Ray Davies is the Best Songwriter. Exhibit G

For this Sunday exhibit of why Ray Davies is the best songwriter the planet Earth has ever produced is the Kinks Klassic "Victoria". The clip is from a Ray solo show in 2010 proving that a song about an English Queen from whenever, released over 40 years ago still sounds great. 

To visit Ray Davies is the best songwriter exhibit F click here

Exhibit E: Victoria

Long ago life was clean
Sex was bad and obscene
And the rich were so mean
Stately homes for the lords
Croquet lawns, village greens
Victoria was my queen
Victoria, victoria, victoria, toria

I was born, lucky me
In a land that I love
Though I am poor, I am free
When I grow I shall fight
For this land I shall die
Let her sun never set
Victoria, victoria, victoria, toria
Victoria, victoria, victoria, toria

Land of hope and gloria
Land of my victoria
Land of hope and gloria
Land of my victoria
Victoria, toria
Victoria, victoria, victoria, toria

Canada to india
Australia to cornwall
Singapore to hong kong
From the west to the east
From the rich to the poor
Victoria loved them all
Victoria, victoria, victoria, toria
Victoria, victoria, victoria

OK, We'll Be the Bigger Website and Admit Grantland Did A Pretty Good Story on Aaron Craft

It's no secret around the blogosphere that there has been some bad blood between and Pencilstorm and Grantland. Just like all the big rivalries - Ali vs Frazier, Beatles vs Stones, that one hunky English F1 driver versus that other guy - Pencilstorm and Grantland have been locking horns for web dominance for years with each side claiming glorious victories and suffering humiliating crotch-kicking losses. 

Some say that Grantland is just a collection of pretentious, over paid, ESPN sellouts taking orders from their evil overlord, Malcom Gladwell, that all they care about is generating revenue at all costs at the expense of quality content for you, the loyal blog-reading sports enthusiast.

Of course, Pencilstorm would never suggest such ideas because we have one thing Grantland has never had, CLASS. Well, that and day jobs anyway. And no advertising. Because we refuse to sell out. Never have, never will.

However, unlike our worthy adversary, once again we are willing to be the bigger website and give kudos to a job adequately done when it is deserved. Today is Aaron Craft's last home game as a member of the Ohio State Buckeyes and Matt Borcas of Grantland wrote a really good article summing up his extraordinary career. If you are a fan of Aaron Craft, this is a must read. Of, course we would have written an even better story ourselves, but nobody here at Pencilstorm could get off work that day. Well, except  Ricki C. but he was busy working on a 63,000-word Mott the Hoople essay. Enjoy. 

Click here to read Grantland's pretty decent Aaron Craft Story

Texas Tornados Channel Crashes Entire Pandora Network

Achtung! This essay contains salty language. Proceed at your own risk.

Pandora World HQ - Wednesday, March 5th

Phone rings...

"What?!? Goddamn it, I'm busy!"

"Sorry to bother you sir. This is Johnson from sector 7-G and we have a situation developing that I thought you should be aware of."

"What have you got?"

"It appears that a customer from the Columbus, Ohio area created a "Texas Tornados" channel around 6am this morning and it has been streaming for over five hours. The Music Genome is struggling to find compatible songs and I'm worried it may overheat and crash the entire network."

"Let me get this straight, some asshole from Ohio started a Texas Tornados channel in the middle of the goddamn longest winter in 200 years and he is just letting it ride?"

"That is correct, sir"

"Jesus Fucking Christ. This is all we need. Did you send him "Are you still listening?" messages?

"Yes sir, eight separate times and he keeps responding yes. It appears he is enjoying the music and plans to continue."

"There has to be a simple explanation. Was "Tin Cup" on last night?"

"No sir, that was the first thing I checked. It's not scheduled on TNT until next Tuesday."

"GODDAMN IT! Why is he doing this? Did you work with the NSA on intel?"

"Yes, we checked his e-mail and cellphone records but nothing much came up. His credit card showed a $75 dollar charge for a "Donkey Show" in Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, but that was from 1998. He did post on the Facebook page of a dive called "Colin's Coffee" that he was going to play some Tex-Mex music because it feels like spring outside."

"Spring outside? My report shows it's only 21 degrees in Columbus right now. That doesn't sound like spring to me, Johnson. And what the hell is Tex-Mex music? Do we even have the category?"

"With all due respect sir, there are many unanswered questions. That is why I called you. Our analyst thinks that "Tex-Mex" music is a reference to "Tejano Music". There has been some linguistic confusion in areas of North America where the popular "Tex-Mex" restaurant Chi Chi's was once prominent."

"Give it to me in English, Johnson"

"These assholes from Ohio don't know shit about "Tejano Music." Sir, I don't want to alarm you, but the lightbulbs in my office are starting to flash and we are down to our last Flaco Jimenez record. We are running out of songs!"

"Think. There has to be something we can do. Think. Goddamn it, think..."

"Sir, the sirens are going off. People are starting to scramble for the doors. Should we abandon ship and play our emergency song? It's the only thing that can save us..."

"Sweet Mother of Mary, I hoped this day would never come. Do it Johnson, do it. It's the only song not by the Shins that plays on every station...."

Now playing on Texas Tornados Pandora Channel: Old Time Rock n Roll - Bob Seger.

 

Colin Gawel clearly has too much time on his hands at Colin's Coffee. And yes, the Texas Tornado channel really did play "Old Time Rock n Roll."

 


All Things "Superior" For Your Snowy Sunday (featuring a young Owen Gawel) by Colin G.

"Remember that guy Colin Gawel?"

"Uh....sorta, I think."

"You know, the guy from that great book about that band Watershed?"

"Rings a bell." 

"You know the guy. He did that crazy Cheap Trick list where he ranked every song."

"Did he play all the Beatles songs too?"

"No, that's another guy."

"You know Colin Gawel, he's the guy who did that song Superior."

"Oh yeah...."

Below: A young Owen Gawel interviewing me about the writing of Superior. You'll notice when he starts to get bored. And below that, actual proof that sometimes The Lonely Bones can be pretty damn good rock n roll band. From the old CD101 Big Room.

Colin Tending Bar at Little Rock Saturday March 1st, 4 - 9 pm for "Pay The Rent Saturday"

Pay The Rent Saturday March 1st! Support a Local Business on this Day!

I know what you're thinking: "But Colin, Pay the Rent Saturday is supposed to be the last Saturday of every month. That's the day we are supposed to make a concerted effort to target and support a local business. Saturday, March 1st is obviously not the last day of the month. What gives?"

Let's face it, February is barely a month anyway. Just a handful of days with polar vortex jammed between Christmas and St. Patrick's Day. If it wasn't for True Detective, I could have napped on the sofa through the entire thing. February is a month the way Pluto is a planet. You sort of have to acknowledge its existence, but you can feel free to ignore it as well. So for the sake of convenience we are pretending like March 1st is the last Saturday of February. But I digress....... 

More importantly, what February lacks in substance, it more than makes up in misery for local business. Snowstorms, high heating bills and two less days on the calender means the landlord is all up in your face for rent  quicker than you can say, "I'm so broke, they call me Mr. Broke."

So in honor of this, the most important of all the Pay The Rent Saturdays, I will be serving coffee at Colin's Coffee and then heading to the fabulous Little Rock Bar  (944 N. 4th) to be your guest bartender from 4 to 9 pm. You have two golden opportunities to support very cool local businesses. Come visit me or hit a different local joint of your choosing: a record store, thrift shop, a bar or restaurant, book store, movie theater, catch a local band, etc..

Do it! And spread the word. See you Saturday.  - Colin

 

Pussy Riot, Cossacks, Putin's Olympics and the Arizona State Legislature by Ricki C.

“Rock & roll as a force for social change
That idea got kicked to the curb
About the same time the noun ‘party’
Got turned into a verb”

- from “Old Heroes Might Be Heroes (But They’re Old Anyway)”

© 1978, Ricki C. for The Twilight Kids


When was the last time an American or British rock band actually did anything Revolutionary, or even mildly controversial?

I once had high hopes for Green Day, around the time of American Idiot, until they merchandized that great disc into a Broadway musical, of all things, not exactly the premier move in radical rock & roll protest circles, ya know?  (They really are a lot like The Who, circa Tommy in that respect, aren’t they?)

It’s immensely sad to me that The Dixie Chicks – a trio of female country singers – essentially punted their entire music career over an off-hand onstage comment in London – “We’re ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas.” – at the height of American jingoism in 2003, during the run-up to the Iraq War.  It’s even sadder to me that not one rock & roll band showed any kind of solidarity with them or mounted any kind of free-speech defense.  Where were The Rockers when that shit was going down?

Which brings us to Pussy Riot – an art-collective punk-rock band comprised of Russian women, two of whom served TWO YEARS in a Russian prison after staging a protest in a Moscow Cathedral, performing a song called “Mother Of God, Chase Putin Away.”  (You have to admit, even Bob Dylan in his topical song protest days never came up with a title that cool.  “Blowin’ In The Wind,” “The Ballad Of Emmett Till,” “Masters Of War,” indeed.)

The two women who served time – Nadezheda Toloonnikova and Maria Alyoknina – were released from prison in December, 2013, an action widely viewed as an attempt to show the lighter side of Vladimir Putin, a little PR move in advance of his Olympic Games.  “Forget the last 21 months you spent in prison, girls, let’s all be comrades.  Have a vodka tonic!”  

I saw the two women on the Colbert show and they were intelligent and committed – which I fully expected – but also displayed a great sense of humor, which I did not expect.  I expected didactic, shrill, defensive artistes.  (I’d’ve been defensive & shrill if I did 21 months in prison for singing a punk song in a church.)  What I got were two lovely, funny and articulate individuals.

So do Pussy Riot stay on in the United States and trade on their name to make some bucks, maybe do a commercial for Fancy Feast or Stoli?  No, they go back to Russia and work up a song called “Putin Will Teach You To Love The Motherland.”  (Admittedly, it’s no “Blue Suede Shoes.”)  They’re whipped in public by Cossacks – who apparently serve as a paramilitary adjunct to the Russian police force: kinda like Paul Blart, Mall Cop, only with warmer hats and whips – and were arrested yet again.  That takes balls, my friend.  I don’t care how much publicity you get or how famous you are or how many cameras are trained on you in public, if Putin wants you to disappear, you’re gonna disappear.  (Has anybody seen the Russian Olympic Hockey Team since they got eliminated in the semi’s?)  (By the way, while we’re on the subject of hockey disappointments, concerning the stocked-to-the-gills-with-NHL-players American Olympic team: if I wanted to see a hockey team display ZERO heart and not even TRY to win a Big Game, I’d go downtown and watch the Blue Jackets.)

So next time I see Ted Nugent mewling & whining on Fox News about his First Amendment Rights, I wanna see him do 21 months hard time in prison and then come back for more.  (By the way: my buddy Kyle and I had free tix to Ted’s show at the LC a few years back and he should do 21 months for not being able to play the fucking guitar anymore.  He was three or four minutes into “Free For All” before either of us recognized it.  That calls for SOME kind of punishment and incarceration.) 

I was surprised that in NBC’s woeful coverage of the Olympics – woeful because they didn’t offer even cursory explanations of sports unfamiliar to American audiences, among many other factors – I don’t think I heard even a passing mention of the unrest in Ukraine that took place during the Games.  I’m not saying that there should have been a blow-by-blow account of street battles in Kiev by Tara Lipinski & Johnny Weir during the ice-dancing finals – I understand the argument that the Olympics should not be about politics – but I am saying that if there had been a revolution in Ohio during the 1980 Lake Placid Olympics (roughly the same distance – 700 miles – as from Sochi to Kiev), it probably would’ve gotten at least a passing mention on the talking TV box.

Finally – and I SWEAR I’m gonna bring this in under 1000 words – can somebody please explain to me how the Arizona State Legislature can line up so squarely with Vladimir Putin and the nation of Uganda (once ruled so peacefully by Idi Amin, who slaughtered hundreds of thousands of his citizens) on the question of denying gay individuals their rights as citizens?  I didn't want Governor Jan Brewer to veto this week’s hate legislation for economic reasons, like because the NFL threatened to take away Phoenix’s Super Bowl in 2014, I wanted her to veto it BECAUSE IT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO!  (And I thought the Republican Party and Fox News – in their Mindless Thrall Deification of Ronald Reagan – were supposed to be AGAINST anything Russia was FOR.  Whatever happened to The Transitive Law of Intolerance?) 

How long can we continue to be on the wrong side of history?

And where is The MC5 when we really need them? – Ricki C. / February 27th, 2014

Learn more about Ricki C. and other Pencilstorm contributors by clicking here