Watershed at Columbus Arts Fest Saturday June 8th on at 9pm

Columbus own "Hitless Wonders" will be performing Saturday June 8th @ 9pm on the Scioto Mile as the headlining act in the 2013 Columbus Arts Festival. If you cannot wait until Saturday, Watershed will be playing at Frankie's in Toledo, Ohio Friday June 7th at 10:30p.m.  A small club show that promises to be a beer and sweat soaked affair. 

If you have no interest in seeing Watershed but would like to have drinks with all your favorite characters from the best selling memoir, "Hitless Wonder- A Life In Minor League Rock n Roll", rumor has it they will be heading to the Jury Room following the Arts Fest to close down the bar to celebrate the conclusion of this grueling two city tour.

And don't forget to make plans to visit Raleigh, NC July 19-21 for the first ever "Watershed Rock n Roll Junket" three shows in three days. Details here.... 

as you were. 

Gordon Gee, Catholics and Me by Ricki C.

I suppose I should think about this post before I actually write it down, but that would defeat the purpose of my premise, so I'm not gonna think, I'm just gonna blurt....... 

Let's get this out of the way, right at the outset: I'm a Catholic boy, born & raised.  I'm Italian on top of that, so just take my word for it, I'm more Catholic than you are.  I went to 12 years of Catholic school in my youth and continue to attend Mass to this day, at 60 years old, so it's not just some passing fancy.  

That being said, tonight I could not possibly be more ashamed of my religion being implicit in Gordon Gee resigning as the president of Ohio State University.  

For the life of me I cannot understand what has happened to the sense of humor of people in the United States of America. 

For the life of me I cannot understand how the obviously lighthearted comments of a university president SIX MONTHS AGO IN DECEMBER 2012 could run him out of office now.  Good job, spineless trustees.  (At the same time I have to acknowledge that I thank my God every morning for those Mitt Romney "47 percent" comments coming out and sinking his campaign.  But that elitist prick wasn't joking.)

Anyway, here are some recommendations for my Catholic brethren (my Catholic sisters don't count, believe me, that's one of the problems) so that I can stop or at least cut back on being ashamed of my religion;

1) Stop forcing unmarried pregnant women in Cincinnati to take you to court to fight for their right to work.  

2) Stop firing Columbus lesbian gym teachers after decades on the job (come on, you never SUSPECTED a THING in those 19 years?) simply for publishing the name of her life partner (who, by the way, she's not allowed by law to marry, way to rub it in, guys) IN HER MOTHER'S OBITUARY!  (Way to kick a girl while she's down.  No, wait, way to kick a girl down, stomp on her back and grind her face into the mud while she's down.)  (How could any teacher in a Catholic school EVER teach a lesson on how bullying is a bad thing and you shouldn't do it with a straight face after this little Bishop Watterson episode?)

3) Maybe stop obsessing a little less about the morals (or lack thereof) of your female employees and turn your attention to the men.  The reasons given for Christa Dias' and Carla Hale's dismissals was for violating their oath to uphold the teachings of the Catholic church, NOT ostensibly because they were artificially inseminated or gay.  I have not heard of one case of a male teacher being dismissed from his position for premarital and/or extra-marital sex, or for using birth control (and yes, non-Catholic readers, condoms count as birth control), all of which violate the teachings of the Catholic church.  (And believe me, I have been apprised of those teachings OVER AND OVER AND OVER.)

4) Don't even get me started on male priests having sex with little boys & girls (mostly boys) in nearly every country on every continent, and then having their monsignors & bishops cover for them and simply move them from unsuspecting parish to unsuspecting parish, that's just too easy a target.

5) But I digress; Whatever happened to "To err is human, to forgive is divine?"  Whatever happened to "Whatsoever of you is without sin, let him cast the first stone?"   Why hound a person I actually have some respect for - Gordon Gee - out of office for what I consider harmless (and pretty funny) off-the-cuff remarks about Catholics?  And I can say that, 'cuz I'm a Catholic boy. - Ricki C. / June 4th, 2013

Click below for The Jim Carroll Band's "Catholic Boy" video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZoZEY69QQs

John McClain Doesn't Die and LeBron Won't Lose To the Pacers. I've Seen This Movie Before. Goodnight.

I'm not staying up for Heat vs Pacers game seven tonight. I've got to get up at 5:30 am tomorrow and though ESPN, talk radio and the NBA have tried to convince me otherwise, I know how this is going to end. As a scorned Cleveland fan, I desperately  want to believe the Pacers can pull the upset, but I'm not willing to bet 2 hours of sleep on it. The NBA is nothing if not predictable. The Heat will win in one of two ways: 1) Lebron just rolls the Pacers in the 3rd quarter.. 2) the much maligned "little two" convert some clutch plays in the final four minutes and the Heat roll on to an epic "old school  vs bird man school" made for TV final versus the Spurs.

I don't think tonight's Eastern conference final is fixed like say, the NBA draft*, but when it comes to game seven, the NBA storyline is as obvious as a blockbuster movie. LeBron James isn't going home any sooner than John McClain is getting killed in the next Diehard movie. I'm not talking X's and O's. The Pacers size and long defense hampering the Heat's three point shooters, Wade's balky knee....,Can LeBron carry the his new team the way he used to in Cleveland? blah blah blah. 

And a barefoot John McClain was surrounded by terrorists on a floor covered with broken glass.... 

Spoiler Alert!! Lebron wins and John McClain survives. The storyline is obvious. America hates a loser and more importantly so do the TV advertisers. And even more importantly, so does NBA Commish David Stern. It's over. Heat win game seven. Get some sleep and save it for the finals.

I will be checking the score tomorrow at 5:30am at Colin's Coffee and if for some crazy reason I am wrong, the first person to bust me out on facebook/twitter gets a $25 gift card to Colin's Coffee or  an auto graphed copy of "Hitless Wonder" sent to them next week. Have fun staying up to watch the end of Diehard again, suckers, I'm getting some Zzzzzzzzzzzz

Colin Gawel plays in Watershed and started Pencilstorm. He wrote this very quickly while his wife was frowning at him just before tip off of Heat vs Pacers game 7. Hit "About Pencilstorm/ contributors" for more info about him. He has to go now, his wife is getting really pissed because he hasn't finished cooking dinner or putting their nine year old son to bed.

Ted Nugent Gets Winged By His Roadie

Friday evening, May 31st, 2013; it's Colin's first night playing at Natalie's Coal Fired Pizza, and I'm not sure how anybody - Natalie herself, Charlie Jackson, who books the music, Phil the soundman, or any of the servers & staff - could be any nicer.  It's a pleasure to play at a venue where people are this congenial, friendly and actually CARE about music and how it's presented.  (Plus Natalie gave me a free pizza to take home and I'm only the roadie .  What club owner DOES that?)  

Anyway, since it's a new venue Colin and I showed up hours early for the gig, wound up sitting around on a gorgeous spring evening dealing out rock stories and here's mine for the night:​

In 1974 my day job was working in the receiving area of a Service Merchandise store, unloading trucks.  I had brought my Stratocaster with me that day 'cause I was going to band practice straight from work.  The guy whose truck we were unloading was a  long-haired over-the-road kid from Detroit and we got to talking when he asked whose guitar it was.   

It turned out the guy was a roadie for Ted Nugent when he was still in The Amboy Dukes.  Nugent used to do this stage routine where he would break a big-ass glass jar the roadies would place on a pedestal in front of his Marshall stack.  Ted would hit a high note, hold it and shatter the glass with his all-out bad-ass rock sonic attack.  I'd actually seen them do that bit at a outdoor festival a coupla years before somewhere outside Dayton.

Roadie-guy tells us, though, that at club shows where Ted couldn't make the amps loud enough to actually shatter the glass without deafening the bar audience, it was his job to stand offstage and shoot out the glass with an air rifle right when Nugent hit his big dramatic high note.

It went great for months, the guy told me, until one night he was higher than shit and when the big Glass Shootout Moment came the roadie missed the jar and hit Nugent in the forearm of his fretting hand.  Ted yelped and stopped playing entirely (as well he should have, he HAD just gotten shot after all) and roadie-guy panicked, re-pumped the BB gun and shot out the jar in near total silence after the rest of the band stopped the song when they saw blood running down Ted's arm.  There was a certain amount of jeering from the crowd at the duplicitous nature of the amp glass-break routine until the band could get cranked back up to finish the tune.  The Amboy Dukes finished the set and then it was off to the nearest emergency room for Ted to get the BB dug out of his arm.​

The truck driver finishes the story with an incredulous, "AND THEY FIRED ME!  I GOT FIRED FROM THE ROAD CREW THAT SAME NIGHT!"  "You're surprised at that?" I asked the guy, there in the warehouse of Service Merchandise.  "You shot your boss and ruined the band's big stage finale and you're pissed-off that you got fired?"​

"I only shot Nugent ONCE," the guy said, firing up a joint and walking back to the cab of his truck, "nobody ever talks about all the nights that things went okay."​

I'd like to say for the record that neither Biggie nor I have ever shot anybody in Watershed even once when they were onstage.​  - Ricki C. June 1st, 2013

​To learn more about Ricki C and his blog, "Growing Old With Rock n Roll", please click here to visit our contributors page.

Your Life Is Closer To Over: The Week That Was by Brian Phillips

I missed last week, but for good reason. Friday it was the Mariners and Tribe with my brother in Cleveland. The M's are, including that night, 1-8 since. I feel privileged to have witnessed the beginning of the end of their season.

Saturday and Sunday I was taking in my youngest's soccer tournament in Hilliard. The Dragons successfully defended their MOSSL title and Izzy successfully passed her first concussion test. (The final was a rough affair to say the least). ​I was actually quite calm through the whole thing. I didn't think it would help to flip out, run on the field and push down the kid who crunched my daughter's head into the turf. Being a grown up is hard.

Sunday was weird in that I attended Rock On The Range with my 15 year old. I didn't embarrass her too much. I'm pretty sure I was way more into Soundgarden than she. On the way to Crew Stadium "Flower" came on my Ipod and I commented that there was no way they'd play this late 80's obscurity. Not only was a I wrong, but they opened with it!​

News

​It's Memorial Day and all across America we remember those who gave all, and thank those who serve or served.... as it should be. Unfortunately it's not enough. We have a growing epidemic of men and women suffering in silence, behind a facade of post traumatic stress syndrome and severe head trauma. Our military health system is woefully inadequate to treat the scores who used to die in such circumstances. Today improved emergency care and better protective equipment keep them alive only to be returned state side to indifference and neglect. Read this piece and get really angry. Is the military drumming young people out so they don't have to pay for their treatment? Draw your own conclusions. 

Meanwhile the Boston Bombing case continues to generate the weird on many fronts. A friend of the dead bomber was about to confess to role in a 2011 triple murder when he attacked law enforcement and was shot dead they say. It's been theorized that dead bomber was involved in the unsolved crime. 

Last week two FBI agents involved in the shoot out with the Boston Bombers fell out of a helicopter and died, and Alex Jones just shit his pants. ​

Speaking of Jones, he says the Oklahoma tornadoes could have been steered toward their target by the government. Of course they were Alex duh... 

This article on a Facebook page dedicated to reuniting tornado victims with lost mementos will restore some faith in humanity unless you're completely dead inside. Some pictures were found about 100 miles away. ​

When you read this remember that banks have been gently reminded to end such practices. "Oh well' says the government, 'we did all we could.' ​

Anyone living in Western Washington will tell you that losing this bridge really sucks. Welcome to America's crumbling infrastructure. ​Fortunately no one was killed. 

If you haven't been following the story, the singer for Christian metal band As I Lay Dying is accused of trying to hire a hit man to kill his estranged wife. Now we have his defense: Roid Rage. Perhaps it would work better if he attempted the crime himself, but 'steroids caused my client to methodically seek out and hire a professional killer' doesn't have the same ring to it. Good luck with that. (By the way the hired gun was actually an undercover cop. I know big surprise there.)

The death of Doors founding member Ray Manzarek reminds that all those guys are going fast now. Mazarek was a guest on the morning show I produced in Seattle back in the day. I remember him smoking in our lunch room and talking a lot about the Doors. I've always been more impressed by the fact that he produced their first four X albums. ​

​Sports

​​This is why many stadiums and arenas have you pour your beer in a cup. Orioles outfielder Nate McClouth was nearly killed by fan hurling full can out of upper deck. By the way check out the catch. 

A favorite pass time of mine since the NBA stole the Sonics from Seattle has been bashing the league. I'd like to thank Charles Barkley for this ammunition. 

And Finally Tonight​

A Minute Maid Park snow cone vendor has been fired. This after a fan captured the man on his cellphone enter a bathroom stall, set his snow cones on the floor, and take a dump. That's awesome!​

​And you can't go without reading this. Man runs out of gas, sets up drum set on freeway berm. 

What Can You Buy For $115,500,000? The All-Terrible Contract MLB Team for 2013

Hello. Colin here. Sitting around the coffee shop on this slow Memorial Day morning, my thoughts turned to baseball in general and more specifically: Why does any team ever sign a pitcher to a long term deal? 

Check out this starting five: for 2013:

Johan Santana  $25,500,000

Cliff Lee            $25,000,000

C.C. Sabathia     $23,000,000

Tim Lincecum   $22,000,000

Roy Halladay    $20,000,000

So what do you get for your $115,500,000 buy you in 2013 dollars?

A combined record of 14 wins and 14 losses. Yikes!  

Conversely, if you spend wisely, say a paltry $ 3,010,750 you could get 34 wins vs 3 losses.

Matt Harvey   $498,750        5-0

Matt Moore    $1,000,000     8-0

Patrick Corbin $494,000       8-0

Lance Lynn     $513,000        7-1

Mike Minor      $505,000      6-2              =    34 - 3

Ok, that's all from the coffee shop, customers starting to roll in.Happy Memorial Day! Watch some baseball and drink some beer why don't you?   Turning it over to Brian Phillips from here...

 The 2013 All Terrible Contract Team  by Brian Phillips

With the Cubs signing Anthony Rizzo to a long term deal recently we are reminded of baseball's new paradigm: Lock those key kids up long term. They aren't all going to work out, but over the long haul it saves money over giving former superstars who may or may not be as old as they say they are ten year deals.  

Catcher: Joe Maurer

$23 million a year ending in 2018 for a guy playing a high attrition position. I know he's a home town hero and he can hit, but there's no way he returns on that kind of dough. The contract keeps the small market Twins from addressing a host of other needs.... most notably pitchers who can reach at least 90 on the gun. 

First Base: Albert Pujols 

I'll give Pujols credit for trying to slog through with a nasty case of Plantar Fascitis. This isn't about his toughness. It's about how much money and how long this deal runs. He'll be somewhere between 43 and 60 when it's over. The Angels are a dumb organization and will languish under the weight of this and the Hamilton deals for years to come. 

Second Base: Robbie Cano 

Let me clarify.... This pertains to the contract the Yankees are going to give Cano. Make no mistake, Cano is a great player. That said though he's hired Jay Z's new firm to represent him, and the rapper will be looking to make a splash. Just watch... Cano will get 10 years from the Yanks because otherwise the Angels will give it to him.

Third Base: Alex Rodriguez

I don't really have to explain this one do I? Instead I bring you this from The Onion Sports Network.  

Outfield:  Josh Hamilton

See "Swingers" story for more on Hamilton's free swinging ways. 

Outfield: Jason Werth. 

He looks like the Unibomber these days, probably hoping not to be recognized while out at Kroger. He need not worry. They don't care about bloated contracts in D.C. 

Outfield: Alfonso Soriano

Still another year to go after this one before the Cubs are finally rid of a deal they seemingly made during the Dot Com Era.  

Starting Pitcher: John Lackey

The Red Sox are paying this creep $16.5 mil a year through 2014. There is a 2015 club option though. Sure there is Lackey.

Relief Pitcher: Brandon League

The Dodgers gave this guy a three year/22 million dollar deal in the off season. He won't be the closer by July 1 the way things are going.  

At Home Feet Up: Chone Figgins 

 The Mariners are still paying on Figgins' four year deal. At last word he was released by the Marlins on March 28th. Miami owner Jeffrey Loria replaced him with a LeRoy Neiman painting of Brooks Robinson. 

Brian Phillips and Colin Gawel do all sorts of things and write for Pencilstorm. You can learn more by clicking here for our contributors page.