Bad Onstage Blunders will be a (hopefully) continuing series on Pencil Storm dealing with live performance problems & antics that have already befallen our editors & contributors and/or transgressions they may commit in the future. (Musicians who frequent the blog and would like to chime in are also welcome.)
Ricki C. and Atomic Zombies will play at 8 & 9 pm respectively at the Eldorado’s New Music Showcase, Tuesday, April 9th.
A Reader’s Digest edition of my life in rock & roll songwriting; I started writing lyrics when I was 14 in 1966. I had various songwriting partners who could write music until 1973, when I decided I just HAD to start writing my own music, so I didn’t have to depend on anybody else. I always write the lyrics first. That’s the easy part for me. Then I rather laboriously work on the music ‘til I get it almost right. The point is; I WORK on the songs. Nothing gets done offhandedly.
In 2002 I was performing regularly at a place called Midgard Comics. One Friday night I had just seen Courtney Love on some Hollywood awards show (during her short-lived acting career) and was - perhaps to put it mildly - annoyed. As a result I wound up writing a song about Ms. Love LIVE ONSTAGE. To synopsize; I didn’t like her. The title and chorus of the song was, “Courtney love is a motherfucking whore.” (Yeah, I know, subtle. Thank you.)
At the conclusion of the tune I turned the chorus into a sing-a-long of course, because what red-blooded punk-rock teenage boy or girl DOESN’T want to shout “Courtney Love is a motherfucking whore” at the top of their lungs on a Friday night at their favorite hang-out at the urging of a guy old enough to be their dad?
The song was an instant smash at Midgard. I had only intended to play it that one time, that one night, and wound up belting it out every time I played at Midgard. I would play up to 5 short solo acoustic sets during band re-sets and - for the next two years - I wound up playing the song two or three times a night, ‘til the club closed in 2004. After 40 years of laboring over lyrics and sweating out chord progressions a song I MADE UP ONSTAGE IN LESS THAN THREE MINUTES became my Big Hit Tune. It’s only rock & roll.
Fast forward 20 years to March, 2024; Keith Cretin from Midgard asked me to open for his band – The Atomic Zombies – at their CD release party at a local bar called Eldorado’s. I had already concluded that I would mention the Courtney Love tune at that gig – acknowledge its existence and its immense popularity back at Midgard Comics – but not actually PLAY IT at the show. Problem was, there were innumerably more Midgard Kidz (as Keith & I had dubbed them back in the day) at the show and Keith had promised them I would take a run at a song I hadn’t played in 20 years.
I decided to give it an unrehearsed shot. Let’s face facts; with a title & chorus like that, it ain’t exactly Proust. Or even Bob Dylan. Or even The Ramones, though actually it’s close.
It took me two false starts just to get the chord progression right (which means getting the order straight of the E, A & D chords roughly 70% of my songs are powered by) but by the spoken word section in the middle I was kinda nailin’ it; Eldorado’s was rockin’. So of course I decided to go for the sing-a-long/shout-a-long/audience participation segment at the end.
I’m into it and the crowd (or – more accurately and crucially – MOST OF THE CROWD) was into it, they & I were on maybe the tenth repetition of “Courtney Love is a motherfucking whore” when I glanced to my right and there was a 30-something Mexican couple just sitting there stone-faced, not laughing and/or singing/shouting, and the people behind them were waving their arms and shaking their heads, “NNNOOO, NNNOOO, NO!”
I’m confused by that for a second, and then the third person at the couple’s table – who was facing away from me – started to slowly turn around to face me and the first thing I saw WAS THAT SHE’S HOLDING A TEDDY BEAR! “Holy shit!” my rock & roll besotted brain was trying to tell me, “THAT’S A KID!”
I stopped playing entirely and said to the long-faced father at the table, “Is that a DOLL BABY? Is she a child?” “Si,” was his plaintive reply, and – because I won the Best Spanish Language Student Award TWICE at Bishop Ready High School on the West Side of Columbus 54 & 56 years earlier – no one had to tell me that means “yes.”
The crowd was cracking up laughing now as they realized what was taking place and I said to the guy from the stage, “Man, I REALLY REALLY apologize, I had no idea there was a little girl here.” “Eees okay,” he said in broken English, “you deed not know.”
I glanced over at Keith, who was leaning on a pool table to my left and – sensing my hesitation/trepidation – he said, “Finish the song, dude, you’ve come this far.”
I finished the tune, closed the set strong with Mott The Hoople’s “I Wish I Was Your Mother” and – as usual – “Strummer’s In Heaven,” which I kept assiduously clean with the “9-9-9-9-9” shout-a-long at the conclusion.
After the set I put my guitar away and walked over to apologize to the Mexican dad face to face. His wife won’t even look at me as I shook his hand and said, “I really sincerely apologize to you and your wife, I never would have played that song if I had known your little girl was here.” The daughter just stared at me and held her teddy bear a little closer as her dad said, “I guess she will have to learn thees English words sometime.”
He was way nicer about it all than I think I would have been in the same circumstance.
I’m playing with Atomic Zombies again at Eldorado’s on April 9th. The show is on a Tuesday night rather than a Saturday afternoon, but you’d best believe I’m gonna be scannin’ that crowd for kids if I play my Courtney Love tribute tune. – Ricki C. 3/21/2024
Ricki C. onstage @ Eldorado’s, 3/2/2024, pleading for just a little bit of forgiveness.
Ricki C. is 71 years old. He has been involved professionally in rock & roll in some capacity - performer, roadie, rock writer - since 1968 when he sang his first song for pay in public; “Magic Carpet Ride” by Steppenwolf at a classmate’s basement birthday party.