What's with All These Chairs? - by Andra Gillum

Author’s Note:  I have lived in Upper Arlington (UA), Ohio for over 20 years.  It’s a wonderful suburban neighborhood just outside Columbus. Like many old communities, it is steeped in tradition.

To those of us who have lived in Upper Arlington for more than a few years, the sudden appearance of lawn chairs along Northwest Boulevard in mid-to-late June doesn’t surprise us a bit.  We don’t even look twice.  Of course, these chairs have been placed along the parade route well in advance of the 4th of July parade.  There’s caution tape, roped off areas, benches, chairs, even a few couches.  No big deal.

But for those who are new to UA, and don’t yet understand the enormity of this July 4th tradition, I wonder what goes through their heads.  Do they think that the Pope is coming?  Or maybe the President?  I wonder if they would cause such a stir?

Every year, the chairs appear earlier and earlier.  People used to set out their chairs a day or two before the parade.  Then someone dared secure their spot on June 30th, and the whole game changed.  Mid-June now seems to be fair game.  It reminds me of Christmas displays in stores.  They used to go up before Thanksgiving, then it was right before Halloween.  Now, they’re looking at a Labor Day start to the holiday season.

But who has the right to secure a spot?  Is it the property owner?  Do they get entire section in front of their house?  Can they give permission to friends to use their space?  Maybe it’s an open seating platform. Anyone can use their property as long as they’re first to rope it off.  

People who live in Florida and California pay a high premium for beachfront property.  Here in UA, we pay a premium for parade front property. Realtors tout that as a huge selling feature, along with granite counter tops and hardwood floors.

So, if people are paying top dollar for this red-hot real estate, shouldn’t they have first dibs for parade seating?  At the least, they shouldn’t have other people leaving stuff in their yard for several weeks without paying a storage fee.  What happens when they need to mow the lawn? Kind of a pain to move everything.  Are they obligated to put everything back exactly as they found it?  That’s a lot of pressure.

What about the area in front of banks and other businesses?  Is this their space to reserve for customers or is it fair game?  Is there some “Open a new CD and get 4 seats along the parade route” promotion that I don’t know about?  If you prefer McDonalds, can you sit in front of Wendy’s?

I really don’t know the answer to any these questions, but I fear they have led to some major arguments.  I know the UA police ask that residents wait until as close to the 4th as possible to set out their chairs, but we are obviously ignoring that advice.  I guess they’re given up.

They just hope that people remain civil and dignified with each other.  We are celebrating a wonderful holiday and a great country, so let’s try to embrace the spirit.

Personally, we’ve never set out chairs before the parade.  We usually just head for the end of the parade route and get as close as possible or try to score an invitation to celebrate at one of the luxurious parade-front homes.  These elaborate parties are another story, so we’ll save that for the next blog.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the UA 4th of July parade and celebration.  What a wonderful and fun family tradition.  And I really have no opinion on what the proper pre-parade chair etiquette is.

I was just thinking to myself how utterly outrageous this all must seem to anyone new to UA.  They have a few rules to learn about Columbus and Upper Arlington, but I’m sure they’ll figure it all out quickly.  

Next month, they’ll face Buckeye Football mania, which you truly must see to believe.  A few months after that, they’ll try to register their kids to visit Santa at Christmas in the Park, only to learn that they should have set their alarm for 5:00 a.m.  

We could publish a handbook, but it’s more fun to watch them figure it out themselves.  That’s the way it’s always been, and who are we to break tradition?

Happy Independence Day everyone!  Enjoy the parade from wherever you sit.

Andra Gillum is a free-lance writer from Upper Arlington, Ohio, and the author of Doggy Drama, Puppy Drama and Old Doggy Drama.  Learn more at www.doggydrama.com.   Send your comments and feedback to andra@doggydrama.com.  

Brian and Greg Answer Colin's World Cup Questions

Brian Phillips and Greg Bartram answer my simple minded World Cup questions entering the knockout stage of the tournament. - Colin G.

1) After group stage, whose stock is rising and who is falling?

Brian - To me the knock out stage (16 remaining teams, single elimination) is all about match-ups. We're seeing parity in this year's field. No one's stock is falling faster than host Russia. Uruguay exposed them 3-0 in the group finale. Spain will make quick work of them. I'm certainly more intrigued by Sweden after what they did to Mexico.

Greg - Agreed with Sweden, but I also thing El Tri still has a trick or two up their sleeve. This is a team that made the US look disinterested at home here in Columbus, so I think there's more here. Russia made out like bandits umping out to an 8-1 goal differential, but I think that was the adrenaline of being at home. I expect them to crater. Speaking of stock falling...Argentina? They barely made it, and out of a perennial powerhouse like that with a player the caliber of Messi to stink up the joint that badly...

What games are you most looking forward to in the first knockout round?

Brian - Brazil/Mexico for me. Can Mexico return to the form they showed against Germany? Can Brazil stand up to the physical game they'll see from El Tri? A not 100% Neymar should expect to be knocked around again. Will the center ref offer any protection or let them play? I am also very curious about England/Columbia. Heavy expectations again on the Brits. Does Harry Kane have another goal or two in him?

Greg - Brazil/Mexico, as Brian says, but also and especially France/Argentina. I think France dominates this. Uruguay/Portugal...Sorry, Suarez...you go home sad, methinks.

Do you feel the use of replay has been a success?

Brian - I have loved the replay. The ones I've seen they've gotten correct, and in important spots. And they've been efficient in the process.

Greg - I think VAR has been effective. I haven't seen one that they got wrong. The goal against Germany would've been a crime to let slip away. Not too much to break up the flow, but keeping the game legal...I'm all about it.

What teams would you put your money on at this point?

Brian- I'm liking France right now., but I'm glad I don't have money on this. Expect some surprises. The final four will be all Europeans.

Greg - I was all about the Sons and 'Ssons of Iceland, and sorry they didn't advance. Portugal's an interesting story, underdoggy because of the country's size, but turning out some of the word's best...Ronaldo has been a machine. And here's your Michigan debate...you have Michigan, but you root for the B1G, right? Same thing for El Tri. The US looks better the deeper Mexico moves...maybe their defense should Build a Wall?  I'm feeling Portugal

The Pencilstorm Interview: Aaron Lee Tasjan - by Erica Blinn

Ohio's own Aaron Lee Tasjan, on tour with Social Distortion, will be in Columbus, OH: Wednesday, June 27 at Express Live!

When you experience a live performance by ALT and his incredible band, you will witness four dudes who have figured out how to build a rocket ship out of songs to transport themselves to a far better place, and they'll take you with them if you only believe. - Erica Blinn

EB - Your new album Karma for Cheap comes out this Fall; in a previous interview, you said that if this record doesn't find the commercial success you're hoping for that you'll probably quit and open a chain of Chinese buffets. Is that still your plan or has it changed?

ALT - That plan changes daily. I'm always planning for a forced retirement. My manager will likely release a statement to the press about all my "years of service" and how everyone is "sad to see me go" meanwhile I'll be reluctantly agreeing to go to hair cutting school after a long talk with my Dad.

EB - What is an experience you've been hoping for on the road but hasn't happened yet?

ALT - A gig where I don't worry about anything.

EB - What planet would you most like to visit and what is the main attraction that is drawing you there?

ALT - I know a girl who was in the running to go to Mars so I guess I'd visit there. At least there's a chance I might know somebody.

EB - Of the planets that you have visited, which has been your favorite?

ALT - There's this planet on my front porch...it has an inflatable pool and a bubble machine and a person who has stolen my heart. It's my favorite planet in the universe.

EB - Which pair of animals should've been left off "The Ark"?

ALT - Mean-spirited snakes.

EB - In your opinion, how many strings does the ideal guitar have?

ALT -  Keith is king.

EB - Who would you say has had the least influence on you?

ALT - Ryan Adams's recent Instagram posts.

EB - When would you say would be the best time to exact revenge on someone and how would you do it?

ALT - When they're least expecting it. I would use a palm pilot. No one even knows the technology any more.

EB - What is your favorite thing to get from the ice cream truck?

ALT - Flintstones tangerine push pop.

EB - Shaken or stirred?

ALT - Shake, rattle and roll.

EB - Sunrise or sunset?

ALT - Sunrise in the evening, sunset at dawn.

EB - Would you say that you tend to: a) overreact b) under react c) react appropriately d) none of the above

ALT - I act like I don't know what I'm doing.

EB - You've competed in a lot of pageants over the years; what is one of your favorite memories from your time in the pageant industry?

ALT - I played the Mayor of the munchkins in the Delaware Children's Community Theater production of The Wizard of Oz. I got to wear a sash for the role. That was as close as I ever came to winning a pageant.

EB - If you could only wear one thing every day for the rest of your life what would it be?

ALT - Sparkle shoes and/or David Bowie's outfit in the Diamond Dogs photo by Terry O'Neill.

EB - What is your favorite Quentin Tarantino film?

ALT - Jackie Brown. I like the happy ending.

EB - Which of your prize winning show horses is your favorite?

ALT - Oprah Whinniefrey, Oats-Hay Simpson or Pony Bennett.

EB - What's the most money you've ever spent on Sparklers?

ALT - I've bought far more fireworks than I've ever set off.

EB - If you could be any dinosaur, which would you be?

ALT - Dinosaur Jr.

EB - If you were just starting on this record today, what would you do differently?

ALT - Record a cover of Party In The USA by Miley Cyrus. 

EB - Was there any fun gear that you used on this record? What were some of the effects pedals you used/acquired specifically for this record?

ALT - We used a lot of tape varispeed to make the guitars sound like they're melting. I used a fair amount of Sheryl Crow's guitars on this album, too. Please don't tell her. 

EB - If your band was more like the T.V. show Survivor how would touring be different (if at all)? Who would be voted out of the van first?

ALT - Me. I'm far and away the most annoying one of our whole band. Everyone knows it. No one is bigger or better at being annoying than me.

EB - No further questions, Your Honor.

Aaron Lee Tasjan's new record Karma For Cheap comes out this Fall on New West Records.  

Cavs Draft On Tap - by Ben Galli

NBA Draft Night is almost here!  A rich pageantry of collegiate wunderkinds, characters, and conspiracy.  With free agency the dominion of old money teams, the draft is the easiest way to level the playing field.  It's the aspiration for a better future. And a reward for being losers.  The right pick can change fandoms and legacies.  The Warriors aren't the Warriors if they don't find a Draymond Green with the 35th pick.  Is Klay Thompson playing better than what you expected from the 11th pick in a weak draft?  

The Cavs pick 8th this year. Perhaps the only prized possession from the Kyrie "The World Is Flat Enough" Irving trade.  It's not the best pick and the Cavs are probably looking at the 2nd tier of talent available, but with the right development they could be picking up a star.  Here's a look at the Cavs' prospects heading into Thursday night.

Dream Scenario:  Maybe the only thing that can save this summer for Cavs fans is if Cleveland somehow found a way to trade this pick to San Antonio for Kawhi Leonard thus convincing LeBron James to stay.  It's a stretch.  Would Kevin Love, maybe Rodney Hood, and the 8th pick be the best offer on the table for the Spurs?  Doubtful.  

Realistic Best Case Scenario:  One of the players with superstar potential falls to the 8th pick.  It is a precarious position though where Cleveland remains on the outside looking in.  The best players in the draft seem to be the Aytons, Doncics, Bagleys, and Jacksons.  Deandre Ayton can be a monster, a sleeker Joel Embiid.  Doncic seems to be the real deal.  I'll predict he'll be the funnest player to watch from this draft. 

The Cavs won't have a chance at these guys.  But they can hope that a Michael Porter Jr. might fall to them.  Facing concerns with the back surgery that sidelined him for most of his freshman year, Porter's ceiling is the roof.  Porter has a really nice skill set for the NBA.  He's long and a pure scorer.  And if LeBron leaves, there will be no shortage of ego in the Cavs locker room.

Most Realistic Scenario:  The Cavs take a gamble on another player with high upside.  I see Trae Young and rising Kentucky Wildcat Kevin Knox as picks that make sense for a franchise that may need to take risks.  Mikal Bridges from national champion Villanova and Miles Bridges of Michigan State (no relation) should be really solid pick ups.  Less of a risk plus less boom and bust potential.

The Anthony Bennett Scenario:  It's a real shot in the dark to try and predict who's going to be a bust in this year's draft.  You can only guess.  The worst thing the Cavs could do is trade this pick for average talent disguised a la a Trojan horse; perhaps much like the Isaiah Thomas deadline deal was.  Getting talent on level with the likes of Avery Bradley and Kentavious Caldwell-Pope won't convince kings or peasants.  

My Gut Scenario:  I'd hope that somehow a Michael Porter Jr or Jaren Jackson Jr become available for Cleveland.  Not likely though.  I think the Cavs take a chance on Kevin Knox.  And hope he follows in the steps of Devin Booker.  Collin Sexton remains an outcome.  Trae Young would be the most polarizing.  For all the hype it brings, draft night can be a cruel night.  The wrong pick can set franchises back years.  But the right pick can keep a city and franchise buzzing for a decade.

How # Watershed Wednesday Became a Thing - by Nick Jezierny

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook (not to be confused with Love/Hate the band).  I enjoy seeing what friends are doing and eating, plus I find out about some things happening around town.  That’s the love part.

The hate part is the shared political posts, fake news, and extreme right & left pages that I’m asked to like.

So during the election season last year, I decided that I was going to post a “Song Lyric of the Day” for the month of November.  I ride my bike 8 miles (each way) to work and listen to the 200-plus songs I’ve loaded onto my iPod Shuffle.  That first day, Black N Blue’s “Miss Mystery” came on and “I’m tied to the track, just waiting for the train” became the first lyric I posted.

I continued this each day, writing the lyrics on the white board that is built into my workstation (re: cube) at the office and photographing and posting them.  Typically, it’s a song I heard on my ride in or one over the weekend or one that pops into my head for no good reason.

I haven’t stopped doing this, only missing days when I’m out of the office.  I think the whiteboard is a nice touch, as opposed to just typing the lyrics. 

At some point, I picked a Watershed lyric and it was on a Wednesday.  That’s when I used #WatershedWednesday and started tagging Colin & Joe, who are Facebook friends.  It’s cool to get comments from them, such as the time Joe wondered how I even knew the song “One-Word Title.”  I enjoy comments from  people I don’t know.  I even appreciate learning the correct lyrics — I’ve guessed wrong a few times or relied on speculative Internet sites to get the words.

But my favorite part about #WatershedWednesday is I take my classic iPod and select Music < Artists < Watershed < Play All.  I’ve got 98 songs loaded on there — Twister, Star Vehicle, The More It Hurts, The More It Works, Fifth of July, Brick and Mortar, Three Chords and Three Chords II, a few of the Singles Series, the Obvious EP and the cover of “Paint the Town Red”  I listen to those songs every Wednesday, and I swear it makes it my favorite day of the workweek.

Live Taping of Rock & Roll Book Club, Gramercy Books, Tuesday June 19th: Thomas O'Keefe & Joe Oestreich's "Waiting To Derail" - by Ricki C.

Shy, socially-backward, book-reading child that I was, libraries were my first love, bookstores were my second.  (True story: My senior year of high school in the prehistoric ages of 1970, a few of us cut school and went up to the river to hang out.  My best friend Dave Blackburn & I were being the lives of the party and a girl named Christine George – who I had gone though 12 years of Catholic education with, at St. Aloysius and Bishop Ready – looked at me being a rock & roll clown, shook her head and said, “I can’t believe you’re the same person I went to grade school with.  In third grade we were all absolutely SURE you were mentally retarded, but you still got straight A’s.  We all thought the nuns just felt sorry for you.”)    

My current favorite indie bookstore in Columbus (Bexley, to be precise) is Gramercy Books at 2424 E. Main Street, right across from the Bexley Public Library (how perfect).  At 7 pm on Tuesday evening, June 19th, Gramercy will host a live taping of the Rock & Roll Book Club, presented by Mark Danzter, Patrick Buzzard, Chuck Johnson & Ryan Smith.

The subject of the podcast is the long-awaited Thomas O'Keefe book Waiting To Derail: Ryan Adams and Whiskeytown, Alt-Country’s Brilliant Wreck (co-written with Joe Oestreich).  Joe – as many Pencilstorm readers are certainly aware – is the bass player & co-lead singer of Watershed: Columbus, Ohio’s power-pop dynamo.  (Oestreich will be appearing at Gramercy Books for an author talk on July 13th.)

My previous experience with a live presentation of the Rock & Roll Book Club was an event at the Upper Arlington Public Library back in 2015, but next week will be the first time Dantzer, Buzzard & Co. will record their podcast LIVE for re-broadcast on July 2nd.  (The book being covered in 2015 was Joe's Watershed memoir Hitless Wonder, and Watershed's other co-founder/co-lead singer/guitarist - and Pencilstorm mainstay - Colin Gawel played a live set that evening.  Those Watershed boys are so literary.)  

There will be an ample supply of Waiting To Derail on sale at the store during the Rock & Roll Book Club taping, so support a local business, buy your copy at Gramercy Books, and maybe skip Amazon for once, okay?   

It's mid-June, not-quite-summer, we're done with rain, rain, rain, so get yourself over to Gramercy in Bexley on Tuesday for some books and rock & roll; it's easily my favorite combo, and I wish it could/would be yours.  - Ricki C. June 16th, 2018.