Thank Your Lucky Stars - by James A. Baumann

You don't know what you've got until it's gone.

Each time the calendar flips to December, one can count on a parade of year-in-review stories; filling pages and websites with a balance of best-of and in memoriam pieces. With 2016 — the spectacular clustercuss of a year that it was — nearly in our rearview mirror one can expect an uptick in the wistfulness and mourning those stories will hold. Between assorted illnesses and accidents, plus the inevitable passing of time (spoiler alert: more gut punches will be coming sooner rather than later) this year took more than its pound of flesh. 

Bowie. Prince. Cohen. Haggard. Phife Dawg. George Michael. It didn’t matter what musical camp you preferred, these last 12 months have had something to disappoint everyone. But in the midst of those losses there were those others who left behind magical musical moments even if their departure wasn’t accompanied by banner headlines.

In the 1990s, thanks to publicists being willing to send stuff to anyone with a URL, I was inundated with music. Some of it was garbage. Most of it was forgettable. But some of it — those glorious gems sparkling in the mud alongside the information superhighway — was stellar. Two of those brightest lights were Kevin Junior and Ross Shapiro. Odds are you have never heard of them and, even if you did, you wouldn’t have heard that those lights have gone out. Which is what brings me to the keyboard today. 

Kevin Junior publicity photo.

I knew Kevin Junior as the frontman of the Chicago-based Chamber Strings. He had previously played with the Mystery Girls and the Rosehips before The Chamber Strings released two albums of melancholy, orchestral-pop beauty. With his Ron Wood hairstyle and suave style he oozed rockstar, but also maintained a Midwest approachability. 

I first met Junior in person at Columbus’s Little Brothers when they headlined a show curated by the club’s doorman for his birthday. Many of the details of that night are fuzzy, but I do remember a roving magician doing some amazing sleight-of-hand tricks and what may have been home movies being shown on the wall. I also remember things running late, which could have led to grated nerves. But Junior and his band relaxed, alternately at the bar and backstage, smoking cigarette and buying their time before taking the stage. Once they did, for all you knew, they could have been playing the Fillmore, a basement, or a stadium. It was effortless, it was glamorous, and it was beautiful.

Not much later I travelled up to Cleveland to see The Chamber Strings open for the Pernice Brothers at the Beachland Tavern. Again looking every part the glam rock star with a velvet suit and flowing scarf — and yet somehow still fitting in with the wood paneling on the walls and the Blatz beer sign with one burned-out letter — he nursed his drink and juggled one conversation after another. He was the first person I ever saw woo a woman by stating that George Harrison was his favorite Beatle and actually mean it. Then, again, when it was time he and the band took the stage — which was only a half-step higher than the rest of the floor — and delivered another effortless, glamorous, and beautiful set.

The Chamber Strings were one of those bands that sounded like dozens of others, yet didn't feel derivative. They were fueled by the pop of The Kinks, Beatles, and Big Star as well as the soul and swagger of The Faces, with a dose of Johnny Thunders and David Bowie glam for good measure. Sadly, about the only place today to hear gems like “Cold, Cold Meltdown,” “Make It Through the Summer,” “Telegram,” and “Let Me Live My Own Life” now is on fan-posted YouTube videos.

Also, unfortunately, almost as quickly as The Chamber Strings came into my world, they would also leave it. Junior, shortly after the 2002 release of the second record, fell into drugs. This isn’t the place to recount that part of his story. Besides, it has been fully-covered in a gut-wrenching account by Bob Mehr in the Chicago Reader as well as a separate short video documentary. 

As fans waited to hear something from Junior — alternating between hoping for new music and  fearing news of an overdose — he eventually would come back to his native Akron (rumor says Chrissie Hynde was once his babysitter) to live with his mother. There he put together a new Chamber Strings line up. I would occasionally see a Facebook post that they were playing an Akron club and it was always on my to-do list to make it back to one of his shows. But I didn’t. And now I can’t. And that is what brings me to the keyboard today.

Ross Shapiro of The Glands (photo credit: Athens Banner Herald Online)

Ross Shapiro of The Glands (photo credit: Athens Banner Herald Online)

Ross Shapiro had much in common with Junior. They shared the reputation as a musician’s musician, indie-label disappointments, and a musical career under the radar. In other ways, though, Shapiro lived at the other end of the indie-rock spectrum. While Junior gravitated to the spotlight, Shapiro kept in the shadows. Many of the accounts of his life written after he passed painted him as Athens, Georgia’s, curmudgeonly hermit; a perfectionist who put together his bands and recordings in secret and a record store clerk who quietly judged each customer for their Schoolkids Records purchase. He had t-shirts printed that read “I Love (What Used to Be) Athens.”

This depiction surprised me because I don’t hear any of that cynicism in his songs. It’s not there on the first record, Double Thriller, (named so because it was recorded using the same mixing board as Michael Jackson’s smash). It was a local hit and harbinger of what was to come. 

Their second record was self-titled and was released in 2000. Well, “released” may be a bit of an overstatement as (depending on what source you look at) either Capricorn Records or the short-lived Velocette Records stumbled out of the gate, meaning few heard it. But those who did hear it fell in love with it. Due to geography and at least some shared musical attitude, it benefitted from the excitement around the Elephant 6 musical collective, but certainly earned its own accolades. SPIN magazine, if my memory serves, gave it a 9 out of 10. NPR heralded it as one of their “Songs We Love.” Through its 14 tracks, the album alternated between dreamy, jazzy, poppy, rocky, funky, and folky. Some were driven by electric guitar riffs. Other by chunky keyboard chords. The constant was Shapiro’s slightly nasally drawl, delivering seemingly free-associative lyrics. As I listened to it again this week, over and over again, I would be hard-pressed to find a single wasted note.

The tour for that record brought The Glands to Athens, Ohio, and I excitedly made my way to The Union bar to see the show and interview Shapiro. While the opening act prepared the stage (again, memories are fuzzy, but I remember a line of musicians standing in boxes to produce a “Dorf On Golf” effect while playing songs like David Seville’s “Witch Doctor”), we chatted easily as he smoked and drank cup after cup of coffee. There was none of the reticence I would later read about. He seemed to love talking about music. The exchange I still remember was when I asked him how he balanced the jangly, off-kilter nature of many of the songs (think Pavement, Neutral Milk Hotel, and fellow Athenians REM) with the blistering guitar solos in the middle of songs like “When I Laugh” or “Work It Out.” He just smiled, took a draw on his cigarette and said, “Well, we all wanted to be in Aerosmith when we were growing up.”

In the following years, when other bands from the Georgia area came through Columbus, our talk would inevitably work their away around to mutual admiration for The Glands. Rumors of a new record would come and go with each conversation, but nothing materialized.

Then, in 2004 Shapiro was lured back out on the road by his friends in The Shins. This time the tour came to Columbus and they played to a full Newport Music Hall. While the band lineup had changed, Shapiro and the songs were still there. As they finished their all-too-short set, Shapiro smiled and waved. He looked happy. They had played some new songs. “They will be back,” I optimistically believed. Then they virtually disappeared for a decade before briefly popping up to play some gigs in Athens or spot shows with other bands. But now that chance is gone as well. Which brings me to my keyboard today.

There is nothing I can add to what will be written about Bowie, Prince, et al. They were more monument than mortal, which is what made their passing such a shock. They were something for us all to look up to. But let’s not forget those that we could see across a bar or a record counter. Those that shared their art on stages that are six-inches high, rather than coliseum alters. Those that were more lightning-in-a-bottle than legend.  

The truth of the matter is that, in this century, I am sure that I have spent more time with Kevin Junior’s and Ross Shapiro’s records than I have with Bowie and Prince. That’s not said as some sort of ranking or judgement, but merely an observation that hit me with each obit. 

So, as we move into a new year, let’s hold close to our heroes and all that they have brought us. But let’s also resolve to keep our eyes, ears, hearts, and souls open to those new (at least to us) voices and their contributions. Buy a shirt. Bend the ear of a friend. Make a convert or two. Head to your keyboard today. Because nobody knows how many more tomorrows there will be.

"Rise" and the Beginnings of Watershed - by Ricki C.

By now many Pencilstorm readers have received their copies of the new Watershed Single Series Volume 4 CD containing – among 8 other tracks – the early Watershed tune “Rise.”  I consider “Rise” the first truly great Watershed song (and in fact, sometimes consider it the very first WATERSHED – as opposed to The Wires – song).  Following is a reworking of an e-mail I posted to somebody in 2014 about the first time I heard “Rise.”  


In 1990 I was a roadie for Willie Phoenix & The True Soul Rockers.  Willie had a once-a-month Saturday night residency at a really popular local club called Ruby Tuesday's (no relation AT ALL to the lame family-restaurant chain of the same name).  One month this kid band called The Wires started opening the shows.  They were nice kids, exceptionally friendly but basically hopelessly clueless.  They played originals, but it seemed like they could never quite decide who or what they wanted to be: it was like a weird mash-up of U2, The Police, The Alarm and – problematically – Rush.  (Oddly, knowing what I know now, there was not one glimmer of KISS or Cheap Trick in The Wires' sound.)  All the songs were too long, they never really went anywhere and The Wires wouldn't have known a hook if it fucked them in a closet.  But they were cute, they were compliant and they had a lot of energy, so they kept opening.

The second or third month they became Watershed.  (I remember saying to Colin one time when they were setting up: "You know there's an English post-punk band called Wire, right?"  "Yeah, that's what people have been telling us," he mumbled back.  Colin was so shy back then I don't think we made eye contact the first three or four months we knew each other.)

So one Saturday night about three or four months into the residency I'm upstairs at Ruby's tuning guitars for Willie's set.  (Willie & Mike Parks, the 2nd lead guitarist, brought 10 or 11 guitars to every show and Mike had some weird open tunings on his, so it generally took me most of Watershed's set to get everything ready.) 

Watershed took the stage, blasted into a brand-new tune – “Rise” – and Jesus Christ, they were fucking PHENOMENAL!   They had almost an entire new set, two or three other new songs, a couple of the old ones had been pared-down and rearranged/tightened, Colin had started employing his now-patented Angus Young/Pete Townshend hybrid stage presence when Joe sang lead and I really couldn't believe my eyes or ears.  I had never – and now have never, 26 years later – seen a growth spurt like that in a band from one month to the next.  It was like seeing an entirely different group.

I knew Willie had been producing an e.p. for the guys.  I figured that had to have a positive effect, Willie had been a rocker of the first order for over a decade even back then, but NOTHING Willie could have taught them in a month could have prepared me for how good Watershed were that night.  

They blasted through a 60-minute set, never let up, and left me speechless, gaping with my mouth open.  It really was quite mesmerizing.  I entirely forgot to tune the True Soul Rocker's guitars; I couldn't take my eyes off the stage. 

The Ruby's dressing rooms were down in the basement of the club, hell & gone from the main room, you couldn't really hear the onstage band clearly down there and I started to wonder if Willie knew about the transformation that had taken place in Watershed since the month before. 

I was scrambling to get the guitars tuned and put in order as Biggie and the guys broke down their gear, all I got to say to them was, "Jesus, that was INCREDIBLE!"  They just looked at me all embarrassed and mumbled, "Yeah, thanks, I guess it was okay," in their little self-deprecating Watershed manner (that continues to this day). 

Of course – almost inevitably – Willie & the True Soul Rockers (who were a truly fearsome live unit in their own right when they put their minds to it) picked that night to come out and just saunter through their first set.  I got a queasy feeling in my stomach the first two or three songs: Willie & the guys weren't even trying and they looked and sounded old & tired next to the rock & roll tour de force Watershed had just deployed.  (We were all in our late 30's then, Watershed were 19 & 20.) 

It was a bloodbath.  By the fifth song, people in the audience were starting to yell for Willie to get off the stage and put Watershed back on.  I saw it coming but I still didn't quite believe it.  Willie was REALLY BIG in Columbus back then, his audiences rarely less than enthusiastic, bordering on worshipful.  At a guitar change, Willie whispered to me, "What's going on?"  I said, "Watershed KILLED tonight, you better step it up, maybe go to third-set mode."

The True Soul Rockers never really got back on track that night and I wondered if Willie realized just how completely he had gotten blown off the stage.  The next month at Ruby's, Watershed was gone and we had a new – and decidedly WEAK – opening band.  Never let it be said that Willie Phoenix does not recognize when he’s been bested, even if only for one night.  Willie did not just fall off a turnip truck into this rock & roll game.  From that night in 1990 to this day in 2016 Watershed has never opened for Willie again.  That guy is a rock & roll genius. - Ricki C. / 2014 (updated July, 2016)


ps. I have long lobbied (in vain) for “Rise” to be reintroduced to the Watershed live set - even if only ONCE in a great while - just for old time’s sake, to acknowledge/honor their first GREAT tune, but definitely MINUS that wankified wah-wah pedal figure in the intro and during the choruses (which was NEVER a part of the tune when Watershed played it live, anyway).  I suspect that was one of Willie’s production touches which be believed would add sparkle to the tune.  Willie and I both did the better part of our useful rock & roll growing-up in the 1960’s, the heyday of the wah-wah pedal.  They were not a good idea in 1968 and they were even less of a good idea in 1990.

Buggy Eyes and a Big Butt, part se7enteen: Movies 315-341

Pencilstorm contributor Rob Braithwaite is watching 366 movies this year, so you don't have to, here is part se7enteen of his continuing 2016 rundown......

Q&A Intro, 1-17, 18-36, 37-51, 52-66, 67-74, 75-87, 88-103, 104-120, 121-131, 132-152, 153-173, 174-187, 188-221, 222-255, 256-287, 288-314, 315-341, 342-366, Index

Ratings key:
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ = I can’t see giving anything that I’ve seen once five stars
★ ★ ★ ★ = get to the theater / move it up in your queue
★ ★ ★ = “three stars is a recommendation” - The Empire [magazine] Podcast
★ ★ = if the remote is too far away, you could do worse
★ = if the remote is too far away, get someone to move it closer then throw it at the TV

315
Odd Thomas (2013) ★ ★ ★
stars: Anton Yelchin, Addison Timlin, Willem Dafoe
director: Stephen Sommers

A short-order cook is able to see demons that walk among us. He is our only chance for survival against an attack from Hell.

The script is overly chatty. Heavily narrated, it feels like the CW show iZombie in the way it often recaps what has happened and what is going to happen and what is happening. Normally that would be a problem, but the movie is breezy and fun.

double feature pairing: Men in Black

316
The African Queen (1951) ★ ★.5
stars: Humphrey Bogart, Katherine Hepburn
director: John Huston

At the dawn of World War One, a drunk riverboat captain and a missionary decide to attack a German warship.

I can see how this movie was influential in the romance/adventure genre. Maybe I prefer the more contemporary takes, because I couldn’t find a care for this.

watch Romancing the Stone instead

317
What’s Up, Doc? (1972) ★ ★ ★.5
stars: Barbara Streisand, Ryan O’Neal, Madeline Kahn
director: Peter Bogdanovich

Four identical suitcases usher in a wacky screwball comedy. Yes, pies are thrown.

There’s some really funny stuff here. The dialogue has a great rhythm.

double feature pairing: Foul Play

318
Sugar (2008) ★ ★ ★.5
Algenis Perez Soto, André Holland, Michael Gaston
directors: Anna Boden, Ryan Flack

The American Dream is within reach for a Dominican baseball player called to the States to play professionally.

It's the kind of sports story you don’t hear about. How a person adapts to culture differences and language barriers is just as important as his talent.

double feature pairing: El Norte

319
Warcraft (2016) ★ ★.5
stars: Travis Fimmel, Paula Patton, Ben Foster
director: Duncan Jones

A war between ogres and humans, overloaded with CGI, couldn’t be as bad as the reviews say, could it?

It’s a good story that ends with a shrug. There is no true resolution because the arrogance of Franchise Hollywood expects sequels. Threads are dangled for the next movie(s) to pick up, but I’m not sure it did well enough to allow another one to be made.

I can think of only one example where movie arrogance was correct in expecting more and yet the potential franchise was left to wallow in the one-off bin…

watch Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins instead

320
Oasis: Supersonic (2016) ★ ★ ★
stars: Noel Gallagher, Liam Gallagher
director: Mat Whitecross

Within three years Oasis went from playing to nearly no one to selling out a field that held a quarter of a million people. The documentary is jammed with old footage and stories of debauchery, sibling rivalry, and rock & roll.

double feature pairing: Warrior

321
Fish Tank (2009) ★ ★ ★
stars: Katie Jarvis, Michael Fassbender, Kierston Wareing
writer/director: Andrea Arnold

At fifteen, Mia’s life isn’t the greatest. She has a plan. Her mom has a new boyfriend.

The “wrong side of the tracks” setting is brutal in its routine of mischief and rage. The pacing and runtime is a little brutal, too. And yet, I don’t think the last third would have the same impact if that time wasn’t spent.

double feature pairing: Fresh

322
Yoga Hosers (2016) ★.5
stars: Lily-Rose Depp, Harley Quinn Smith, Johnny Depp
writer/director: Kevin Smith

Two Canadian convenience store clerks stumble onto a dormant evil, eh.

Look, I knew this wasn’t going to be good. I still have a soft spot for Kevin Smith. He wanted to make a movie with his daughter. He was able to do that. So he did. I chuckled a few times and was amused by a subtly absurd visual gag. But even on the sliding scale of Kevin Smith movies, this is shockingly bad.

watch Strange Brew instead

323
The Jungle Book (2016) ★ ★ ★ ★
stars: Neel Sethi, Ben Kingsley, Bill Murray
director: Jon Favreau

It’s like the original Disney cartoon, except it’s drawn much better and there’s a real boy running around.

I liked it a lot. It felt more dangerous and threatening than the story I’m used to. The songs are gone except for “The Bare Necessities,” which was incorporated very well into the story, and “I Wanna Be Like You,” which was not. “Trust in Me” was dispatched to play over the end credits. And… there aren’t any other songs, are there? Well, never mind, then. The songs are still there, except for “Trust in Me,” which was played over the end credits.

double feature pairing: Gorillas in the Mist

324
Frida (2002) ★ ★ ★.5
stars: Salma Hayek, Alfred Molina, Mía Maestro
director: Julie Taymor

The life and pain and art of Frida Kahlo is incredibly presented Julie Taymor and Salma Hayek.

double feature pairing: All That Jazz

325
Miss Stevens (2016) ★ ★ ★
stars: Lily Rabe, Timothée Chalamet, Lili Reinhart
director: Julia Hart

Miss. Stevens takes three of her students on the road to a drama competition.

Let’s not argue about the reality of a drama competition. For this purpose, it exists. What works here are the relationships between the teacher and her students, one of whom is a little too in to her.

double feature pairing: Summer School

326
Mistress America (2015) ★ ★ ★
stars: Greta Gerwig, Lola Kirke, Matthew Shear
director: Noah Baumbach

When Tracy contacts her stepsister-to-be, she quickly falls into the slipstream of her personality and energy.

It’s always a treat to watch Greta Gerwig. It sorta settles into a stage play for a while. I found that interesting.

double feature pairing: The End of the Tour

327
Lights Out (2016) ★ ★ ★
stars: Teresa Palmer, Gabriel Bateman, Maria Bello
director: David F. Sandberg

The monster comes out when the lights go out.

It’s a pretty good horror trip, despite the plentiful jump scares. It’s also an effective story of depression. So much so that some took issue with the resolution. The A.V. Club spoke to the director about the ending. It’s an interesting look into how test audiences can factor into a movie’s final cut. Read the article HERE. Obviously, spoilers.

double feature pairing: 30 Days of Night

328
The Best Offer (2013) ★ ★ ★.5
stars: Geoffrey Rush, Jim Sturgess, Sylvia Hoeks
writer/director: Giuseppe Tornatore

An auctioneer is hired to appraise the estate of an heiress who refuses to be physically seen.

It’s a pretty good mystery that’s fueled by obsession and desire.

double feature pairing: Trance

329
Always Shine (2016) ★ ★ ★ ★
stars: Mackenzie Davis, Caitlin Fitzgerald
director: Sophia Takal

Two friends take a weekend away from the grind of Hollywood. Beth is on the verge of stardom as Anna struggles with perceptions and expectations of an actress that reach beyond the set into everyday living.

The direction and script expertly toy with reality and identity without resorting to a cheap trick.

double feature pairing: 9 to 5

330
The Place Beyond the Pines (2012) ★ ★ ★.5
stars: Ryan Gosling, Bradley Cooper, Eva Mendes
director: Derek Cianfrance

A carney takes to robbing banks to provide for his new child.

There is a compelling crime story here, but the movie’s power lies with its portrayal of father and son relationships.

double feature pairing: Synecdoche, New York

331
Stories We Tell (2012) ★ ★ ★.5
stars: The Polley Family
director: Sarah Polley

Sarah Polley’s mom died with a secret.

An incredible documentary of a family trying to re-frame their history. Sarah Polley does an amazing job visualizing perception.

double feature pairing: Ghost Story

332
Uncle Nick (2015) ★ ★ ★
stars: Brian Poeshn, Paget Brewster, Melia Renee
director: Chris Kasick

It’s Christmas time! Look out, kids! Outrageous Uncle Nick is coming for dinner!

Or at least that’s the crude comedy that the marketing team wants you to think it is. It isn’t without adult situations and crude humor, but it’s no Bad Santa. There’s more character.

The disastrous Christmas dinner unfolds in tandem with Uncle Nick’s recounting dime-a-beer night, a misguided attempt by the Cleveland Indians to boost game attendance. It’s a questionable narrative device with a lovely payoff.

double feature pairing: Major League

333
Blue Jay (2016) ★ ★ ★
stars: Mark Duplass, Sarah Paulson
director: Alex Lehmann

Two high school ex-sweethearts coincidentally bump into each other as they visit their hometown 20 years later.

If you’ve seen a Duplass Brothers production, you know what you are getting: an outline of a story with largely improvised dialogue. It’s a formula that isn’t always paydirt. This effort has some rough patches to get through. There are some sweet moments too.

double feature pairing: Diner

334
Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016) ★.5
stars: Zac Efron, Adam Devine, Anna Kendrick, Aubrey Plaza
director: Jake Szymanski

Two bros need respectable dates for their sister’s wedding. They think they found a couple to suit their need. What are female bros called?

I don’t know. The movie is pretty bad. I wonder how much of the script read: [actors riff].

watch Wedding Crashers instead

335
The Eyes of My Mother (2016) ★ ★ ★ ★
stars: Kika Magalhes, Diana Agostini, Olivia Bond
writer/director: Nicolas Pesce

My mom said Cujo was scary because it was something that could really happen. That’s how I feel about this. It is horrific.

double feature pairing: Prisoners

336
Frank & Lola (2016) ★ ★.5
stars: Michael Shannon, Imogen Poots, Justin Long
writer/director: Matthew Ross

Frank and Lola meet. Frank and Lola begin an intense relationship. Frank gets weird.

For a movie called Frank & Lola, there’s not much focus on Lola’s perspective. It’s very much the story of Frank’s jealously and obsession. Only the beautiful final shot hints there was another story to be told.

Michael Shannon is great, as usual. I think this is the third movie that featured Imogen Poots this year. The kid's on a good run.

double feature pairing: Punch-Drunk Love

337
Christine (2016) ★ ★ ★ ★
stars: Rebecca Hall, Michael C. Hall, Tracy Letts
director: Antonio Campos

Based on the true story of a local TV reporter’s struggle with depression and the troubling direction of rewarding sensationalist news reporting.

Rebecca Hall is amazing. The story is gut-wrenching.

double feature pairing: Broadcast News

338
Nocturnal Animals (2016) ★ ★ ★ ★
stars: Amy Adams, Jake Gyllenhaal, Michael Shannon
director: Tom Ford

An art dealer receives a copy of her ex-husband’s new novel, the contents of which cause her to reexamine their relationship.

Talk about a tale of two movies. The real world of the art dealer is so goddamned boring. Lot of style and very mopey. The fictional world of the novel is so fucking good. Vibrant and one of the best revenge flicks out there. Every time the movie snapped back to the real world, I was sad. As the movie rolls on, lines between the two are blurred and the ending made the boring bits worth it.

double feature pairing: Stay

339
For the Love of Spock (2016) ★ ★ ★
stars: folks talkin’ ‘bout Leonard Spock
director: Adam Nimoy

A documentary about Mr. Spock began production to commemorate Star Trek’s television premiere 50 years ago. Leonard Nimoy died before it was finished, so they added more about the man who wore the ears.

It’s a total shine. Nowhere is it mentioned that Leonard Nimoy hated being called Spock for a time. There are veiled mentions that he and his son, the movie’s director, didn’t get along for years. His alcoholism didn’t seem much of a problem to kick. There seemed to have been a divorce at some point. AND not even a passing mention of his work on Fringe! So, if it wasn’t related to Star Trek or a glowing sentiment, mum’s the word.

Still, it’s nice. Some good stories.

double feature pairing: Galaxy Quest

340
Office Christmas Party (2016) ★ ★.5
stars: Jason Bateman, Olivia Munn, T.J. Miller
directors: Josh Gordon, Will Speck

What better way to woo a company-saving client than to invite him to the most insane Christmas party ever?!

A lot of funny people. Not a lot of funny jokes.

watch Christmas Vacation instead

341
The Good Neighbor (2016) ★ ★ ★.5
stars: James Caan, Logan Miller, Keir Gilchrist
director: Kasra Farahani

Two teens decide to make their elderly neighbor think his house is haunted and film his reaction. The outcome is not what they expected.

I didn’t know what to expect. I’m not a fan of movies shot like “found footage,” but the movie moves between a “found footage” and conventional style. It's works. It’s an interesting story, and I’ll leave it at that.

double feature pairing: The ‘Burbs

Counters:
341/366 movies (13 movies off pace)
51/52 movies directed by women

TOP THREE

Bongos, Bad Karma, The Pat McGee Band and Watershed - Colin Gawel

A number of years back, Watershed was touring for the 5th of July album when we found ourselves opening for the Pat McGee Band in Nags Head, NC. As this was a beach gig, and not in say Wichita, Kansas, band morale was pretty high. Pat and his guys had finished their soundcheck and we were loading onto the stage about an hour before doors. I went up to one of Pat's road-crew members working stage right, my side of the stage, and introduced myself.

"Hey man, I'm Colin from Watershed, thanks so much for having us out. Should be a great night. I was wondering, would it be cool if we moved those bongos about 3 or 4 feet to the right of that microphone? That's where I usually sing, so if we could just slide the bongos over a little bit, we should be all set."

"Nobody touches the bongos, man," was the curt reply.

"We would be happy to move them and them move them right back after our show. We will be careful. It will only take five seconds. Literally five seconds."

"Sorry man, nobody moves the bongos. Band policy."

This was a disappointing policy. It would have made life so much easier if we could have found a way to move two lousy bongos 3 or 4 feet, but being the support act, you learn to take the good with the bad. It will make the stage look a little funky but it's not the end of the world.

"Well then, is it cool if I move the microphone three feet to the left and I will just sing there?"

"Nope. Once the bongos are mic'd, nobody moves the microphone. We already soundchecked the bongos, so no, you can't move the microphone either. Sorry man."

So now the club's sound guys have to bust out another channel and another microphone to put to the left of the bongos. However, at this point  there isn't enough time to set up another monitor for me before doors. This is less than ideal.

"I don't suppose there is any chance we could turn the bongo monitor a little my direction so I could hear some vocals, is there?"

"Like I said, we already dialed in the bongos. so no."

So as I played the set jammed between Joe Oestreich on my left, and those bongos on my right I couldn't help but think, "I bet those bongos have a hell of a stage mix."

(At this point in the story, in the interest of full disclosure, I must admit I despise bongos of all shapes and sizes. Even when they aren't in my way, I'm not a fan of bongos. You'll never hear me say things like, "Awesome! This band has bongos? That totally rocks." or " Woo-hoo!! Crank up them bongos!" I  just don't say those things.)

I thought about kicking those bongos off the front of the stage numerous times during our set, but being a professional I knew that wasn't the answer. I also took satisfaction in knowing that what goes around, comes around, and that one day this score would be settled.

That day finally came on Saturday November 23rd, 2013. I was working a busy morning at Colin's Coffee when a tune cut through the noise of conversation and the espresso machine. It's pretty hard to hear what music is playing over all the commotion but something about this song really struck a nerve. Finally, I had to stop what drink I was making and say aloud to nobody, "God, this song sucks! Who is this?"

I walked over to the Pandora connection we use (it was set on a Ray Davies channel) and pressed the Now Playing button. You have to understand, typically, I only check on songs that sound good and give them the "thumbs up." This tells the friendly robot that if it chooses, I would enjoy hearing that song again in the future. 

Why waste time pressing "thumbs down?" I mean, the song will be over soon enough and most times I can barely hear the song anyway. But on this particular Saturday, something about this song was so wussy, so sucky, I just had to know who it was even if customers had to wait an extra minute for their drink.

As I pressed the Now Playing button I mumbled, "Who is this asshole?"

Artist: Pat McGee.  Song: (blah blah blah)

So Pat, we meet again. Excellent. I knew this day would come. Revenge is a dish best served cold and in cyberspace, my friend.

I can read your thoughts, "Colin, take a deep breathe and calm down. Think about what you are doing. A "thumbs down" on Pandora is like a C - in middle school math. It goes on your permanent record and follows you for life. If you press that button, Pat will never get into college, get a job, or even get laid, ever again. Why not be the bigger man and let it go? Just don't press anything. Hit skip if you must. That sends a message too."

No, it was too late for amends. The Pat McGee Band had their chance to move those bongos, and now it was time for the sharp knife of justice to cut a gaping wound into the band's future prospects of success. 

My finger started towards the "thumbs down" symbol.

People screamed, babies cried, dogs barked and fish swam. Somebody yelled from the back of the shop, "Run for cover in the bathrooms, I think he's gonna do it."

Closer, closer, closer..

Bam!

Ain't bongo karma a bitch.

Thumbs Down, Pat. Thumbs Down.

Colin Gawel writes for Pencilstorm and plays in the band Watershed. To learn more about Colin and Watershed,  pick up a copy of the best selling memoir "Hitless Wonder - A Life in Minor League Rock n Roll". 

 

 

 

 

 

My Thirty Favorite Watershed Songs - by Tom Linzell

Watershed is performing at Ace of Cups, Columbus OH, Saturday, Aug 10th 2019

 

Last summer a guy named Nick Jezierny, in a clever twist on Colin Gawel's ranking of every Cheap Trick song, ranked every Watershed song recorded.  He included live albums and even some bonus tracks.  This was great reading, especially the notes from the band &  Ricki C. and links to videos. It inspired me to make my own list.  I have known these guys since grade school, before they picked up their instruments and decided to form a band.  I have no idea how many times I have seen them play live, but I am sure it is more than a hundred shows.  Now, I'm not going to rank every song.  "What??" you say. "What a rip off!" Really, who wants to write or read about songs that are just ok? Are we going to argue about the 40th vs 41st best football teams? Ain't nobody got time for that! So here are my top 30 songs - the ones I would put on a mix tape (CD) for someone who has never heard the band.  

For the record, there are 56 songs on the five studio albums the band has released, so 30 out of 56 that I really love is not too shabby.  I included the album and release date, as well as the main vocalist. Watershed is somewhat rare in having two front men, besides some notable bands like, oh, Kiss and The Beatles. When they started out as The Wire, they always had a lead singer:  a charismatic, David Lee Roth-type guy (first Paul Webber, then Ron Severance). When they went off to O-State, they said F-it! We can do this. They taught themselves to sing while playing instruments and kept on rocking. I believe that typically Joe or Colin will bring a song to the band they have worked up on acoustic guitar with lyrics and chords to finish in rehearsal. While they would likely poo-poo the notion of my song vs. his song, I think it sets up interesting contrasts in vocal quality, song content, mood and structure. I would love to see them do a set where each one sings only the other guy's parts. Without further ado:

30.    Everywhere I Turn    From: Twister (1995)        
    Main vocals: Joe
Notes:  When you are the first song on the list (at the bottom of the table, for you futbol aficionados) there are always going to be several songs nipping at your heels, trying to get you relegated to the near-miss list.  Good drums, good guitar, but it is the chorus that gets this one in the top thirty. See the near-miss list at the end.

29.    Superstressed        From: Star Vehicle (1997)    
    Main vocals: Colin
Notes:  Great lyrics, really heavy guitar sound with nice Rick Nielsen-style flourishes. Herb's big drums and Joe's bass set up a rock solid back line for the guitar that goes from rhythm to leads and back seamlessly. Well-produced and nicely balanced. This seems a little low on the list right now. I think Colin is an under-appreciated guitarist and this is exhibit #1.

28.    Half Of Me        From: Star Vehicle (1997)    
    Main vocals: Joe
Notes: This is one of many Watershed songs that you can just imagine someone already famous making into a huge hit.  Super clever lyrics, of course. Probably the closest they have come to writing an old school country song. I also like how at shows they sometimes play it slow and twangy, and sometimes fast and punky. This would work as bluegrass, hip hop, anything. 

27.    Sad Drive        From: Twister (1995)        
    Main vocals: Colin
Notes: Their first full length studio release, Twister is holding up much better than expected, and it gets a bad rap from the band for its production.  This recording really captures the essence of one CG's early standards - take another listen to it, loud in a car or with real headphones. Perfectly balanced and so simple: Colin's vocal and guitar strumming, mirrored by Joe's bass, share center stage over the high hat.  Starts to crescendo towards the end with guitar leads, then fades out. One of their best ever produced songs. I also like when they used to extend the ending and rock this out in concert.

26.    Wallflower Child    From: The More It Hurts, The More It Works (2002)    
    Main vocals: Colin
    Notes:  And of course, one of Joe's early standards.  This one meant so much to Joe that he got it tattooed on his shoulder.  And why not?  Clever lyrics that perfectly capture the band's early high school dorks not getting laid ethos.  *Interestingly, this is one of the very few songs that the singer (at least in the album version) is not the songwriter.  Joe usually sings this live, in much more punk style. I am not including the live albums (or ranking different versions separately) on this list, just focusing on the songs. Having said that, this isn't my favorite version of this song, but I appreciate mixing up the style for some variety on the album - they can't all be rockers. This song makes the list on it's strength as a live performance in my mind.  

25.    You Need Me        From: Twister (1995)        
    Main vocals: Colin
    Notes:    In Nick's list (he ranked this 22), Joe and Colin point out that the sweet drum intro was very similar to Van Halen's "Everybody Wants Some."  I had never picked up on that, but I hear another influence: The Dragsters "Nitro Jungle Woodie."  My brother Pete had a killer surf rock band in the late '80s/early '90s and they opened a show at Stache's with a similar, but quicker drum beat and sax solo.  When the guitar and cymbals kicked in, the floor in front of the stage absolutely exploded with girls dancing, almost like it was choreographed.  You never forget that.  It is also a great way to open your major label debut: we do need them.

24.    Mercurochrome    From: The More It Hurts, The More It Works (2002)    

      Main vocals: Joe

      Notes:  Just a poppy little number about suicide.  Sort of a hard-rockin' commercial jingle,             but rock it does!  This may be the only song that I rank same as Nick, for whatever that is             worth.

23.    The Best Is Yet To Come    From: The Fifth Of July (2005)    
    Main vocals: Colin
    Notes:  It sure is, brother - on this list anyway.  This song ends what is in my opinion their very best album, The Fifth of July. Is the best yet to come from the band? We shall see, but that will be tough to do.  More on that later.

22.    Sweet Kisses / Bitter Scars    From: The Single Series Vol. 2 (2001)
    Main vocals: Colin
    Notes: In the liner notes to this EP, they call this song "loud, proud, and bound for obscurity. Probably the best Watershed song to never make an album."  That statement is correct.  In fact, it's the only song not from a full length studio album to make my top 30.  I would love to see a master list of all Watershed songs ever written & performed. I am sure they have more than double the 56 that made albums. I bet Biggie has such a list.

21.    My Lucky Day        From: The Fifth Of July (2005)
    Main vocals: Joe
    Notes:  Such rich and efficient lyrics, I started quoting it until I realized that I would have to transcribe the whole damn song here.  Not gonna do that - go listen to it right now.  This song is just tight, tight, tight. Also fantastic drums, guitars, production, everything. I have special place in my heart for a rock song that is also positive and upbeat. This song may be underrated at 21, but competition is getting stiff.

20.    Little Mistakes    From: Brick And Mortar (2012)
    Main vocals: Joe
    Notes:  Another catchy anthem from the pen of Joe. The first of three in a row from their most recent album Brick and Mortar (what a great album title, by the way).  They just happened to get ranked sequentially.  More on how I compiled the rankings at the end.  Not sure why this album only gets 3 on the list, the highest at 18, but these are the songs I have heard performed live the least so that may explain it.

19.    Broken        From: Brick And Mortar (2012)
    Main vocals: Colin
    Notes:  Excellent production here too.  Fairly complex mix, with Joe adding harmonies throughout.  A lot going on in the background that adds depth, like the other Joe (Peppercorn's) keys. Colin's songs tend to have a darker hue, but this strikes a good balance between the lyrics, the tempo and chords.

18.    Words We Say    From: Brick And Mortar (2012)
    Main vocals: Colin
    Notes:  Have you every noticed on the later Beatles albums like Abbey Road and Let It Be that you can start to hear hints of future Lennon & McCartney solo recordings?  This song feels like a Colin Gawel and the Lonely Bones song to me - not that there is anything wrong with that.  It may be that I have heard it live with the Bones more than 'Shed.  Is Brick and Mortar the last Watershed album?  I doubt it, and certainly hope not.

17.    Getting Ready    From: The Fifth Of July (2005)
    Main vocals: Colin
    Notes:  Pretty sophisticated arrangements to these ears, lots of variation - pensive and quiet to all out and loud.  I think that's what really appeals to me here. I also love where Colin sings "something will go wrong" and Joe is in the background with "nothing will go wrong." One of many songs that make me think it must be difficult to date or be married to a song writer:  "Really, Colin?  You're getting ready to lose me?"  Probably pretty hard to get to sleep next to a murder mystery writer too.

16.    Over Too Soon    From: The More It Hurts, The More It Works (2002)
    Main vocals: Joe
    Notes:  Fairly slow paced for a "Joe song," but as usual well-crafted lyrics. Like many of their songs, it seems like one that could be covered by someone and turned into a hit, as noted by the boys in Nick's list. The production seems a little over-wrought here (apologies to Mr. Patalan).  Save the strings for the Beatles.

15.    Anniversary        From: The More It Hurts, The More It Works (2002)
    Main vocals: Colin
    Notes:  Probably a controversial ranking here. There was a time when this was the undisputed champion of Watershed songs.  In fact at one point the band did a March Madness-style 64 song tournament bracket for fans to vote on their favorites and this won.  Still a great one, but has not held up quite as well as some further up this list.  Then again, there have been three more albums of material to compete against since then.  Maybe I've just heard it too many times by now. What this song does well is take advantage of the fairly unique two-headed monster that is Watershed vocals and songwriting.  This song is a sort of duet/call and response.  I love it when they are both singing different things at the same time.

14.    Just For Show    From: The More It Hurts, The More It Works (2002)
    Main vocals: Joe
    Notes:  "I'm automatic here in my room, can't put one over on YOU!"  This song swings as well as rocks.  The chorus has a Todd Rundgren feel to it, which is kind of a cool link between the punk delivery of more Joe nuggets like "I'm just glad for the day Buddy made glasses cool" and "double-wide cheek bones slice up your face."  Besides being clever lyricists, the 'Shed boys are masters of self-deprecation.

13.    Laundromat        From: The Fifth Of July (2005)
    Main vocals: Joe
    Notes:  Power pop gem - this song has nowhere to go but up.  Grrrrrreat guitars on this one. I won't keep bothering you with lyric shout-outs but (who am I kidding, of course I will), how about this one: "I'm tryin' to get some change, for the dryer and the Pac-man game, 100 grand high score, triple A the name."  So, so sweet: see the dude who made the high score didn't even bother to put in his or her initials.  As I said before, I do have an affinity for the upbeat ones.  While I was honing in on my top 30, I was worried it would be too heavy on the Joe songs and light on the Colin songs. However, lo and behold, quite on accident they fall exactly 15 for each. How about that?

12.    Star Vehicle        From: Star Vehicle (1997)
    Main vocals: Colin
    Notes:  Another great start to an album, this a response to being dropped by Epic. I don't know how many albums put the title track first, but hats off to that. I do know another one that does: Dream Police, but more on that one later. Somewhat slower tempo, but boy does it rawwwwwk. Excellent production, great bass, drums, and guitars.  However, leading into the guitar solo with "alright, rock." used to really annoy me.  I am thinking now it may be part of the song's witty commentary on the corporate music business.  Please tell me I'm right on this, Colin.

11.    Give A Little Bit    From: Star Vehicle (1997)    
    Main vocals: Colin
    Notes:  This album is such good power pop - can't stress that enough.  Credit to producer Frank Aversa and the band.  Everything is right in front but nothing drowns out anything else. God dammit, why wasn't this a hit?  This song is just waiting to break into the top ten - a few more listens and it might.  CG is also a really good harmonica player.

10.    If That's How You Want It    From: Twister (1995)    and Star Vehicle (1997)
    Main vocals: Joe
    Notes:  Probably the first song by Watershed that made me think they would make it big. I visited them in NYC while they recorded Twister and hearing this through the studio speakers on top of the huge mixing board at the Power Station really puts the stars in your eyes.  It is interesting to listen to both recordings back to back - Star Vehicle version is a smidge quicker, but sounds more raw.  Twister is more polished - and probably my favorite. The line "we'll never just be friends" is so elegant and so good.

9.    I'd Be A Liar        From: Star Vehicle (1997)    
    Main vocals: Colin
    Notes: Hard driving, no compromise. This one brings it. "No, I wouldn't cheat my friends in playing cards / But honey, cheating on you well that ain't as hard, not as hard." Woo! Explain that line to your honey.  Interesting side note: according to iTunes the albums Twister, The More It Hurts The More It Works, and Brick & Mortar are in the genre "Pop" while albums Star Vehicle and The 5th Of July are in the genre "Punk."  Perhaps their way of saying the band straddles both.

8.    The Habit        From: The Fifth Of July (2005)
    Main vocals: Colin
    Notes:  Yep, this one might be what puts 5th of July into the punk genre. The band loves Green Day, but this beats anything by them for me. This album, besides dominating my top ten, puts me in danger of getting speeding tickets. For my 50th birthday, I want the band to play a show with at least the top half of this list.

7.    Can't Be Myself    From: The More It Hurts, The More It Works (2002)
    Main vocals: Joe
    Notes:  One of their best live songs - getting the crowd to sing the "I don't know how long I can hold out" part while Joe runs through the verses - wow, it's giving me goose bumps just writing about it. Another one where both singers are singing different parts at the same time - this always works.

6.    Slowly Then Suddenly    From: The Fifth Of July (2005)
    Main vocals: Joe
    Notes:  Dave's drums rule this one, but guitar and bass just barely get beat out, like Ricky Relish breaking the tape before Kelly Ketchup and Mickey Mustard at a Columbus Clippers baseball game. Another great memory (as the boys noted in Nick's list): the band was working on these songs and rehearsing in a vacant storefront on the now-thriving Gay Street in downtown Columbus.  They had a party there and played a show in the round, facing each other like they would in any practice space while the crowd surrounded them in this high-ceilinged future restaurant.  A magical experience, and like hearing some of the songs on Twister for the first time in the studio in NYC, this will always give this song extra meaning for me. 

5.    New Depression    From: The Fifth Of July (2005)
    Main vocals: Colin
    Notes: This song does indeed get me high.  Like all of the songs in the top ten, could be a smash hit with the right breaks or covered by the right person.

4.    How Do You Feel     From: Twister (1995)
    Main vocals: Colin
    Notes:  How Do You Feel was written about 25 years ago, and it is holding up just fine.  Again I must come to the defense of Twister and it's production. This song and this recording will still be good 25 years from now.

3.    Obvious    From: The Fifth Of July (2005)
    Main vocals: Joe
    Notes:  Another great album lead-off song. Another should have been hit.  Great bass, great guitar, great drums, great chorus, verses that mesh with the melody. Joe claims in the notes to Nick's list that this isn't about hooking up with an underage girl, and I don't dispute that.  It IS about hooking up with a girl old enough to have her own apartment, but obviously much younger than the protagonist.  Otherwise, it wouldn't be obviously wrong, right?

2.    5th Of July    From: The Fifth Of July (2005)
    Main vocals: Joe
    Notes:  The absolute definition of power-pop.  So tight - perfect match between lead vocals, backing vocals, and instruments.  If you're not keeping count, this makes 5 of the top 10 from The 5th of July, and 9 out the 11 songs on the album in my top 30.  Safe to say I consider this the zenith of Watershed studio releases. More about the other two later.  But I would put the first four songs on this album up against the first four songs from ANY album by ANY band.  Don't believe me? Let's try a few: In this corner, from Columbus Ohio, representing The 5th Of July (Obvious, The Habit, 5th Of July, Slowly Then Suddenly). The challenger: Kiss, Destroyer (Detroit Rock City, King Of The Night Time World, God Of Thunder, Great Expectations). Well of course 1 and 3 crush, 2 is ok, but 4 gives this bout to 'Shed. Next up: Bruce Springsteen, Born To Run (Thunder Road, Tenth Avenue Freeze Out, Night, Backstreets). Hoo boy, no one can accuse me of lining up tomato cans to face 5th Of July. 1, 2, and 4 are some of the most important rock songs ever written and performed.  Song 3 is good, but not better then the first four on 5th - The Boss wins, but only 2-1-1. How about Cheap Trick Dream Police? (Dream Police, Way Of The World, The House Is Rockin', Gonna Raise Hell).  Well, I'll give this one to Trick 3-1, but Watershed certainly weren't embarrassed out there.

1.    New Life    From: The More It Hurts, The More It Works (2002)
    Main vocals: Joe
    Notes:  This song gives me chills.  This has everything that makes Watershed great: the dual singing, power chords, killer drums, tight lyrics, anthemic chorus.  According to Joe and Colin's notes on Nick's list, Tim Patalan gets a lot of credit for this one. You don't have to agree with me that this is their Number One song, but if this doesn't at least scare your top ten, then you and I have very different ideas about rock and roll music.

 

How they were ranked:  To start with, I brought all of the CD's on our road trip to Myrtle Beach to see the band open for Cheap Trick. I played them all start to finish.  Back at home I went album to album making yes, maybe and no lists.  The yes's and no's are easy, but where do you draw the line on the maybe's?  After much listening, I had it down to 30.  From there, I sorted them into top ten, second ten, and third ten. Then I subdivided the groups of ten into groups of 3 (1-3, 4-6, etc down to 28-30). Next I decided the order within these groups of three which gave me a an ordered list. At that point, I stepped back to see if certain songs should be ahead of others.  There were some shifts up, which of course sent some down.  

Near Misses:    So those songs I talked about nipping at the heels of Everywhere I Turn? 
Suckerpunch: so, so close - but 30 is such a nice round number. I-65: one of the last ones bumped - a better song in person.  I've Been Looking Everywhere: a great start, but seems to be just a chorus, or could be kind of an instrumental. Would love to see this fleshed out.  Kind of Who-like.  Then they fade into a version of Born To Run that I used to hate, but have come to accept. You have to admire the moxie and earnestness.  Colin changes up the phrasing and tempo a bit to make it their own, for better or worse (worse.) Black Concert T-shirt: probably will get shit for leaving this one out, but that smug chorus is what keeps it out for me. Set The World On Fire: like the rest of Brick & Mortar, I think I just need to see these played live more.

The banished ones:  (Caution - feelings might be hurt!) I have left three songs out of my iTunes library of Watershed Albums.  The two I alluded to from The 5th Of July: Small Doses and Going Through The Motions.  On Small Doses, I just don't like how Colin sings the words "small doses" - it just rubs me the wrong way.  Otherwise a good song.  Maybe if Dave Grohl was screaming it out? When they play this live, which seems like every show (and every Lonely Bones show), it's time to go to the restroom and buy a beer.  But I always hear squeals of joy from the crowd - so some people must love it. Maybe the women, or maybe the younger fans.  No one I have talked to about it does.  Going Through The Motions is actually quite good.  Maybe too good.  Makes me wonder if I am going through the motions.  I never have to hear this song again. And lastly, my least favorite Watershed song, which ironically also seems to be a crowd and band favorite: American Muscle. I want to punch this song in the balls.  Arrogance that makes me root against the overdog. Endless double entendres that would make Gene Simmons blush, such as "put the liquidity in your assets " and "whip my fat wad out." Ham-handed metaphors everywhere I turn.....my eyes hurt from all of the rolling. Joe's lyrics are usually clever, but this song comes off like something from an undergrad English major with a financing minor.