Two Simple Steps For a Semi-Successful Browns Draft by Colin Gawel.

I think reasonable people would agree that my ten year old son Owen could have drafted for the Cleveland Browns the past five years and been as "successful" as their highly paid front office executives.  Hell, let's be frank, he probably would have done better reading names off Peter King's website. See, that is the dirty little secret about the NFL draft: for all the non-stop coverage and cheat sheets, it really isn't hard to maneuver through unless you're a local sportscaster or an ex-player who has suffered multiply concussions. This isn't rocket science. Sure you may miss here and there, but overall, the smart teams do well, the others not so much. Always.

Before I lay down my elementary two-step strategy for a successful Browns draft, I would like to present a list of every quarterback taken in the first round since 2000, picked 4th or lower. The Browns are picking 4th this year so this should give us a good idea of what quality of player to expect between the 4th pick and 32nd pick overall in the first round. In chronological order starting in 2013 working back to 2000.

EJ Manual

Ryan Tannehill

Brandon Weeden

Jake Locker

Christian Ponder

Blain Gabbert

Tim Tebow

Mark Sanchez

Josh Freeman

-- Ok, Browns fans, it is going to start to get better, but only a little. 

Joe Flacco

Brady Quinn

Matt Leinart

Jay Cutler

Aaron Rodgers

Jason Campbell

Phillip Rivers

Ben Rothlisberger

J.P. Losman

Byron Leftwich

Kyle Boller

Rex Grossman

Patrick Ramsey

Chad Pennington

Twenty-three QB's were taken in the first round picked 4th or lower since 2000. As you can see, most of them were terrible. Two became superstars (Rodgers and Rothlisberger), while three others have had good careers (Flacco, Cutler, Rivers).

Or put another way, if the Browns use a first round pick on a QB in the 2014 NFL Draft, that player has a 8.6% chance of becoming a superstar, a 17.0% chance off being pretty good and a  78% chance that he will become yet another embarrassment for an embarrassing franchise. If those numbers don't scare you, than have at it, tough guy. Go get Manziel or Blake Bortles with the 4th or 26th pick, but don't say I didn't warn you. The numbers don't lie. And keep in mind, none of these 2014 QB prospects are considered in the same class as Rodgers or Big Ben, they just happen to be coming out in a year with thin talent at that position.

"But the Browns need a franchise quarterback to win the Super Bowl. They need to hit a home run on this one."

Before I put my fingers down my throat, let me explain why this line of thinking makes me sick.

1) As a Browns fan, the last thing I am worried about is winning the Super Bowl. How about we keep a head coach for longer than 12 months or keep our owner out of jail for less than 24. If and when we sniff .500 for two consecutive seasons, we can start jawing about winning the Super Bowl. Until then, draft the best talent available and shut up about the QB. It makes us all sound dumb and Bill Belichick LOL. 

2) Sure, hitting a home run is nice, but there is another baseball cliche that may be more appropriate for this draft: "You can't get it all back with one swing."

So here we go. Two simple steps to a successful Browns draft.

1) Four players are considered "can't miss" superstars by the super-majority of experts. The Browns are drafting 4th, so take whomever is left of Clowney, Robinson, Mack, Watkins.

Simple math.

 I realize it may not be exciting to take Mack with the 4th pick as our defense is already semi-respectable, but if Sammy W. is gone, that is the right move. But after watching sports science I suppose we can take Mike Evans if we are hellbent on a WR. As the previous list of QB's makes painfully clear, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD THE BROWNS TAKE A QB WITH THE #4 PICK IN THE DRAFT. Got that?? NO QB at #4. And really, not at #26 either. 

2) After step one is complete the Browns should take the best available OL, WR, or CB according to who they (and experts) like most. If they take Watkins or Evans at #4 they only have to fill the other two needs and then…..

They can spend the rest of the draft trying to hit a "home run" looking for a franchise QB to lead them to the promised land.

So to summarize: The Browns first three picks should fill in no particular order, WR, OL, CB and then just go crazy looking for shitty QBs they will cut in two years. 

There you go. Easy stuff.

Colin Gawel started Pencilstorm and writes from Colin's Coffee. Learn more about him and other contributors by clicking here.

Dear J.J. Abrams: Please Don't Ruin Star Wars

By Wal Ozello

I know we usually write about rock n roll here on pencilstorm and other life moments.  But it's May the Fourth and that's means it's Star Wars Day (May the Fourth/Force be with you - get it?).

So please, allow me to geek out for a moment with an open letter to J.J. Abrams, the director and writer for the new Star Wars movie.

Dear J.J. Abrams:

I'm sure by now you've started filming the next Star Wars movie: Episode VII, titled who knows what. It may sound crazy, but I hope you're not sleeping at night.

I hope that at 2 a.m. in the morning you wake up, tossing and turning, and then never fall back to sleep. I hope your mind is filled with excitement and anxiety that you just can't shake.

Let's face it, this is the most exciting thing you'll ever do in your life. Sure, you've done Lost, Alias, the Star Trek reboot, and a bunch of other things that the average filmmaker would love to have at the top of their resume.

But this is STAR WARS.  The biggest film story ever.  It's magic. Pure magic. And you're at the helm.  I assure you, and billions of fans would agree with me, you're doing the most important thing in your life ever. 

It's the equivalent of taking the first step on the moon, coining the word Rock N Roll or even inventing the light bulb. This is huge. While you're in the midst of it, I hope you take a moment to look around and see Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, and Han Solo instead of Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford. At that moment it's okay to say to yourself, "HOLY SHIT I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS."

Then also realize that you can't mess this up.  The pressure is just as huge as the moment is. Could you imagine what would have happened if Neil Armstrong tripped coming out of the Lunar Module?  You could do that. All you need to do is take a look at the prequels to understand the potential failure here.

Listen... think about it this way.  Someone just handed you Frank Lloyd Wright's Falling Waters and asked you to build an addition. Or pulled you into a music studio and asked you to write  new additional few songs for Pink Floyd's The Wall.

If you mess this up you'll never be able to show your face in public again.  You'll be the Jar Jar Binks of Hollywood.  We can forgive George Lucas for the prequels because, hey, he made Star Wars to begin with but we'll never forgive you if you mess this up.

See right now, all of us movie lovers are drowning in superheros and wizards.  From Marvel and DC to Potter and Gandalf, we are stuck watching guys in spandex fly around in New York City or wizards leading short people around to battle dragons, find horcruxes and destroy a ring. We need this Star War movie to be great. We need manna from heaven. We need you to be our Moses, part the red sea, and lead us from the world of comics and fantasy novels.

Please make this the best thing ever.  Give us a new hope.  A hope that movies don't need to be overproduced to be fun. That they don't need to be over thought and intertwined with a million other movie and television plots. We want to enjoy going to the movies again!

So when you're on set, and the pressure is piling on, let go and go with your gut instinct. Be like Luke during the trench run on the Death Star. Forget all the training and technical instruction you've learned with filmmaking. Forget all the rules and certainly don't listen to the Disney generals who are calling the shots, yelling at you for turning off your targeting computer.  Instead, go with your gut. Go with what feels right.  That's message behind the first Star Wars movie - when you go with your raw inner instincts and believe in yourself,  everything will work out well in the end.

We're all wishing you the best J.J. and can't wait to see what you do.

Wal Ozello is the author of the science fiction thriller, Assignment 1989: The Time Travel Wars and lifelong Star Wars fan. He's a resident of Upper Arlington, Ohio and a frequent customer at Colin's Coffee.

Learn more about Wal Ozello and other Pencilstorm contributors by clicking here

Top Ten Vocalists: Part Two - Five through Two

Wow. The debate I stirred with Ten Through Six was high.  I never realized how passionate people were about their singers.  Click here if you missed Top Ten Vocalists: Part One - Ten Through Six.

Here comes Part Two - remember the rules.  These singers just aren't a distinctive voice or a sound, they have to have talent. They must be able to use their voice as an instrument.

#5 Sting. While many rock vocalists are influenced by blues, Sting did something slightly different. He brought jazz to rock n roll, creating haunting melodies that are burned into our memories. His phrasing sounds like a jazz guitar soloing over a driving rock n roll beat. There's no one like him. Two video clips here - one is him singing at Live Aid with saxophonist Bradford Marsalis. He had just left The Police at this point.  You'll be able to hear his raw jazzy rock vocals of Roxanne intertwined with counter melodies from a soprano saxophone.  Bonus track: Eddie Murphy's  rendition.

#4 Jon Anderson. Lead singer of the Prog Band, Yes, Jon has the most angelic voice in rock history.  Seriously, when I die I expect to hear Starship Trooper blasting over the speakers as I enter the pearly gates - that's how I know I've gotten into rock n roll heaven. The most amazing thing to me is that he sings these high beautiful melodies with calm and ease. I equate his melodies to a butterfly fluttering around on a warm summer morning near the ocean. As his phrase ends the butterfly finds his destination, settling on the tall grass just above the dunes, the sun glistening through it's wings.

There's lots of clips of Yes that shows off his voice, but most have about two minutes of instrumental music before the vocals hit. So here's the classic I've Seen All Good People. He's about 57 in this clip. Any other Tenor his age would be way past their prime. His voice is still magically angelic.

#3 Robert Plant This is a voice that gets you laid. Over and over and over again. Sex just oozes out of his melodies. It's rock n roll with a heavy helping of soulful blues. He can climb up a phrase with a perfect attack then gently release it with an airy bliss that melts up into the clouds. He can change up the melodies and phrasing to capture the mood of the song but still maintain his signature blues-rock style. Here's my favorite - Kashmir.

#2 Steve Perry. Love Journey or hate Journey, what's undeniable is the strength and power of Steve Perry's voice. He brings beautiful blues to corporate rock. Many tribute bands and vocalists have tried to copy him. But if you listen closely there are nuances to his phrasing and melodies than make it almost impossible to duplicate.  Be it an extra breathe here or there, or a few grace notes that lead into the power note, or parts of the phrase that build up into a climax - Steve knows how to use his voice as an instrument. A typical singer with his range just hits the high notes and wails away (e.g. Dio, Brian Delp from Boston, Rik Emmett, Dennis DeYoung, the Bee Gees), instead Steve finesses the note, plays with it, and makes it his own.  Take a listen to this bonus track from Frontiers, a song called Liberty. It marries his bluesy phrasing that grows into his power pop, then releases it - letting it subside back into a blues phrase.

Want to know who number one is?  You'll have to check back in a few days to find out.

Wal Ozello is the author of Assignment 1989: The Time Travel Wars and was the lead singer of the Columbus hairband Armada. He's a resident of Upper Arlington, Ohio and a frequent customer at Colin's Coffee.

Learn more about Wal Ozello and other Pencilstorm contributors by clicking here

Top Ten Rock Vocalists: Part One - by Wal Ozello

I'm sure this list will bring on comments-a-plenty, but I'm also sure to surprise you on the way.

Let me set the ground rules for my list. Only those with vocal talent are on it. These aren't front men.  Don't expect to see David Lee Roth, Mick Jagger, or Bruce Springsteen on my list.  Just because they can shake their ass, dance around, or have a shitload of stage presence doesn't mean they can actually sing. And just because they are an amazing songwriter like John Lennon or Billy Joel doesn't mean they have a voice that transcends the ages.

These singers use their voice as an instrument. They know how to sing a phrase, turn a note, and add color. They know when to rip out lyric with power or suddenly add that magical breathiness.  Most importantly, they are distinctive and instantly recognizable. You hear them and you know it. A band without them is just a bunch of musicians.

My runners-up for this list were (in no consecutive order): Jim Morrison, Axl Rose, Don Henley, Grace Slick, James LaBrie from Dream Theatre, Dio, Geoff Tate from Queensryche, and David Gilmour from Pink Floyd.

#10: P!nk. And right out of the chute I'm sure to get people to say WHAT????  Yeah, I said it. P!nk. There's got to be a woman on this list and it's not going to be Janis Joplin with her whiskey voice.  Remove the fact that P!nk's a pop sensation. She's got shitload of talent, blues, power, range, and dynamic. She can cross many genres and pull all of them off. Yeah, she's known for her pop and I can't blame her for wanting the fame and fortune and everything that goes with it. You still think I'm crazy?  Listen to her rendition of Somewhere Over The Rainbow at the Oscars. Sure, it's not rock... but it's bluesy as all hell.

#9 Eddie Vedder Eddie's voice reminds me of a string double bass that strums around in the lower range and every now and then works down the neck to surprise you with a higher note. He's able to bring emotion to a phrase without overdoing it - which is something most singers can't do. Listen to the opening notes of his song Release. At first, you'll mistake them for a low end note of a synthesizer.

#8 Roy Orbison I got to reach back to good ol' days of rock n' roll for at least one singer on my list. It's not going to be Elvis. It's not going to be one of The Beatles, either.  Roy has an amazing voice and complete control of it. He has range like none other and that soft, gentle voice that makes you think everything is going to be okay.   I fell in love with this song during my Blue Velvet days. Cue the candy colored clown they call the sandman.

#7 Bon Scott This guy is like an angry Bob Dylan with a range - sometimes you can't understand a word he's saying but that gravely bluesy angry voice makes you want to f'n rock. There's raw power in his voice but don't be fooled. He's not your ordinary angry hard rocker. The guy knows how to sing like a growling tenor saxophonist in a dive bar on Bourbon Street. Listen to the phrasing and rhythmic melodies he creates, entwining the lyrics in between the drum beats.

#6 Geddy Lee from Rush. Geddy doesn't have the panache like most of the singers on my list and ends up on more "best bassists" than vocalists lists.  But after personally singing his stuff over the past 20 years of my life, I can attest that it's extremely challenging. Just try hitting the high notes in Temple of Syrinx or the baritone notes of Trees. Geddy makes it all look effortless while he's playing the most complicated bass licks and keyboard parts. There's a certain beauty and awe about his melodies - they are a bit odd and different but that adds to the magic that is Rush. Here's one of my favorites.

Check out Part Two - Vocalists #5 through #2

Wal Ozello is the author of Assignment 1989: The Time Travel Wars and was the lead singer of the Columbus hairband Armada. He's a resident of Upper Arlington, Ohio and a frequent customer at Colin's Coffee.

Learn more about Wal Ozello and other Pencilstorm contributors by clicking here

Why Isn't Cheap Trick in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Live @ Ace of Cups May 2nd

The ten day Kiss Kountdown has ended and last night another class of musicians was inducted into the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame. Yet, there is one question still to ponder, Why isn't Cheap Trick in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? It is a simple question, yet nobody seems to know the answer.

If you follow Pencilstorm you already know that Why Isn't Cheap Trick in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is now a band in addition to a damn good question. Once again we will be performing a FREE show of power-pop protest calling attention to this injustice. So please come out to Ace of Cups (2619 N High St.) on Friday May 2nd for a FREE show of ALL Cheap Trick covers. It is an early show with doors at 5 pm. Teenage Fanclub Fanclub opens at 6pm and WICTITRHOF is on at 7:30 sharp.

Last year the band performed twice and got a whole bunch of press including Rick and Robin holding up a "Why Isn't Cheap Trick in the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame?" T-Shirt. Click here to see all the dust we kicked up.    

Just to be clear, I am a big fan of the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame so you haters that think Poison or Foghat should be inducted need to take your business someplace else. This is about Cheap Trick fans uniting and trying to find the answer to this pressing question. So as the show approaches, please post "Why Isn't Cheap Trick in the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame?" and maybe even pick up a limited edition T-shirt while you are at it. Click here for link to T-shirt.

As for my Cheap Trick bona fides:

1) Please read the best selling book "Hitless Wonder - A Life in Minor League Rock n Roll" which is all about "my" band Watershed and filled with good Cheap Trick nuggets. It is a must read for any fan of rock n roll or good books. Do it. 

2) Check out "My Obsession - The Complete Cheap Trick Song Rankings". This comprehensive guide is the final word on all things Cheap Trick. It is always evolving, so check often. It takes more than a day to see it all. Sort of like Disneyworld. Ok Cheap Trick fans, It's up to you, to get things started and maybe next year will be the year. - Colin Gawel

Below: Rick and Robin holding up the shirt.

Cheap Trick performing Surrender live at Lifestyle Communities Pavilion, Columbus, Ohio on Saturday, July 13, 2013 at the Q96 Wing Zing event.

Why Isn't Cheap Trick in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

Five Must Read Bruce Springsteen Stories. Take That, Grantland

Last week I took my ten year old son Owen to his first Bruce Springsteen show in Columbus, Ohio. Tonight, ignoring all logical reasoning I'm driving to catch the Boss in Pittsburgh because you know, he is the boss. At some point Springsteen's magic powers have to fade and I want to see him at least one more time while he is still in top form. In honor of this, I thought I would tidy up our excellent Bruce coverage here at Pencilstorm with a quick recap of past stories. They are all excellent and worth your time. You find anything comparable on our rival website, Grantland. Please share them with other like minded music fans. Thanks- Colin

Click here to read "The Perfect Age For Rock n Roll Pt 2"  - Ricki C. describes seeing Bruce for the first time in 1976. This whole series is a must, must read. 

Click here to read "My Chance Meeting With Bruce or His chance Meeting With Me" - Colin G. once hung out with Bruce, one on one, for about 45 minutes. Go figure.

Click here to read " A Review of Bruce Springsteen Cincinnati 2014" - Ricki C reviews Bruce 38 years after seeing his first show.

Click here to watch Bruce cover Highway to Hell by AC/DC  - Not really a story but worth a revisit nonetheless. So fun.

Click here to read "In His Passing, Clarence Has Given Bruce the Gift of Music Everlasting" - Before there was Pencilstorm. Colin wrote this review of the dazzling new E Street line up on the Wrecking Ball tour for Colingawel.com