impossible no matter how much money you have. You can’t buy TIME! I spent the rest of my Sunday by the pool with B.K and his friends at Hotel Le Richelieu. It was wonderful. Laughing, lounging, drinking. Just what the witch doctor ordered for my last day in NOLA. Yet, the time in my happy place was closing.

Rob and his friends had dinner reservations at Briquette and I had to catch a plane back to Florida. He gave me a ride to the restaurant in the back of his truck and I took the opportunity to take a few parting pictures of my favorite city in America. I wish I could afford to live there again, but alas it is out of my means these days. So, I will suffice with visiting as often as I can. Or, as long as Allen lets me stay. Did I mention hotels were expensive? Well, they are!

Sigh…back to reality, and my AMEX bill, which was about $700 by the time I got home. Whoops, I guess I went a little over budget. It happens. Who gives a shit? I had a blast and THAT is what life is all about, folks. You can’t take it with you and I have no one to pass it on to anyway. So, I plan on dying broke! Besides, I had my glass monkeys and Katie’s number in my cell phone. Life was indeed good. I made it to the airport on time with a lifetime of memories jammed into half a week. I hope to come back to New Orleans and my friends soon, but I had a wedding in Columbus to attend in two weeks. No rest for the wicked. Looks like somebody is getting a glass monkey for a wedding present. Congrats to Andy and Alicia Hindman!

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