Sorry. This story has been rescheduled to a future date TBA.
You can still follow them during the Browns v Dolphins game on twitter @northcoastposse
Please enjoy these Corey Coleman highlights.
What Teams Should I Root Against this Weekend? Baver Answers.
Colin: Was the Buckeye's dismantling of the Sooners just one great game or are we starting to see the results of Urban's unprecedented recruiting success?
Baver: The team is now made up of almost entirely Urban’s recruits ….so yeah, that’s huge. I don’t think this is a one-game thing….Urban’s got it rolling like we’ve never seen here before and this year’s team is only going to get better.
Colin: Both of our lines were thought to be slightly suspect entering Norman but came away looking dominant. What gives?
Baver: It looks like Urban brought in the right man in Greg Studrawa to coach the O-line. And you haven’t had much of a drop-off so far with Jamarco Jones replacing 1st round draft pick Taylor Decker. On the D-line, even without Joey, you have 4 very good DE’s in Lewis, Hubbard, Holmes and now Joey’s little brother Nick. Then, you’ve got Robert Landers starting to make a name for himself at DT. Things could certainly be worse in the Buckeye trenches.
Colin: As athletic as our secondary is, young players are typically prone to giving up big yards in broken coverages at some point. Does Greg Schiano deserve the credit for avoiding this? What are still areas of concern?
Baver: I thought it would be tough to upgrade DC’s after Ash left…that was until Schiano came aboard. It’s a combination of Schiano and having three studs in Conley, Lattimore and Hooker. Conley has plenty of experience, and the three new starters got legit PT last year…so they’re not quite as young as you may think they are. Area for concern? Not really an area, but personnel wise, Damon Webb is struggling at free safety, and is going to have a tough time holding off Erick Smith from taking his starting job.
Colin: Ignoring Iowa, the Big Ten knocked off Oklahoma, Notre Dame and Oregon on the same weekend. How good is this conference?
Baver: As much as everyone hates Harbaugh, Michigan is going to be a top-10 team for the rest of the 5-year time frame he stays in Ann Arbor. Mark Dantonio is as underrated as they come. The conference has definitely taken a turn for the better and I am actually starting to warm up to Mike Riley at Nebraska, who I originally thought was a bad hire. So far this year, I’d say it’s the 2nd best conference in the land behind the SEC.
Colin: OK - Let's assume the Buckeyes get tripped up at least once during the season, who should we be rooting against to better our odds of making the playoff? Let's start with Sparty vs Badgers this weekend.
Baver: You gotta root for the Big Ten West school (Wisconsin) in the Sparty-Badger game to give Ohio State a better chance at winning the East. I think you root for Clemson to beat Louisville a week from Saturday, as I don’t think anyone else can beat the Cards. The Noles could rebound and beat Clemson in late October, in Tallahassee. Root against Bama as always and root against both Washington and Stanford the rest of the way. The Big 12 won’t have a playoff team this year.
Colin: Best guess of four teams that make the playoff after 3 games?
Baver: Alabama, Ohio State, Louisville and Washington. I watched almost the entire L’Ville – FSU game, and the Cards are for real. And the preseason hype was warranted with Washington. Clemson, Stanford and LSU would be my next 3 picks.
Colin: What games and lines will you be watching this weekend, if any, with the Buckeyes off?
Baver: I like UCLA at home catching a field goal against Stanford…I see UCLA winning that one outright. I think you have to take Florida getting 6 ½ against the Vols; Florida has of course had their number and I see a low scoring game there. Finally, I like LSU laying 3 ½ at Auburn….LSU has a far superior team if they can just pull things together.
Three Songs in My Life with Nada Surf: Part One "Always Love" - by Colin Gawel
Nada Surf is playing the A & R Bar in Columbus, Ohio tonight. I'm going to see them for the first time. They are one of my favorite bands. - Colin G. 9/22/16
Three Songs in My Life with Nada Surf: Part One - "Always Love"
"Have you heard the new Nada Surf song? It might be the best song I've ever heard." That's a pretty strong statement. And coming from my Watershed bandmate - future Hitless Wonder author Joe Oestreich - it carried twice the weight. Unlike myself, Joe is not prone to hyperbole. "Alright then. I'll be the judge of this, fire up the tune, Biggie." I responded.
So as the van rolled East on a beautiful stretch of I-64 towards a gig in Charlottesville, I heard "Always Love" by Nada Surf for the first time. It started perfect and only got better. Damn, Joe might be right. This is one of my favorite songs ever. Right now. After one listen. "Biggie, spin them shits again." It was even better on the second listen. I remember thinking, "Did he just sing, 'It helps to write things down, even when you then cross it out'"? That's a great line.
Of course, the context of when a listener receives a song always plays huge into its reception. That's why seeing the Red Hot Chili Peppers while drunk in some club is kinda fun, but hearing the same band on the radio while stuck in traffic makes you want to wretch. At that point, I was in great spirits. Everything was sounding good to my ears. Watershed was finally a truly great band touring behind a truly great record in The Fifth of July. We had had our moments in the past: but the then-current line-up of myself, Joe, Dave Masica and Mark "Pooch" Borror - along with the road crew of Biggie and newly hired roadie/older brother Ricki C. - was really gelling. You didn't have to like us or maybe we weren't your taste, but at that moment we were truly a great rock n roll band at the height of its powers. We never used a setlist and could do a smoking 40-minute opening set in an arena or a three-set marathon in a bar in Marquette, Michigan. It was all the same to us. Something about playing a thousand shows, I guess.
We had a new manager in Thomas O'Keefe, working radio & booking shows; and even a little tour support thanks to Columbus restaurant entrepreneur Cameron Mitchell. The last part was HUGE. I had recently married the girl of my dreams and we had a young son at home. In fact, being a part-time stay-at-home Dad really helped my writing with the latest record. Not much to do sitting home with a baby, so I wrote "The Best Is Yet To Come" and "Small Doses" instead of going out to the bars. One day I served Cameron coffee in the morning and then was his server later that night at a different restaurant. He said, "Let me get this straight, you work two jobs, help take care of a baby at home and tour & record with Watershed?" "Yes, sir." "Maybe you could use some financial help?" he asked. I answered, "I would never ask you for that." He responded, "I know you wouldn't, that's why I'm offering." It was the kindest thing anybody outside of Joe's dad had ever done for the band.
When the record was finished and all this momentum started lining up, my wife and I had a serious talk about the band doing some touring. She was all for it. Follow your dreams and all that. I did not sugarcoat what we were about to get into. I had done this before: three times, in fact. They were all resounding failures in the traditional sense (money & security). She had never been through a touring cycle before. So I tried my best to be brutally honest. I laid it out almost word for word like this:
1) If I agree to this, these people own me for the next 18 months. They can schedule me anywhere, anytime, with rare exceptions. I could miss funerals and weddings. In the past I had missed my grandmother's funeral and my Mom's passing from lung cancer.
2) I cannot quit halfway through, even if it gets tough. If anything is going to happen it will be towards the end of the 18 months. Many people are now working on my behalf and I owe it to them to give it my best: better not to even try than to quit 15 months in.
3) The odds of success were worse than looking for a needle in a haystack. No matter how good the record, how good the band and management, we were signing on to basically drive around the entire country to find one needle in one certain haystack. Everybody is talking a good game now but this probably isn't going to work. Is that clear?
Still, being the beautiful, supportive person she was, she enthusiastically signed off on the plan. "You should go for it one more time."
So riding in the van at that moment, I somehow had yet another stay of execution of being forced to give up my life's passion and forced to retreat to the real world and a real job. But none of that mattered now. I was back from the dead. Life- support systems suddenly plugged back in by the mighty hands of rock n roll (along with producer Tim Patalan), traveling with my friends to play music and listening to one of the best songs I had ever heard.
Actually, I knew Nada Surf. Almost sorta literally. Their drummer Ira Elliot had been the drum tech for The Smithereens when we were lucky enough to open up a tour for them during our Epic records days. The tour was a blast and Ira was a heck of a nice guy to us bunch of Ohio hayseeds, who had somehow landed a major record deal. Ira was NYC all the way. I remember hanging with him at the Windjammer on Isle of Palms, SC and while we are all rocking shorts and beachwear, Ira was donning skinny jeans and big black leather boots. Frankie LaRocka would have been proud. When Ira wasn't out working for 'Reen's drummer, Denis Diken, he had his own band. They were called Nada Surf.
During that tour, The Smithereens got dropped from their label after a show in San Antonio. About two months after that, we got dropped too. Sometime after that, I don't know how long, I turned on MTV and there was a popular video getting lots of spins. The song was actually called "Popular" and the band was....Nada Surf. "Damn, that's Ira's band. Good for him."
Coming Soon: Three Songs in My Life with Nada Surf Part Two - "Blizzard of 77"
Colin Gawel plays in the band Watershed (and in the bands The Lonely Bones and The League Bowlers) and also as a solo act. You can read all about him in the book Hitless Wonder by Joe Oestreich.
He is a dad, husband, coffee shop owner, and - oh yeah - is the founder of Pencilstorm, too.
Tuesdays With Ricki - week three / Mitch & Becky and 920 am
WMNI, 920 am is an oldies radio station in Columbus, Ohio. And we’re talkin’ OLDIES here, boys & girls, NOT classic-rock. We’re talkin’ all the way back to the Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Jerry Vale era; but then strangely forward all the way through the 1960’s (Beatles, Kinks, Byrds, Gerry & the Pacemakers), the 70’s (James Taylor, Gordon Lightfoot, anything no louder than Bread and nothing as loud as Bachman-Turner Overdrive); and up through the likes of Josh Groban and Norah Jones.
Mitch & Becky and 920 am
Mitch & Becky were each other’s first date, first kiss, first boyfriend & girlfriend. Their first date was to go see Canned Heat and Blood, Sweat & Tears at Vet’s Memorial on the West Side of Columbus, Ohio, in January or February of 1969. They broke up later that year, right around the end of August, just before Mitch’s senior year of high school and Becky’s junior year. Mitch was the lead singer of a garage-rock band; Becky was a sweet girl from Grove City, Ohio.
One warm afternoon in spring, 1969, Mitch & Becky were lazily kissing on Becky’s parents’ patio in Grove City when “Love Can Make You Happy” by one-hit wonders Mercy came on WCOL-AM – Columbus’ Top 40 station of the time – and Becky said dreamily, “Oh, I love this song. Don’t you think this is OUR song?” The dreamscape kinda got shattered as Mitch replied, “No, I decidedly DO NOT think this is ‘our song.’ I hate this song.” Realizing he might have gone a little overboard as tears started to glisten in Becky’s eyes, Mitch said, “Maybe ‘You’ve Made Me So Very Happy’ by Blood, Sweat & Tears could be our song, since we saw them on our first date.” But the damage was done. Mitch doesn’t think Becky ever forgot that slight. It might have been Mitch’s first definitive moment in a life as a Rock & Roll Snob of the First Order.
Today in 2016 they both have wound up listening to 920 am: Mitch because he got tired of trying to stay allegiant to an alternative rock scene that would embrace the likes of Mumford & Sons and Grouplove as its standard-bearers; Becky because she just wants to hear some sweet, sad songs that remind her of when she was a young girl.
One late summer Friday afternoon Mitch hears The Beatles’ “Eight Days A Week” on 920 and thinks, “This constitutes a savage, pounding rocker on this station,” while humming the riff to The Clash’s “Clampdown” to himself. Two songs later – on the same afternoon – Becky hears “You Were On My Mind” by We 5 while braiding her granddaughter’s hair and she wistfully tells the uncomprehending little girl, “One time a cute, brown-haired boy won me a stuffed animal at Cedar Point, and this song was playing.”
Mitch & Becky were really very happy at the start. They went to movies. They got burgers & fries at Sandy’s by Sullivant & Demorest. Becky went to see Mitch’s band play at parties & dances. But Mitch knew from the time he was 16 years old – possibly even before the first time his lips ever met Becky’s – that he never wanted to have any kids. And Becky had wanted a big family since she was 10.
Mitch went on to work in warehouses and play in rock & roll bands for the next 15 years, then as a solo act for the 25 years after that. Becky got married right out of high school and had four kids by five years after graduation.
Mitch has read a ton of books over the years: at home; in motel rooms, dressing rooms & vans on the road; at airports & bus terminals and once in a police holding cell. He sometimes thinks the most profound literary quote he’s ever encountered is, “Your name and mine inside a heart upon a wall / Still find a way to haunt me, though they’re so small,” from The Left Banke’s “Walk Away Renee.” He hears that song about once a month on 920 am, and thinks of Becky every time. First loves are like that.
Becky saw one of Mitch’s later bands at the Westgate Park Bean Dinner in 1978. She was there with her husband & kids when they heard a racket from the music stage over by the duck pond. “This is that punk rock crap everybody’s talking about now,” Becky’s husband growled as they got closer, “let’s get out of here.” “No, I wanna watch a minute,” Becky said. Mitch looked great, Becky thought. He was still skinny, his hair was long but cut kinda cool and he was wearing a tie around his neck over a sleeveless black t-shirt. Becky had put on 30 or 40 pounds when she had the kids, hadn’t been able to shed the weight and couldn’t remember the last time she had bought a new dress. Or the last time she felt cool.
Mitch didn’t sing lead anymore, now he played guitar and sang back-up’s, and – in fact – the girl who was singing in the band didn’t look much older than Becky had been when she & Mitch were a couple. The songs they played were all really noisy & fast and Becky didn’t think she had ever heard any of them before on the radio. Just then Becky overheard the guy in front of her in the crowd say “Mitch writes all these songs.” The guy had hair down to his shoulders & a scraggly beard and as he passed a joint to his buddy next to him, he concluded with, “Mitch has always been an elitist asshole, now he thinks he’s Joe Strummer or somebody.”
Becky didn’t know who Joe Strummer was and didn’t think she’d ever known anybody who made up their own songs before. She wondered idly for a moment if any of the songs were about her, but the tunes were so angry & aggressive she wasn’t sure she wanted them to be. Her littlest girl had her hands over her ears, yelling, “Mommy, TOO LOUD, TOO LOUD.” Becky’s husband said, “Let’s go, Rebecca, they’re scaring the kids.” Becky turned, took little Lee Ann’s hand in hers and “Love Can Make You Happy” was playing in her head as they walked back to the picnic tables in the evening dusk. She turned to wave goodbye to Mitch, but he couldn’t have seen her, in the crowd, through the stage lights. – Ricki C. / September, 2016
I consider myself something of a devotee of bad late-1960's rock & roll exploitation films and even I can't claim to have ever caught the movie - Fireball Jungle - this clip is lifted from. Judging by the fact that the producers allowed the film to grind to a halt for the entire 3:20 run-time of one-hit wonders Mercy, however, I have to ask the question: "Which member of the band had an uncle who was an under-assistant West Coast promo man?" (It looks like a pretty great movie, though, doesn't it?) (ps. For a HILARIOUS, almost Lester Bangs-esque review of Fireball Jungle, check out "LSD For Lunch" in the User Reviews section at this IMDB link) (pps. After repeated viewings, I believe this may be the GREATEST rock video EVER PRODUCED.)
The Top Ten All-Time Best Songs on the Ricki C. Planet: 1) "Won't Get Fooled Again" (The Who) 2) "Brown Sugar" (The Rolling Stones) 3) "Walk Away Renee" (The Left Banke) 4) "Candy's Room" / "Incident on 57th Street" (tie, Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band)) 5) "Then He Kissed Me" (The Crystals) 6) "Isadora's Dancers" (Elliott Murphy) 7) "Roadrunner" (The Modern Lovers) 8) "All The Way From Memphis" / "Once Bitten Twice Shy" (tie, Mott The Hoople / Ian Hunter) 9) "New York, New York" / "Looking For A Kiss" (tie, The Dictators / The New York Dolls) 10) "Dimming of the Day" (Richard & Linda Thompson)
Okay, so it's fairly painfully obvious that the cats & kitten from We 5 have got "1960's Folk Club Refugees" written all over 'em, and Pencilstorm readers have probably figured out by this juncture that Ricki C. was likely NOT enamored of the Folk Club Kidz back in the day. Entirely correct, but goddamn I have always loved this kind of folk-rock tune, and I had a HUGE crush on We 5 lead singer Beverly Bivens when this song was fresh & new in 1965, and so was most of the world around me.
Week One Growing Pains: NCP Looks Forward to Home Opener
Q: So was The North Coast Posse Browns Kick-Off Party at Four String Brew the highlight of the season? Should the Browns sign Mike Parks of The League Bowlers to play guitar in the locker room at halftime?
Big$: Life is about expectations. What we expect from ourselves, what we expect from others, and what we expect from each experience. If someone went into the 2016 Browns season with misguided expectations, such as playoff contention etc., I could see why they would be ready to punt on enjoying any part of this season. I, on the other hand, am fully ready for the tear down. It was time to reset the deck completely and get some new blood on the field. I don't plan on seeing many wins, but I am amped to watch the progress of building blocks like Terrelle, Bitonio, Nassib, Ogbah, Schobert, Duke, and Kirksey each week. One needs to look no further than the future Las Vegas Raiders for a blueprint of this nature.
Browns Kickoff Party with Pencil Storm Impresario/League Bowler frontman Colin Gawel, Big$, Neil Sika (Golden Voice of the Columbus Crew), and K-Dubs, the Soldier.
As for the Kickoff Party I could probably enjoy Four String while being forced to listen to a Harbaugh mixtape. So getting to down the finest beer in Columbus while getting a taste of the mercurial League Bowlers is nothing but aces. Seriously people, Mike Parks is a CBUS treasure. You should see him at every given opportunity.
Q: RG3. Gone. I know we are rebuilding but it was sure more fun to watch us lose with him under center than Josh McCown. Still, will this injury actually affect the offense? Could this offense actually become decent?
K-Dubs, the Soldier: I was hoping that we would get the chance to watch RG3 this year, but his injury does not change my outlook on the season at all. I think the front office pegged Griffin as a place-holder with a big potential upside. His loss merely leaves us with our previous place-holder, and I am OK with that. I am an unabashed Josh McCown apologist. Last year he showed a mastery of the offense, and when he is clicking, the team can score. Don’t forget that he threw for 457 yards against the Ravens in a rare road win in Baltimore. In fact, last year’s debacle of a season started with such promise when McCown led the Browns on a 10-minute, 90-yard drive against the Jets. (Please do forget, however, that drive ended when he drove for the end zone, was sent into a helicopter spin by a pair of defenders, fumbled, broke his shoulder, and paved the way for Johnny Dickwad to take over as QB). Sure, the new coaching staff has installed a different offensive scheme, but McCown is a savvy veteran that still moves in the pocket surprisingly well for a dude that is now closer to AARP than NCAA. He also put up good numbers last year when his tallest wideout was 5’9”. He ain’t as exciting as RG3, but a McCown-led offense will run like a well-oiled machine, and with Pryor, Gordon, and Coleman in his arsenal, the Browns will put points on the board.
Big$: Trent Green, for better or worse (who we are we kidding, worse for sure) seems to always be circulating around the Browns. With that said, they should look to his Wally Pipp-esque Rams injury story for inspiration. Let us all remember when the Rams were ready to wrap up their season after losing ole T. Green. The reigns were handed over to a stock boy from Iowa, and the rest is NFL history.
Fast forward to the Browns of 2016 and I think that Josh McCown offers this team a better chance at winning each week. His experience and moxie coupled with the “Greatest Show on Turf II” could surprise a whole bunch of people. Plus I think he and Kurt Warner's wife have the same hairstyle so there is another tie to that Rams miracle super bowl run.
Q: Forget offense, how bad is this Browns defense?
K-Dubs, the Soldier: No doubt, last week was a letdown, but there’s no reason to hang your head. The young guns on defense played fairly well and were able to get pressure on Wentz. Also, although Philly had a 2-1 advantage in time of possession, they gained less than 4 yards per rush. The problem was the veterans, particularly at cornerback giving up big plays. Joe Haden needs to step up his game. The defense has potential, but it will only be as good as the defensive backs will allow it to be.
Q: Should the Browns have drafted Carson Wentz?
Big$: One needs to look no further than the Browns training room for the cautionary tale that makes this an easy answer. RG3 didn't just have one breakout game, he had a breakout season. Now he'll be lucky to ever start another NFL game. So excuse me if I'm not ready to crown Carson the “one that got away” just yet.
Q: Who Should LeBron start for this week?
Big$: I'm sorry Gary Barnidge, but you must pay for your costly unforced errors in week one. Grab some pine, as I'm inserting the King at TE this week.
K-Dubs, the Soldier: He should start in place of special teams coach Chris Tabor. I do not know have any idea how this guy has kept a job for as long as he has. Hue Jackson is the 3rd head coach to retain Tabor, who was hired by Pat Shurmur in 2011. Despite this perpetual vote of confidence, the Browns continue to have special teams breakdowns at the worst time. Since he’s been the coordinator, the Browns have lost on second-chance field goals at the buzzer, had field goals blocked in 3 straight games, including one returned for a winning touchdown, and the team still does not have anyone that can field a goddamn punt. Special teams are a third of game, and Cleveland continues to struggle here. LeBron has shown that he is a coach on the court (especially in the David Blatt era). Now we need his leadership on the field in the kicking game.
Q: Any chance against the Ravens?
Big$: There is always hope. My boy Josh looked strong in a start against the Ratbirds last year, and with TP Sr. at his disposal, anything is possible.
K-Dubs, the Soldier: Of course, the Ravens are no longer a premier team, and if Baltimore had not returned a blocked field goal for a touchdown at the final gun last year, the Browns would have swept them. Again, I think McCown will move the ball. The concern is how well the linebackers and defensive backs play. In recent years the Ravens have done a lot of their damage against Cleveland with passes to their backs, and for a squad that has looked lost at times in coverage throughout the preseason and in the opener last week, the pass defense needs to play much better than they did against Philly. If Joe Flacco gets going it going early though it could make for a long afternoon. My prediction is for a Browns win 24-20, with the defense pressuring Flacco into a pick or two.
WWE Backlash: Best to Worst - by Big Vin Vader
Many of us at Pencilstorm are fans of professional wrestling so we are thrilled to introduce our new beat writer of all things WWE, Big Vin Vader.
Sunday night was the SmackDown brand’s inaugural pay-per-view, Backlash, and I’d say we all got about what we expected. It wasn’t bad, but it sure wasn’t great. For the most part, it was alright, and will stand as pretty unremarkable despite the awarding of the new SmackDown Women’s and Tag Team title belts, but it was far from the company’s worst show this year.
The Best
The best action of the night was Dolph Ziggler vs. the Miz for the Intercontinental title, which delivered on its promise of being one of the more satisfying matches on the card. The story and psychology behind the match were good—the Miz has been on a tear, since his promo ripping into Daniel Bryan on Talking Smack. Ziggler has been given plenty of chances lately, but always comes up short. He’s determined and a hell of a challenger, so the crowd really sounded into the match.
Ziggler got in some nice amateur moves, while the Miz worked cheap, brawling and undermining Dolph’s attempts at really wrestling him. It worked perfectly to emphasize the Miz’s cowardly streak at the center of the angle, and drew more heat to hold his place as SmackDown’s best heel.
The whole match, in fact was incredibly consistent on a card that you couldn’t say as much for, and the two performers managed to tell a good story while wrestling a damn fine match. Ziggler got in some impressive moves, but the whole thing ended the only way it could: another loss for Dolph when he was maced and pinned. The cheap win keep’s the Miz’s heel momentum and gained him more heat.
On the down side, The Miz’s reign as heel IC champ may be going pretty great, but he needs a more serious opponent, someone who can really threaten his position and make it feel believable. Ziggler needs the same thing: something he can fight for and stand an actual chance at succeeding.
#2
The second best match of the night was the main event of Dean Ambrose vs. AJ Styles for the World Championship. I’m a big fan of Ambrose, and his title win felt overdue after the impressive promo and ring work he’s accomplished this year. AJ Styles has been on fire all year, with his entire run in the WWE only serving to emphasize his incredible talents. His heel turn has been successful, giving him a more ruthless edge which pairs nicely with his natural wrestling ability. He was the one person that should dethrone Ambrose, as his ring work is more impressive and the fact that he had yet to win any titles in the WWE.
There was a sense that this was the only match on the card really worth anyone’s time. It wasn’t destined to be a classic, and the excitement of a true main event for the title wasn’t there. It took a while for the two to really get into things, and the slow start was somewhat disappointing, consisting mostly of trash talk from Styles.
Around the ten-minute mark, however, the pace picked up, and both men put a more athletic, physical style on display. Particularly surprising was Dean’s versatility, busting out a number of new moves. Styles gave a hell of a performance as always, and Dean held his own while also pushing himself outside of his usual brawling comfort zone.
Styles managed to win the title with a low-blow while the ref was dazed. It was a smart move, and the kind of thing that really makes his heel turn work. Sure he can outwrestle Dean any day, but he did what he needed to win. It’s continued the rivalry between the two, and if nothing else, maybe Dean can flourish without the scrutiny drawn to him by holding the championship. Besides, Styles deserved the damn title, and the people wanted to see him win it.
#3
Taking the third spot was the six-pack challenge for the Women’s title, which kicked off the show. There wasn’t much consecutive in-ring action and the pace was a bit slow for most of the match. What we did get, however were a handful of impressive moments, namely from Naomi and Columbus’ own Alexa Bliss. The highlight was the conclusion, which saw Becky Lynch become the first SmackDown Women’s champion. Nobody deserved the belt as much, nor did they have the same amount of popular support. None of the other contenders really stood a chance. Her speech after the match was emotional, as it should have been, and proved one of the night’s standout moments.
The Worst
The two tag matches were about the same in terms of quality, although the first pitting the Hype Bros. vs. the Usos was somewhat weaker. The crowd couldn’t have cared less, and the action seemed to suffer for it. The Hype Bros got the better crowd reaction, but even that isn’t saying a lot. Just like everyone else, I wanted American Alpha in the picture, so this wasn’t going to hold my interest regardless.
The match was a pretty unremarkable ten-minute tag bout, although Zack Ryder put in a fine showing with some high-energy moves, including a Frankensteiner. The crowd may have been vocal, but that’s just because they like to chant whenever they can. Ryder submitted and the Usos moved on to nobody’s approval. The one plus was that at least it seemed a lock for Rhyno/Slater to pick up the win in the final match.
The second match to award the new Tag Team titles was barely better, and saw Heath Slater/Rhyno against the Usos. The match should have been a big deal, but the lack of interest in the competitors kept that from happening.
If it’s possible, the crowd seemed even less excited to see the Usos a second time in the same night. They really didn’t pose much of a threat, and nobody wanted them to win the belts. The match itself was bland, another plain ten-minute deal that still overstayed its welcome. Slater spent most of the match playing Ricky Morton and taking a beating, finally made a tag, and Rhyno’s offense helped them score the win.
The victory did little in the long run, just emphasizing that nothing was really gained through the tournament. Slater and Rhyno should be a one-off team, can’t be expected to stick together and dominate the division. They’re likeable enough, but this whole thing shouldn’t last. After all, Rhyno is running for office, so it’s a matter of time before American Alpha rightfully win the titles, of course it looks like we’ll have to slog through a feud with the Usos in the meantime.
The Worst-est
Coming up last was Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt, which didn’t even happen, leaving it the biggest disappointment of the night. It was one of the more promising matches announced for the show, but we got screwed, instead being shown Bray Wyatt assaulting Randy Orton backstage, slamming his ankle in a door. It came out of nowhere, just a quick fix to cover Orton’s inability to wrestle that night, despite the build-up. Great planning, guys.
Wyatt’s transformation from swamp zealot to crust punk mystic has been interesting, and he makes it work. What didn’t work was the replacement match: a no-holds-barred affair pitting him against Kane. Swell. A match that had some real promise was swapped for one that nobody asked for. If there was a decent match in there (and there wasn’t), I was too disinterested to notice.
They dropped the ball with their booking, but they aren’t ready to drop the feud. Orton ran out near the end of the match, hit Wyatt with an RKO and vanished, letting Kane pick up the win. The feud will continue, clearly, so Kane’s unexplained presence was a waste of time. Wyatt went under yet again, to a past-his-prime superstar, and it seems like he’ll keep taking losses. A decent commissioner would have rescheduled the whole damn thing rather than make anyone sit through that pointless mess.
Summary and Final Grade
So in the end we got two solid matches in the IC and World title matches, a decent crowd pleaser in the Women’s title match, two bland tag team matches with a satisfying-enough conclusion, and a worthless tease replaced by boring filler.
I realize there are a lot of complaints here, but overall, I wasn’t too displeased. With the brand split, there are nineteen PPVs per year, and every one can’t be a winner. I don’t even want that to be the case. Sure, it would have been nice if the first brand-specific PPV of the split had been more remarkable, but that just wasn’t the case. For the most part, it seemed like the company was showing off its new belts and rushing to award them, good booking be damned. Despite so many throwaways, there were some bright spots that look to put things in the right for the near future.
So the show was underwhelming, but both brands have heel champs who happen to be incredibly talented in the ring, and both Women’s Divisions are looking good, although Raw still has the clear lead, but no one expected that to ever change. Styles’ win and Becky’s new position on top both point in the right direction, and at least we can count on them.
Overall, the whole thing was a solid D, a passable 60 out of 100.
The Winners:
Beck Lynch (Women’s champion)
The Miz (IC champion)
Kane
Heath Slater and Rhyno (SmackDown Tag Team champions)
AJ Styles (WWE World champion)
The Losers:
Alexa Bliss/Naomi/Natalya/Nikki Bella/Carmella
Dolph Ziggler
Bray Wyatt/the crowd
The Hype Bros/the Usos
Dean Ambrose
Top 3 2016 PPVs so far:
NXT Takeover Dallas
-Royal Rumble
-Money in the Bank
Bottom 3:
Fastlane
Wrestlemania 32
SummerSlam