Pencil Storm Bowl Pick Em Show Down!

The Pencil Storm sports department assembled at Jed's in Hilliard Friday December 27th for its annual meeting. Over Fireballs (a house specialty) and cold pitchers of grog Editor-In-Chief Colin Gawel challenged drunk-in-residence Brian Phillips to a bowl game pick-em. 

The concept is simple. With alternating picks Gawel and Phillips were to select winners for all remaining bowl games out of that morning's Columbus Dispatch which happened to be laying on the bar. Both combatants are locked into the Vegas lines published December 27th. Each win is worth two dollars. Each man also selected the game giving them the most confidence. Those are worth an additional $2. The National Championship Game is being held as a tie breaker. That pick will come later. The stains on the page are real. Commentary will be added as time allows. 

December 27

The Military Bowl Presented By The Military Industrial Complex

Marshall -2 1/2 (Gawel) over Maryland (Phillips)

Phillips: Colin when President  Eisenhower warned us of the dangers of the military industrial complex he was likely speaking against just this sort of game. Who the fuck knows right? 

Gawel is out of the gate with an easy cover: Marshall 31-20.

The Texas Bowl Presented By Irritating Puffy Chested Texans

Minnesota -4 (Phillips) over Syracuse (Gawel)

Phillips: Colin your faith in the Big Ten is almost non existent. I like the Gophers defense a lot and they can run the ball half way decent. What the hell!

Update: So much for that: Syracuse 21 Minnesota 17

The Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl Presented By Our Shitty Economy

Washington -3 1/2 (Gawel) over Brigham Young (Phillips)

Phillips: Thank you Colin for taking this one out of my hands. I'm a Wazzu Coug and can't possibly root for the Dawgs.

Update: Ugh... UW 31 BYU 16

Day One Totals: Gawel 3 Phillips 0

December 28

Pinstripe Bowl Presented By Robinson Cano

Notre Dame -14 (Phillips) over Rutgers (Gawel)

Phillips: I hate that number for obvious reasons. Gawel snagged this one before I got to it however. At this point I'm hoping for a blow out.

Update: Told you I hated that number. Notre Dame 29 Rutgers 16

Belk Bowl Presented By People Who Ask "What's A Belk?"

North Carolina -2 1/2 (Gawel) over Cincinnati (Phillips)

Phillips: This one jumped out at me.... I think the Heels are getting a bit too much respect owing to their frantic slog to 6-6 after beginning the year 1-5. U.C. meanwhile did notch some nice wins over bowl teams and took Louisville to overtime too. 

Update: What a crap pick on my part. North Carolina 39 Cincinnati 17. The Heels have a kid named Switzer from Charleston, WV by the way. Ran back a punt for a TD. Blazing speed. How did WVu not get him? 

Russell Athletic Bowl Presented By I Have A Russell Jersey Made In 1983

Louisville -3 1/2 (Gawel) over Miami (Phillips) 

Phillips: I'm hoping the Cardinals will be a bit underwhelmed with this bowl after losing out on a BCS bid. That's all I got. Colin snagged this one first and it could be among his smarter selections. 

Update: Louisville 36 Miami 9. The story line in this one was that all the kids on the field played against each other in high school down in Miami. I guess all the good ones went north. No way Teddy Bridgewater comes back to UL after this one. 35-45 447 yards, 3 TDS, No picks.

Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl Presented By I Want Some Wings Right Now

Kansas State -4 1/2 (Phillips) over Michigan (Gawel)

Phillips: I see the humor in Gawel having to root for Michigan of course. Taking the Wildcats was pretty easy after learning UM would have to start a true freshman.

Update: Thank God. K-State 31 Michigan 14. Nice players on KSU's side. I like the quarterback Waters a lot. Nice arm, great poise. Can run when he has to. Tyler Lockett is a pro prospect at wide receiver no question. Michigan? Last night was the same old story. They can't run the ball. The freshman wasn't horrible, but not ready to make any difference either. Their d-coordinator is supposed to be brilliant, but they didn't look that great last night... not as bad as against OSU mind you, but not great. Hoke really hasn't moved the needle up north much at all. 

Two Day Total: Gawel 5 Phillips 1. Blech.

Monday December 30

Armed Forces Bowl Presented By It Would Be Cool To Have A Helicopter

Navy -6 1/2 (Phillips) over Middle Tennessee State (Gawel)

Phillips: I'll be honest, I  don't know squat about these two teams. Navy runs the ball a lot and MTSU is in the middle of Tennessee. I took Navy because 6 1/2 is a much more humane number than 7. 

Update: Navy 24 MTSU 6. Yeah see I told you so. 

The Music City Bowl Brought To You By Underwater Mortgages

Ole Miss -3 (Gawel) over Georgia Tech (Phillips)

Phillips: Nice snag by Colin. When in doubt take the SEC team over the ACC team. (Not so sure about this logic for the National Championship however.)

Update: Ole Miss 25 Georgia Tech 17. Crap.

The I've Never Been To A Valero Station Alamo Bowl

Oregon -13 1/2 (Gawel) over Texas (Phillips)

Phillips: My logic here such as it is.... In Mac Brown's final game surely the Horns can cover against a bored Oregon team. 

Update: Oregon 30 Texas 7. Bloody hell! Did they ever like Mac Brown? Nice way to show it losers.

The National University? Holiday Bowl

Arizona State -14 (Phillips) over Texas Tech (Gawel)

Phillips: As I remember it sitting at the bar December 27th I avoided this one for as long as I could hating that number. It wouldn't surprise me a lick to see ASU easily beat the 14 though.

Update Texas Tech 37 Arizona State 23. Biggest upset of the bowl season thus far. ASU fell way behind and just never bothered to get moving. After a very nice season the Devils shit down their leg in the Pac 12 Championship and this one. 

Three Day Total: Gawel 8 Phillips 2. This needs to turn around in a hurry. 

Tuesday December 31

The This Used To Be The Poulan Weedeater Now It's Something Called Advocare V100 Bowl

Arizona -7 1/2 (Gawel) over Boston College (Phillips)

Phillips: Good luck figuring out  Dick Rod's 2013 Arizona Wildcats. Down the stretch they lost at home to WSU, clobbered Oregon, and then got blasted in their rival game by ASU 58-21. My thinking here is that when the players figure out they are not in New Orleans they're going to become bored and depressed. 

Update: Arizona 42 Boston College 19. Another ACC squad.... This is beginning to bode poorly for FSU. 

The How Do You Spell Hyundai Sun Bowl

UCLA -7 (Phillips) over Virginia Tech (Gawel)

Phillips: I saw UCLA quite a lot this year. Quarterback Brett Hundley is darn good, and two way threat Miles Jack is perhaps the nation's most intriguing freshman. I have no problem laying a normally problematic 7 here. 

Update: UCLA 42 Virginia Tech 12. Finally a satisfying result! And another turd for the ACC. They now sit at 2-5.

The Autozone Has Lots Of Parts And I Have No Idea How To Install Them Even With Their Advice Liberty Bowl

Mississippi State -7 (Phillips) over Rice (Gawel)

Phillips: Another 7 I don't worry about. MSU played a tough SEC schedule, and I'm not entirely certain what conference Rice is in at this point. I think it's Conference USA. Good for them. 

Update: MSU 44 Rice 7. Two in a row! Look out!

The I'm Not Saying Their Name Because Of Their Stance On Same Sex Marriage Bowl

Texas A&M -12 (Phillips) over Duke (Gawel)

Phillips: God bless Duke they've had a great year, but this is probably out of their league. 

Update: A&M 52 Duke 48. I don't want to hear any more about the SEC playing defense. Woeful effort on that side of the ball. Johnny Football was a star in what will likely be his final game, but it wasn't enough for me. 

Four Day Total: Gawel 10 Phillips 4

Wednesday January 1

The Slayer Bowl

Georgia -9 (Gawel) over Nebraska (Phillips)

Phillips: Colin snatched this one up as eagerly as a heaping fork full of Jed's Fireballs. He has no respect for the Huskers and who can blame him after their season ending lack of effort at home against Iowa. 

Update: Nebraska 24 Georgia 19. In retrospect the Bulldogs going without Murray makes that -9 look goofy. I'll take it. 

The They Killed JFK In The Heart Of Dallas Bowl

North Texas -6 1/2 (Gawel) over UNLV (Phillips)

Phillips: Just as Jerry Jones uses his immense power to get this Cowboys Stadium dog on New Years Day so he uses his power to keep Jason Garrett employed. This was I believe the last game selected and only then because we were out of beer. Ok we were only out of beer for a few moments. 

Update: North Texas 36 UNLV 14. Seriously you could comb the earth and not find one person who watched this game. 

This Used To Be The Tangerine Bowl Only No One Remembers Bowl

Wisconsin -1  1/2 (Gawel) over South Carolina (Phillips)

Phillips: It's probably just my diseased mind, but this might be the most tantalizing line of the entire bowl season. Conor Shaw is a nice quarterback. That Clowney guy might knock someone's head off again. What's not to like.

Update: South Carolina 34 Wisconsin 24. Here's to a diseased mind!

The Bloomin Onion Bowl

LSU -7 (Colin) Over Iowa (Phillips)

Phillips: This is another one Gawel jumped on like a starving dog on a steak. I can see it. Iowa is just so..... Iowa.

Update: LSU 21 Iowa 14. Les Miles' Tigers played it Big Ten style and gave us our first push of the competition. 

The Rose Bowl Shouldn't Be Presented By Anyone

Stanford -5 1/2 (Gawel) over Michigan State (Phillips)

Phillips: Gawel's lack of respect for his own Big Ten is becoming a trend. I like that number for Stanford and am regretting not getting it for myself.

Update: Michigan State 24 Stanford 20. I watched the whole game and came away with even more respect for Dantonio's Spartans. This team is a disappointing early season loss to Notre Dame away from playing in the national championship.... And I'd pick them if they were. 

This Is The Final BCS Bowl Stuck With The Regional School No One Gives A Crap About Fiesta Bowl

Baylor - 16 1/2 (Phillips) over Central Florida (Gawel)

Phillips: Well shit. Something deep within tells me that number is way too high. Who knows right. This is probably a nice snag by Colin.

Update: UCF 52 Baylor 42. George O'Leary got caught lying to get the Notre Dame job once, but in the end things worked out well... Which isn't a good lesson for children I suppose. Speaking of children I missed this game because I had been hogging the TV at the vacation cottage we rented for a few days and my 12 year old wanted to watch this awful show called "Dance Moms." It features these hideous mothers and the fascistic woman who teaches their terrified children how to dance. The teacher hates these poor girls and their mothers live vicariously through them. I weep for their futures, which likely include teen pregnancy.

Five Day Total: Gawel 12 Phillips 7 (One Draw)

Thursday January 2

The Corn Syrup Bowl

Alabama -15 (Phillips) over Oklahoma (Gawel)

Phillips: I have no problem picking against Big Game Bob and laying the 15 to do it. No one sucks more in important games than Bob Stoops. Hell I'll give Colin another TD! Yee Haw Boomer Sooner.

Update: I'm an idiot. That is all.

Six Day Total: Gawel 13 Phillips 7 (One Draw)

Friday January 3

Another Credit Card With A Bowl Game Offer

Ohio State -2 1/2 (Gawel) over Clemson (Phillips)

Phillips: I didn't pick this one first as I wanted Colin to. What am I going to do let the OSU grad root against his beloved Bucks? I am human. That said I'm beginning to have my doubts. With Roby (injury) and Spence (suspension) out an already suspect Ohio State defense looks even more shaky. That said I'm not rooting for Clemson. I hope Ohio State wins by 2 or less!

Update: Clemson 40 Ohio State 35. I take no pleasure in this win. Clemson really tried to give this away, Ohio State just tried a bit harder. Also Miller was hurt the entire time. 

The Cotton Bowl Is Not Played In The Cotton Bowl Cotton Bowl

Missouri -1 (Phillips) over Oklahoma State (Gawel)

Phillips: Pretty simple. When in doubt I'll take the SEC squad giving a mere 1. 

Update: I didn't watch much of this owing to Ohio State being on.... Crazy finish.... 24-17 in the fourth. That was enough. 

Seven Day Total: Gawel 13 Phillips 9 (one draw)

Saturday January 4

The... What? BBVA Compass Bowl? I Think It's A Bank In Alabama

Vanderbilt -2 1/2 (Phillips) over Houston (Gawel)

Phillips: James Franklin has done a remarkable job at Vanderbilt, which is for lack of a better comparison, the Stanford of the SEC... Which is to say it's the only school in the SEC you can't enroll any prospect with a pulse. The question for Coach Franklin is whether or not to cash in.... and where to cash in.... I don't have an answer. I think he should stay. Great school, cool town. You'll always be appreciated. 

Update: Vanderbilt 41 Houston 24. Vandy 9-4. Tennessee 5-7. 

Eight Day Total: Gawel 13 Phillips 10 (one draw)

Sunday January 5

The Danica Patrick Implied Breast Godaddy.com Bowl

Ball State -8 /12 (Phillips) over Arkansas State (Gawel)

Phillips: Ah yes... After a solid two days of heart stopping NFL Wild Card Action (and the stupid Bengals) we have this.... I'm not even sure what this is... Poor ASU has lost their head coach to a better program for four straight seasons now. Hell  last year's Arkansas State Godaddy.com Bowl winning coach Gus Malzahn is coaching Auburn in the title game this year.  What does it all mean? I have no stinking clue and as I remember it this one sat on the bar for a long time. Anyway I'm on a jag here and can't stop now. Go Cardinals! 

Update: Arkansas State 23 Ball State 20. Bloody hell.

Final Total: Gawel 14 Phillips 10 (one draw)

We didn't need to pick the national title game after all, which in retrospect seems anti-climatic. That happens. I owe Colin $8. I will probably settle up in beer. As it should be.

Hitler Talking About Michigan vs K State In the BW3 Bowl. Essential Viewing.

If you are the sensitive sort, this clip may not be for you. (don't bother commenting, Hassler) However, if you are the opposite of that sort, you are sure to enjoy this video of Hitler making fat jokes about Brady Hoke and Michigan football. Please pass on to like minded individuals. Pure hilarity. 

Click here for more high art from the brilliant twisted mind of Lou Brutus.

High-Speed Rail to Defeat Conestoga Wagon For Big Ten Title by Colin Gawel

The bad news first: Buckeye fans are, by and large, a horde of insufferable, whiny blowhards. I should know, I am a huge Buckeye fan. Even in the midst of the longest winning streak in school history we either:  A) Complain about how our defense sucks, we should fire Luke Fickell and we were lucky to win, or B) Complain that the media doesn't give our team its just due, Mark May should be fired, and we deserve the #1 ranking over those borderline rapists from FSU.

Which is it Buckeye Fans? Should we fire Luke Fickell or try to get Mark May terminated? You have to pick one guy or the other. Can't have it both ways, so whose side are you on?  

While you ponder that mental puzzle, I will give you the good news: The Buckeyes are going to beat MSU this weekend in Indianapolis and advance to the BCS title game in Pasadena. And don't worry about Auburn jumping us if we win. There is this thing called "math" (which most of us OSU graduates managed to avoid entirely during college) and it works in our favor. So come this Saturday when we beat Sparty, the Bucks are a mortal lock for the big dance. Don't let the talking heads fool you. All you need to know is this:

Numbers + numbers = Buckeyes. Done deal.

"But what about Michigan State? Don't take them for granted."

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was a little nervous too, after squeaking by Michigan and then immediately reading a bunch of shit-talk from a rightfully salty MSU team. "We should have beat them last year...," "This is our time...," Coach Dantonio, "We are coming for your ass" "We aren't planning on losing....," blah-blah-blah.

But after a couple of days' reflection it occurred to me that as much as I love and respect Tresselball - as implemented by his protege Mark Dantonio -  it's day has come and gone. Much like Nate Silver accurately predicting the last Presidential election months before the results*, there is this train called "progress" and it is rolling down the tracks. Urbanball isn't going to be slowed by a group of three-star recruits who have won playing field-position football against a ledger of unranked opponents. This style may work against the rest of the Big Ten but OSU isn't your grandaddy's Big Ten Team, particularly inside the climate-controlled confines of the new Hoosier Dome. (Or whatever it's called.)

I'm sure MSU would love us to join them in the mudpit for an old school wrestling match, but it ain't gonna happen this Saturday on artificial turf. Have fun playing old school, Sparty suckers, let us know how that works out for you. OSU Offensive Coordinator Tom "Mensa Is My Middle Name" Herman is a smart guy (duh), some might even say a progressive thinker when it comes to football. He is going to go around the strength of the Sparty defense riding Braxton's underrated passing until it is time for Carlos Hyde to deliver the knockout blow. 

Granted, this is the biggest game in the history of Michigan State Football. They are motivated, salty, and they want some. Well, lucky for them they are going to get some, and then some. This match-up is a Conestoga wagon vs. high-speed rail. Neither exists in America presently, but one soon will. 

Take High-Speed Rail over Conestoga Wagon and give the points (5 1/2)

Colin Gawel plays in the band Watershed and writes for Pencilstorm. As thanks for his advice, you gambling types can buy him a beer at the Bluestone on Sunday, Dec 15th and/or Woodland's Monday, Dec 23rd.

*Speaking of whiny blowhards, I know all of you political types get all sensitive when the subject of politics come up, but the Nate Silver reference wasn't meant to offend or take a left wing/right wing side, just that he had the numbers to predict who would win the election months in advance. It was a lock. The TV-news network talking heads still have to keep you watching, so they keep the drama up 24/7, numbers be damned. Election coverage and BCS coverage are the same animal, no matter who you are rooting for.

Throwing Fat On The Hot Stove Fire by Brian Phillips

It's not even the winter meetings yet and players are flying all over the place. Let's try to get a quick handle on a very active early hot stove season. 

Jacoby Ellsbury Reportedly To Yanks

Pending a physical, the now ex-Red Sox outfielder heads to the Bronx at a reported seven years and $153 million. Ellsbury is a nice player and should see a power jump in tiny Yankee Stadium. That said, he's never hitting 32 home runs (2011) again. Seven years is long contract for a 31 year old, and one wonders if Scott Boras has once again talked someone into negotiating with themselves. 

Ellsbury's signing might cast doubt on the return of Robinson Cano, but if they could talk him down on the years a bit... The Yankees need to improve their rotation as well. Lots of moving parts here... and lots of money. If the Boss were still alive this would already be sorted, right?

(Also I should note that the Yankees inking former Braves catcher Brian McCann last week is a no-brainer. Instant vast improvement over the sad sacks they had behind the dish in 2013.)

Mariners/Cano Use Each Other. It's Sad Really

The Tweets came fast and furious Tuesday afternoon from the Pacific Northwest. "Mariners all in on Cano" etc. This is utter bullshit. Cano needs someone to feign interest in signing him for the 7 or 8 or 10 years he's demanding from the Yanks and the Mariners need to look like they're doing something. Hopefully the dopes in the front office are at least aware that Cano is in on the gag. I don't think it's at all coincidental that this pops up the day after the Seahawks plastered the Saints on Monday Night Football. No one is talking about the Mariners in Seattle.

Wednesday some muscle was added to this skeleton with reports Cano had stopped over in Seattle for the big sales push. They should have brought him in Monday so he could see the Seahawks. At least he would have had a good time.

Whoever this guy is put it pretty well: 

Brandon Jacobs ‏@brandon_jacobz1h

Yankees will end up with Cano. You don't sign with Jay-Z to go play in Seattle and endorse raincoats.

The raincoat line is predictable, but the sentiment is probably smart. Jay-Z isn't going to see his first major sports client sign with the Seattle Mariners. No way.

(The other day I was laughing at my team when I learned the M's had brought back 36 year old utility infielder Willie Bloomquist at two years and $5.3 million. As one analyst put it to me via Twitter on Monday (to paraphrase) 'Bloomquist is a not-good version of Nick Punto.' Can't wait for the bobblehead night!)

Meanwhile in Oakland 

It's never dull watching the Athletics. While you were stuffing your pie hole and watching college football over the weekend GM Billy Beane was working on reinventing his bullpen. This week Oakland traded failed first round second baseman Jemile Weeks to the Orioles for closer Jim Johnson and then Tuesday shipped fourth outfielder Seth Smith to San Diego for set-up man Luke Gregerson. 

With Beane you have to think several steps ahead. Mr. Moneyball doesn't give a crap about closers. He let the effective Grant Balfour walk this off season because Balfour wanted more dough. Beane knows it doesn't matter who closes as long as he's not paying him a lot and the guy is good at his job. Sure Johnson is going to pull $6.5 million this year and his middling strike-out rate makes me wonder, but I'm guessing Beane wouldn't be adverse to flipping him. The 9th inning ball could then go to the effective Gregerson or holdover Ryan Cooke, for that matter. Bottom line: Johnson won't be in Oakland beyond 2014. 

An intriguing signing out in the East Bay came over the weekend when the A's gave resurrected starter Scott Kazmir two years and 22 million bucks. This is huge risk for Oakland at that price. Kazmir was out of baseball not that long ago, and while he enjoyed a nice rebound in velocity with Cleveland last year, I'd be a bit hesitant to commit that much money. I'm going to assume they've done their homework, however, because the A's don't make a habit of doing stupid things. Look for Oakland to intensify efforts to trade lefty Brett Anderson now. I love this kid's arm, but he just can't stay healthy. 

Motown Makeover

Fascinating what's gone down in Detroit of late. First Prince Fielder got shipped to Texas for second baseman Ian Kinsler and then Tuesday starter Doug Fister was traded to Washington for infielder Steve Lombardozzi and a couple of relievers. The Tigers finished the day by finally signing the closer they couldn't find last year in ex-Ranger and Twin Joe Nathan. 

I'm not really sure what the end-game is in Detroit, as I keep hearing the Tigers are shopping Cy Young award winner Max Scherzer as well. Scherzer's deal is up after 2014 and he's going to command a huge payday. 

Elsewhere

In a three-team deal the Rays acquired catcher Ryan Hanigan from the Reds and reliever Heath Bell from Arizona. Hanigan is the kind of well-regarded defensive player Tampa Bay covets. He can throw out runners and frame those pitches. Hanigan is a better hitter than he showed last year, too. Bell meanwhile seems washed up, but after the 2012 the Rays squeezed out of Fernando Rodney I'm going to give it time. 

Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria showed baseball he's not the tightwad portrayed in the media, signing Red Sox catcher Jarod Saltalamacchia to a 3 year, 21 million dollar pact. After all, those extra jersey letters ain't free! 

The Sox countered with another hard-to-spell signing, inking veteran A.J. Pierzynski to a one year deal. Combining A.J. with solid veteran back up David Ross gives the Sox a nice backstop situation for the year. 

Wednesday, news broke that Colorado was nearing a pact with Justin Morneau. I love this pairing. Morneau's value just went up in fantasy drafts. Expect to see a long-awaited power rebound for the once robust Morneau.

And earlier this week those Rockies shipped speedy outfielder Dexter Fowler to the Astros for pitcher Jordan Lyles and outfielder Brandon Barnes. Houston may have gotten themselves a nice steal here. Fowler saw a dip in batting average in 2013, but his peripheral numbers held up pretty well for the most part. Barnes isn't a prospect and Lyles better improve his ground ball rate or he's going to get killed even worse than he did in Houston. 

Brian Phillips is a DJ at CD102.5 in Columbus, Ohio. He knows a thing or two about a thing or two.

Your Team Sucks Unless It's The Seahawks by Brian Phillips

I've seen enough. Let's start passing judgement on all 32 NFL Teams. I'll be your guide. I'm Brian Phillips and yes, I am a life long Seahawks fan. (In the interest of accuracy I pre-date the Seahawks.) As a child I remember attending the Seahawks' first win ever, a thrilling come from behind 17-16 win over San Diego in the late great sewer pipe The Kingdome.

Mercury Morris was playing for the Chargers. Fortunately I was in the upper deck and did not pick up a contact high. My hero Jim Zorn threw the winning touchdown pass as I remember it, which makes no sense because it was a preseason game and he should not have still been in the game. Maybe it was Matt Leinhart. He's tried to make it with so many teams perhaps he traveled back through time or something.  

AFC North

Cincinnati (6-2)

The Bengals look to be in good shape in this middling division. A 49-9 beating of the Jets notwithstanding Cincinnati can be a bit hard to figure. A huge come from behind win at home over the Packers was followed immediately by a bizarre 17-6 loss in Cleveland. The Bengals also struggled to beat an undermanned Buffalo squad in overtime. From here on out the schedule seems to shape up in their favor.... 

Final Record: 11-5

Baltimore (3-4)

The modern salary cap NFL means you live for today. The Ravens' today was last season. Their well documented talent drain puts the onus on Joe Flacco, reupped at $52 million bucks guaranteed. The results thus far have been uninspiring... Baltimore sits in the middle to lower half in major offense categories, but it's not all on Flacco. Ray Rice has seen his production fall off a clilff this season, another reminder that running backs age quickly. Rice, at only 26, should have some more good years in front of him though. At 2.8 yards per carry as I write and only 24 catches they'd better hope so. Any shot at the playoffs is predicated on Ray Rice turning his year around.

Final Record 8-8

Cleveland (3-5)

The Gods are cruel. The Browns trade Trent Richardson and then win three in a row to leap to the top of the division at 3-2. While winning game number three though break through quarterback Brian Hoyer tore up his knee, and Cleveland came, like a lost Soviet satellite, crashing back to earth. After a slow start in Kansas City Jason Campbell played well to give Browns' fans another dose of false hope.

Final Record: 5-11

Pittsburgh (2-5)

The Steelers' 0-4 start had me wondering about how bad it could get. Would this team rival the last truly awful Steeler team? You'd have to go all the way back to the 1969 squad that went 1-13 to find a Pittsburgh team rivaling the way this one looked. Since then though the ship had begun to lurch in the right direction with two straight wins... and then they went to Oakland, gave up 197 yards rushing, and managed only 35 themselves. That's not Steelers football.

Final Record: 4-12

AFC East

New England (6-2)

Is there any more deceptive record than the Pats'? It's truly being done with mirrors. The injuries seem never ending.... Gronk (now returned) Amendola (in and out as usual and always great in theory) Wilfork (they may end up missing him most of all) Mayo, Vereen, etc. And yet in two of the past three weeks they've come back from the dead to win (New Orleans and Miami). Their upcoming schedule leans a bit on the favorable side, Gronk will get ramped up, and Vereen is in a soft cast now. Despite Tom Brady being down right mortal another division title seems likely.

Final Record: 11-5

 New York Jets (4-4)

Hockey season is here so how about a hockey related stat: The Jets have a plus/minus of -68. 143 points for, 211 against. The defense has been good, at least until a 49-9 thrashing at the hands of Cincinnati. Geno Smith is a better option than Mark Sanchez, but the .500 mark is more fluke than anything.

Final Record: 6-10

Miami Dolphins (3-4)

Well what happened.... A 3-0 start is quickly forgotten on South Beach with three losses in a row capped by a big lead evaporating in Foxboro Sunday. The Dolphins allowed another 6 sacks, and Ryan Tannehill turned the ball over three times. The defense isn't what we thought it was either, at least not since that third win.

Final Record: 7-9

Buffalo Bills (3-5)

I think Bills fans can feel it... Good times are drawing nearer... Just not this year. Still this is a fiesty bunch, almost knocking off the Bengals and then beating Miami with scrap heap quarterback Thad Lewis at the helm. E.J. Manuel will return and he's going to be a solid pro. The C.J. Spiller/Fred Jackson combo may be the best 1-2 backfield punch in the league. Statistically the defense has been middle of the pack, but they have some good players, and rookie MLB Kiko Alonso was a steal in the second round. He's a future all pro.

Final Record: 6-10

AFC West

Kansas City Chiefs (8-0)

I'll give Scott Pioli this... he assembled some kick ass talent for Andy Reid to coach. Pioli is gone now because by all accounts he's an asshole. That wouldn't be a problem if at some point his Chiefs were 8-0. What the Chiefs are missing is a franchise quarterback. Alex Smith is decent, but sometimes he seems like he'd rather get sacked than risk any chance of a pick. That's great and all, but with the Chief's talent base on offense, he ought to live a bit wilder. Dwayne Bowe is starving out there. Jamaal Charles is having a career year though, and that defense is feasting. The schedule gets rougher now however, and two games with Denver still await. 

Final Record: 12-4

Denver Broncos (7-1)

You might have heard something from ESPN about Peyton Manning returning to Indianapolis just over a week ago, and the Colts beating the Broncos. All the hype had nothing to do with Denver losing, but the game was instructive. The Broncos missing their two offensive tackles will be an issue going forward. With Von Miller back, their pass rush was sparked to life against the Redskins Sunday. Manning has a couple of bum ankles now, but with all those weapons on offense they will have their way most weeks.... and hey the playoffs are a long way away.

Final Record: 15-1

San Diego Chargers (4-3)

It's pretty simple: New head coach Mike McCoy and offensive coordinator (former Cardinals head man) Ken Whisenhunt have designed an offense to save Philip Rivers' career. Get it, get rid of it. In that sort of scheme ex-Patriot Danny Woodhead has been a huge addition for the Bolts. Ask Tom Brady about that. Let's not get too excited though. This squad seems a bit schizoid. Not a ton of scoring for all those yards, and the defense is middling. (their great effort against Indy not withstanding.) The remaining schedule is a bit rough.

Final Record: 7-9

Oakland Raiders (3-4)

Well... three wins ain't bad, and they did give the Colts a scare week one. Former Buckeye Terrelle Pryor looks here to stay behind center. Yeah.... When Al Davis died he left behind a lot of old guy hair goo and a big pile of cap misery. All shitty teams need to treat draft picks like gold, but Davis Jr. traded two of them to Seattle (a team that values every draft pick) for QB Matt Flynn.... a man they've cut. 

Final Record: 5-11

AFC South

Indianapolis Colts (5-2)

The Colts had quite possibly the widest range of pundit predictions coming into the year. It makes sense.... Two games vs the Texans (more on them below), four against the NFC West, etc. So much for that as the Colts beat the Seahawks, 49ers, and Broncos through the most brutal stretch of their slate. Hopefully for their sakes they won't look back too ruefully on losses to Miami and San Diego. Andrew Luck? The real deal. They made the right choice and it has nothing to do with beating the Broncos.  A winner in every sense. The Richardson trade looks stupid thus far, but I understand why they did it. Losing Reggie Wayne could be the difference in the negative.

Final Record: 11-5

Tennessee Titans (3-4)

Do not sleep on the Titans. Sure they've dropped three in a row, but two of those games were without Jake Locker. and they had to stand off against Kansas City, Seattle, and San Francisco (Combined record: 18-3). Locker is quietly becoming an effective pro starter. If they can keep him on the field, and figure out the enigma that is Chris Johnson they might be able to scratch themselves out a wild card slot. The defense has been good, especially against the run. They still have two against Jacksonville too....

Final Record: (8-8)

Houston Texans (2-5)

It's simple to trace the end of Houston's season, and it's not that disastrous 4th quarter meltdown against Seattle in week four. It's the prior week, when the Texans went into Baltimore and were completely dominated by a mediocre Ravens team. Matt Schaub is done as starter in Houston, but coach Gary Kubiak will be first to leave town, probably the day after the season ends. The Ravens took advantage of their window, the Texans' has already closed.  Arien Foster is injured, and stud MLB Brian Cushing is now done for the year (again). Maybe if their fans hadn't cheered their quarterback being injured I might feel sorry. Thanks though Houston! I will always remember Richard Sherman dashing off for that pick six.

Final Record: (6-10)

Jacksonville Jaguars (0-8)

Ugh... I feel horrible for former Seahawks defensive coordinator Gus Bradley. The Jags are so far away from even mediocrity that he probably destroyed his head coaching career even taking this gig. I feel awful for Maurice Jones Drew too. He's beat up now, and will never cash in on how great he was. Fortunately he's a smart dude, and has his pick of TV gigs waiting for him on the other side. The draft is quaterback rich, and they'll take one as Gabbert and Henne are no answer, but you knew that. Their new uniforms have a Sunbelt Conference feel to them. I got nothing. This is one of the worst teams to ever take the field. (Fyi Houston at Jacksonville is Thursday night football on December 5th..... Holy shit.) Bonus: I have Cecil Shorts on both my fantasy teams and he's a weird source of cheap points in a PPR league. We Shorts owners call him "Garbage Time." Maybe he's sitting around on your waiver wire I don't know. 

Final Record: 0-16

NFC North

Green Bay (5-2)

Simple: With Aaron Rodgers the Packers will be there at the end. Losing Randall Cobb and Jermichael Finley is not good to be sure, but on the other hand Green Bay found that long elusive running game in rookie Eddie Lacy. The schedule from here on out is very favorable. 

Final Record: 13-3

Detroit Lions (5-3)

Well, these kids can chuck the ball around the lot. Stafford, Megatron, Bush... It's all fine. The defense should be better, but there doesn't seem to be a ton of discipline on that side. Playoffs in 2011, 4-12 last year.... Whack job team, hard to figure. That drive to knock off Dallas yesterday was something! Schedule ain't bad from here on out.

Final Record: 9-7 (And that's a wild guess. I have no stinking clue with this bunch.)

Chicago Bears (4-3)

This Bears squad had it all figured out. Jay Cutler looked great and wasn't doing nearly so much stupid shit. Matt Forte is having a career year. Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffrey are dynamic weapons. The defense isn't your typical Bears unit sure... and then Cutler rips a groin muscle. He's out at least a month, but having never ripped any muscle let alone a groin, I'm guessing it's going to be longer and enough for 2013 to float away from da Bearsssss.  

Final Record: 8-8 

Minnesota Vikings (1-6)

And here we have a squad that I swear to God made the playoffs last year. Any team on their third starting quarterback in seven games is probably 1-6 if they're lucky. 19th in the league in rushing is just the capper. Trading for Josh Freeman and paying him 3 million bucks? Stupid. Lose with the ones that brought ya! The Vikings defense isn't good either. They should have at least kept punter Chris Kluwe. At least he was interesting. 

Final Record: 3-13 (exactly where they were two years ago)

NFC East

Dallas Cowboys (4-4)

In yesterday's 31-30 loss at Detroit the Cowboys surrendered 623 yards of total offense. 623! If Dez Bryant were stomping around the sidelines because of that I'd have his back. Jerry Jones has built a decent Big 12 team here, and they'll probably stumble into a division title. Good for them.

Final Record: 8-8

Philadelphia Eagles (3-5)

We knew Michael Vick wouldn't make it through the year without injuries. If Vick and Nick Foles can't answer the bell Sunday in Oakland the Eagles will lose again. I'm not going to pass judgement on Chip Kelly in the NFL yet because he doesn't have enough good players. They need them on both sides of the ball.... it could take awhile.

Final Record: 5-11

Washington Redskins (2-5)

Working his way back from a very serious knee injury RGIII finally started to look like his old self in a 41-38 win over Chicago. And then the Skins went out to Denver and let the second year man get the shit beat out of him. Part of it is on RGIII. Get rid of the ball kid. Get rid of it. Mike Shannahan is a terrible coach. The Redskins were running the ball in the first half in Denver, and then just quit. Alfred Morris should have run it 15 more times. Stupid.

Final Record: 5-11

New York Giants (2-6)

A 15-7 win over the Eagles thanks to five field goals and all of the sudden they're crowing about being in the race out East. Not if you can't score even one TD against the Eagles at home dudes. 

Final Record: (3-13) 

NFC West

Seattle Seahawks (6-1)

This team is built so well it's difficult to find things to quibble about. The biggest flaw I can think of is the lack of a big time number one outside receiver. Someone in the mold of a Megatron, A.J. Green or Larry Fitzgerald. Percy Harvin looks to begin playing soon, but that's not his role. The offensive line has been leaky, but considering the Hawks have had to run out up to three back ups at a time it hasn't been so bad. The toughest part of the schedule is now past with only the Saints and 49ers posing realistic challenges. Russell Wilson is the real deal, and seems to have the stuff to take this bunch to the promised land.

Final Record: 14-2

San Francisco 49ers (6-2)

The Niners got off to a bumpy start because they got away from what got the to the Super Bowl last year. They've settled in again by pounding the ball, and letting Colin Kaepernick do what he does best. Some day he may be more of a pocket passer, but for now, as freaky an athelete as he is you just gotta turn him lose. The defense has been good as expected, though you can run on them. The Seattle/San Francisco rematch is going to be epic. 

Final Record: 13-3

Arizona Cardinals (4-4)

I had something else entirely written before yesterday's easy win over Atlanta. Rookie Andre Ellington ran for 154 yards (ok 80 on one play) and took some pressure off Carson Palmer. With Palmer only having to throw 18 times, and their stout defense doing it's job, the Cards may have turned a corner. They're not there yet however, and should look for someone in next spring's quarterback rich draft around whom to build. 

Final Record: 7-9

St. Louis Rams (3-4)

Look, without Sam Bradford, who really has been pretty lousy this year, these guys are done. They know it, and did even before they called Brett Favre. You can't put it all on Bradford. The Rams have no running game, and their defense has been surprisingly leaky. I really thought that would be a strength this year. They've taken a big step backwards. 

Final Record 4-12

NFC South

New Orleans Saints (6-1)

We all know the offense is great, but what makes this team intriguing going forward is the vast improvement on defense. Rob Ryan has these guys playing well.... 4th in scoring defense, 9th against the pass.... The rush defense remains a concern as they look to the toughest part of their schedule. Seattle, San Francisco, and two games against division rival Carolina all post a stern test there. Jimmy Graham's foot issues may limit his snaps in the second half as well.  

Final Record: 13-3

Carolina Panthers (4-3)

Unbelievable.... This marks the first time the Panthers have been over .500 in the Cam Newton era. It would be nice for them if they could find a better passing game. They're 8th in rushing though, and seemingly getting better. Their defensive numbers indicate a team that can win more than they lose in the second half. Top ten in the major categories. They're getting close in Charlotte.... 

Final Record: 10-6

Atlanta Falcons (2-5)

It turns out if your best players are hurt you don't win. Missing both Roddy White and Julio Jones is obviously not good, and without Stephen Jackson Atlanta sit dead last in the league in rushing. The defense has been middling. Hard to fathom how fast things have gone south. This is a lost season.

Final Record: 5-11

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 0-7

And now Tampa Bay's first regular season win ever, almost two seasons into their history. 

Their first win of 2013 will probably come at some point.... after Greg Schiano is fired.  

Final Record: 1-15

"World Series Begins, Set Your DVRs for Midnight" b/w "Bad News for Bosox" by Colin G.

As a serious baseball fan I would love to watch the World Series, but as a resident of the Eastern time zone, it just goes too late for my working-man's blood. A couple of years ago baseball made a token show of starting one series game a little earlier just to appease us responsible types. Those days are long gone, as this season every single game starts after 8 p.m. Even the Saturday game, which could have easily been at 7 pm, is scheduled late. Just to guarantee my absence, MLB scheduled the Sunday game at 8:25 pm, the latest of the entire bunch.

I get the message, guys. You don't want me watching. Still, complaining about late start times on the East Coast is about as relevant as complaining about microwave ovens. I don't blame greedy TV executives or commissioner Bud Selig, I blame time itself.

Fish don't ever even watch TV. Why don't we just readjust the time zones so all of America starts one hour earlier? The Atlantic Ocean won't mind. Now the games in the Eastern Time Zone would start at 7 pm instead of 8 pm, 6 pm in the Central and so on. Those hippies out West wouldn't even notice if we changed their time zone. It's just a thought. We would all have to re-set our alarm clocks but other than that it wouldn't be too hard.

My Gut Tells Me The Bosox Are In For An Ass-Kicking. 

Baseball is unpredictable and I'm just some dude who works at a coffee shop, but if I had to gamble on this series I would take the Cards in six games. Actually, if i had any balls I would make it five. The Sox pitchers made quick work of two mediocre lineups in the Rays and Tigers. No such luck with the Cards, who can hurt you at every spot in the order. And with Allen Craig back they can put Matt Adams in the DH spot or vice versa. The Sox better get at least one win at home versus Wainwright or Wacha or this could be over quick. John Lackey game two starter. Hmm...

On the upside for Boston, I have been on a hot streak lately prediction-wise and am surely due to eat some crow soon.  

Colin Gawel wrote this very quickly at Colin's Coffee so yes, some of the grammar is shaky.