Top 5 Movie Monologues with Rock and Roll Intentions. By Lizard McGee

 Top 5 Movie Monologues with Rock and Roll intentions.

or

Everything I ever needed to know in life, I learned from Rock and Roll

By Lizard McGee

You go to the theater and sit in the dark. A projector pushes light through film and out onto the screen. You open your mind to the power of imagination and pretense momentarily suspending all disbelief. Actors expound on delicate dramatic details. You are washed with an intense certainty that they are speaking directly to you. As if a folded horn grows directly from their heart, out through the screen ending at yr face, amplifying and translating the deepest meanings of their words. 

Whatever they are talking about, they’re really talking about Rock and Roll. Everything I ever needed to know in life I learned from Rock and Roll. Rock and Roll is the beginning and the end of the world. It’s everything. Remember in Apocalypse Now when Marlon Brando says that he “… has seen Horrors.” ? Rock and Roll has seen those Horrors. Or Citizen Kane’s “Rosebud.” Rock and Roll has a Rosebud. 

But those are films. I’m talking about movies. Consider this a master class in Rock and Roll. 

1. Tears in Rain (Blade Runner) - Rutger Hauer 

Rock and Roll should always go for the jugular. The emotional response. You want the audience ripping off their panties and throwing them at the stage with mindless abandon. Even if your audience includes that ripped, sweaty, fantastically mustachioed grip who winks at you during scene breaks. No matter what, you want them all to be lost in the moment. 

Legend has it that the film crew was brought to tears and erupted into spontaneous applause after Mr. Hauer delivered this impromptu soliloquy. He ditched the script and went with his gut, abbreviating and adjusting what the director and screen-writer had given him. His gutsy move reminds us that great performance is also about spontaneity. Plus nothing says Rock and Roll more than having platinum blond hair and holding a dove in one hand while talking about death.

2. Don’t Ever Get Married (Purple Rain) – Clarence Williams III

Prince’s dad beat his ass, just beat his Mom’s ass and is now sitting at a piano in the basement crying while playing a beautiful melody that Prince later turns into Purple Rain. His dad grills the Kid about whether or not he has a girlfriend and what their future plans are. 

“I never meant to cause you any sorrow/I never meant to cause you any pain”

Indeed. 

Q: What do we learn from this growling monologue? A: Rock and roll is wrong. You should do it in a basement. You might get yr ass kicked. And most importantly, making plans for the future is a bad idea because that bitch will just break yr heart.

3. I’m A Wolf (Moonstruck) – Nicolas Cage

Ronny and Loretta have fire. Ronny has fallen crazy in love with Loretta. He wants her to come upstairs with him and get in his bed. But Loretta is fighting against her heart. Loretta is trying to be reasonable, she’s trying to make “good decisions”. What does this scene tell us about the dogma of Rock and Roll? It tells us that playing it safe is a loser’s game. The past and the future are a joke. Nothing matters but right now. Why? Because fucking. Because recklessness. Because it doesn’t matter how and it doesn’t matter why. Love breaks yr heart, love ruins everything, love is a mess. And when yr on fire, everything seems like nothing against -I want you in my bed. 

Nick Cage speaks for Rock and Roll. And Rock and Roll says - Don’t play it safe. Listen to the Wolf.

4. Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope (Star Wars) – Carrie Fisher

Editing is Rock and Roll’s masterstroke. You must have impact. And it’s all in that last line. That one sentence has so much power. The wanting in her voice. Because everything depends upon this. This is a call. This is the power ballad. This is top notch Rock and Roll. Because it’s a fucking hologram, so cool. Also, Carrie Fisher is fine. Because metal bikini. And because it’s fucking STAR WARS and I still want a Landspeeder.

5. Bruce Lee Kicks Everyone’s Ass (Enter The Dragon) – Bruce Lee

It doesn’t matter that this isn’t a monologue. Rock and Roll is about breaking the rules. When Bruce Lee fights, he makes the coolest fucking sounds EVER. Specifically the moment in the scene in the underground drug lair when he fights off 7 henchmen and then after he beats the last guy’s ass, he stomps on his chest, grimaces, makes an alien-cat noise and prowls away to a soundtrack of spooky synthesizers. Bruce Lee is a BAD ASS, people. He then goes on to gloriously beat the shit out of another 47 dudes (I counted). That is seriously Rock and Roll. Because nunchucks. Because you can do anything. Even against insurmountable odds. Especially against insurmountable odds. Rock and Roll feeds on the glory of the underdog. And because it doesn’t matter if you’ve reached the end of the set. Go farther. Who cares what the club owner or the sound-man says. They may throw up the house lights and try to kill yr vibe, or pull the plug on yr guitar amp and try to shut you down. But God gave you a voice and made you a human amplifier. And he did that so you can say “I think we’ve got time for one more.” 
You cannot be stopped.

“You must constantly exceed your level. There are no limits. There are plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. If it kills you, it kills you.” – Bruce Lee

Well said, Bruce.

Rock and Roll always says -"Bring it on". Because Rock and Roll is all about stepping up yr game.

- Lizard McGee

Lizard McGee is a guest contributor for Pencilstorm and one hell of a talented guy. Follow him on Twitter or Learn more about his band Earwig and all things Lizard by clicking here

This Couple Travels From Idaho To North Carolina To See Watershed Play. No, Seriously..... by Ricki C.

I was sitting in a sidewalk café in downtown Raleigh, North Carolina this past Sunday morning, July 20th, talking to my lovely wife Debbie about how Watershed’s three-gigs in three-days in three-different bars Rock & Roll Junket event was going and I said, “I met a couple last night who came all the way from Idaho to see the band.”  “ON PURPOSE?!?!?” was Debbie’s incredulous reply.  “Yes, on purpose,’ I said, “why else would they come?”  “No, I mean, did they come to Raleigh for something else and then see that Watershed was playing so they came to the show?” Debbie clarified.  “No,” I explained, “they read about the Rock & Roll Junket online and flew all the way from Idaho to North Carolina for the weekend.”  After a short pause to take that all in Debbie said, “Now I feel bad.  I didn’t even go see Colin the last time he played solo right here in Columbus.”

That’s the kind of weekend it was.  Dara & Nick are our new friend Superfans from Idaho and the story is possibly even stranger than this sounds.  Stranger because Nick lived in Columbus and worked for our local daily newspaper, The Columbus Dispatch, from 1995 to 1998 – possibly Watershed’s most gig-intensive period ever, during and immediately after their Epic major-label years – and Nick managed to be only marginally aware of their existence and never saw the band live.  After moving to El Paso and meeting Dara, he got more into the band long-distance before the couple moved to Boise, Idaho in 2001.

I found out most of this from talking to Dara (man, I hope I’m spelling her name right) at Colin’s acoustic show Friday night at Sadlack’s Heroes.  She had come up to where I was selling merch and we got to talking.  When she mentioned that she and her husband had come all the way from Idaho for the shows I couldn’t believe my ears, I thought I had heard her wrong.  “You came here all the way from Idaho?” was the first thing I said.  “Yeah,” Dara replied casually, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, as if stuff like that happened to Watershed all the time.  The first thought into my head (which I’m really glad I didn’t say out loud, because Dara was such a sweetheart) was, “I have never met ANYONE from Idaho who was not an Aryan separatist.”  The second thought into my head (much like Debbie’s reaction above) that I DID say out loud, was “You came all the way from Idaho for THIS?”  

Luckily Colin, Joe & Dave delivered a Watershed All-Timer set at The Pour House on Saturday night or else I was gonna have to clear it with Biggie to start plying the couple with free stuff from the merch table to justify their weekend expenses.  (I’ve seen Watershed literally hundreds of times since 1990 and the Saturday night show was easily one of the Top 15, possibly Top 10.)  

There were other people who came from far away at the First Annual Watershed Rock & Roll Junket – Todd came from wherever he lives now, Catherine came from Georgia, at least one couple came from our hometown Columbus, Jenna and her boyfriend/husband came from Hilton Head – but all of them are another blog for a different time, because Dara & Nick came all the way from Idaho to North Carolina to see Watershed.  No, seriously……   -  Ricki C. / July 24th, 2013

For more on the Watershed Rock n Roll Junket. Setlists and recap posted at Colingawel.com

Why JAWS Keeps Getting Better With Age by Johnny DiLoretto

Everytime I see Jaws it gets better.

I don’t swim in the ocean because of Steven Spielberg’s movie. Yes, I’m missing out on the sheer joy of frolicking in the surf. And, yet, I take comfort in the fact I’ll never have my torso severed in two by a fish.

I love this movie. Most people consider it a horror movie, but really, it’s an adventure movie; albeit, one punctuated by a few excruciating moments of horror. Jaws is a miracle of editing, narrative pacing, and some of the finest character acting of the 70s. Roy Scheider as Chief Brody is absolutely perfect. His performance is deftly, profoundly complemented by Richard Dreyfuss as Hooper, the marine biologist, and Robert Shaw as the salt-weathered Quint, the hard-drinkin' shark fisherman. And those are just the three leads. This movie is alive with the lived-in faces of the extras and smaller roles. Amity feels like a real place, like you could step through the screen and into the street. 

Then, of course, there's the shark. In an era, when CGI effects are so egregiously overwrought, the actual physical animatronic shark, though clunky, has real physical heft and presence. It may not be a real shark, it may even look fake, but a dude is eaten by it and he’s not just thrashing around in front of a green screen. 

So, recently a friend told me that he’d read Peter Benchley’s novel and he boldly asserted that the book was better than the movie. Thinking he might be a jackass, I bought the book and read it. Turns out my friend is a jackass. The book is fun but what should have been a taut 200-page thrill ride, is a belabored, enough-already, 300-plus page diversion with aspirations to seriousness. Spielberg adapted it into an unrivaled masterpiece. 

Here are some of the changes, tweaks, and massages Spielberg made to make his movie sing:

For starters, in the book, Brody is from Amity. He grew up on the island, so there’s nothing unfamiliar about it. This is stupid. Spielberg makes Brody a NYC transplant who’s terrified of the water but trying to adapt to small town coastal life when the shark turns up on his beaches. That is brilliant. Brody is off balance, trying to find his footing from the start.

One thing movies can do that books can’t is show, and allow the audience to hear, the real-life way human beings talk over one another. You can't write words over top of words. But you can hear actors literally speak their lines over the lines of other actors. Benchley drones on for pages about the town. Spielberg in the couple of tight scenes wherein the town council members and chamber officials chatter and jockey for position, brings Amity to vibrant life. 

In the novel, Brody’s wife Ellen is a thinly drawn, vaguely dissatisfied woman who sleeps with Hooper. This is just silly filler designed to make the book seem “deeper.” It doesn’t help that the Hooper character is also flatly uninspired. Spielberg makes her a faithful wife and a concerned mother, and he gives her that great moment when Brody, after reading up on shark attacks, frantically demands his kid get out of the docked sailboat he’s sitting in. Ellen thinks he’s overreacting, until she glances at a page in one of the books and sees an illustration of a shark eating through the hull of a boat. “Michael,” she screams, “you heard your father – get out of that boat right now!”

This is the kind of smartly observed family dynamic Benchely can’t touch.

Back to the marine biologist Hooper. He’s a yawn in Benchley’s version. In the movie, we get a smart, tenacious Richard Dreyfuss who bonds with the harried police chief despite their class differences.  The two become friends, bonding over the challenge of cutting through Amity’s small town culture to solve their shark problem. From the minute Hooper surveys the damage of the first victim, and chides the selectmen that “this was no boating accident!” Brody’s on his side and so are we.

That scene doesn’t even exist in the book, by the way.

It’s no accident that Brody and Hooper swim off together at the end like Rick and Renault walking off into the night at the end of Casablanca. That classic friendship is deliberately echoed here.

Spielberg makes a number of other brilliant changes to Benchley’s book too. Most notably with Quint. Benchely’s Quint is Ahab redux. All seafarin’ growl and piratey bluster. He introduces us to the character in a 5-page phone conversation. Spielberg gives us the nails-on-a-chalkboard entrance and the line “for that, I’ll give you the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.” Spielberg all the way on that one.

The director also gives us the inestimably great Robert Shaw, who’s not the one-dimensional shark-hating psychopath of the book. By giving his Quint the monologue about surviving the sinking of the U.S.S. Indianapolis and the blue shark feeding frenzy that consumed hundreds of men, Spielberg humanizes Quint, gives him a context for his shark obsession, and tragically foreshadows his spectacular demise.

In the book, Quint drowns like Melville’s Ahab. Dumb. In the film, he’s devoured in gut-wrenching high style.

I could go on. But let me end with this: in the book, Brody’s family is relegated to a few tossed off lines just to let us know he has one, I suppose. In the movie, he’s a father, his children swim and boat in these waters, and you can feel him weighing his every decision – how his every move might reverberate through the town or put his family in peril.

One of my favorite scenes in, not just Jaws, but in all of American cinema is the one following Brody’s comeuppance after a young boy is killed by the shark. (The child’s mother learns Brody knew about the first victim and that he failed to close the beaches. She publicly humiliates him with a smack to the face and the accusation that he was responsible for her son’s death.)

After this Spielberg cuts to the Brody family dinner table. Everyone has eaten; their places have been cleared. Ellen is washing dishes while a dejected Brody broods in his chair. We know the death of the boy wasn’t his fault, but, being a decent human being, he can’t help but consider his culpability.

He sighs and buries his face in his hands. When he peeks out from behind his fingers, he notices his youngest son, unaware of the true heft of his father’s burden, playfully imitating his every move. Brody plays along for a moment before he leans toward the boy and says “Give us a kiss.” “Why?” the kid asks. “Because I need it,” Brody replies, with the genuinely deflated air of a man beaten by a bad day at work and of a father seeking the affirmation of his child's love -- the child he is blessed to still have sitting across from him beautifully alive. 

I admit I cry every time I see this scene; and not because it’s some big, emotional moment. It’s just a small, sincerely realized moment of humanity. It’s the smallness of it that gets me – to see this truth played out: that sometimes, yes, indeed, a kiss from your child can cure many ills.

But it’s also the mark of a director in supreme command of his craft, taking some thrilling, pulpy material and transforming it into something human and unforgettable.

Johnny DiLoretto is a man of many talents. You can learn more about him and other Pencilstorm contributors by clicking here.

Twit With Tweet Sized Thoughts On MLB by Brian Phillips

We're half way home more or less in the 2013 campaign. The All-Star Break is here, and it'll be tough to move the needle much in your fantasy league as the numbers are pretty well pounded into shape. In real baseball meanwhile nothing is settled. The largest division lead (Atlanta NL East) is 6 games, and most of the NL West is underwater. 

Games have never been closer. 2013 may see a new record for extra inning tilts. (I'm pretty sure my Mariners have lost 37 of those.) It's been a campaign marred by injuries too. Super stars like Bryce Harper and Ryan Braun have spent extended time on the disabled list. The Yankees are so beat up their current roster resembles the witness protection program. Depth has never been more important.

Money pitchers like Matt Cain and Justin Verlander have struggled. Max Scherzer meanwhile was the first 13-0 hurler since Roger Clemons in 1986 (and he has the peripheral numbers to match.) Michael Cuddyer of all people had a 27 game hitting streak. The only thing that makes complete sense is Miguel Cabrera and his run to repeat as a triple crown winner. At age 29, and in an era of flailing at everything, Miggie is transcendent. 

Perhaps all the whiffing has to do with our short attention spans. It's tough to stand there and take pitches when all you really want to swing at them and see what happens! In the era of Twitter we just don't have time. Swing and a miss! Oh well another pitch is coming in about 30 seconds.  Here then are 30 Tweet length missives on the 30 MLB teams just past the half way pole. 

AL East 

Boston Red Sox 

  Sox in first and a big reason is Dustin Pedroia. Petey is hitting .325 with 53 runs despite a torn ligament in his thumb. What a gamer!

Tampa Bay Rays 

I had something else written, and then the Rays dashed into the break winning 9 of 10. Joe Madden should always have this gig.

Baltimore Orioles 

 Trade for Feldman underlines what we knew. Starters weren't up to snuff. Telling they gave up on Arrietta. Great arm. No FB command. 

New York Yankees 

How bad? They've just added .136 Luis Cruz to play short. Even I feel sorry for them. And yet there they are 3 out of the WC. How? IDK!

 Toronto Blue Jays 

Have come around, but probably too late. Dickey poor fit in AL East. Johnson not what he was. Reyes missing all that time really hurt. 

 AL Central 

Detroit Tigers 

Another underachieving first half. Miggie carrying this team. Scherzer having predicted break out. Verlander walk rate way up. Not himself.  

 Cleveland Indians 

Club built with high power/K guys and middling starting pitching behaves like this. Winning jags followed by losing streaks. Manicball!

Kansas City   Royals

 Pitching has kept them in it. Hosmer putting it together. Last 3 wks: .306 7/14. Butler? 6 hr! Saber says low Flyball rate. Last yr lucky.

 Minnesota Twins

This is as good as it gets. Meek line up, low K rate pitchers. I said at the beginning Twins need to start developing power arms.  

 Chicago White Sox

 2013 team shows two things. 1. Older guys getting old fast. 2. Weak farm system not yielding young difference makers. 

AL West 

Oakland A's 

 Forget book and the movie, the past two years have seen Beane's finest work.  Cubs catcher reject 3B Donaldson exhibit A: Bat and glove. 

Texas Rangers

Pretty simple. If Texas wants to win west from Oakland they have to fix their pitching. Injuries force them to use not readies like Grimm.

Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim  

Pujols and Hamilton killing them, especially Hamilton who is done as a productive player. They should just shut Albert down for injuries.

Seattle Mariners 

Good young talent. Now all they need is real ownership, all new front office, and a new field manager. Trade K. Morales while you can. 

 Houston Astros

I get it. I see what they're doing. Bo Porter could never win it with this club, but in a way isn't he manager of the year?  Hellava job.

 National League East

Atlanta Braves

This team will be caught from behind by Washington. Too many offensive holes, and now injuries.  

 Washington Nationals

Then again, the Nats have been even worse at the plate. Having a healthy Harper will make everything better.

Philadelphia Phillies 

Not a good team, but I hear talk of them selling. Bullshit. Atlanta is vulnerable, and they're only a 1/2 behind Washington. Sack up! 

 New York Mets

Mets should have a ticket plan to see only Matt Harvey starts. This guy is old school. Light on gimmicks. Heavy on cheese.  

Miami Marlins

After Nolasco trade their highest paid player is probably Loria's court painter. He takes over for NBA's Sterling as worst owner in sports.  

National League Central 

St. Louis Cardinals

Everything they do is right. They will never laugh at Pujols because they have class, but they will sit quietly and nod.  

Pittsburgh Pirates 

You buying? Man that offense isn't really good, but it's getting there. Pitching has been stellar. If they get in? Look out. 

Cincinnati Reds 

Gotta be frustrating. This is a first place team in most divisions. In the NL Central? Tough hill to climb. Pieces are there.  

Chicago Cubs

Obviously out of it. Their season is before the trade deadline. What can they get for Garza? Could they trade Soriano? If they eat money.

Milwaukee Brewers 

Has there every been a shittier bullpen? Not many. Starters really no better. A disgrace to their fans. Speaking of disgrace: Braun. 

 National League West

Arizona Diamondbacks 

Gibson needs to quit fucking around with his bullpen and figure it out. Also Gibson needs to get over his blood and guts fetish. 

 Los Angeles Dodgers 

Perfect I guess because this LA team is written like a Bruckheimer flick. Puig the hero, but the pitching has to be the meat of the story.

Colorado Rockies   

Speaking of Hollywood, this is like a Rockies team out of central casting. Plenty of pop, but they've resorted to Roy Oswalt on the hill.  

San Francisco Giants 

They had a nice run didn't they? Weirdly their offense hasn't been that bad, but their pitching has been middling at best.  

 San Diego Padres

I'm not sure what they're doing down there, but what they might think about is trying to trade guys like Headley to the Yankees.  

That'll do it. Every race is going down to the wire I think, even the NL East. Trades? Hmm... I've never had a more tenuous feel for who will be dealt. It isn't just me. The extra layer of wild cards cuts the number of available players precipitously. It's never been a better time than now to be a crap team. Will the Marlins really trade Stanton? Don't put it past Loria. If the Mariners don't sell high on Ibanez (24 home runs, are you kidding me?!) Morales and Joe Saunders I'm going to throw my shoe through the TV. Get something for them! They won't though because our front office stinks, the fans don't hold them to account, and the ownership doesn't care. Go Seahawks!

Brian Phillips is the mid day DJ for CD1025 and knows a thing or two about a thing or two. learn more about him and our other Pencilstorm contributors by clicking here. 

Robin Zander and Rick Nielsen Held Up This Black Concert T-Shirt and We Can Prove It

I have a question and I know you you have it too: Why Isn't Cheap Trick in the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame? It's a simple question, but nobody seems to have an answer. To try and get to the bottom of this, Joe Oestreich wrote a best selling book with Cheap Trick as a major character, I ranked every single Cheap Trick song and then with help from The Lonely Bones started a band called, "Why Isn't Cheap Trick in the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame?". They played some free concerts to help assemble some clues to solve this mystery. The shows got a bunch of national press and everybody agreed that it is essential that the answer be found. and soon. 

Last week in Columbus, Ohio in front 5,000 boozed up rock n roll fans, Rick and Robin helped the cause by holding up a "Why Isn't Cheap Trick in the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame? " T- shirt before playing "Surrender". Looks for it in the clip below around 35 seconds in. If you want a shirt yourself, A couple are still left so click here ASAP.

Colin Gawel really, really likes Cheap Trick. He does other things too. Read about him and other Pencilstorm contributors here. 

Cheap Trick performing Surrender live at Lifestyle Communities Pavilion, Columbus, Ohio on Saturday, July 13, 2013 at the Q96 Wing Zing event.

A Golfer's Guide to the Top Public Gambling Courses in Central Ohio

Every Monday night in the summer, I gather with 15 of my good friends at a local golf course for nine holes. We call it a golf league, but we all know that it is a gambling league that plays golf.  The truth is we all love the game of golf. But we also believe that golf is more engaging when there is green involved, and we're not talking about the color of the grass.

Over the years, certain local public courses have gained favor in our group for our non-league "friendly" matches. There are a multitude of good options when it comes to public golf in Central Ohio, but we generally play on just a handful. These courses have earned our repeat business by delivering four important qualities, which are:

1. Condition. We like to play on well-maintained courses. This tends to minimize the ugly side of gambling on the golf course ... the bad lie in an old divot, the footprint lie in the green side bunker, the excessively long searches for errant shots in the heavy high high that should get cut down but don't because the course has cut back on their maintenance budget. We like for our games to be decided as much as possible by skill, or the lack thereof, not by luck, bad bounces or lost balls that only strayed 10 yards off the fairway. 

2. Pace of Play. We like action. Slow golf is the enemy when you are gambling, especially if you are down next month's car payment and the sun is setting. Faster play means more holes. More holes means more opportunity. Plus, you never know when you might have to squeeze in an "emergency nine," which is what the gambling golfer calls overtime.

3. Good Gambling Holes. We like holes that offer a chance to swashbuckle your way to a birdie, but deliver harsh consequences to the imprudent and/or overconfident gambling golfer. These are holes that require thought, strategy and nerve. In traditional golf parlance, these are known as risk/reward holes.

4. No Houses. When we gamble and golf, we like to do so privately. Having houses down both sides of the fairway tends to restrict certain freedoms, such as the freedom to swing hard without fear of taking out a bay window with an errant Titleist, the freedom to curse openly, and the freedom to engage in the taking of immediate relief (wink,wink, nudge, nudge).

Here is a list , in no particular order, of five Central Ohio courses that my gambling league of golfers frequents on a regular basis.

Champions  This Columbus Municipal course is not your typical public course. That's because it was built to be a private course, the original Winding Hollow Country Club. When the members decided to move their club to New Albany, the city took it over and it instantly became one of the jewels in the Columbus public golf scene. Originally opened as a nine hole course in the 1920's, the members brought in renowned architect Robert Trent Jones, Sr. to rework the layout and expand it to eighteen holes. This course screams "old school". It features tight fairways, small, undulating greens and lots of doglegs, all things not commonly found on modern public courses. What this course lacks in risk/reward holes it more than makes up by putting a premium on accuracy and shotmaking. There are no houses, but there are some apartment buildings that border parts of the course. They aren't in play, other than the interesting sounds that come from them occasionally. Like the ice cream truck that likes to drive in and around them throughout the summer. It's all part of the charm of the place.

Winding Hollow  Champions is the Old Old Winding Hollow. This is the New Old Winding Hollow. That's right, this is the course that the members of Winding Hollow Country Club moved to in New Albany. The move didn't work out too well for the members. Eventually, the club lost membership to other area clubs, in particular New Albany Country Club. The members sold the club and it is now operated as a public facility. Some confusion exists as to it's name. Originally, it went public under the name Tartan East Golf Club, then later changed to East Golf Club and eventually back to Winding Hollow. But there is nothing confusing about deciding to play here. This is arguably the best public facility in Central Ohio. Located less than a mile from the hallowed grounds of The Golf Club, architect Arthur Hills produced a layout more modern, but no less challenging than the original club the members vacated. The fairways are a little wider, the greens are a little larger and their are less doglegs. But it's longer. The 18th hole is one of the best finishing good gambling holes in Central Ohio,  a reachable par 5 with water along the right side of the green. No houses, no apartments, no signs of civilization. This is the course I take out-of-town friends to who want a good public golf challenge in Columbus. And they are never disappointed. This place is a great test. Just you, your golf ball, the course and your demons to duke it out.

  The Players Club at Foxfire  Foxfire was originally a 27 hole facility. In 1993 the "Silver" nine was combined with nine new holes and rerouted to form The Players Club. The result is a long, challenging layout that offers two distinct types of holes. Play starts on the first four holes of the old Silver layout, which was known as the tougher of the original three nine hole layouts, and features tight, tree-lined fairways. Holes 5 through 13, the newer holes, are open, links-style holes with few trees and more bunkering, and they are more susceptible to wind. Once you get to 14, you re-enter the old Silver layout and a stretch of holes not-so-affectionately known by names like The Coffin Corner, The Grove City Death March and Hell's Half Acre. Holes 14 and 15 are back-to-back par 5's that are tighter than a bull's ass during fly season. Hole 16 is a monster. The uphill par 4 plays even longer than the stated 434 from the blue tees. It's probably the toughest three hole stretch of holes in Central Ohio public golf. Lots of money changes hands on these holes. There are no houses on the old Silver holes, and only a few of the newer holes have houses on them. But that doesn't detract from the overall experience, which is a financial grindfest.

Clover Valley  if you're not in a hurry, the drive to Clover Valley is well worth it. Carved out of rolling meadows just outside of Johnstown is this well manicured gem with some of the slickest greens around. The layout is challenging and long, but the consistently good condition of the greens and the extremely reasonable price are the reasons we keep going back. That and the fact that it's just a fun course to play. There isn't a house or any other structure (other than the clubhouse) for as long as the eye can see. There's something to be said about escaping the city and taking the game out to the country. Let freedom ring.

  Riviera  Most Central Ohio golfers think that Riviera is a private club. It was, but not anymore. Hard economic times in the golf business forced the Riv to accept public play recently. In fact, the rumor is that the club has been sold and will be closed sometime in 2014, to be developed into another Dublin subdivision. What a shame. This course is a long, fair, fun test of golf and gambling skills. The fairways are tighter than they look, thanks to the well developed trees that line the course. But the action gets serious once you are on the fast, well-groomed greens that slope considerably from back to front. The dreaded three putt lurks everywhere, making for some serious and unexpected shifts in personal wealth. Do yourself a favor and play this course before it is too late.

Anybody want a $3 nassau with flying presses and $1 greenies, sandies and Arnies?

Greg May golfs, gambles and contributes to Pencilstorm. You can learn more about him and our other contributors by clicking here.