Your Dog Isn't Your Kid by Johnny DiLoretto

Your dog is not your kid. Don’t say you love your dog like it’s your kid. People who  say that sound… well, like an emotionally stunted idiot.

Let me tell you why. Firstly, you don’t have sex with a dog in order to get pregnant with a dog. Two, forget screwing a dog, you don’t actually ever lug around a dog fetus inside of you, letting it stew in there for a good 9 months.  And, this one goes without saying, but you never actually bear down and squeeze a cute little sopping wet puppy out of your cha-cha parts.

Furthermore, one doesn't birth just one dog. One births a litter, and even if you did birth a litter of pups you’d be forced to let them duke it out over your two tits. Don’t forget you only have two tits. To truly love a dog like your own child you’d need at least 8 to 10 tits.

So, the very idea that you love your dog like it’s your own child is flawed reasoning from the start…

But, for argument’s sake, let’s say you just acquire a dog the normal way and now you love it like it’s your kid.

Here’s the number one reason why that’s a monumentally stupid thing to say:

Because having a child is a constant reminder that you’re going to die one day and that the only thing left of you is going to be tied up in this little person who holds in their delicate grasp all your hopes, dreams, and fears. Your child is the as-yet unscrewed up miniature version of you that will carry your legacy into the future.  

You will pour everything you have – emotionally, spiritually, financially – into this person. You will watch them learn to walk, you will help them acquire the gift of speech, you will, hopefully, even teach them how to urinate and defecate into a toilet. 

Having a child is to walk through the world with the constant fear that harm might befall him, a perpetual nagging doubt that you haven’t equipped her well enough with the emotional and psychological tools to contend with other human beings; that he or she won’t measure up, that they won’t succeed, that they’ll have their hearts broken or their spirits crushed. These are fears that plague you deep in your soul. It just doesn’t hit you quite that deep when your dog gets nipped at for sniffing the wrong ass.

I know  --- I know --- people are disappointing and it’s easier to love a dog. It’s easier to love an animal that loses its shit when you get home. That’s mainly because you can’t leave a kid in a kennel all day while you’re working.

And, I know, I know --- dogs help people get through some terrible times. Dogs are wondrous creatures that have evolved alongside of humans over the last 10,000 years to provide people with protection and companionship. These animals, it’s hard to believe were once all wolves. But you’d think after 10,000 years they might be able to say something, a word at least - a “hello” or “thank you” even. Let’s face it, these are limited creatures that have been given every opportunity to grow and learn and tail wagging and leg humping are still their primary modes of expression.

But, let's move on. Don’t say you love your dog like it’s your own child because it only points up your emotional inadequacy. Grow the F up. People are hard. People will fucking let you down. Some of them want to use you, some of them want to abuse you, some of them, god only knows, want to be used by you. (Thank you Annie Lennox.) But dogs are not children. They are companions. And you should love them as such. 

The bottom line here is that we live in a world now where people just say crazy, over-the-top shit and everyone is supposed to validate everyone else’s feelings no matter how juvenile or asinine the crazy shit they say is.

It’s like having to pretend the fibromyalgia is really anything but the result of eating too many trans fats and sitting around on your ass all day.

Now, it’s okay, if you have kids, to say that you’re dog is part of the family. That’s acceptable. But it’s as freakishly annoying to treat you’re dog as your child as it would be for someone to treat their child as a dog.

Which reminds me, I gotta get home to let my kid out so he can shit in the yard.

Johnny DiLoretto is a father, husband, movie guy, comedy guy, writer, radio / television personality and  a huge Dean Martin fan. He writes stuff for Pencilstorm too.

Weep For My Family. It's The NFC Championship Game

(Editor's note: Brian Phillips grew up in the Olympic Peninsula town of Port Angeles, Washington. He's followed the Seattle Seahawks since their 1976 inception. He attended the Hawks first win ever, a last second 17-16  pre-season thriller over the San Diego Chargers. His childhood heroes were Jim Zorn and Steve Largent. His first  paid radio job involved plugging in local commercials  during Seahawks broadcasts at KQQQ in Pullman, Washington. Living in Ohio has not dulled his Hawk passion. Don't ask him about the 12th Man, or Beast Mode, or 'You Mad Bro' or any of that shit unless you like getting spittle on your face. )

As my Seahawks have continued on their inexorable march to this evening's NFC Championship Game friends have been checking in to see where I'm watching. I've had no answer. Home seems the safest option. My wife and daughters have grown to accept my frothing. I'm sure it's not easy. Whenever I see this commercial I'm filled with fear that I am this guy:

Some fans will do whatever it takes to help their team win. After all, it's only weird if it doesn't work.


The Bier Stube across from the campus Gateway is owned by a Seahawk fan for crying out loud. I could go there, but he's trying to run a business. I don't want to scare away the regulars. 

My buddy Nick is always understanding, but he's a Patriots' fan. What if the Pats lose? He'll be in no mood for my nonsense. I watched this game with him in 2012. I thought he was going to brain me with his shoe.

Seahawks winning touchdown including an unhappy Pats fan. With just over a minute left in the 4 quarter Russ Wilson connected with Sydney Rice which ended up being the winning TD with a final score of Seahawks 24 - Patriots 23


The issue of course is that when it comes to the Seahawks I am reduced to some sort of feral or childlike state. This play from last week's Saints game had me baying at the moon:

Huge hit on Percy Harvin in the Playoffs against New Orleans


It's best that I separate myself from the herd and watch alone save for any member of my family crazed enough to join me. We know 49ers/Seahawks will be one for the ages. I should probably wear a helmet myself. 

My picks:

Seahawks 20 49ers 17

The other game:

(This one is actually a lot harder to pick. The weather won't be a factor... 61 and sun in Denver today if you can believe that. The conditions should be sufficient for Manning to do what he does)

Broncos 38 Pats 34

Ray Davies is the Best Songwriter Exhibit D & E. Live From Cleveland Municipal Stadium

As a special treat for you Pencilstorm diehards on this January Sunday, here are TWO classic Kinks songs from the Rock Hall Of Fame Benefit Concert at the old Cleveland Municipal Stadium in 1995. This was the last American Kinks performance to date. And they CRUSHED. Let's hope they can get something together for the 50th Anniversary in 2014.  To read Ray Davies is the Best Songwriter Exhibit C click here    

Below, lyrics and video.

Exhibit C: All Day and All of the Night.  (punk rock begins)

Exhibit D: Lola  (a hit about a Transvestite)

I met her in a club down in old Soho
Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry-cola [LP version: Coca-Cola]
See-oh-el-aye cola
She walked up to me and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said Lola
El-oh-el-aye Lola la-la-la-la Lola

Well I'm not the world's most physical guy
But when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
Oh my Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
Why she walked like a woman and talked like a man
Oh my Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola

Well we drank champagne and danced all night
Under electric candlelight
She picked me up and sat me on her knee
And said dear boy won't you come home with me
Well I'm not the world's most passionate guy
But when I looked in her eyes well I almost fell for my Lola
La-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola
I pushed her away
I walked to the door
I fell to the floor
I got down on my knees
Then I looked at her and she at me

Well that's the way that I want it to stay
And I always want it to be that way for my Lola
La-la-la-la Lola
Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola
La-la-la-la Lola

Well I left home just a week before
And I'd never ever kissed a woman before
But Lola smiled and took me by the hand
And said dear boy I'm gonna make you a man

Well I'm not the world's most masculine man
But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man
And so is Lola
La-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola

 

All the staff become part of my private collection. In any moment I don't want to use ilegally reserved rights. Opened channel without any lucrative purpose. The kinks performing All Day And All Of The Night and Lola at The Rock'n'Roll Hall Of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio, USA

The Perfect Age For Rock & Roll, part two by Ricki C.

Before I was old enough to have to sign up for a draft card (18 years old, for you young’uns out there) I had already seen The Jimi Hendrix Experience, The Doors, Bob Dylan’s first electric tour with The Band (when they were still called The Hawks or The Crackers), Cream, Janis Joplin & the Full Tilt Boogie Band, Sly & the Family Stone, The Dave Clark 5, The Animals, The Turtles, Paul Revere & the Raiders, The Standells, The Who (in 1969, which just happened to be THE BEST live show I have witnessed in my 61 years on the planet) and literally dozens of others, including little-remembered but great down-the-bill acts like Every Mother’s Son, The Left Banke and Cat Mother & the All Night Newsboys.

I saw all of those shows for free, courtesy of my sainted Italian father, whose nighttime job after days at the Columbia Gas of Ohio warehouse was with Central Ticket Office, an early forerunner of what Ticketmaster would become.    

My father died in April of 1970, two months short of my high school graduation and oddly, so did live rock & roll.

Oh, there was certainly the occasional great show: The Cincinnati Pop Festival June 13th, 1970 – one week after said graduation – where I saw Mott The Hoople for the first time, The Stooges for the second time, plus Alice Cooper (when they were still a rock band, before all the golf-pro showbiz bullshit), Mountain and Traffic; Brownsville Station whenever they played Valley Dale Ballroom or the old Columbus Agora; Aerosmith (bottom-billed BENEATH Robin Trower!) reintroducing sex into rock & roll whilst opening for Mott The Hoople in ’73 at Mershon Auditorium.  But as the months and then years went on I increasingly saw boring, pallid, xerox-of-xerox copies of the greatness I’d witnessed in the 1960’s: your Edgar Winter Groups, your Leon Russells, your Styxes, your Montroses, your Kansai.  Let’s face facts: I had seen Bob Dylan in his 1966 prime.  I had watched Jim Morrison declaim immaculate rock poetry and witnessed Jimi Hendrix reinvent the electric guitar right in front of my astonished teenage eyes, and now I was supposed to take fucking REO Speedwagon seriously?  Please.  I was supposed to tolerate Yes?  No.

In 1976 I was 24 years old, the Perfect Age For Being Burnt-Out On Rock & Roll.  And then I saw Bruce Springsteen live.

April 5th, 1976 I saw Bruce Springsteen & the E Street band live for the first time at the Ohio Theater here in Columbus, Ohio.  I was already a fan of Springsteen.  I’d bought Greetings from Asbury Park, N.J. and The Wild, Innocent & the E Street Shuffle when they were released back in 1973 and – in one of the excesses of my youth – borrowed a buddy’s car in 1974 (I didn’t have a driver’s license or a car of my own until 1979, but that’s a whole other blog for a whole ‘nother time) and drove to the outskirts of Cleveland, Ohio, to tape “Born To Run” off of a WMMS radio broadcast.  (‘MMS deejay Kid Leo had an advance tape of “Born To Run” MONTHS before the single was officially released by Columbia and would play it to open the weekend every Friday afternoon at either 4:55 or 5:05 pm.  I drove to Cleveland, waited until I was within range of WMMS, then sat in the car with my newly-acquired Panasonic portable cassette recorder in my lap until “Born To Run” played, taped the song, and drove home.  It never even occurred to me to check if anybody I wanted to see was playing in Cleveland that night, or to stay overnight.  I drove there, taped the song, and came home.  I had a mission.)  (Note to all you Arcade Fire kids from your Drunk Uncle Ricki: There was no internet, Spotify, Rhapsody, Dropbox or YouTube in 1976.  If I wanted to hear “Born To Run” I HAD TO TAPE IT OFF THE RADIO WITH A PORTABLE CASSETTE RECORDER IN MY LAP.)
 
Like I said, I liked Springsteen, but truthfully I was probably a bigger fan of a singer/songwriter named Elliott Murphy, who I also discovered in 1973.  (Both Springsteen & Murphy were part of the “New Dylan” cult/hype/club of the early 1970’s.  I was a pretty big fan of “New Dylans” back in the day – John Prine, Loudon Wainwright III and David Blue among them, plus Steve Forbert and Willie Nile later on in the 70’s.)  Truth be told, I was probably a bigger fan of New Dylans than of Bob Dylan himself, who I still think has made far more bad records than good records in his career, and maybe only 5 GREAT records.)  (Again, that’s a whole other blog for a whole ‘nother time.)

(Ricki, get to the fuckin’ point.)  (Alright, alright, alright!)    

By that April evening in 1976 I had already been reading about how great a live performer Bruce Springsteen was for more than two years.  Crawdaddy, Rolling Stone, Creem, Phonograph Record Magazine, the New Musical Express, etc. had all extolled the virtues & raptures of The Live Springsteen Experience.  I admit, I was pretty jaded by that point.  I had been seeing live rock shows for 10 or 11 years by then, had witnessed the above-mentioned Dylan, Morrison, Hendrix, Joplin, Clapton in their 1960’s primes.  In early 1976, however, Mott The Hoople and the New York Dolls had both broken up, Elliott Murphy had already recorded for (and been dropped by) TWO major labels, punk was a distant fuzzy rumor in the rock press and I was running perilously short of Rock & Roll Heroes.  I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out what Bruce Springsteen was going to do at that point to show me something I hadn’t already seen.  

Springsteen opened the show alone at center stage, belting out a slowed-down, ballad version of “Thunder Road” under a single blue spotlight with only Roy Bittan playing piano behind him.  People, rock & roll performers did not open their shows with ballads under blue spotlights in 1976.  Kiss had already been invented.  Pyrotechnic flashpots, excruciatingly long guitar showcases & drum soloes were the order of the day.  I loved Aerosmith at that point, but holy shit, this one skinny guy with a blue denim cabbie cap and a scraggly beard was holding that entire theater transfixed with just his voice, his lyrics and one piano.  And then, just as Springsteen wailed a harmonica solo to close the song, the rest of the E Street Band walked onstage in near-total darkness and Max Weinberg SLAMMED into the opening drum riff to “Tenth Avenue Freeze Out” as Springsteen went into this wild, totally weird all-arms-and-legs dervish dance at center stage.  The band dropped into the song one by one: Gary Tallent on bass, Miami Steve Van Zandt on guitar, Bittan and Danny Federici on keyboards, Clarence Clemons on sax, building the tension unmercifully until Bruce grabbed the mic to sing “Tear drops on the city, Bad Scooter searchin’ for his groove” and we were off and running.  

As the E Streeters tore through the song, it was like a three-ring circus onstage, you didn’t know WHERE to look, WHO to watch.  Springsteen was dressed-down in jeans, t-shirt, some beat-to-shit hooded sweatshirt & high-top Converse sneakers, flanked by Van Zandt and Clemons in three-piece suits and fedoras.  People, rock & roll bands did not play shows in three-piece suits and fedoras in 1976.  And not just ANY three-piece suits: these were iridescent, colors-not-naturally-appearing-in-nature three-piece suits.  I swear Clemons’ was bright orange and Van Zandt sported a powder-blue number not ordinarily glimpsed outside of a New Jersey high-school senior prom.  Bittan and Federici were in some combination of dark jackets & ties and even Weinberg was wearing a long-sleeved shirt with a collar in the days when Joey Kramer of Aerosmith routinely took the stage in leather shorts, a tank-top and not much else.  Beards and bell-bottoms abounded.  It WAS 1976, after all.

Bruce and the boys simmered through a superlative rendition of “Spirit In The Night” and I started to realize: all the live hype I’d been reading about Springsteen & the E Street Band wasn’t so much about what they DID, it was about what they WERE.  I’d heard those first three songs literally hundreds of times since I bought Springsteen’s first three records (Born To Run had been released in August of 1975) and the live versions of the tunes were SO MUCH BETTER than their album counterparts I started to wonder why recording studios had ever been invented.

By the time that thought had fully formulated in my mind, Max Weinberg had kicked into the Bo Diddley Beat that opens “She’s The One.”  Only somehow he had minimized the already tribally-rudimentary Diddley beat from a primal seven notes down into FIVE notes.  I don’t know how long that intro went on (this was WAY before the band started using “Mona,” “Not Fade Away,” or “Gloria” as preludes), but I do know it had beaten its way into my heart like a fever and the entire audience had been mesmerized/brainwashed/brutalized into clapping those five notes over & over & over.  There was a moment after Bruce had started intoning, “With her killer graces and her secret places that no boy can fill,” but well before the chorus explosion that I glanced over at Clarence Clemons at his stage left position in almost total darkness.

Clemons was shaking six or eight maracas in front of his saxophone mic AS IF HIS FUCKING LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!  Clemons and the maracas were totally inaudible, there was no way you could hear them over the drums, keyboards & guitar, but he was playing his heart out on those shakers as if the song could not continue for one second without his contribution.  And that was when it hit me: very simply, very clearly, very jarringly – The E Street Band CARED about what they did.  They cared about playing rock & roll music to the exclusion of every other single thing on the planet.  All of the jag-off bands I had been watching since 1970 or so had become silly little play-acting children in my eyes, charlatans out to make a quick buck from the rubes in the cheap seats. 

By verse two when Springsteen & Van Zandt were singing, “But there’s this angel in her eyes that tells such desperate lies and all you want to do is believe her” in an Everly Brothers-style close harmony, a further revelation struck me: this isn’t just rock & roll music, this is soul music, this is blues, this is country, this is every American music I had ever heard.  This was the swagger of Elvis Presley and the wild-man mania of Little Richard & Jerry Lee Lewis crossed with the intellect of Bob Dylan paired with the arms-across-shoulders camaraderie of The Beatles & all the rest of The British Invasion, all of it shot through with the operatic swoon of Roy Orbison, the knee-drop brilliance of a James Brown live show and the grandeur of Phil Spector’s Wall Of Sound Ronettes and Righteous Brothers 7-inch 45 rpm singles.

But it was more than all that: it was the promise and the essence of every teenage garage band that never made it out of the garage or the teenage rec rooms or any further than the local Battle Of The Bands.  Right at that moment, all of a sudden, I was the Perfect Age For Rock & Roll again.

By time Clarence Clemons laid down the maracas and blew the entire song wide open and into the stratosphere with an absolutely breathtaking sax solo as Springsteen & Van Zandt yelled/sang, “WWWOOOOHHH, SHE’S THE ONE!” in tandem at the center mic, my brain – and the brains of every member of that audience – were exploding.  As the song smashed to a halt the crowd rose as one into a standing ovation, a standing ovation FIVE SONGS into the set.  Dear readers, in 1976 rock & roll audiences were still somewhat discerning, bands didn’t get a Standing O just for dragging their sequined, overpaid, hallowed asses onto a stage, the bands had to EARN that kudo.  

And then, before anybody could sit back down the E Street Band swooped into “Born To Run” and nailed the crowd to the back wall of the Ohio Theater with that future rock & roll anthem.  It really was quite brilliant.  And amazingly, the show just kept getting better & better.  There was a killer cover of Manfred Mann’s “Pretty Flamingo” (with an absolutely perfect shaggy dog Springsteen story that deserves and will someday probably get a blog all its own); there was “It’s Hard To Be A Saint In The City” and “The E Street Shuffle”; and at the close of the set “Backstreets,” “Jungleland,” and ”Rosalita” got played ALL IN A ROW.  And then there was an encore that brilliantly paired a heartbreaking “4th Of July, Asbury Park (Sandy)” with the all-out, take-no-prisoners rock & roll attack of the Mitch Ryder Detroit medley that remains a staple of E Street Band encores to this day. 

It was April 5th, 1976, when Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band gave rock & roll back to me.  

And then the Darkness On The Edge Of Town tour in 1978 was even better.

I was The Perfect Age For Rock & Roll.  
    

(Obviously this segment of The Perfect Age of Rock & Roll got completely out of hand, 
we will conclude with Part Three - Punk-rock & Beyond - next time out.)


(This installment of The Perfect Age For Rock & Roll is dedicated to Chris Clinton,  my Irish brother in the rock & roll, whom I met when he wound up next to my friends & I in an all-night Bruce Springsteen tickets camp-out  line at Buzzard's Nest Records on Morse Road in 1984, and remains my friend to this day.  This is for you, Chris.    

It is further dedicated to my dear friend Jodie, who just DID NOT GET what I was on about with this Springsteen guy back in 1976, but who subsequently became a True Believer in The Church of The Holy E Street Band.) 

Why Wouldn't Bonds and Clemens Pay Sportswriters for Favorable Coverage? by Colin G.

Last week as the Baseball Hall of Fame ballots were being revealed I couldn't help noticing that some writers around the country and, most importantly, on ESPN were taking a decidedly softer stance on allowing PED (Performance Enhancing Drugs, for the non-juiced layman) users into the Hall of Fame than in past years. When referring to known abusers like Bonds and Clemens they would say things like "players who have been linked to steroid use.." and then just lump those two in with players like Jeff Bagwell and Mike Piazza who have never been found in a growth-hormone clinic ledger by the FBI or had a tainted syringe with their DNA on it associated with them. For anybody who has done even remedial research, Clemens and Bonds are guilty of systematic steroid abuse over a long period of time. Period. Case closed. Bagwell and Piazza are guilty of nothing but Popeye forearms and some back acne. Big difference.

What really jumped out at me is when one reporter on ESPN said, "Lots of people have been calling for reforming the process for how people vote for the Baseball Hall of Fame" Really? I'm a big baseball fan and I don't recall "lots" of  people calling for reforming the voting process for the HOF. Certainly not enough to warrant a lead story on Sportscenter with the NFL playoffs in full swing.

Then it hit me: what do powerful people and corporations do when they are found guilty of breaking the rules and therefore have trouble getting what they want? They hire lobbyists to alter the public dialogue and then simply CHANGE THE RULES to their advantage. Powerful people changing the rules is as American as apple pie and a shoddy heath care system. It is the way of the world. Why would the Baseball Hall of Fame be any different than Wall Street or Washington, DC? Or rock n roll for that matter. Remember when Rolling Stone magazine gave Mick Jagger's totally unlistenable solo record "Goddess in the Doorway", FIVE STARS?!? Yeah, nothing fishy there.......

Certainly Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds would have the motivation, the ego and the means to get a couple of known sportswriters in their back pocket to lobby on their behalf.  Successful athletes are made of money and not used to taking "No" for an answer. (See: every successful athlete.) $50,000 would go a long way for a sportswriter and, let's be frank, many people who cover sports are jock sniffers of the highest order in the first place. They would be honored to come on board and help out. I mean, congressmen were asking Clemens for his autograph before his ill-fated testimony on Capitol Hill. (Which dumb jock Roger Dodger requested and got as a favor.)

Unlike greasing a politician's palm, I'm pretty sure this would all be legal, if not exactly ethical. Who cares if  Barry wires some cash to a sportswriter in Miami, chalks it up to a consulting fee, and said writer then makes a big stink about the injustice of it all: "Oh the humanity, this is a joke. Bonds and Clemons and all the PED guys are getting a raw deal. I'll just give my vote away." Sounds like a well thought-out public relations strategy to me.

I guess we could just let everybody in, steroids be damned, but I just can't see assholes like Bonds and Clemens standing at Cooperstown making an acceptance speech still claiming they never used performance enhancing drugs, thus treating all us fans, fellow players and legit Hall of Famers such as Maddox, Glavine and Thomas like a bunch of f-ing jerks (as they say in "Goodfellas").  

And while I'm at it, Buster Olmey complaining that TEN votes aren't enough for him on his ballot is beyond absurd. Prioritize, MOFO. Didn't this nerd ever have to make a mix tape or a playlist? There just isn't room for everybody.  If Buster had it his way, seventeen players would all go into the Baseball Hall of Fame this August because that is how many he wanted to vote for on his ballot. Reminds me of the scene in Princess Bride were Prince Humperdink doubles the guards outside the castle.  Just silly. The induction ceremonies might look something like this..  

OK, Buster, if we are going to change the voting process for the Baseball Hall of Fame I have one minor request: please give Pencilstorm a vote. Here is my ballot, and I don't need ten......

Greg Maddux, Craig Biggo, Frank Thomas, Tom Glavine, Jeff Bagwell, Tim Raines.

Everybody else waits another year, particularly those lying dicks Bonds and Clemens. Though I suppose I could be persuaded to change positions in time for 2015, wink wink, nudge nudge. (This space available…..for a price.)

 

Colin Gawel owns Colin's Coffee,  writes for Pencilstorm, plays in the band Watershed (which you can read all about in the best selling and acclaimed memoir "Hitless Wonder") and is a life long Reds fan. He steals most of his writing style from Bill James but nobody seems to notice. 

 

* In fairness to Mick, while "Goodess in the Doorway" is truly "Dogshit in the Doorway" as fellow Stone Keith Richards once famously quipped, Jagger's previous solo effort "Wandering Spirit" - produced by Rick Rubin - is really possibly the best Stones album since "Some Girls." A clip from each record below.....you be the judge.

 Five Star Dogshit..

Mick Jagger feat. Lenny Kravitz - God Gave Me Everything [HQ] "God Gave Me Everything" is a song from Mick Jagger album Goddess in the Doorway. It was released on 19 November 2001 as the first single from the album.

 

"Don't Tear Me Up" from the excellent Wandering Spirit.

Uploaded by Andreihappyday on 2010-10-17.


The Browns Would Be Crazy Not to Hire Jim Tressel. by Colin G.

Jim Tressel should be the next head football coach of the Cleveland Browns. I know that at first blush it sounds crazy, but after a week of talking about it at the coffee shop, it occurred to me that hiring any of the other candidates is way crazier.

The Browns choices for head coach are:

A) A marginally successful assistant coach from an another NFL team or a former head coach who has already failed. The Browns are currently the laughingstock of the NFL and by firing their latest coach after just one year, have made themselves the least desirable job for any top-flight candidate looking for a new job.  Basically the Browns have their pick of scrubs, has been's and never will be's. 

or

B) A living legend with close ties to Northeast Ohio who bleeds for Cleveland. A man who won titles at Ohio State, Youngstown State and is currently a successful A.D. at Akron, not to mention his old man is also a legendary coaching figure from Baldwin Wallace. 

The Browns are a franchise in need of a face lift in the worst possible way and the hiring of Jim Tressel would make them instantly relevant again.  Maybe not nationally, but certainly where they need it most: with the Browns long-suffering fan base. Can you imagine the excitement when Coach Tressel would show up to accept the job in an orange sweater vest and proceed to give a tear-jerking speech about his respect for the tradition of Browns Football and his love for Northeast Ohio? I swear a riot might break out right then and there on the streets of Cleveland.

Can he do the job? For starters, being head football coach at Ohio State is way harder than coaching the Browns, so he should be prepared on that front. Ohio State has higher expectations, a bigger budget, more players, boosters, alumni, and an unhinged fan base. And, as we are well-aware, that pesky NCAA has a nasty habit of sniffing around asking about the starting QB's latest tattoo. You just don't get that kind of action/scrutiny in the National Football League. (see: Josh Gordon / Greg Little ) As an administrator I would say Jim Tressel is over-qualified to take on the Browns head coaching job. 

He would also bring some kind of football philosophy to the organization for the first time since Marty Schottenheimer was the coach. Whether you are a fan of "Tresselball" or not, he knows EXACTLY what he is trying to do and how he wants to win football games. Stout defense, good special teams and taking care of the football. Sounds like a pretty good fit for this particular Browns roster. 

Or, to put it another another way: If you were looking to hire somebody to run your company, which of the following names and resumes is the strongest? Chris Palmer, Butch Davis, Terry Robiskie, Romeo Crennel, Eric Mangini, Pat Shurmur, Rob Chudzinski, or.......

Jim Tressel.

Seriously folks, it's a no brainer. Expectations on the North Coast have never been lower and there isn't a person on Earth who can convince me that Jim Tressel couldn't do at least as good of a job as the list of previous Browns coaches. It is a golden opportunity to inject some instant excitement into the fan base, with tons of upside and very little downside.

What's the worst that can happen, the Browns keep losing? 

I can live with that. I plead with the Browns front office to give Jim Tressel a shot. 

 

Colin Gawel wrote this at Colin's Coffee on a busy Saturday morning so if it isn't exactly perfect what of it?