Buggy Eyes and a Big Butt, part fourteen: Movies 222-255

October 31, 2016 Rob Braithwaite

Pencilstorm contributor Rob Braithwaite is watching 366 movies this year, so you don't have to: Here is part fourteen of his continuing 2016 rundown......

Q&A Intro, 1-17, 18-36, 37-51, 52-66, 67-74, 75-87, 88-103, 104-120, 121-131, 132-152, 153-173, 174-187, 188-221, 222-255, 256-287, 288-314, 315-341, 342-366, Index

Ratings key:
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ = I can’t see giving anything that I’ve seen once five stars
★ ★ ★ ★ = get to the theater / move it up in your queue
★ ★ ★ = “three stars is a recommendation” - The Empire [magazine] Podcast
★ ★ = if the remote is too far away, you could do worse
★ = if the remote is too far away, get someone to move it closer then throw it at the TV

222
Meek’s Cutoff (2010) ★ ★ ★.5
stars: Michelle Williams, Bruce Greenwood, Will Patton
director: Kelly Reichardt

Go west, good people. Don’t take any wooden nickels, and be mindful of braggart guides who suggest a shortcut.

Kelly Reichardt is a master of the slow pace and low plot point count. At the very least, you will feel what it was like to have traveled cross-country in 1845. At most, you will be rewarded with a meditation on trust.

…and there’s a chance you’ll scream, “That’s it?! Bullshit!” when the end credits roll.

double feature pairing: No Country for Old Men

223
Just Desserts: The Making of Creepshow (2007) ★.5
stars: George A. Romero, Tom Savini
director: Michael Feisher

Instead of a new “loaded with hours of special features” bluray release of Creepshow, the behind-the-scenes segments have been compiled and strung together as a supposed documentary. That’s what this feels like, anyway.

There are a few interesting stories, most of which are related to Tom Savini and his special effects team. Steven King, co-creator with George Romero, is conspicuously absent. And I’d like to ask the director why he felt it necessary to include a crew member’s tale of sexual congress when talking about Hal Holbrook. See, this girl’s mother allowed her to go away with him for the wrap party, because he promised to bring back Hal’s autograph. Obviously, he didn’t get it, so he signed Hal’s name himself. A great story, right?

watch Lost Soul: The Doomed Journey of Richard Stanley’s Island of Dr. Moreau instead

224
Bad Moms (2016) ★
stars: Mila Kunis, Kathryn Hahn, Kristen Bell
writers/directors: Jon Lucas, Scott Moore

Moms are over-worked and under-appreciated. These moms aren’t going to take it anymore!

One of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. I suppose it’s a fantasy for a people I don’t know, but I’m also sure it’s a working mom’s fantasy through the eyes of two dudes who really don’t know the limits of a PTA leader’s power or desires beyond lessons learned from Mallrats: Girls like the Cheesecake Factory and just want to go shopping in the stores they want to shop in.

watch Bachelorette instead

225
De Palma (2015) ★ ★ ★ ★
stars: Brian De Palma
directors: Noah Baumbach, Jake Paltrow

Brian De Palma is a director who impresses and baffles me in equal parts. His camera work can be as elegant as it can be contrived.

This documentary is nothing but De Palma telling stories. They are all fascinating, even enlightening. I could have listened to two more hours.

double feature pairing: Listen to Me Marlon

226
Kubo and the Two Strings (2016) ★ ★ ★.5
stars: Art Parkinson, Charlize Theron, Matthew McConaughey
director: Travis Knight

There is magic aplenty in this tale of a boy on a quest to locate his father’s armor as a shadow from the past looms.

A great animated story from someplace other than Pixar.

double feature pairing: Coraline

227
The Finest Hours (2016) ★ ★ ★.5
stars: Chris Pine, Ben Foster, Casey Affleck
director: Craig Gillespie

Based on the true Coast Guard rescue of an oil tanker destroyed by a blizzard near Cape Cod in 1952.

I was wrong to dismiss this when it came out earlier this year. It’s a much better story than the trailer presented. If we aren’t careful Chris Pine is going to be one of the best character actors of our day.

double feature pairing: All Is Lost

228
The Last Picture Show (1971) ★ ★ ★ ★
stars: Timothy Bottoms, Jeff Bridges, Cybill Shepherd
director: Peter Bogdanovich

The story of a dying town and the people trying to break from its grasp.

Goddam. That’s a great movie.

double feature pairing: Doc Hollywood

229
The Beatles: Eight Days a Week - The Touring Years (2016) ★ ★ ★.5
stars: The Beatles
director: Ron Howard

You’ve heard the stories. You’ve seen the footage. The Beatles were a big deal when they came to the States. It’s only now, seeing this, that I truly understand how the world was not ready to facilitate such fandom.

double feature pairing: That Thing You Do!

230
Bicycle Thieves (1948) ★ ★ ★ ★
stars: Lamberto Maggiorani, Enzo Staiola, Lainella Carell
director: Vittorio De Sica

Struggling in post-WWII Italy, a man gets a job on account of his bicycle ownership. The bike is stolen. Let the hunt begin!

Sometimes the lowest stakes are the greatest.

double feature pairing: Pee Wee’s Big Adventure

231
The Conjuring 2 (2016) ★ ★ ★
stars: Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson,
director: James Wan

Everyone’s favorite ghost hunters are going to London!

I’m guessing it’s only a matter of time before this franchise makes its easy transformation to television. The room of articles from previous adventures are a perfectly hacky way to wrap up each episode.

Speaking of which, The Exorcist has been turned into a TV show. It’s great. Each episode so far has had some well-crafted horror beats and finds a way to surprise.

double feature pairing: The Amityville Horror

232
Sisters (1972) ★ ★ ★
stars: Margot Kidder, Jennifer Salt, Charles Durning
director: Brian De Palma

Either way this plot is summarized will ruin something about it. Why should I take from your confusion as to why you are watching a dating show at the beginning or alleviate your wonder as to where it is going?

If you know Brian De Palma’s movies, you probably have a guess. But the movie shifts again, finishing with a final shot that I couldn’t help but chuckle at, then wonder about for a couple days after.

Like is said, De Palma impresses and baffles me.

double feature pairing: Dead Ringers

233
The Program (2015) ★ ★
stars: Ben Foster, Chris O’Dowd, Jesse Plemons
director: Stephen Frears

Lance Armstrong says he didn’t take performance enhancing drugs, but he did, and now we know.

There is nothing in the script or direction that is a surprise.

watch Vision Quest instead

234
My Blind Brother (2016) ★ ★ ★
stars: Nick Kroll, Jenny Slate, Adam Scott
director: Sophie Goodhart

A brothers’ relationship is tested as the blind one trains for a charity swim while dating the seeing one’s one night stand.

It’s surprising how natural the love triangle pretzel comes together. Not so surprising is how tedious the open water metaphor is in the third act. However, the high likability of the cast makes it all worth it.

double feature pairing: Stuck on You

235
Kicks (2016) ★ ★ ★
stars: Jahking Guillory, Christopher Jordan Wallace, Christopher Meyer
director: Justin Tipping

A teen fulfills his dream of owning a pair of Air Jordans. When they are taken from him, he starts down a dangerous path to retrieve them.

It’s a well-crafted tale of the positive and destructive lessons of status and respect that are handed down through parenting and pop culture. The need for a heightened visual flourish (the astronaut) gets in the way at times.

double feature pairing: In Her Shoes

236
Night Train to Munich (1940) ★ ★ ★
stars: Margaret Lockwood, Rex Harrison, Paul Henreid
director: Carol Reed

Just before WWII breaks, the Germans hunt a scientist who developed a new kind of armor by using his daughter as bait. Eventually, they all take a train.

It’s good.

double feature pairing: Narrow Margin

237
Metropolis (1927) ★ ★ ★ ★
stars: Alfred Abel, Brigitte Helm, Gustav Fröhlich
director: Fritz Lang

The working class is ground into the gears of the works of a futuristic city as the elite blindly go about their pampered lives. Revolution is coming.

The Wexner Center for the Arts hosted a screening with a live performance of the score by Alloy Orchestra. It was amazing. I’m sure watching it at home without a live band will be great, too. [snicker]

Nearly 90 yeas later, the visuals are still incredible, and the last third is thrilling.

double feature pairing: Dredd

238
The Magnificent Seven (2016) ★ ★
stars: Denzel Washington, Chris Pratt, Ethan Hawke
director: Antoine Fuqua

Poor townsfolk hire gunfighters to rid their lives of a bad man.

“You say cliché, I say classic” — Eddie Spaghetti

I say…cliché. Flat writing. Flat action. I flat-out don’t understand how this was screwed up.

watch Silverado instead

239
Snowden (2016) ★ ★ ★
stars: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Shailene Woodley, Melissa Leo
director: Oliver Stone

Joseph Gordon-Levitt concludes his trilogy of distracting accents in this dramatization of Edward Snowden’s exposure of NSA practices.

Pretty good. Nicholas Cage was a nice surprise.

double feature pairing: Enemy of the State

240
Cronos (1993) ★ ★ ★
stars: Federico Luppi, Ron Perlman, Claudio Brook
director: Guillermo del Toro

An antique dealer discovers a device that provides eternal life.

One of the more unique “vampire” stories.

double feature pairing: Ravenous

241
Under the Shadow (2016) ★ ★ ★.5
stars: Narges Rashidi, Avin Manshadi, Bobby Naderi
writer/director: Babak Anvari

A mother and daughter are menaced by a ghost in 1980s Tehran.

Another in a recent line of horror movies that is a little more metaphor than practical story. Still very good.

a note: I had to turn on the close captions because the on-demand version I rented did not have subtitles. About two-thirds through the captions were out of sync. They were about five seconds early. This made some conversations difficult to follow with the visuals. And a few potential scares were ruined by a premature “[loud bang]”. So maybe wait for the video release, which will have proper subtitles.

double feature pairing: The Babadook

242
Mascots (2016) ★ ★
stars: Parker Posey, Chris O’Dowd, Tom Bennett
director: Christopher Guest

A look behind the scenes of a mascot competition.

So much unfunny. Improvisation makes a sound now. It’s a low din of affirmation that gets louder as it’s performed more poorly.

watch Being John Malkovich instead

243
The Birth of a Nation (2016) ★ ★ ★
stars: Nate Barker, Armie Hammer, Aja Naomi King
writer/director: Nate Barker

The ballad of Nate Parker, leader of a slave uprising in 1831.

It’s tough to separate a movie about slavery from the baked-in award talk that usually surrounds it. Has there been one that wasn’t nominated for something? This movie is more “enough is enough” than the usual “slavery = bad.” It even co-opted footage of Black Lives Matter demonstrations into its TV ads.

There is some impressive imagery. The pacing isn’t as strong. Folks agree slavery was wrong. Now, more need to see how that wrong is still effecting policies, procedures and actions today.

double feature pairing: Glory

244
Shin Godzilla (2016) ★ ★ ★.5
stars: Hiroki Hasegawa, Yutaka Takenouchi, Satomi Ishihara
directors: Hideaki Anno, Shinji Higuchi

What happens when an unstoppable force (Godzilla) meets an immovable object (bureaucracy)?

Lots and lots of meetings (but in a good way), a few laughs and some badass Godzilla action.

double feature pairing: Alligator

245
Session 9 (2001) ★ ★
stars; Peter Mullan, David Caruso, Josh Lucas
director: Brad Anderson

A HAZMAT team clears out an abandoned mental hospital.

Bad acting and ham-fisted situations tie together for an ending that wasn’t worth the trouble.

watch Shutter Island instead

246
The Accountant (2016) ★ ★ ★.5
stars: Ben Affleck, Anna Kendrick, J.K. Simmons
director: Gavin O’Connor

Savant or autistic? Either way, this guy is really, really good at accounting. And killing.

An enjoyable thriller that takes its “I wouldn’t say autism because I don’t believe in labels, but, yeah, autism” flag waving one step too far into ridiculousness.

double feature pairing: Michael Clayton

247
USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage (2016) ★.5
stars: Nicolas Cage, Tom Sizemore, Thomas Jane
director: Mario Van Peebles

The USS Indianapolis is sunk on its way back to the US. Stranded for five days in the ocean, most of the crew were killed by shark attacks.

It’s a sad realization that a speech in Jaws about surviving this attack is more dramatic than anything in this movie. Maybe more focus on the scapegoat trail that occurred afterwards would have been a better way to go.

watch Jaws instead

248
Masterminds (2016) ★ ★ ★.5
stars: Zach Galifianakis, Kristen Wiig, Owen Wilson
director: Jared Hess

A comedy based on one of the biggest heists in American history.

The degree to which you will like this movie depends on your feeling of the cast and how silly you like your comedy.

Kate McKinnon, Jason Sudeikis and Leslie Jones are also in it. That’s a strong six, plus Ken Marino in a role that I suspect mostly lives on the editing room floor.

Bonus: it ends with a blooper reel!

double feature pairing: Bottle Rocket

249
Money Monster (2016) ★ ★ ★
stars: George Clooney, Julia Roberts, Jack O’Connell
director: Jodie Foster

Dude lost a lot of money in the stock market. Dude takes the show host responsible for the advice hostage on live TV.

Never mind the last third as it falls into the world of fairy tales. There’s some high grade performance and direction in the moments of the stand-off.

double feature pairing: Cadillac Man

250
Certain Women (2016) ★ ★ ★.5
stars: Laura Dern, Michelle Williams, Lily Gladstone, Kristen Stewart
director: Kelly Reichardt

Three, loosely tied stories of women living Montana.

I can’t see how to make it sound any flashier than that. Still, Kelly Reichardt has a way of making the slightest story interesting. She is able to find great actors. Lily Gladstone is terrific. There are two moments that show the passage of time in two most exquisite ways.

fun fact: Wexner Center for the Arts gave Kelly Reichardt a grant, which allowed her to perfect the sound mix and shoot the movie on film, something she didn’t have money for otherwise.

double feature pairing: Real Men

251
The Hill (1965) ★ ★ ★
stars: Sean Connery, Harry Andrews, Ossie Davis
director: Sidney Lumet

The guards of a WWII military prison in North Africa take discipline to an extreme.

It’s too bad Sean Connery didn’t get meatier roles. He’s pretty good in this and has one excellent scene. He excelled in other movie directed by Sidney Lumet called…

double feature pairing: The Offence

252
In a Valley of Violence (2016) ★ ★ ★.5
stars: Ethan Hawke, John Travolta, Taissa Farmiga
writer/director: Ti West

A drifter doesn’t mean to find trouble, but there it is.

I say…classic. This has everything I wanted from The Magnificent Seven: humor, interesting action, that great western feel. And it had even more! A great main theme/opening titles and animal tricks!

double feature pairing: The Road Warrior

253
The Laughing Policeman (1973) ★ ★
stars: Walter Matthau, Bruce Dern, Louis Gossett Jr.
director: Stuart Rossenberg

A police detective is gunned down in a massacre on a city bus. Why? The answer might bore you.

The Laughing Policemen was clearly chasing the tail of The French Connection. From the indulgent crime scene investigation to the “gritty” coroner scene, it wants you to know how authentic it’s being. Even the movie poster got in on the action. The tag line reads: This movie is so real it makes every other movie in the town look like a movie.

Walter Matthau’s stretch of playing something of a tough guy is a curiosity for me. It’s always great to see the piss and vinegar of Bruce Dern. Too bad the movie wasn’t interesting, or bothered to mention who the laughing policeman was.

watch The Singing Detective instead

254
The House of the Devil (2009) ★.5
stars: Jocelyn Donahue, Tom Noonan, Greta Gerwig
writer/director: Ti West

Desperate for money, a college student takes a babysitting job in a spooky house for a spooky couple.

A slow burn is all about building tension. It also relies on the ending to be worth the wait. The cast is really good. There is some effective chill. The ending needed to be more.

watch Coherence instead

255
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016) ★
stars: Tom Cruise, Cobie Smulders, Danika Yarosh
director: Edward Zwick

The makers put little effort into making a good sequel to a really good movie. In turn, the marketing team didn’t give a shit either. So why should I bother?

watch The Presidio instead

Counters:
255/366 movies (50 movies off pace)
33/52 movies directed by women

TOP THREE

Q&A Intro, 1-17, 18-36, 37-51, 52-66, 67-74, 75-87, 88-103, 104-120, 121-131, 132-152, 153-173, 174-187, 188-221, 222-255, 256-287, 288-314, 315-341, 342-366, Index

How Can Samuel Get Just Two Carries? Baver Ponders the Question

October 28, 2016 Brent Baver

Colin: Ok, you were at Happy Valley, what were you thinking as the OSU field goal team ran on the field before the ill-fated attempt?

Baver: When they sent the field goal unit out, I thought it was probably the right call. When the clock ran down, and they seemed to have to hurry to get the kick off, I thought they should have called time out. After watching the replay, the play-clock winding down did not seem to affect the kick. Hindsight is 20/20…I didn’t question the call before it was blocked; probably not fair for me to second-guess it after seeing the result. And I can’t remember when Ohio State has had a blocked FG returned for a TD against them. That was just one of the many things that went wrong in what was a nightmare of a Saturday night.

Colin: Did you still think we could come back down and win the game?

Baver: I thought it was possible, but doubtful. I’m a realist. The OSU O-line had gotten their collective asses handed to them all game and their WRs were being blanketed by PSU defenders.

Colin: What took us so long to get the ball to Samuel?

Baver: This is mind boggling….it really is. Meyer said Monday that they are moving away from trying to “force” Samuel the ball. Huh? The guy had 2 carries, one of which was a 74-yard TD run. TWO CARRIES! Whoever is calling the majority of plays, be it Warriner or Urban, is absolutely shitting the bed here. It honestly makes me want to break something.

Colin: The bubble screen used to be our bread and butter to get us into 2nd and 6 while still putting pressure on the opposing D to tackle one of our superior athletes in space. Where has it been? What else is missing from this offense?

Baver: I think opposing D’s have added measures now to stop the bubble screen, but they still have to get the ball to #4 more. I don’t have as much problems with the play calling in general as much as most Buckeye fans. Two big problems that are killing this offense: (1) the O-line is regressing, and (2) The X and Y WR’s are honestly among the worst in the Big Ten at this point. Fix these issues and the play calling will look worlds better.

Colin: Is this loss a wake up call or a reality check?

Baver: Both. I think much of this young team thought it was smooth sailing after Oklahoma and it’s been anything but; I expect more sense of urgency from here on out. As for the reality check….this O-line played as if Jim Bollman was still coaching them…absolutely dominated by the PSU defensive front. I fear confidence problems potentially plaguing this O-line for a bit and the downfield passing issues are going to linger.

Colin: Northwestern comes in with a head of steam, should we be worried?

Baver: I would be very surprised if the Buckeyes got upset back-to-back weeks…they should be hungrier this week. But Clayton Thorson is a QB on the rise and Justin Jackson has been the best-kept secret in the Big Ten for a few years now.

Colin: What other games and lines will you be keeping an eye on this week?

Baver: Northwestern +27 ½ is the play in Columbus, unfortunately I think. Still, I don’t think the game will be in much doubt; the call: Ohio State 31 Northwestern 13. At first glance, the spread looks ridiculous in Ann Arbor, with the Wolvereenies laying 24 ½ against Sparty. But Hairball is going to run this one up big time. Lay the 24 ½ if you can stomach betting Michigan….it’s payback time. State Penn has not covered the week after the Ohio State game in any of the last 3 seasons. It’s a noon kick in West Lafayette, which often magnifies big game hangovers. Take the Boilers g

WWE No Mercy - Best to Worst by Big Vin Vader

October 27, 2016 Colin Gawel

No Mercy – Best to Worst

Another month, another SmackDown brand pay-per-view. At least that’s what it feels like. But that’s selling the product too short, since No Mercy this past Sunday was a pretty decent show. Not great, or even as pleasing as Raw’s Clash of Champions, but an improvement over September’s Backlash, which honestly feels like it happened ages ago at this point.

The Best

   Hands down, the top match of the night was Dolph Ziggler against the Miz in a Career vs. Title match. The story between the two has been building for months, notably since their previous show-stealer at Backlash. The last few months of the Miz’s Intercontinental Title reign have been great, and in Ziggler he found a legitimate challenger to his position. That the two have an undeniable chemistry in the ring and a great story behind their matches helps immensely.
   There were huge stakes for the match, and the crowd was captivated from the beginning. It really seemed up in the air whether Ziggler would retire or not. He’s a crowd favorite, and an underrated worker, but the company have never really gotten behind him. The whole thing actually felt unpredictable, which meant every near fall ratcheted up the tension.
   The match itself was fast-paced, and both men put on a hell of a show, displaying impressive athleticism while also telling a captivating story. The twenty-minute match was gripping throughout, with the only missteps coming near the end, when two of Ziggler’s former Spirit Squad teammates ran out to distract him, and Maryse maced him once again from the outside. Neither interference proved to be a credible threat, and the match itself was so good that it’s pretty easy to overlook the distractions.
   The company booked the right ending, with Ziggler dropping the Miz with a superkick and snatching his fifth IC Title reign. The crowd reaction was huge for the deserving winner, and the post-match celebration stood alongside the bout itself as the night’s best moment.

The company’s decision to move the Triple-Threat main event between John Cena, Dean Ambrose, and champ AJ Styles to the opening slot (due to the debate) paid off greatly. The match was a very good example of the Triple-Threat format, and kicked things off on a pretty damn high note. All three men are good-to-great workers, and with the exception of the Intercontinental match, this was the most anticipated contest of the night.
The match started off strong, with Ambrose taking the lead, perfectly displaying how his ring work continues to improve. Dean impressed throughout, especially after reversing a Frankensteiner into a roll-up. Beyond that, there were a number of impressive spots throughout, namely Cena’s double German suplex on both of his opponents. The three made the best use of the format, and the no DQ rules and incentive to run interference and score the first pin kept things interesting.
A false finish wherein both Cena and Ambrose forced Styles to tap out broke the action up and left the finish somewhat unclear. After the two had it out for a few minutes, AJ returned to the ring and easily put his challengers down with a steel chair, retaining his title.
The finish was a bit abrupt and unsatisfying, but the right decision overall. Having AJ as World champion is a great booking decision, and he should keep the belt for a long time. Ambrose and Cena were credible threats, and they all put on a great match, so his reign is going along very well. They gave the PPV one hell of a kick-off, and the crowd was fully engaged. Unfortunately, just as I’d worried beforehand, it was tough to follow such a good match, and the crowd’s interest waxed and waned throughout the night.

Alright, hear me out on this one: obviously the card was hurting without Becky Lynch’s presence, and the show really could have used another title defense. Nobody asked for the match between Alexa Bliss and Naomi, and judging by the crowd reaction, they didn’t warm up to it at any point either. But taken on its own terms, it really wasn’t bad at all, and I walked away enjoying it, filler or not.
Both Naomi and Alexa are incredible athletes, and provided some of the highlights of Backlash’s Six Pack challenge for the Women’s Championship. Given that, even in place of the announced title match, the pair were a good match-up and indeed put in a fine showing. The action was fast-paced, and both women impressed yet again with their performances.
Of course, the finish was abrupt, with Naomi pulling a reversal on Alexa to score the pin. Alexa, as the number one contender for the title, really should have won, and the conclusion should have come about far less suddenly. Of course, another huge problem was that the match was given just over five minutes, which meant most fans didn’t grow bored, but I wanted more. Given all of the disappointments surrounding it, I feel it’s important to look at the action itself, and then you’ll realize that the two really did make the best of what they were given.
If things continue this way (and should Alexa regain her spot), Bliss and Becky could have some pretty damn impressive matches in the future. Given more time and thoughtful booking, things are looking good for the SmackDown Women’s division.

   Jack Swagger and Baron Corbin are stuck in the midcard, and unlikely to go anywhere else, which is unfortunate. Of course their match at No Mercy was originally announced for the pre-show, but was moved to the middle of the main show. While it was far from bad, it really didn’t belong on the main card, and didn’t manage to engage the way a PPV match ought to do.
   The whole thing was very physical, and the two big men were pretty fairly matched in the beginning. Corbin took the lead quickly, however, and much of the match was a one-sided beatdown on his opponent. It was hardly surprising then when Corbin scored the win after hitting his impressive End of Days finisher.
   Not a bad match per se, but also not the best use of time on the card. I like Corbin though, and the sheer physicality of the match was at least entertaining.

   There has been a long build-up for the feud between Randy Orton and Bray Wyatt. In fact, the whole thing should have been over by now, since their match had been announced for Backlash. Of course, as I’ve already complained, that didn’t happen and the company teased something they couldn’t deliver. Interestingly, and misguidedly, the match went on last and was announced as the main event, despite the status of the opener.
   The whole thing was slow, and the two wrestlers, both capable, hard workers, took their time. Unfortunately, the pace didn’t really pick up at any point, although there was a good deal of action outside the ring. It really just wasn’t main event caliber (Ziggler-Miz sure was though) and the crowd really wasn’t feeling it. The feud has run its course, and really just needs to end after this.
   But here’s the good: the lights went out in the arena, and once they were restored Orton found himself face-to-face with a returning Luke Harper. The distraction allowed Wyatt to hit a Sister Abigail and grab his first major win (on a PPV, no less) in quite some time. Harper is by far the most impressive in-ring worker from the Wyatt Family, and things have been hurting since his injury months ago. I’m thrilled that he’s been added to SmackDown’s somewhat thin roster, and look forward to seeing what he can do in the coming weeks.

The entire feud between Nikki Bella and Carmella has failed to hold my interest at any point. Beginning right after Summer Slam when Carmella attacked the returning Bella, and continuing through Backlash, things have played out for a long while. Again (story of the night?), the problem wasn’t that the match was bad—it wasn’t—it just wasn’t what people wanted to see on a PPV. Even worse, it immediately followed the thrilling opening match, so there was little chance that the crowd would be captivated in a similar manner.
It was somewhat slow in pace, but short enough not to overstay its welcome. The work both women put in was solid, and nothing to be ashamed of at all. The brawling and hair-pulling that kicked things off was physical and gave a nice touch to the grudge match. Of course it ended the only way it was expected to, with Nikki hitting a Rack Attack 2.0 and scoring the win. Hopefully the grudge will be laid to rest now and both women can move on.

   Coming in last was yet another match that was not objectively bad, but also not what the card truly needed. That’s right, a rematch between the Odd Couple (Heath Slater and Rhyno) and the Usos for the SmackDown Tag Titles. It didn’t help matters that this was one of the three title matches for the night, which robbed it of some of its excitement. American Alpha, the best tag team in the WWE right now were relegated to the pre-show while a thrown together team and their most recent challengers get the main spot.
   The Usos’ heel turn did little for them as far as crowd support; even the natural heat they were getting seems muted now. Slater and Rhyno are at least entertaining to watch in the ring, so they had that positive. Interestingly, Rhyno took a beating from the Usos and was made to look far more vulnerable than in the past. Because of this, Slater got to show off some decent work, which delighted the crowd somewhat.
   The Odd Couple predictably retained their belts, which is nice and all, but they still have a shelf life as a team. It was better than an Uso victory, and hopefully by the next PPV they’ll be out of the title picture.

Summary and Grade

Overall the show wasn’t bad: none of the matches were terrible, even if there were a few unwanted throwaways and some questionable booking. The card was pretty solid, and the good matches on the show made the whole thing truly worthwhile. Most PPVs are mixed bags, and this was no different, but the big moments really were special. It’ll be interesting to see where the brand takes things in the next month, but with Harper back, Ziggler and Styles holding the belts, and hopefully Becky’s quick recovery, I’m looking forward to where things are headed.

Call it a 63 out of 100.

The Winners
-AJ Styles
-Nikki Bella
-The Odd Couple
-Baron Corbin
-Dolph Ziggler
-Naomi
-Bray Wyatt

The Losers
-John Cena/Dean Ambrose
-Carmella
-The Usos
-Jack Swagger
-The Miz
-Alexa Bliss
-Randy Orton

Pencilstorm's 2016 NBA Preview: Part 2 - Eastern Conference by Ben Galli

October 24, 2016 Ben Galli

Welcome to Part 2 of our NBA preview where we cover the Eastern Conference, home to your 2016 NBA World Champion Cleveland Cavaliers. You can find Part 1 here which previews the Western Conference, home to the first team to ever blow a 3-1 series lead in an NBA Finals.

Below I rank each team from worst to first and add some predictions for the season. I've incorporated a totally scientific Swish scale that grades each team's excitement level based on J.R. Smith emoji's. And on to the East.

Eastern Conference

15. Brooklyn Nets

15. The Nets should be pitiful this year and they don't have a first round draft pick until 2019. At least Brooklyn's hipsters can act too cool to care (even though they're dying inside).

14. The Magic traded Victor Oladipo, Ersan Ilyasova, and the just drafted Domantas "Son of Arvydas" Sabonis to the Thunder in the offseason for Serge Ibaka. A surprising move for a team trying to rebuild. This year brings in former Pacers coach Frank Vogel and the hopeful development of youngsters Aaron Gordon, Elfrid Payton, and Mario Hezonja.

13. The 76ers have a new process. Despite an unfortunate break with number one overall pick Ben Simmons missing at least 2 more months, Philly should see some improvement this year with 2014 number 3 pick Joel Embiid destined to turn some heads and European sensation Dario Saric finally playing in the states.

12. Atlanta Hawks

12. The Atlanta Hawks lost their best player to free agency in Al Horford. Essentially replacing him with Dwight Howard who doesn't really have a reputation for winning, won't be enough for Atlanta to get back into the playoffs.

11. The Bulls brought in native son Dwyane Wade to help replace native son Derrick Rose whom they traded to the Knicks. They also signed Rajon Rondo. With Wade, Rondo, and Jimmy Butler all probable starters, the Bulls may suffer from some chemistry issues and will be lucky to make the playoffs this year.

10. Washington Wizards — 10. Washington Wizards

10. The Wizards brought in new coach Scott Brooks after missing the playoffs this past year. With some tension between star point guard John Wall and his talented but injury prone backcourt mate, Bradley Beal, the Wizards still seem a piece away from the postseason.

9. Two words: Point Giannis. Jason Kidd has said he will at times play 6'11 "Greek Freak" Giannis Antetokounmpo at point guard. This 21 year old can flat out ball and could make a giant leap skyward this year. He almost single-handedly makes the Bucks a 4 J.R. Swishes team. The Bucks may very well struggle this year without Khris Middleton but this team will get folks excited for the next few years. Oh and Delly.

8. The New York Knicks are back, baby! Well, not exactly. They did add exciting pieces in former MVP Derrick Rose, Most Annoying Player Joakim Noah, Courtney Mills, and Brandon Jennings but they'll need to stay healthy if they want to make the playoffs. Carmelo is entering his 14th year and time is running out for him with only a matter of years before New York becomes Kristaps' town.

7. For the first time since 2003, the Miami Heat will not have Dwyane Wade on the roster. It had to have been a tough call to not pay perhaps the greatest player in franchise history but Pat Riley doesn't hesitate in making ruthless choices. With not letting Chris Bosh play due to blood clot complications, the Heatles are no more. The Heat may miss the playoffs this year but they've succeeded for a long time under coach Erik Spoelstra so they're getting the benefit of the doubt.

6. Charlotte Hornets

6. Charlotte is going to be boring but surprisingly effective. Kemba Walker hasn't quite reached elite status yet but he's as close to it as you can get and could make a jump this year. Coach Steve Clifford does a good job with his personnel and it's always nice to bring Frank the Tank off your bench.

5. Larry Bird dropped the mic earlier this year when he declined to renew the contract of respected and successful head coach, Frank Vogel. Bird believes coaches are only good for 3 years. We'll see what Nate McMillan can do with some upgrades at point guard and forward in Jeff Teague and Thaddeus Young respectively.

4. The Detroit Pistons are headed in the right direction thanks in large part to coach and president Stan Van Gundy, a man whose disdain for ties and formal wear knows no peer. No one really stands out on the team with the possible exception of Andre Drummond but the pieces are fitting together well, especially forward Tobias Harris who was picked up via trade from Orlando last year.

3. The Celtics are probably another superstar away from truly contending but they're on the right track after picking up Al Horford in free agency. Brad Stevens has quickly established himself as one of the best coaches in the league and Boston can scare a lot of teams. It will be interesting to see how number 3 overall draft pick Jaylen Brown is utilized in his rookie year.

2. Toronto will be in 2nd place again this year. There's just still a significant drop off from Cleveland and every other team in the East. The name of that drop off is LeBron James. Toronto fans may point to the loss of starting center Jonas Valanciunas in the playoffs last year but Toronto should be pretty pleased if they find themselves in the Conference Finals again this year in a stronger East.

1. It's the Cavs and everybody else in the East. They didn't make any major changes to the roster besides bringing in former Duke prodigy Mike Dunleavy Jr. who should really help all around off the bench. He can shoot and plays hard and smart. The Cavs will still be looking to make changes to improve this team if the right deal falls their way. It's very unlikely that LeBron James doesn't see his 7th straight trip to the Finals which is a pretty amazing feat in this day and age.

Predictions

Coach of the Year: Erik Spoelstra

Rookie of the Year: Joel Embiid

MVP: Russell Westbrook

Finals: Cleveland over Golden State in 7 - Super teams don't always win in the first year and Golden State can't stop LeBron or Kyrie. If Cavs get Ricky Rubio, it's a sweep.

Pencilstorm's 2016 NBA Preview: Part 1 - Western Conference by Ben Galli

October 24, 2016 Ben Galli

I’d rather just write about J.R. Smith’s summer adventures in this column but unfortunately the media can’t talk about it. Something about too much swag. Is that still a thing now? Figured they didn’t want anything to overshadow the election.

But fear not, for I will incorporate J.R. Smith in a myriad other ways as I present Pencilstorm’s 2016 NBA Preview.

I’ll countdown the worst to the best teams in each conference, starting with the Western Conference, where the last 2 league MVP’s both blew 3-1 series leads and then decided to join forces. I haven’t seen that much choking on a team since, well, the Cubs and Indians last played in a World Series*.

*Look, I'm old but I'm not "alive in 1945" old. I substitute the 2003 NLCS for the Cubs example.

I'll be discussing what to look for on each team this year and will also rate the team's Excitement level using a thoroughly scientific grading scale of J.R. Smiths.

So shall we begin.

Western Conference

15. The Suns will watch Devin Booker elevate to stardom under 1st year head coach and former UCLA point guard Earl Watson. They hope rookie Dragan Bender lives up to his cool name but they are years away from making any real noise.

14. Denver Nuggets

14. This ranking could be too low for this year's Nuggets who have a good coach in Mike Malone. Point guard Emmanuel Mudiay could make a jump in his second year and promising center Nikola Jokic led Serbia to the Olympic silver medal this summer.

13. It is yet to be determined if 36 year old perennial dude Luke Walton is the next great coach or just a stoner with a heart of gold. D'Angelo Russell has been impressive in the preseason and rookie Brandon Ingram will most likely come off the bench, tempering comparisons to a young Kevin Durant.

12. Sacramento Kings

12. It's Boogie Cousins and hardly anything else. The Kings are rivaling perhaps no one in a class of their own when it comes to dysfunctional management. DeMarcus Cousins is one of the best players in the league but is starting his 7th season under his 6th different head coach.

11. I don't see the Pellies making a huge jump this year but I do see Anthony Davis re-establishing himself as the next great superstar, taking some thunder from a Mr. Karl-Anthony Towns.

10. New coach Mike D'Antoni plans to play James Harden at the point, something he kinda does anyway from time to time. It's his team now with Dwight Howard off to hometown Atlanta. Is Harden truly a great? Can he carry this team to the playoffs? Does he have a face under his beard?

9. The Jazz are Gordon Hayward's team. I'm not buying him as the best player on a viable contender. I have the Jazz missing the playoffs yet again in the stacked Western Conference. Former 5th overall pick Dante Exum should finally see some solid minutes and must prove he's not a bust.

8.Dallas  Mavericks — 8.Dallas Mavericks

8. I believe this is Dirk Nowitzki's swan song. Incredible career for the greatest European player of all time. Along with Rick Carlisle, I think this motivates and pushes the Mavs into the playoffs.

7. Excitement and Minnesota don't always go hand in hand. This year is different. With Karl-Anthony Towns and Andrew Wiggins leading the way with some athletic pieces surrounding them, the Wolves will make a jump this year. They're one of the most exciting young teams to watch in the league.

6. A new coach in David Fizdale and Zach Randolph coming off the bench but the rest remains the same in Memphis. Marc Gasol is back and Mike Conley Jr. has 153 million dollars to live up to. They'll be solid yet again but time is running out on any championship aspirations.

5. The Trail Blazers are in the Pacific Northwest which might as well be Alaska for how far away they are from media attention. Led by Dame D.O.L.L.A., better known as Damian Lillard, and C.J. McCollum, the Blazers are more exciting than most people know. Having added former 2nd overall pick and OSU star, Evan Turner, the Blazers are hungry for more playoff success.

4. The Oklahoma City Thunder are now officially Russell Westbrook's team and there couldn't be greater news to the ears of NBA fans. Sure, the Thunder lost one of the best players of all time in Kevin Durant but don't count this team out yet. Westbrook is on a mission, seeking vengeance, and he's the scariest player in the entire league.

3. Since Chris Paul got to L.A. (not the L.A. team he was supposed to go to, damn you David Stern), the Clippers have been a force to be reckoned with but they've never put it quite together. They hope to have a healthier Blake Griffin back and they're gonna give it another go with mostly the same lineup as last year. They have talent, but probably not enough to win the West. And time is running out with both Chris Paul and Blake Griffin able to test free agency after this year.

2. For the first time in about 20 years, the Spurs will step onto the court without that familiar number 21, Tim Duncan. And they'll be fine. Duncan was pretty solid in his later years but the Spurs had been planning for this for some time now. There's been some rumors of a rift with LaMarcus Aldridge but he's quieted those and should be a big piece for the team most likely to challenge Golden State in the West.

1. Golden State replaced Harrison Barnes with Kevin Durant. That's like replacing Jim Belushi with John. This team is going to be incredibly fun to watch. Countless fans will struggle the whole season desperately wanting to hate the new super villain in town yet not being able to resist the beautiful basketball being played. Durant signed with the Warriors for "basketball reasons" and he will fit in absolutely perfectly on this roster which may very well be the best offense in NBA history.

Enuff Z' Nuff: A Band You Need To Know - by Scott Carr

October 24, 2016 Scott Carr

Hailing from Blue Island, Illinois, Enuff Z' Nuff was formed in 1984 by guitarist/vocalist Donnie Vie and bassist Chip Z' Nuff. Originally known as Enough Z' Nuff, the duo immediately began writing songs together. Leaning heavily on their influences of The Beatles, Badfinger, Slade, Queen, Elvis Costello and their home state heroes Cheap Trick, Vie and Z' Nuff built a catalog of hundreds of songs in short order and began hitting clubs all around Chicago.

Enuff Z' Nuff took their shot at big time success when they released their self-titled debut album on Acto Records in August of 1989. Glam metal was taking it's last gasp of breathe and Enuff Z' Nuff were pushed right into the middle of it all. While the band did have the glam image, their music was not metal and it certainly felt more sincere than their glam metal counterparts. Big media even took notice of Enuff Z' Nuff being quite different than the flavor of the week that the labels were churning out at the time. Rolling Stone magazine describe their music as "Beatle-esque song craft and ripping hard rock" while Billboard magazine called them "a truly gifted power pop act." Even radio shock jock Howard Stern took an interest in the band and often featured them on his nationally syndicated radio show, Stern would later write liner notes for the bands fourth album 1985. In the liner notes Stern mentioned a trip he had taken to a remote deserted island and he only took five cassettes with him and three of them were Ennuff Z' Nuff. Enuff Z' Nuff made back to back appearances on Late Night With David Letterman and Letterman said "when it comes to rock 'n roll kids, these guys are all you need." Kiss' Paul Stanley said "Their debut album is a classic!"

It would seem that everything was set in place for Enuff Z' Nuff to become a household name, but it just wasn't in the cards. The debut album did quite well and spawned the MTV hits "New Thing" and "Fly High Michelle." By the the time the band released their second album Strength the music climate had changed and anyone associated with the glam metal scene found it tough to get any attention. Strength was a far superior album to the bands debut album and found the band delving deeper into their Beatle-inspired power pop roots. Acto Records dropped the band but they were quickly picked up by Arista Records for their third record, Animals With Human Intelligence. Almost as soon as they were signed to Arista they would find themselves without a label again. This would be the bands last go around with the majors and Chip and Donnie forged ahead releasing their music on indie labels and sometimes you could only track down their new music via Japanese imports. Although they no longer had the support of a major label the quality of their music never suffered. If anything, it continued to get better with each record.

To date the band has released 12 studio records with a 13th on the way in December. The bands has had its share of inner turmoil, including the death of guitarist Derek Frigo in 2004 and the death of drummer Ricky Parent in 2007. Donnie and Chip have been the creative force behind the band and have struggled to keep the name of the band alive. Donnie has been in and out of the group a couple times and is currently not a touring member of the band. Chip is currently fronting the band and has a entirely new line-up touring the country. Their new record coming out in December - called Clown's Lounge - is an archival release of songs the band recorded around 1988 but never released. Donnie Vie has released several solo records over the past decade or so and continues making music on his own.

My personal history with Enuff Z' Nuff dates back to 1990 when a band I was in opened for them at a teen club in Huntington, WV. We got to hang out with the band and they were really nice to us, which isn't always the case when you get an opening slot for a national act. I continued to follow the band and would open for them a couple more times over the years. The most interesting interaction I ever had with the band was sharing the stage with singer Donnie Vie for a one-off solo show he did at Oldfields On High here in Columbus in 2002. Donnie was in town for the holidays and wanted to play a show but didn't have a band. Donnie's wife at the time was a mutual friend and she reached out to me and asked if my band would be interested in backing Donnie up at this show. Of course we said we would. We scheduled a few rehearsals with Donnie and we had been doing our homework, so we already knew a bunch of songs. Donnie wanted to play mostly songs that we didn't know but by the end of rehearsals we had a pretty solid set put together. The night of the show the set list went out the window and Donnie said, "We are gonna play one we have never played before...." He looked at me and sayid, "Stand By Me, John Lennon style." I launched into the opening guitar part, the band joined in and the rest is kind of a blur. Donnie ended the set with a swan dive into our drummer's drum kit. It was a crazy night but we all survived, barely. Although Donnie knows my name, throughout this whole experience he always referred to me as "Fingers."

Chip Z' Nuff, myself and Derek Frigo 1990

On stage with Donnie Vie at Oldfields On High.

Donnie's infamous dive into the drum kit.

I'm writing this piece with the hope that it will shed some light on this great little band from the 1980's that not many people remember, but also as a tribute to the loyal fans that have stuck by the band for almost 30 years. Illinois has spawned so many great power pop bands like Shoes, Material Issue, Off Broadway, Pezband, and of course Cheap Trick. Enuff Z' Nuff has elements of all those bands in their music and they also managed to carve out their own unique sound. If you are looking for a "new thing" to listen to, I would suggest picking up an Enuff Z' Nuff CD. I think you will be pleasantly surprise.

The current touring version of Enuff Z' Nuff will be playing the Alrosa Villa on Saturday October 29th.

Check out the clips below for a little taste of what Enuff Z' Nuff is all about....

Scott Carr is a guitarist who plays in the Columbus, OH bands Radio Tramps andReturning April. Scott is also an avid collector of vinyl records and works at Lost Weekend Records. So...if you are looking for Scott....you'll either find him in a dimly lit bar playing his guitar or in a record store digging for the holy grail.

Noisivision Studios produced this Enuff Z'Nuff video for their hit single "There Goes My Heart." www.noisivision.com Prod. Co. Noisivision Studios Director: Brian Smith Producer: Braddon Mendelson © 2008 Pony Canyon Year: 2000 Location: Exteriors filmed at Richard Rioux County Park, Stevenson Ranch, California http://www.noisivision.com/category/music-videos/

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard Enterprises Catholic Girls · Enuff Z Nuff 1985 ℗ 2008 Stoney Records (BCD Music Group) Released on: 2008-03-25 Auto-generated by YouTube.

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard Enterprises Goodbye, Goodbye · Enuff Z Nuff 1985 ℗ 2008 Stoney Records (BCD Music Group) Released on: 2008-03-25 Auto-generated by YouTube.

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard Enterprises Day By Day · Enuff Z Nuff 1985 ℗ 2008 Stoney Records (BCD Music Group) Released on: 2008-03-25 Auto-generated by YouTube.

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard Enterprises I'll B The 1 2 Luv U · Enuff Z Nuff 1985 ℗ 2008 Stoney Records (BCD Music Group) Released on: 2008-03-25 Auto-generated by YouTube.

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard Enterprises We're All Alright · Enuff Z Nuff Tweaked ℗ 2008 Stoney Records (BCD Music Group) Released on: 2008-05-27 Auto-generated by YouTube.

Uploaded by DonaldEVanDevelde on 2015-11-18.

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard Enterprises Ain't It Funny · Enuff Z Nuff Paraphernalia ℗ 2008 Stoney Records (BCD Music Group) Released on: 2008-07-22 Auto-generated by YouTube.

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard Enterprises Rollaway · Enuff Z'nuff Dissonance ℗ 2010 Copyright Control Released on: 2013-06-01 Music Publisher: Copyright Control Auto-generated by YouTube.

Enuff Z´Nuff - Mother´s Eyes (High Quality)

Promo Video

Enuff Z'Nuff performing High at M3 Rock Festival, Merriweather Post Pavilion, US. Fri May 11th 2012

Enuff Z'Nuff performing Fly High Michelle at M3 Rock Festival, Merriweather Post Pavilion, US. Fri May 11th 2012

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