How WWE Fixed the Royal Rumble - by Big Vin Vader

How WWE Fixed the Royal Rumble   by @Bigvinvader

The crowd in Philly was right: Holy Shit.  I don't think anyone expected the Royal Rumble to be nearly as good as it was.  Saturday's NXT TakeOver was one of the company's best PPVs in years and looked to totally eclipse the main roster's PPV.  And while nothing at the Rumble was as mind-blowingly great as Aleister Black vs. Adam Cole or Johnny Gargano vs. Andrade Almas for the NXT championship, we still got the single best men's Rumble match I've ever seen, and a hell of a first-ever women's match.  Those two seemed like surefire duds just because the past two years have been such colossal train wrecks.  There was no precedent for the women's match, so it should have been fine on paper, but I wasn't optimistic that WWE would make it anything truly special or respectful.  Wrong.  Not only was the in-ring action itself incredible, but the booking decisions for each match were nearly perfect, delivering exactly the sorts of spots and outcomes that the entire audience wanted to see.  The whole show bodes very well for the company's 2018, and even the nature of the surprise entrants shows that things are going to play out well this year.

I was legitimately surprised when the men's Rumble came in the middle of the show.  It's always the main event, the focus of the entire PPV itself, so it seemed odd to put it in any other spot.  Then again, it was tricky to structure a show featuring two separate one-hour matches, so it wasn't the worst choice.  It was also nice to realize the women would be headlining the show, no longer being cast as the "bathroom break" match in the sub-main event spot.  If anyone was stupid enough to just tune out during the women's Rumble, they missed a great match with a fantastic conclusion and several more legitimate surprises.  I've never been quite so excited about the result of a Royal Rumble, let alone two in the same night, so that's what I want to focus on here.  The rest of the card is harder to discuss, since I'd initially been looking forward to it more than the Rumble matches.  That wasn't necessarily because of their potential quality, since nobody really needed to see Kane in a Triple Threat title match in 2018.  I just expected WWE to totally botch the dual Rumbles and planned to find solace in the other matches on the show.  None of that was necessary, however, and as it stands now, I don't have too much to say about the undercard.  Lesnar, Styles, and the Usos retained, while The Bar won the RAW tag titles from Rollins and Jordan.  Nothing was terrible, but there was also nothing especially memorable or remarkable about the rest of the show either.

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It's always hard to run down the Rumble itself and touch on even half of the important moments in the match, but I'm gonna do my best.  Rusev came out first to a huge pop; the crowd has already turned him face.  He is so incredibly over that he needs better opportunities.  Finn Balor was out second, and he got about the same reaction, which is hardly surprising since only Vince McMahon believes that he isn't over with the fans.  Then again, somebody in the company must have faith in him, as he was this year's Iron Man, nearly making it coast-to-coast, lasting fifty-five minutes in total.  It was a pretty great showing, and it should have done wonders for Balor's stock in the pre-WrestleMania season.  At least until he lost clean to John Cena (who had eliminated him from the Rumble) on RAW the very next night.  I guess it's better than another loss to Kane.  There were several big surprises throughout the match, and each one was great.  First was Andrade Almas coming in at #7, which was especially surprising so soon after he retained the NXT championship the night before.  Almas put in a good showing and lasted nearly half an hour, so there's little doubt that he'll connect with the audience once he's called up to the main roster.  The in-ring portion of the Rumble was a few notches above what we've grown used to in the last few years, so the whole thing was already exceeding expectations.  Things picked up even more at the mid-point, with Shinsuke Nakamura, crowd favorite alongside Balor, coming in at #14 to a huge reaction. 

Both brands were represented by great talent, with all three members of the New Day entering, as well as other favorites like Cesaro, the finally-Broken Matt Hardy, and Seth Rollins all making appearances.  Shane Helms returning as The Hurricane was another legitimate surprise, though he only lasted forty-five seconds.  Shortly after that, Adam Cole made a surprise appearance at #23, which is especially impressive after the brutality of his Extreme Rules match from Saturday’s NXT TakeOver.  Just like Almas, Cole got a great reaction from the crowd, and will definitely find his place on the main roster once they make the decision to call him up (which should be sooner rather than later).  By this point, Jinder Mahal was the least received entrant into the match, and his presence here makes sense as the crowd needs someone to react against with little overall stakes.  So by the time the final five or so entrants were due, everything had been great, and things stayed consistent.  Entrant #27 was the biggest surprise of all, with Rey Mysterio coming out of nowhere to return to WWE, and last a good ten minutes.  Granted, his presence means nothing at the moment since he's still a free agent and has committed to nothing as of yet.  Still, that was the sort of surprise that the company always strives for yet fails to deliver.  Roman Reigns was in next and got the expected split reaction, while racking up several eliminations.  Dolph Ziggler was out at #30, which should have been a huge deal.  Ever since he forfeited the US title on SmackDown late last year, there was quiet buzz that he was the dark horse to win the match, reclaiming his tarnished legacy in the most spectacular fashion.  Instead, he eliminated Goldust, lasted for two minutes, and was thrown out by Balor.  At that point he shouldn't even have been booked in the first place.

The final stretch of the match was some of the best action on the PPV.  Mysterio hit both Reigns and Cena with a 619 at the same time, which was probably the best thing he could have done to rile up the Philly crowd.  Right after that, Balor got rid of him, leaving himself, Reigns, Cena, and Nakamura as the final four.  That was brilliant booking, especially in a hardcore town like Philly, with the two company golden boys pitted against the clear fan favorites and two of the company's best wrestlers.  At that point, it really seemed like anything could happen, especially given the number of times better, more deserving wrestlers have been sacrificed to Cena and Reigns.  Cena eliminated Balor, but Shinsuke went after him fast and got him out of there.  There was some legitimate tension as the final two went back-and-forth, and they really teased this one out.  I can't recall ever feeling that sort of anxiety during the conclusion of a Rumble match; usually it's more of a sunken sense of foregone inevitability.  So imagine the genuine elation I felt when Shinsuke Nakamura, who has been misused and horribly booked since debuting on the main roster, took out Roman Reigns to win the Royal Rumble.  Obviously, the Fargo Center went nuts for that one.  Renee Young came out to interview Nakamura and asked which champion he wanted to face.  The answer was somewhat predictable, but no less exciting: AJ Styles.  I'll take it as a given that AJ will retain the WWE Championship until Mania, but that's hardly the sort of spoiler to get upset at. 

All said, this was the Royal Rumble that I've enjoyed the most in recent memory, as well as the one that seemed most engineered to satisfy the company's fan base.  Apart from possibly Finn Balor, nobody but Shinsuke should have even stood a chance at winning the match, and even then, Nakamura vs. Styles is the dream match fans have been waiting to see.  WWE were smart and waited for the right time, to give the match a good build and the biggest possible stage to be seen on.  Everything about this is shaping up to be a classic, which is hardly a surprise given AJ and Shinuke's past match in New Japan living up to that very title.  On the other side of things, the Rumble itself was about as good as it gets given the nature of the match.  None of the competitors were wastes of time, and the fan favorites, save Dolph Ziggler, were booked incredibly well.  Best of all, in this particular Rumble at least, there was no McMahon/Helmsley ego stroking to be seen at all.  As expected, Daniel Bryan did not make an appearance.

Big Vin Vader covers WWE for Pencilstorm. Follow@Bigvinvader

 

What Kind Of Jack-Ass Actually Wants To Go To The Super Bowl? - by Colin G.

Unless you are a fan of the Broncos or Seahawks, what kind of jack-ass would you be to attend Super Bowl XXXVVVIIII? (Or whatever# it is.) Look, I consider myself a pretty big sports fan. I'm not quite the guy who screams down officials at youth sporting events or wears team jerseys with other dude's names on them, but I do play fantasy baseball, football and basketball. And one time while driving alone from Detroit to Columbus I listened to the NFL Draft and the OSU Spring football game on the radio for the entire four hours. Basically, I walk a fine line between "sports loser" and "total sports loser." Still, for the life of me, I can't understand the appeal of the Super Bowl. Especially this year at fabulous Met Life stadium in the chilly swamps of New Jersey. 

OK, imagine it is Super Bowl Sunday you are sitting cozy at the bar DJ Reynolds in Midtown Manhattan. Your pal walks up, "Dude I just scored two pretty good tickets to the Super Bowl tonight. Face value!!! Want to go?"

Hmmm. Let's pretend the tickets aren't terrible but in lower price range, say $1,000 apiece. That probably gets you goal line seats in the second deck. Mind you, those same tics would be going for $2,000 on Stubhub, so this is a pretty good deal.

The conversation continues:

"Come on man, all we have to do is catch the bus to the game at the Waldorf Hotel five blocks away. It's only $51 and just a two hour ride. It drops you off right at the stadium."

"So you want me to spend a grand, take a two hour bus ride to sit outside and watch a five hour football game? And then have to wait in line to catch the bus back? And even worse, sit through Anthony Kiedis' insufferable monotone rapping for the half time show? I can think of better ways to spend a thousand bucks in NYC. Thanks but no thanks. Grab me another space beer, Klee - Klop."

But let's forget the money. Imagine the same scenario except the Super Bowl tickets are free. You heard me, FREE SUPER BOWL TICKETS! Still, doubtful I am riding the bus out to that game. Once again, thanks but no thanks. I'm good right here in front of the TV.

This cuts to the core problem of the Super Bowl. It is by far the worst championship of the major sports. I would ride a bus to the World Series, Stanley Cup, NBA Title Game, Final Four, Rose Bowl, The Masters.....so forth and so on. I would even ride to the NFC/AFC Conference title games. At least those are in home stadiums with real fans. But the Super Bowl? Nah.....

The Super Bowl has turned into one giant circle jerk for Corporate America. Not that I have a problem with that per se, it's just that sitting through one bazillion television time-outs drinking with Jonah Hill's character from "Wolf of Wall Street" just doesn't scratch my itch. The insipid media coverage the two weeks leading up to the Super Bowl just serves to remind me how overblown our sports culture has become and how embarrassed I am to be a part of it. Think of what could be done to improve schools and help the homeless with the time and resources used to stage this one football game? Alas...

So yes, I will watch the game somewhere, but no, don't ask me which commercial I liked, I won't be watching. As for the halftime show, Bruno Mars will be pretty good and the Chili Peppers will suck except for "Give it Away." For all you gamblers, that is a my lead pipe lock of the day.

Colin Gawel owns Colin's Coffee and plays in the band Watershed. Sometimes he writes things for Pencilstorm just for the hell of it. Learn more about him and our other contributors by clicking here,

 

Bruno Mars @ The Super Bowl by Ricki C.

I was contracted by Pencilstorm to critique the Bruno Mars halftime performance at the Super Bowl, but first I’d like to refute a coupla points Colin made in his “What kind of jack-ass actually wants to go to the Super Bowl?” post, the main one being that the Super Bowl is not American Sports' Greatest Championship, which I happen to believe it is.

First, and let me be clear up-front, I am a professional football fan.  I don’t really enjoy the college game, it just strikes me that college football players never really look like they’re trying very hard.  (My Sunday Night NFL friends Kyle & Rob - both of whom actually like college football, O.S.U. in particular - begged me not to put that sentence in print, but I stand by it.)  (That being said, I’m not answering any knocks at my door the next week or ten days, in case Michael “Biggie” McDermott is hiding in the bushes, waiting to punch me in the throat.)

I like my football liberally sprinkled with million-dollar paychecks, commercial endorsements, greedy owners (who will at least admit their greed, unlike college presidents & athletic directors who reap untold MILLIONS of dollars off of their “student athletes”), steroids, concussions & painkillers.  Plus the NFL season is short, succinct and to the point, just like the best rock & roll.  The NFL season starts in the fall and ends in the winter, unlike the Endless Slog Bataan Death March that the Major League Baseball season has become, wherein the games commence in April and end in November with snowflakes flying and die-hard baseball fans bundled up like extras in an Antarctic documentary.  Baseball should begin when the birds start singing in the spring and the last game of the World Series should be played the day before elementary school starts.  Case closed.

Also, as my good friend Rob points out, the entire NFL playoff season is accomplished in three tidy weekends, one & done, you lose and you’re out.  It’s not the NBA where all but six teams make the playoffs, or the NHL, where the Stanley Cup is still being contested when baseball season opens, a situational sports overlap that should not be tolerated.  Hockey & baseball just do not mix.  Dropping the puck and throwing out the first pitch are not contemporaneous in a Rational World.

But I digress….Bruno Mars:

Mars’ halftime show was just as underwhelming as this year’s Super Bowl game.  (Which I enjoyed, once I adjusted to the fact that my Steelers, Packers and Saints were nowhere to be found and threw in my lot with Brian Phillips’ Seahawks, just so his family would be safe in February.)  When Mars was first announced as the Super Bowl halftime “entertainment” I had serious reservations, doubts and questions: 1) Had we really used up every classic-rock act – your Tom Petty’s, your Bruce Springsteen’s, your Rolling Stones’, your Aerosmith’s, your Who’s – that we had to resort to the likes of Bruno Mars?  2) Would the Great Unwashed of football-watching, wing-chomping masses even know who Bruno Mars was?  (Not everyone suffers through the Grammy’s or other “awards” shows of their ilk like I do.)  3) Worst of all, does this mean I’m facing a future where I might have to sit through the likes of Mumford & Sons, Imagine Dragons, or Arcade Fire during halftime of the Super Bowl?  Christ, I’d watch a high-school marching band playing Foreigner tunes like back in the day before I’d subject myself to that.

Anyway, Mars delivered his usual “I-think-I’m-Prince-for-the-21st-century” act, complete with unison step routines for the band and the obligatory James Brown dance cops.  (It just kinda made me miss Wendy & Lisa.)  (And oddly, Prince himself guested on Zooey Deschanel’s “New Girl” right after the Super Bowl, effortlessly making Bruno Mars appear the wannabe that he is.)

Mars began the show playing drums, briefly leading me to believe he was going to challenge the late Karen Carpenter as pop music’s Greatest Lead-Singing Drummer.  (For those of you scoring at home: Dick Dodd of The Standells - of “Dirty Water” fame - was rock & roll’s greatest lead-singing drummer.)  (Am I forgetting/overlooking Don Henley of The Eagles, one might ask?  Don’t make me laugh. That millionaire egomaniac sucks.)  Mars and the band moved through “Locked Out Of Heaven” and “Treasure” pleasantly enough, prompting my buddy Kyle to comment, “White girls know ALL the words to Bruno Mars’ songs.”  

By 8:16 pm, when The Red Hot Chili Peppers appear for their guest-spot on “Give It Away,” we’re all just kinda waiting for this debacle to be over, just as Peyton Manning and the rest of the Broncos were probably doing.  Flea and Anthony Kiedis take the stage shirtless and the best thing I can think is, “At least, thank God, they’re in relatively good shape and it’s not Roger Daltrey of The Who baring his pale, bumpy, 60-something year-old chest.”    

Mars ends his Super Bowl show with “Just The Way You Are,” a BALLAD, for Chrissakes.  You clamber all the way up the pop ladder to appear for no pay at the Super Bowl and finish your set with a BALLAD?  Come on, Bruno.  (Kyle comments, “Bruno is now tied with Billy Joel for the worst song called “Just The Way You Are.”)

Anyway, ending his appearance with a romantic, heart-wrenching ballad apparently brought tears to the eyes of the Broncos kick-off team, making it impossible for them to see the Seahawks’ Percy Harvin clearly, thus enabling him to run back the opening kick of the second half for a game-clinching touchdown, and ending the Broncos season really, really early.

Please God, don’t make me watch Daft Punk or Robin Thicke at next year’s Super Bowl. – Ricki C. / February 3rd, 2014.

Brian Phillips with the Greatest Old School NFL Films Collection Ever. Watch! (This Constitutes Pencilstorm's Complete Super Bowl Pre-Game Coverage.)

Originally published January 2016. You should watch it every year. It's great. 

My God, aren't you sick to death of Super Bowl hype? This year has been miserable, and hell, my Seattle Seahawks are in the the damned game! Between the deflated balls and people crying real tears because Marshawn Lynch won't talk to them, I just can't take it anymore. I'll turn on the TV Sunday at 6:30 pm. just as the opening kick sails through the dry Arizona air, but that'll be about it. What I provide below is a fun distraction from all this garbage if you are in need. I know I am.

The National Football League is a many-tentacled behemoth, but for some reason they've chosen a hands-off approach to the myriad of blurry old games from the 70's and 80's on You Tube. There's some real treasures there, saved for decades and lovingly uploaded. How long will these time capsules be allowed to exist? It's anyone's guess, so I suggest you have at it while there's still time.

Our rules are simple: 1) NO NFL Films productions. Those are top-flight to be sure, but to really get a feel for what a game was like, we need the over-the-air broadcast. Bonus points if the source left the commercials in. Those are their own kind of fun. 2) We won't be looking at any video 1990 and later. More bonus points, of course, for anything from the 70's. Since the long-obsolete Betamax was introduced to the market in 1975, and the VCR in 1976 (also long-obsolete when you think about it, except for at Ricki C.'s house ) HUGE bonus points for pre-'75 material. I don't know how, but it's out there, as you'll see. 

These are in no particular order of importance. Please share fun ones you find, especially games you remember seeing. The mind is a funny thing, and you'll be amazed by what you've forgotten, and by the same token you'll shake your head at things you thought happened that didn't.

January 4, 1981 Oakland Raiders at Cleveland Browns. AFC Divisional Playoff.

This game had everything! A  minus-37 degree wind chill, legends like John Matusak, Lester Hayes, and Lyle Alzado, the great Don Criqui on play by play and quite possibly the worst kicking performance in NFL history. Kids, the Browns' Don Cockroft was one of a dying breed: the straight- on kicker. You'll laugh out loud as he misses an extra point and two other field goals. Due to Cockroft's ineptitude the Browns passed up what would have been the game winner with :41 seconds left, and instead ran the infamous Red Right 88.

You'll see the predictable result at the 34 minute mark of part 3 above. The end to yet another sad chapter in Cleveland sports history. 

A side note: If you watch carefully one of the crowd shots features two Cleveland fans sharing a flask of booze in cavernous old Cleveland Stadium. Think to yourself how different the NFL is now. In 1981 the stadium was filled with drunken working stiffs instead of today's drunken rich guys. And do you think today's NFL would just allow piles of snow to remain close enough that the players run knee deep into them out of bounds? Hell no! This was real football. 

I Didn't Go To Bed Until Halftime Highlights Was Over. October 22, 1973.

I never missed Howard Cosell's Halftime Highlights on Monday Night Football as a kid. I begged my parents to let me stay up to see them. In those days there was no ESPN. You got the games you got on Sunday and didn't see much of anything from the others. Fun fact: 1973 was the first season where you could see your local team if the game was sold out. Up until then it didn't matter. Not even the Super Bowl could air live in your town if your team was in it. Commissioner Pete Rozell wouldn't back down even when President Nixon called for the blackout to be lifted so he could see the Skins and Dolphins in Super Bowl 7. Can you imagine! The owners had no idea what a gold mine they were sitting on. 

Anyway the above gem is from week 6 (Raiders/Broncos) of the 1973 season. The Sunday highlights begin at the 3:30 mark with the Colts and Lions from Tiger Stadium. The Lions mascot is hilarious in his raggedy Halloween get up. The goal posts were still in the front of the end zone and the crowd noise in the package was a cheap loop. Classic!

December 23, 1972 The Immaculate Reception. Oakland at Pittsburgh. AFC Divisional Playoff. 

 

Okay, I cheated a bit. You can tell by the modern bug on the screen that this was a rebroadcast by NBC at some point. Still it's such an important moment in league history it's worth pointing out. The legendary Curt Gowdy on the call.

December 31, 1983. Seattle Seahawks at Miami Dolphins. AFC Divisional Playoff.

After crushing the hated Denver Broncos in the AFC Wild Card game for Seattle's first-ever playoff victory, the 9-7 Seahawks traveled to Miami as heavy underdogs to the 12-4 Fish. Marv Albert is on the call as Dave Krieg immediately kicks off this video by throwing an awful interception. After the Dolphins score Steve Largent makes a couple of huge catches (he didn't make his first of the day until the 2:25 mark of the 4th quarter!) and Curt Warner seals it to send Seattle off to the AFC Championship Game. Also: Chuck Knox!

(Note: You might be confused at the 8:15 mark. This video seems to be right off the satellite as it includes booth banter during a break. Sadly Marv doesn't say anything weird.)

Monday December 11, 1972. Live From The Moon. Jets at Raiders.

This portion of Monday Night Football is extraordinary because it begins with the end of an ABC News live report on the final Apollo Mission to the moon. That's followed by Glen freaking Campbell singing the national anthem and then Joe Willie Namath and the Jets in the East Bay to take on The Raiders. As long as we're on the space travel kick, you'll note the man they said came from the University Of Mars Otis Sistrunk was an Oakland rookie. Opening with a blimp shot seems anti-climatic after watching men on the moon, eh?

December 28, 1975. Dallas Cowboys at Minnesota Vikings. NFC Divisional Playoff

I couldn't find much of the "Hail Mary" Game, but this is the best part anyway. Staubach heaves up a bomb to Drew Pearson for the winner. 

Bonus! The NFL Today pre game live from Metropolitan Stadium! 

Yessir! Brent Musberger, Irv Cross, and the smoking hot Phyllis George. Ads included and a cheesy "making of the NFL Today" feature. 

December 26, 1970. Detroit Lions at Dallas Cowboys. NFC Divisional Playoff.

This game is only noteworthy because it's damned hard to find any over-the-air footage of something this old. We find Frank Gifford before he went to work for Monday Night Football and his harpy wife Cathy Lee was probably still in the Baptist kids choir. All that said, this may well be the most boring playoff game in history as the Cowboys beat the Lions 5-0. The video mercifully ends with the opening kick-off. 

Well, this is funny. I found the post-game too.

A young Dick Stockton handles the highlights and an excruciatingly long interview with coach Tom Landry. At the 2:45 mark you see what might be the first-ever Gatoraid commercial. 

December 12, 1982. Miami Dolphins at New England Patriots. The Snow Plow Game.

This seems like a good place to stop. Before there was Deflategate, Spygate, and The Tuck Rule there was The Snowplow Game. John Smith kicked the game winner in a 3-0 victory after a work-release inmate named Mark Henderson plowed a bare spot on the Schaeffer Stadium turf. Coach Don Shula would protest the game to no avail, though the league would pass a rule several months later banning snow plows during games. Today the tractor hangs from the roof of the Patriots Hall Of Fame. What is it with this team?! Anyway, sorry for the lousy footage here, it was all I could find. 

WWE Year in Review - Best and Worst - by Big Vin Vader

Follow @bigvinvader

2017 was a hell of a year for pro wrestling, with some of the best matches in the sport's history taking place seemingly every month.  Sadly, WWE didn't quite live up to the same global standard that New Japan and smaller independent promotions established, but they did have a rollercoaster year that was amazing, frustrating, heartbreaking and hilarious at various turns.  There were times I had to take a step away from WWE programming and couldn't find a thing to write about, whereas other shows and matches gave me more to think about than anything in the past.  There were things I never expected to see: Bray Wyatt winning the WWE championship, a women's Money in the Bank ladder match (more on that one later), a pre-filmed, horror-themed match between Wyatt and Randy Orton, Kevin Owens bloodily headbutting Vince McMahon, and two flat-out great matches featuring a 50-year-old Shane McMahon.  Coupled with all of that, however, were some of the absolute worst lows you could expect to see, with several PPVs only a single match from being total throwaways.  Also, there's the whole Jinder Mahal debacle, a failed championship run that exemplified the company’s cynical agenda.  I wasn't as harsh on that particular development as some, and the whole thing was a few steps off from being a total disaster, but it was still far from encouraging. 

NXT continued its tradition of absolutely obliterating the big four main roster PPVs with world-class Takeover specials every quarter, and also displayed legitimate forward-thinking in signing major independent talents and booking them expertly.  The women's revolution is still in swing, with the company hosting the Mae Young Classic, an all-female tournament in the mold of the Cruiserweight Classic.  While the MYC fell somewhat short of its predecessor in terms of match quality, it did lead to the signings of several world-class female talents, who are already providing some much-needed depth to the company's women's divisions.  As a result, we also have the company's very first women's Royal Rumble match around the corner, something I'm looking forward to even more than the men's match that same night.  Also bringing some diversity to the company's talent pool are the English signees who made an impact with the UK Championship Tournament last January.  Wrestlers like Pete Dunne, Mark Andrews and Tyler Bate are younger than I am, and capable of outwrestling nearly every other performer in the company.  Here's hoping 2018 provides them with greater exposure.

All of these things, if not fully realized in terms of their full potential, point to an encouraging future for the company and its product.  Even the accepted creative blunders such as Jinder's stint as champion had ultimately favorable outcomes, such as restoring AJ Styles' rightful place at the top of the SmackDown brand.  As much as the first part of his year was a mess, Kevin Owens put on some fantastic matches, and was rightfully kept near the top of the card for much of the year.  On top of that all, I got a photo with Abdullah the Butcher.  Here are my picks for the best and worst moments of the year in WWE.

THE BEST

Royal Rumble


The first major PPV of the year may have been WWE's best all-around show.  Although the titular match was full of some pretty awful decisions, two of the matches on the card were among the year’s best, and the rest of the card was solid top-to-bottom.  Charlotte and Bayley delivered a decent, if underwhelming Women's Championship match, and Rich Swann dropped the Cruiserweight title to Neville in a very strong match.  The real attractions were Kevin Owens versus Roman Reigns for the Universal Title, and AJ Styles against John Cena for the WWE Championship.  The former match was stuffed-to-the-gills with innovative brutality and hard-hitting action that almost single-handedly made me a Roman Reigns fan.  Over the course of twenty-three minutes, both men beat the absolute hell out of each other, with Reigns eating a frog splash through a table, and Owens falling through a pyramid he himself had constructed from seven ringside chairs.  That one in particular was horrifying to watch, and it's still incredible that KO managed to leave the match uninjured.  Throughout the whole thing, Chris Jericho was suspended in a shark cage above the ring, preventing him from interfering on Owens' behalf as he had in every other title defense.  Even with the resultant shenanigans (Jericho tossed his best friend some brass knuckles), there seemed a legitimate threat that Reigns would walk away with the title given the company's constant efforts to push him as the top guy.  Braun Strowman came out and destroyed Reigns, starting their long feud, and allowing Owens to escape with a win.  It was a great booking decision, and a hell of a match to start the year off.

On the other hand, Styles vs. Cena was pretty much a sure match of the night bet before the show even started.  The two had other great matches in the past, particularly their showdown at SummerSlam 2016, and there was all the pressure in the world to top that encounter here.  Also a big deal going in, and unfortunately foreshadowing the matches disagreeable conclusion, was the commentators' insistence that Cena would tie Ric Flair's record sixteen world title reigns were he to win.  Well, he did, but only after twenty-five minutes of every trick in either wrestler's playbook.  They traded power moves, finishers, and in the most gripping part of the match, submissions for a few minutes, something that shockingly worked given how terrible Cena's holds typically look.  Throughout it all, Cena looked deranged in his determination, not believing AJ was able to kick out of his attacks, and seeming to want to put him away at any cost.  Cena looked like he was losing his grip just because AJ was so good, and not that Styles needs to be put over by John Cena, but that certainly happened in his defeat.  The story was tremendous and the match itself was world-class.


Nikki Cross/Asuka--NXT 399

One of the company's very best women's matches was almost buried on an episode of NXT.  This was the first Last Woman Standing match I can think of, and it offered up the sort of hard-brawling action and insane spots you would expect from that stipulation, easily holding its own against similar men's matches such as Kevin Owens vs. Dean Ambrose at the 2016 Rumble.  Asuka's pedigree as the single best female performer in the company (thankfully now on the main roster) is unquestionable, and nearly every one of her NXT title defenses were excellent.  Nikki Cross is hugely underrated in the division, and she perfectly fits the Sanity stable's bizarre unpredictability.  For their match, they were given twenty full minutes to close out an episode of NXT, and not a second was wasted as the two women shared hard strikes, brutal weapon shots, and even some painful submissions.  Foreign objects from under the ring, like chairs, kendo sticks, tables, and ladders all came into play.  There were some nasty bumps on the entrance ramp, as well as the ring apron.  Asuka winning to retain seemed like a foregone conclusion, but the fact that she suplexed Cross off a tall ladder and through the main announce table was a major surprise, and one of the most shocking spots on WWE television last year.  An incredible, underrated match.


WarGames

People were fairly skeptical when WWE unveiled their plans to bring back the beloved War Games match at the NXT Takeover prior to Survivor Series, and there was great reason to be.  First of all, it smacked of the same sort of watered-down nostalgia that the company always tries to promise yet fails to deliver.  Moreover, War Games was intended as the blow-off to major, heated feuds, somewhere you couldn't escape and were forced to fight it out with your worst enemies.  And that meant blood, something that is a total no-go in today's PG WWE.  To cap it all off (or not), Triple H announced that the cage surrounding the two rings would not have a roof above it, but to escape over the top meant an entire team's disqualification.  All of those things seemed to ensure that the match would just be a little screwy, but then encouraging signs started to emerge: the three teams would be The Authors of Pain with Roderick Strong, the male members of Sanity, and the Undisputed Era.  The latter team is one of the best things currently about NXT, with Bobby Fish and Kyle O'Reilly standing out as top-notch technicians, and Adam Cole not too far behind, but with some of the best mic and character work of any former Ring of Honor star.  Sanity, then Tag Team champs, are a great stable, and Eric Young, Killian Dain, and Alexander Wolfe are all very strong in-ring competitors.  Authors of Pain are credible powerhouses, and pairing them with Strong not only tied the story back to Undisputed Era's ROH days, but also put a credible technician on their side.

The match itself was pure bedlam, absolute carnage mixing the high-speed workrate of today's wrestling with the sort of old-school brutality the War Games stipulation necessitates.  This was not a glorified cage match as many expected it to be, nor was it the blood-soaked War Games match of old.  Instead, it was a modern update on a classic format, realized to its fullest potential as a savage, collaborative car crash that thrilled me more than any other WWE match this year.  There was hard-hitting brawling, frenzied and desperate submission work, some surprise high flying, and more weaponry scattered about the ring than any other match I've seen in the last few years.  A few things in particular stood out.  First, and least consequential, was just how vicious this match was, with numerous instances of hardway blood, the most startling example coming after Wolfe suplexed the Authors through two tables and caught his head on the way down.  There were puddles of blood all over the ring, and yet he kept going.  Second, was the fact that Adam Cole is clearly and rightfully being set up for great success in NXT.  He perfectly played the role of cocksure, weaselly heel here, with the knowing understanding that he could back himself up if it truly came to that.  Put in the face of danger several times, he narrowly escaped with his skin, and even scored the winning pinfall on Young.  Finally, Killian Dain is one of the most underrated big men on any roster today.  The last man into the match, he introduced a boatload of weapons, swallowed the key to the cage, and absolutely decimated the competition once he hit the ring.  He's shocking agile for a 300-plus pound man, and he works like a monster heel waiting to be made.  Unquestionably the MVP in a match full of break-out stars.

House of Horrors Match

I seriously may be the only wrestling fan in the world to include this on their best-of list.  That aside, there was far too much weird stuff going on with the booking of this match, as well as its content for me to pass it up in this space.  I don't think anyone in the world would have guessed that Bray Wyatt would spend the early part of 2017 as WWE Champion, and his win at Elimination Chamber (in a great match) was a huge surprise early in the year.  His queasy alliance with Randy Orton was bound to fail, especially once Orton won the Royal Rumble guaranteeing him a title shot in the "main event" of WrestleMania (their match was the seventh of ten on the card).  There was also a strange little period where it seemed possible that Bray Wyatt versus Luke Harper would headline 'Mania.  That didn't happen, and Wyatt-Orton was kind of a mess, with the big standout being the projections of worms and maggots Bray "conjured" to mess with Randy's head.  He still lost.

So at Payback, there was to be a House of Horrors match, further taking Orton into his former leader's world, and it was kind of incredible.  Instead of some backwater swamp shack like you would expect, Bray's house was a rundown rural house that looked like a crank den on the inside.  It was full of cobwebs and mildewed furniture, with weird statues and dolls hanging from the ceilings.  The best part was the kitchen, which had dirty dishes and grease-smeared appliances.  There was just something so great about that disgusting, believable attention to detail, and the over-the-top hokiness at their attempt to be creepy that I loved.  The match was nothing special, just a pre-taped brawl around the house, but the environment itself made it seem like a desperate, drug-addled fight to the death.  Most people thought it was the worst thing WWE did all year (at least until Jinder won the title), but I still think it was a pretty wild, ridiculous way to take this feud, and at least it was something totally different.

 

There’s so many more things I could list here: Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens’ Festival of Friendship segment on RAW, which was the best television segment all year; the build to KO and Shane McMahon’s Hell in a Cell match, where Owens headbutted and beat down Vince McMahon, drawing legit blood from the boss; Pete Dunne and Tyler Bate’s incredible technical display for the UK Title at NXT TakeOver: Chicago; Finn Balor vs. AJ Styles at TLC; AJ Styles vs. Brock Lesnar at Survivor Series.  There are a ton more, and I wish I had the space and time to get into them all here.

THE WORST
 

Goldberg vs. Kevin Owens—Fastlane

The outcome of this one was hardly a surprise given the monster push Goldberg was guaranteed upon returning to the company.  There was also no chance in hell that then-Universal champion Kevin Owens was going to beat the man who destroyed Brock Lesnar at the 2016 Survivor Series.  That Owens would have to be squashed in their title match was a sure thing, especially to keep Lesnar looking strong for his final match with Goldberg at WrestleMania.  The problem was, that match didn’t need the Universal Title on the line to generate interest; it was already a huge rematch fifteen years in the making, and the way Goldberg returned in 2016 to take down Lesnar was already booked perfectly.  This match should never have happened, and say what you will about KO’s Universal Title reign, but there was no reason it needed to end with Jericho distracting him and Goldberg taking him down in twenty seconds.  Pure discouragement all around, and the total predictability of the situation made it a classic WWE move.


Women’s Money in the Bank Match

I was really excited for the first-ever women’s MITB match when it was first announced.  This was the exact sort of stride the division needed to level the playing field, and also acted as an opportunity for more of the women on SmackDown to get PPV exposure.  It also allowed the wrestlers involved to show that they are capable of putting on the same sort of high-risk, dangerous and thrilling stunt shows that only the men on the roster have been permitted to take part in.  Plus, the match featured Charlotte, Becky Lynch, and Natalya, three of the surest hands in the women’s division.  Also present were Tamina, who filled out the role of powerhouse nicely, and Carmella, who has still yet to put on anything close to a captivating match as far as I’m concerned.  Some of the problems here were fairly typical of the company’s handling of the division: the action itself was fine, with the former three really shining in the ring together, but the whole match was given thirteen minutes before being shut down.  The men’s MITB match got thirty minutes.  Come on, WWE.  But the biggest issue, and one of the most bullshit decisions of the entire year, was James Ellsworth assisting Carmella in winning the match.  Yes, despite the fact that there were five capable women in the match out to prove their talents and get much-deserved time in the big match spotlight, a man with no place on the roster save acting as Carmella’s boyfriend/flunky interfered for the win.  A man won the first women’s MITB match by knocking Becky Lynch off the ladder and climbing it on Carmella’s behalf to retrieve the briefcase.  In WWE’s world, it takes a man to win a high stakes match, and cut that thing short to the approval of nobody at all.  It wasn’t even good heel heat, it was just a stupid, insulting move that ruined a major PPV’s historic moment.  And the fact that they re-contested the match on SmackDown to the same effect (that time Carmella won cleanly) was just as big of a slap in the face to the division.

Big Cass vs. The Big Show—SummerSlam

Get it?  Both Big Cass and the Big Show are seven-foot-tall.  They also are equally limited in the ring, with twenty years separating them in age.  Basically, nobody at all asked for this match, and the fact that it made it to the main card of SummerSlam as opposed to the pre-show is pretty much a crime.  It’s possible this wasn’t the worst match of the year, it’s just the one I hated the most.  I was never a fan of Enzo & Cass, and the storyline that saw them fracturing was one of my least favorite this past year.  This match had the twist of putting Enzo in a shark cage above the ring, but at one point he greased himself up and slipped between the bars, only to have Big Show knock him out.  I made none of that up.  A pointless mess.

Jinder Mahal: WWE Champion

I’ve made it clear multiple times that I don’t hate Jinder Mahal, and I don’t feel he’s even close to the worst wrestler on the main roster.  But in no way did he deserve his six-month reign with the company’s main title, and that decision reflected WWE’s cynical cash-grabbing attitude almost as well as Stephanie McMahon’s tweet stating that philanthropy was the future of marketing.  Speaking of Steph, in the midst of Jinder’s reign she actually had the gall to declare in an interview that “We’re taking feedback in real time…Our audience tells us what they love, what they don’t like, and—worst—what they don’t care about.”  Part of that is true, but she fails to acknowledge the fact that every audience he performed before expressed their total disapproval of Jinder.  That didn’t matter at the time, however, as the company were set to tour India shortly, and unquestionably felt that this Canadian man of Indian descent was the ticket to drive up business in that major market.

At the time, I wrote a piece discussing the way WWE handled race problematically in the past, and just how sparse the representation of people of color in positive, prominent positions was.  All of that rings true, but I guess some of what I was arguing was naïve optimism in the face of the company’s Jinder campaign.  He was never booked respectably, always occupying the role of the outdated foreign heel and playing up the stereotypes WWE associated with his ethnicity.  Also, one of the biggest sour notes in his run was his feud with Shinsuke Nakamura, somebody ten times the wrestler that Jinder is.  Not only did Shinsuke get sacrificed to his opponent’s push, but a decent portion of their feud involved Mahal using flagrant Asian stereotypes to demean Nakamura on national television.  Yes, in 2017, a man of Indian descent used racist remarks, almost certainly written by a room full of white male writers, against a Japanese man.  There are almost no words for this shit.  

Also unforgiveable is WWE bringing back not only the Punjabi Prison match, but also the Great Khali himself in order to aid Jinder in his umpteenth match against Randy Orton.  Again, I don’t hate Jinder Mahal, but this was just insulting to my intelligence as a wrestling fan.

Bobby Heenan’s Passing

There were a lot of tragic pro wrestling deaths this year, but none hit me quite like this one.  I loved Bobby Heenan.  As a manager, as a host, as an announcer, he was a world class talent who made me crack up every time he was onscreen.  His years-long battle with cancer was no secret, but despite it all he managed to stick it out and fight for so long.  Even for fans such as myself born years after the company’s mid-80s golden era, it was impossible not to be aware of Heenan’s legacy and his contributions to so many major moments during that period.  He was so amazing at what he did, that even minor interview segments and commentary opposite Gorilla Monsoon on Saturday Night’s Main Event stand as perfect moments of wrestling mic work.  Nobody in the business has ever been wittier, nor better suited to the role of heel manager.  Take, for example, the fact that back in the kayfabe days of the 1970s, audience members were so enraged by Heenan’s actions that he was attacked with hammers, knives, and once was even shot at.  That’s the sort of edge of your seat, outlaw environment that wrestling once catered to, and the fact that he not only survived those attempts, but also thrived in one of the biggest boom periods in wrestling history speaks to his multifaceted talents and understanding of the business.  It still seems strange that he’s gone, even without his having appeared on television for so long.  It isn’t quite the same without Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, and his passing stands as the sort of truly tragic low point that none of my petty takes on bad matches and moments can truly stand up against.  RIP, Brain.

BEST SHOWS

Royal Rumble

NXT TakeOver: Chicago

NXT: WarGames

 

WORST SHOWS

Battleground

Money in the Bank

No Mercy