WWE Fastlane Recap: Looking Ahead to Wrestlemania - by Big Vin Vader

WWE Fastlane 2017  -  Positives and Negatives Heading into Wrestlemania

It’s hard to write about Fastlane this year, and it doesn’t seem right to run down and rate the entire card.  While there’s been a lot of skepticism surrounding WWE’s direction lately, most PPV shows have been mildly-pleasant surprises that end up surpassing low expectations. Fastlane was a pretty damn terrible show, with zero surprises and only slightly more decent matches.  The main problem going in was the fact that the card was actually pretty well-stacked.  The Cruiserweight title match, Samoa Joe vs. Sami Zayn, and Bayley vs. Charlotte all promised to be solid matches.  And those three were hands-down the best things on the entire show, although only the former exceeded expectations to truly reach the level of excellence.  The rest of the PPV was just shy of terrible, and some of the matches don’t even necessitate a recap or rundown.  The real issue is the fact that this is the last PPV before Wrestlemania, and that event’s card is still way too up in the air for comfort.  So, for this column, I’ll be looking at the negatives and positives from the show, as well as its impact on Wrestlemania as a whole.

The Negatives

Alright, no secret that this outweighs the positives by a large margin.  Taking it from the top, the second match of the night was Gallows & Anderson vs. Enzo & Cass for the RAW Tag Titles.  I’ll just come right out and say it: I’m not sold on Enzo & Cass.  Their ring work leaves a lot to be desired, and I’m sick of their entrance going on as long as it does, covering the exact same ground each and every time.  If the two cut down their entrance time, maybe RAW and PPVs wouldn’t quite hit a three-hour runtime.  The match itself was far from great, although it did give Karl Anderson more time to shine than usual, and having the Club retain was the right call.  Still, not a rivalry I’d like to see continue.
    Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax was as unremarkable as everyone expected it to be, aside from Sasha’s surprise victory by roll-up.  Coupled with Roman Reigns’ expected win over Braun Strowman, WWE shot down the momentum of their two top monster heels in a single swoop.  Another feud that needs to end.  They followed that up with two unannounced matches featuring the newly-split up Jinder Mahal and Rusev.  The fact that they crammed two filler matches midway through a PPV essentially confirmed that Goldberg would squash Kevin Ownes in the main event.  The matches were downright horrible, and I legitimately wondered what the hell I was watching.
    In my notes, I didn’t even rate Reigns vs. Strowman, I was just so disinterested.  And the thing is, I actually expected a decent showing.  They’re both limited performers in-ring, but the feud at least made some sense.  But Reigns stopping Strowman’s momentum did nobody any favors, and the fans rejected his going over as expected.  So basically, Braun was toppled en route to Wrestlemania, which almost confirms that the Reigns vs. Undertaker match is on. Lucky us.  
    And then there’s the big one: Goldberg vs. Owens.  People have been calling the result for a month now, and pissed off as I may have been when the word “squash” was thrown around, it turns out that was exactly the case.  Jericho’s entrance distracting Owens meant nothing, as their grudge match was already one of the few sure things for Wrestlemania.  What really upsets me is the fact that Owens is one of the best all-round performers on the roster, who was given the brand’s top prize on faith from Triple H.  His title reign featured not a single PPV victory without interference, making him look ineffectual rather than a bullying, sharp-witted heel.  And to top it all off, a past-his-prime part timer knocks him out in mere seconds to win the Universal Title for a match that is likely to last less than three minutes with Brock Lesnar.  Having Goldberg win makes some sense on paper: he’s destroyed Brock in a matter of seconds twice since returning, and Lesnar is supposed to be the biggest, toughest badass in the entire company.  To have Owens go over Goldberg, or even hold his own for a lengthy match would implicitly suggest that he’s tougher than Lesnar, and you can’t have that.  So, what should have happened was an interference that led to a DQ, whether from Lesnar (they teased it with Paul Heyman appearing backstage), or Jericho (more than a brief entrance distraction).  Instead, we got a predictable, awful “match” that will lead only to the two surefire feuds on the Wrestlemania card, and will inevitably sap them of their natural heat.  Part timers don’t need the Universal Title to draw, and giving Owens the U.S. Title as a consolation prize only serves as a demotion in terms of his place in the company hierarchy.

The Positives

With all of that out of the way, there were a few notable bright spots on the Fastlane card which deserve some mention.  Sami Zayn and Samoa Joe have had a number of good matches against one another in the past, and their meeting Sunday promised more of the same.  Interestingly, it was chosen to open the event, and ended up as the second-best match of the night.  It was at least five minutes too short, and wasn’t given enough time to breathe, which definitely was a let-down.  However, there were no sour notes whatsoever in terms of ring work, and Samoa Joe came out looking exactly like the type of destroyer WWE is pushing him as.  Unfortunately, the submission finish was way too abrupt, with Zayn getting choked out in a matter of seconds.  Even in loss, Sami is playing the part of the underdog perfectly, and when he does get his big comeuppance win (and there will be one in the near future), it will be that much more amazing a moment.
    While most expectations held that Joe and Sami would have the match of the night, that spot was amazingly taken by the Cruiserweight Title match between Neville and Jack Gallagher. Neville and Gallagher blew everything since the CWC away, delivering a well-paced, exciting and genuinely unpredictable match.  It was everything I had hoped the division would bring, and hands-down the best thing that’s been done in the division since the tournament.  Neville looked fantastic as the dominant heel, and having him retain the championship was the right call.  Gallagher, a personal favorite and undeniable standout from the tournament, pulled off some amazing work, and actually looked to have a chance of winning at several points.  Most notably, the whole thing connected well with the live audience, which will hopefully inspire such high-quality work in the future.  Sadly, it was all downhill from there, with Bayley and Charlotte’s match ending up as a decent, serviceable affair and little else.  Plus, Charlotte’s PPV streak ended far too soon, as it should have extended at least until Wrestlemania. 

State of Wrestlemania

Everything that happened at Fastlane looks to have little desirable impact on the Wrestlemania 33 card.  On a positive note, it looks like Shaq vs. The Big Show has been nixed, which saves us all that waste of time.  Most notable on the card, of course, is the next chapter of Goldberg vs. Lesnar, something which has been set for months now.  With that kind of build, Lesnar’s crossover appeal, and Goldberg’s hype following his return to WWE, there didn’t need to be any belt on the line.  This kind of match draws on its own, and people were planning to watch before Goldberg ever thought to challenge Owens for the Universal Title.  The way I see it, Lesnar is going over in this one, simply to avenge his string of losses to Goldberg.  That means that he’ll be the new Universal champ, as a part-timer, and the roster will have a hell of a time dethroning him.  Which can only mean that another Roman Reigns title run is in the cards.  Beyond all of that, there’s no chance in hell that the ‘Mania match will be anything approaching decent.  Lesnar is a very good wrestler, when allowed to actually work, which hasn’t been the case for some time.  Goldberg has never been able to truly wrestle, and his return has only emphasized this.  He looks to be in great shape, but he always has, and it was common for him to get winded back in the day going over five minutes.  Things aren’t looking good.
    Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho actually has promise to be one of the better matches currently announced, but even that has some problems.  The story and build between the two is fantastic, and they’re both two of the best all-round workers in the company.  Problem is, the match should have been held with both the Universal and United States championships on the line.  As it stands, it looks like Owens will win the U.S. belt from Jericho almost as a consolation prize, seeing himself demoted to midcard status.
    Roman Reigns vs. the Undertaker is pretty much guaranteed, and that’s nothing to look forward to either.  It seems unlikely that ‘Taker will halt Roman in his tracks given the talk of his imminent retirement.  Which can only mean that he will go under in an effort to further boost Reigns’ stature.  I don’t need to convince anyone that that would be a disaster, and would arguably go over worse than Reigns’ World Title win over Triple H last year.  Regardless of the outcome, the match promises very little from an in-ring standpoint, and the only thing worse than pissing off that many fans is doing it after boring them to tears.  There’s a chance that this one will work out alright for both of them, but I’m not expecting anything at all.
    The triple-threat match between Sasha/Charlotte/Bayley will unquestionably be a good one.  The issue here is that we’ve already seen this.  At last year’s Wrestlemania, in fact, with two-thirds of the same lineup.  Throwing a fresh face into the mix would be a good decision, but the biggest probability there is Nia Jax, who isn’t likely to impress on the big stage.  It seems like this one can really only boil down to Charlotte winning the Women’s Championship back, with Sasha costing Bayley, or vice versa, and finally turning Banks.  That would at least create a good opportunity for a grudge rivalry between the two allies (which was the case in NXT), and would allow all three women to move on from the constant title chase we’ve been subjected to all year.  The SmackDown Women’s Title match looks to be a mess, with every wrestler in the division challenging Alexa Bliss for the title.  This just highlights a big issue with the brand split, namely, there are simply too many performers and titles to give equal time and attention, meaning the importance of certain wrestlers and championships will continue to get muddled as the year goes on. 
    The tag team title matches look to be pretty unexceptional.  Gallows & Anderson (RAW) and American Alpha (SD) are amazing teams, but it all comes down to their challengers and the amount of time they’re given to work.  In the case of the former, if it does end up being Sheamus & Cesaro, the match should be pretty solid, if nothing game-changing.  Alpha’s opponents are still up in the air, so that one really stands out as a question mark currently. 
    On the subject of tag matches, it seems like the intergender John Cena/Nikki Bella vs. The Miz/Maryse is on.  Can’t say I’m looking forward to that one, or that I have any expectations whatsoever.  God forbid we have a Wrestlemania card without John Cena.  It certainly seems like a better idea to me than constructing a last-minute feud for him and Nikki just to fit them onto the card.
    The main event was finally decided, and has the most intrigue and promise of all.  After some back and forth indecision, Randy Orton finally turned on Bray Wyatt, and beat AJ Styles to secure the main event spot that was already his.  While the initial misdirection en route to his feud with Bray seems somewhat unnecessary, this is one of the most interesting stories the company has done in a long time, and both are good enough wrestlers that things look very promising.  Plus, word is that Bray is set for a long title run, and having him go over a tenured star like Orton would make him look fantastic.  Should that actually be the case, 2017 looks to be a very promising one for Wyatt, and hopefully the fans.
    A downside to this main event is the fact that AJ’s place on the card is now up in the air.  Let’s all hope that the proposed match with Shane McMahon does not materialize, as that would be a horrible misuse of a fantastic wrestler.
    As of now, there’s no word as far as plans for Samoa Joe, Sami Zayn, or even Finn Balor’s likely return.  Given that those three are some of the very best talents in the company at this time, and that makes things look a little off.  Hopefully there’s a place for each of them, but the card is already looking a little bloated as it is.  More important is to not give us another five-plus hour spectacle fraught with poor booking decisions and predictable outcomes.
    And, to top it all off, Ravishing Rick Rude has been confirmed as a Hall of Fame inductee, at long last.  So, that’s one definite perk for Wrestlemania weekend.

30 Years of Great Records by The Godfathers.....including a Brand New One - by JCE

A BIG BAD BEAUTIFUL NOISE by THE GODFATHERS – RECORD REVIEW


The first time I heard the Godfathers, I was knocking back beers at a little spot in Shockoe Bottom, Richmond, VA, around 1986 or 1987.  The place was called Domino’s Doghouse.  People used to stand on the tables in there and the music got played really loud.  It was freaking great.  I even remember the DJ that night was called “Donnie the Nightmare.”  Anyway, the song that got played was “This Damn Nation” by The Godfathers.  That song had a squealing guitar part and angry vocals that I will never stop loving.  The next day I bought the album Hit By Hit and over the last thirty years I have purchased every record that ever came out after that.  I’ve seen the Godfathers play three times, I’ve met them once and I think they are one of the best bands on the planet.  After 1995, nothing was heard from the band until they released the very good Jukebox Fury in 2013, their seventh studio album.  It appears that the Godfathers don’t really come to America anymore (they are a UK band), but I’m hoping their brand new record, A Big Bad Beautiful Noise, might bring them over for a tour.  I’m just glad they’re making records again.

A Big Bad Beautiful Noise is 11 tracks of classic Godfathers rock n roll.  Of course, the band has had line-up changes over the course of 30-plus years, but the new record is true to the original sound that blew me away that night in Richmond.  In fact, Peter Coyne is the only original member at this point, but I don’t care in the least, because Peter obviously knows what the hell he’s doing and how to pick bandmates.  Here’s my song-by-song record review of the eighth straight killer record from The Godfathers:

1.    A Big Bad Beautiful Noise – The title track rumbles out of the gates, starting us off with a pretty noisy song.  It’s arguably big and bad, but not beautiful.  Disappointing start.
2.    Till My Heart Stops Bleeding – This song came out well in advance of the full LP, which was released February 10th.  It’s a good song.  It’s not angry or overly rocking, but it chugs along pretty good.  Thumbs up.
3.    You Don’t Love Me – This is the first nugget on the record.  I really like this one. This was released as a single on vinyl with a b-side called “Some Reaction.”  The b-side smokes, so hunt that down.  No idea why it was left off the album.
4.    Poor Boy’s Son – This one leans to the harder rocking side, pretty good but not a total killer, which there are so many of from this band.
5.    One Good Reason – This song is quiet.  Maybe I would deem it ‘Godfathers Light.’  I like this one though.
6.    Miss America – When Trump got elected, Peter Coyne posted on his Facebook page a simple statement:  “Oh Dear America.  Now you’ve gone and f**cking done it.”  I think he wrote this song soon after.  Nuggett number two.
7.    Defibrillator – This attempts to be that angry rocking song but it misses the mark a little for me.  It’s just not up to Godfathers standards.
8.    She’s Mine – Here’s a bit of a departure.  This is a slow song loaded with great guitar.  Makes me feel like driving late at night on a lonely highway.  Think Chris Isaak’s ‘Wicked Game.’
9.    Feedbacking – See ‘Defibrillator’…
10.    Let’s Get Higher – See ‘Feedbacking’.
11.    You and Me Against the World – This one gets back on track, and I like the sentiment of the song.

So, I’m going to say that if this were an EP with tracks 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 8, and maybe with the b-side I mentioned, ‘Some Reaction’ then you would have a very nice seven song collection.  As it is, it’s a bit uneven and has some clunkers.  But please understand, The Godfathers, for me, have set the bar so high that even one of their clunkers is better than your average rock song.

And this would be my list of the Godfathers studio albums, ranked in order of greatness, in my opinion:

1.    Birth School Work Death
2.    Unreal World
3.    More Songs About Love and Hate
4.    The Godfathers (aka Orange)
5.    Hit By Hit
6.    Afterlife
7.    Jukebox Fury
8.    A Big Bad Beautiful Noise

It is true that the two most recent records are last on my list, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t good records.  The Godfathers will remain one of my all-time favorites, along with bands like the Neighborhoods, The Outlets, Watershed, and many others…  - JCE

TV Party Tonight! Part Ten: Bands I've Gotten Mail From - by Ricki C.

It's a pretty simple concept: back in the day, at the dawn of time, say 1974 or so, when KISS had barely been invented, and Colin was 5 years old, I was sending away for 45 rpm punk singles through the mail.  (iPhone kids, ask your parents what 45 rpm singles were; ask your grandparents what "mail" was.)  The first one I sent away for was Patti Smith's "Hey Joe" b/w "Piss Factory."  The second was Boston rock & roll genius Willie "Loco" Alexander's "Kerouac" b/w "Mass Ave."  When I got it, at my second apartment ever, back in the old Lincoln Park West Apartments - that complex right across from the Hollywood Casino that I believe set a city record for most police runs last year - it contained this note from Alexander.......

I couldn't find a decent-sounding version of that indie single b-side on YouTube, this is the later LP version, when Alexander signed to MCA Records.  It's not quite as good, but it's still rockin', and kicks anything from Grouplove's ass......

Okay, let's shift coasts now, to maintain chronology, but we'll get back to Boston later.  I sent away for The Pop!'s first single "Hit & Run Lover" b/w "Break The Chain" in 1976 or so, when I was running Teenage Rampage - my Columbus punk fanzine - and corresponding with the staff of Back Door Man magazine (who taught me everything I needed to know about DIY publishing) out in Torrance, California (the mean streets/working class 'hood of L.A., definitely NOT Malibu).  Here's a letter The Pop! guys sent me one year, and a tune of theirs from when they were part of the 1979 post-Knack "My Sharona was a big hit!  Sign up any power-pop band you can find in L.A!." major-label signing frenzy.......  

By time 1977 rolled around I had already spent my hard-earned, workin'-in-the-Service-Merchandise warehouse money on tickets to a Styx/Ted Nugent double-bill at Vet's Memorial and a KISS debacle at St. John's Arena on the OSU campus, because my A-1 punk/hardrock heroes The Dictators were supposed to OPEN both those shows, but managed to get themselves booted off both tours due to "musical differences" or "attitude adjustment" problems.  That brought about this postcard from Dics founder/leader/songwriter Adny Shernoff.......

(by the way, this Dictators video features some of the WORST camera work I've ever witnessed by a professional camera crew, as they seem to search vainly for WHO in the band is singing lead at any given moment.  I guess those hippie audio/visual stoners out in San Franscisco didn't know how to shoot anybody but hopelessly sedentary Grateful Dead-style bands.)

(plus whoever filmed seemed overly fond of showcasing rhythm guitarist Scott "Top Ten" Kempner's ass) 

Okay, back to Boston: The Atlantics were a classy new wave/power pop band who I first started reading about in Bomp! and The New Rocker in 1976 or so.  They always wore suits onstage, they always had cool haircuts, they knew how to tune & play their instruments, and they wanted to be rock & roll stars, as opposed to punk-rock rumors.  (The musical fame dicotomy that later saw Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain blow his brains out.)  They lasted into the early 80's, battering their heads against all the usual music biz walls: endless club gigs that finally led to being signed to a major label - ABC Records - in 1979 (that same power-pop boomlet that swept up The Pop! and The Plimsouls out in L.A.), only to watch their major label debut - Big City Rock - sink without a trace when ABC Records folded within weeks of its release.  I was a roadie for Columbus' The Buttons at that time (see The Buttons Opened For Judas Priest), wrote to The Atlantics to commiserate about our power-pop troubles 'n' woes and got this postcard back from them.......      

 

BONUS PREVIEW VIDEO

I started listening to Elliott Murphy in 1973.  In 1989 he emigrated from New York to Paris.  In 1992 I was lucky enough to meet him at a show at the Bottom Line in New York City when he played there during a visit back to his Long Island hometown.  (I took a Greyhound Bus to that show, a trip I wrote about at length in my old blog - How I Spent My Summer Vacation - if you'd care to read more.)  Anyway, we've corresponded ever since - first by postcard & letter, now via e-mail - and when I got this postcard from him in January, it gave me the idea to ask if we could conduct a trans-Atlantic / Paris-to-Columbus interview for Pencilstorm.  That interview will run this coming Thursday, March 16th: Elliott's birthday, by the way.  Here's a little bonus video to preview that piece.......

ELLIOTT MURPHY / "Continental Kinda Girl" / 1984 

 

 

 

 

    

Ace In The Hole Music Is Closing Next Week: You Should Stop In - by Ricki C.

Ace In The Hole Music Exchange (1153 Kenny Centre, inside the Kenny Centre shopping plaza, right by the corner of Kenny & Henderson Rds. / 614-457-5666) is closing its doors for good on Saturday, March 18th, 2017.  You should go there before it does. 

Owner/proprietor Mike "Pepe" Depew has kept Ace In The Hole going since 1995 - virtually single-handedly for the past seven years - but the crushing economic realities of keeping an indie record store afloat in our current downloadable music culture has made continuing the venture impossible.  (see store hours and closing-week discount schedule below)

I worked at Ace In The Hole for nine years in the first decade of this 21st century, 2001-2010.  I lived a pretty clichéd rocker existence that decade: I played action-packed acoustic solo rock & roll gigs; I served as road manager for Hamell On Trial, a punk-blast of MC 5-derived acoustic energy; halfway through the decade I signed on as merch guy & guitar tech for Watershed (and later for Colin’s spinoff bands, The League Bowlers and The Lonely Bones); and in between all that touring my day job was at Ace In The Hole Music.

I can’t tell you how cool that day job was.  Essentially I was getting paid to hang out and listen to music for eight hours a day, while talking ABOUT MUSIC to various strangers, friends & acquaintances who dropped into the store, both of which I WOULD HAVE DONE FOR FREE!!!  Other than a very short stint at Camelot Music right before Ace In The Hole, I had spent 25 years of my life working on receiving docks and in warehouses, unloading trucks and humping freight about for 40 bone-crunching/soul-destroying hours a week; BELIEVE ME, working in an indie record store work was better.

Plus I can’t tell you the number of good friends I made at that store: a local cancer physician, who – due to his rather retiring nature – I’m guessing would rather remain nameless here, who has subsequently become my sister’s oncologist as she battles cancer, and whose friendship has made that entire process SO MUCH EASIER; local rocker (and current Nashville émigré) Erica Blinn, whom I met when she was in her early teens when her dad – Ace In The Hole regular Jerry Blinn, bassist of the fine, fine, superfine West Side rocker elite Black Leather Touch – brought her into Ace, where she later became an employee; and, crucially, Joe Peppercorn – leader & master songwriter of first Mrs. Children, later The Whiles, still later the mastermind & driving force of the annual Beatles Marathon, perhaps Columbus’ finest yearly musical throwdown.

I met Joe one chilly Monday morning after I had co-hosted Invisible Hits Hour – Curt Schieber’s long-running Sunday night CD 101/102.5 record review show – the night before.  Joe came into the store – all but twisting a cloth cap in his hands like a character out of some Dickens novel – and said, “Are you the guy who was on Invisible Hits Hour last night?”  (I continually plugged my employment at Ace In The Hole on the show: why waste an hour of free advertising?)  “Did you like the show?” I asked back at him.  “Yeah, it was great.” he replied.  “Then yeah, that was me,” I said, brightening.  “What were you going to say if I didn’t like the show?” Joe asked, meeting my eyes for the first time in the entire shyness-slanted conversation.  “I was gonna say it was the white-haired guy who owns the store,” I said, “the last thing I need is little assholes coming in here and berating me because I badmouthed their favorite 311 record, and I can’t walk away from ‘em, because I’m at work.”

It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

There’s so much more about my nine years at Ace I’d like to get into: Watershed playing a great gig in the parking lot of the store on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon back in 2002, when The More It Hurts, The More It Works was brand new, YEARS before they ever became my employers (maybe Colin will write about that separately this week); the fact that Jim Johnson – ace drummer of various Willie Phoenix bands through the years & decades – was our record distributor throughout my employment and remains in that position to this day (plus he got me my job at the store, that’s a cool story in itself); but all that has to wait for a later blog, ‘cuz here’s what you have got to know RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! 
   
Ace In The Hole is open this week and next week Tuesday through Friday 11 am-7 pm; Saturday 11am-5 pm; and Sunday March 12th from noon to 2 pm or so, whenever the traffic and the conversation run out.  Final business day is Saturday March 18th, 2017.  All used CD’s in the store are 50% off; vinyl records $6 and under are 50% off (and, you’d best believe me, there’s still a BUNCH of great, cheap vinyl left in the store, I got that Brotherhood album – offshoot band of Paul Revere & the Raiders – for 50 cents last week, among others); vinyl $7-$30 is 20% off, and vinyl over $30 (and there’s some gems in that price range still there, too) is 30% off.  You really should go in and drop some cash, you could do much worse stuff with your time and your disposable music money until the 18th. – Ricki C. / March 6th, 2017. `

National Record Store Day, April 18th, 2009: Colin plays music, future Pencilstorm movie critic Rob Braithwaite reads the paper, local singer/songwriter John Vincent watches and waits for his turn to play.....

TV Party Tonight! Part Nine: Guilty Pleasures (and a couple not so much) - by Jeremy Porter

From Google:

guilt·y pleas·ure
noun
plural noun: guilty pleasures
something, such as a movie, television program, or piece of music, that one enjoys despite feeling that it is not generally held in high regard.
"everybody has a guilty pleasure—for me, it has to be mid 70s disco"

These are some of the things I pontificate about over drinks in the back rooms of dive bars, on soap-boxes at social gatherings, and during long drives between shows. It takes work to digest a piece of music objectively. It takes time, too. You have to learn to navigate through a quagmire of distractions that might include too much reverb, electronic drums, sterile or dated production, computerized perfection, and layers of unnecessary tracks. But beneath it all is the song and performance. Here’s a few that I’ve come to terms with, and learned to admit that I love, despite what you think.  

This isn’t going to make me any new friends. 

Aerosmith - Janie’s Got A Gun

 

This song made every old-school Aerosmith fan cringe. A lot of them left and never came back. The Toxic Twins were no more. The days of “Draw The Line” and “Sweet Emotion” were long gone. Well, ok, let’s get this on the table right off. This is a GREAT F*ING SONG. The writing and arrangement is just perfection. It rises when it’s supposed to and drops out when it’s supposed to. There’s not a wasted note or lyric anywhere.  If I had to take points off, it’d be the sheen over the mix and the synthy strings over the outro.  But Jesus, I love the tone of the guitar solo. And there are some real classic Aerosmith elements at play here: the piano shuffle going into the pre-chorus, the layered Tyler harmonies in the intro, and especially the Joe Perry rat-tail guitar bends over the “run away, run away from the pain” bridge.  All things considered, Steven Tyler is the greatest American rock singer of all time, for my money. His genius and talent as a singer and composer shines on this from front to back.  

Van Halen - Jump

Continuing with bands that jumped the shark, here’s another one that made old-school fans want to puke. You’ve got the greatest guitarist on the planet….and you write a synthesizer song. Ugh. Well, let me tell ya, this too is a GREAT F*ING SONG. And mostly thanks to Diamond David Lee Roth. Anyone else behind the mic and this song probably sucks. His delivery is just amazing. It’s funny and soulful and just overflowing with sex and energy. The highlight? “Whoah-oh, hey you? Who said that? Baby how you been?” is just classic brilliant rock and roll writing. It’s pure snarl,  idiot-in-a-bar-pickup-line conversation that - through a stroke of genius - becomes the lyric that opens the second verse. Who does that? No one but DLR would have thought of it. It’s an uninhibited move. Eddie’s smile in the solo is infectious. These guys nailed it with this one, and it was the hit it deserved to be. 

Bruce, Elvis, Steven, Dave - London Calling (Tribute to Joe Strummer)

Clash tribute.

OK, I’ll pull you back in with a not-so-guilty pleasure. Not sure I need to say anything about this, other than everytime I hear Bruce yell “This is for Joe!” at the beginning I get goosebumps, then I get sad as I remember how bummed out I was after Joe unexpectedly died. I never feel as out of touch about music as I do when someone brings up the Grammys and the crap that flows through there, but every once in awhile… Tony Kanal of No Doubt plays bass here, which gets us back (in a roundabout way) to our next guilty pleasure. Better watch this first cuz it’s about to get sappy here.  

Gwen Stefani - Cool

OK, we’re getting really guilty here. I’ve never been a No Doubt fan, and her solo stuff has been even harder for me to appreciate. Frankly, I loathe most of what I’ve heard. That Bananas song is horrible. But damn, this is a GREAT F*ING SONG! Like “Janie” above,  the arrangement, the lyrics, and the vocals are just great and so efficient. Four minutes goes by quick. The real key here is that hooky synthesiser riff that carries it throughout. The back story is cool, about her ex, the dude playing bass for the Boss up above (see how I did that?), and how they’re all adult now and get along after she hooked up with the dude from Bush. Yeah, it’s heavy on the Madonna and Lauper vibe, and the video is Godawful (tho Gwen is lookin’ fine), but it kills me every time. 

The Ataris - Boys Of Summer

Music Video-The Ataris, posted while I was bored...I sing this song with Resty a lot. =]

Annoyed yet? Even as an unapologetic Eagles fan, I can’t get on board with Don Henley’s solo stuff. But as a teenager watching MTV I saw that there was a really good song in here somewhere. I fell for the hook and the lyrics and wished the DH version and video were better.   Then I heard this a couple decades later. Yeah, it’s a bit stiff, a bit emo. It’s been through the Pro-Tools time lock, and you probably can’t find a single damn mistake in the whole thing, but somehow I can get past all that. The vocal is strong and the guitars are huge and the song is up front where it belongs. It’s a great cover of a great song that everyone hates.  

Bangles - Hazy Shade of Winter

The Bangles' official music video for 'Hazy Shade of Winter'. Click to listen to The Bangles on Spotify: http://smarturl.it/TheBanglesSpotify?IQid=BanglesHSW As featured on The Bangles: Greatest Hits.

Here’s another cover that I think is an improvement over the original. Everyone knows the Bangles for “Walk Like an Egyptian” and “Eternal Flame” - easily two of the weakest songs in their catalog (even if Susanna was naked when she sang the latter). But they have a dark streak: minor chords with themes of loneliness and betrayal, delivered with moody melodies and layered harmonies and '60s fuzz. More polished than the also amazing Go-Gos, but the material warrants some extra shine, and this Simon & Garfunkel tune from the Less Than Zero soundtrack pretty much kicks ass. Vicki plays a great Carvin and sister Debbie hits the snare hard. I played this a lot in 1987, between spinning Please To Meet Me, Document No. 5, and Warehouse: Songs And Stories, and I saw them open with this on tour that summer in Milwaukee, too. Most of my friends didn’t get it. I think it holds up pretty well.

Britney Spears - Womanizer 

If you’re still with me, then this ought to do it. Auto-tune, drum-machine, vocal-fry bullshit by the heap. It flies in the face of everything I love about music. This ain’t white guys with low-strung guitars! Whoever spent days and days at the mixing board and computer keyboard assembling this deserves credit for crafting a perfect combination of arrangement, punch, vocals and groove. The bridge is a nice change of pace. Let’s drop some molly and dance! 

The Nils - Freedom

video from this awesome and under-rated montreal punk band cicra 1986. this song Freedom, is off their Sell Out Young ep

I have to try to save some face here at the end: so this is no guilty pleasure, but something near and dear to my heart. The Nils were a disaster of a band from Montreal in the '80s/'90s who churned out some of the best punk, power-pop and rock that was never heard. Alex Soria wrote amazing songs from an early age until his untimely suicide in 2004. They had one full length (self-titled on Profile Records), 3 eps, and a coupla posthumous releases. This was their only official video. If you’re looking for something new (to you) and love bands like The Replacements and early Soul Asylum, check them out.  Start with the self-titled record.   

  
Jeremy Porter lives near Detroit and fronts the rock and roll band Jeremy Porter And The Tucos. Follow them on Facebook to read his road-blog chronicling their adventures and see his photo series documenting the disgusting bathrooms in the dives they play. He's a whiskey snob, an unapologetic fan of "good" metal, and couldn't really care less about the UofM - OSU rivalry since he once saw The Stones at the Horseshoe. Still, go blue.     

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